We dont keep secrets

"We don't keep secrets" is what she has told me but what she doesn't realise is there's one secret only I know.

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2. Demons

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

Don’t get too close

It’s dark inside

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

-Imagine Dragons

Everyone has demons right? Big or small, destructive or constructive we all have them. What really counts is how we let these demons control our lives. Some people chose to look at their demons and see the positive side of having them and using them to benefit their outlook on life, whereas others allow those demons to make them only see the negative in themselves and let the demons rule their lives.

Sadly I am one of those people who tries to think positively but always finds themselves going back to the negatives. My demons are dangerous and cause a lot of pain, although my demons were not bought on by one huge event or situation they were bought on by multiple factors in my life that have ended up creating one huge mess and changing me forever.

My demons although in my head seem to be scattered around me in different people that have a part in my life. My life has not been as horrific as some others it has been enough to make me realise that life sucks and people aren't nice.

My story is different from others, I was bullied throughout school yes but there was only ever once physical harm done to me, my bullying was nowhere near as bad as others has been but sadly it was enough to make that negative impact on my life. My family life may on the outside looking in seem 'picture perfect' but there are things that happen that people don't see, no I am not abused but although my mum may not mean for it to be everything I do is my fault and mine alone. I am the oldest so responsibility and pressure in my house is very high. When things are good I get along very well with my parents but when things go wrong they go very wrong. My mum and I fight like there's no tomorrow, if we don't have at least four arguments a week it's a good week and these arguments aren't small there like world war 3. Because me and my mum are so alike neither of us ever gives in to the other so even if the arguing may have finished the war continues because neither will forfeit and apologise. My dad on the other hand who sees me as his little girl will turn on me in a flash if my brother becomes involved. My brother may stab me in the leg (for arguments sake) but it would be my fault because I must have done something to upset him and I put my leg in the way. I love my parents to death but nothing I do is ever right or good enough.

I know reading this you may think I'm over reacted but you have no idea what it is really like. The pressure I give myself as well as the pressure of my family is enough to drive anyone insane.

That's not even all of the drama haha not even close but there are some thing's that I don't wish to share for reasons only I need to know.

My demons are ones that cause me to be depressed and sadly when it gets to much harm myself, people often ask those who are depressed what causes them to feel like they do, there is no simple and or clear answer to give you.

My family doesn't know of my demons, they wouldn't even suspect a thing because my walls are so high up and my 'act' perfected that the only person who knows the real me the one that knows everything is - me.

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