Little White Lies: A Harry Styles Love Story

Anna and Harry had a past and Anna had done everything in her power to forget about him. But when he comes back into her life, and they rekindle what they had, things of downhill for both Anna's mental health and for Harry's career.

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7. I'm Trying

I'm Trying 
*Anna's POV* 

With a blink of an eye, Christmas week came. I had gotten all but one present, Harry's. I haven't talked to him since the last time we saw each other which was when I yelled at him. Call me insane but for two years after he left, I continued to get him Christmas gifts, only because I couldn't let go. Christmas was our favorite holiday and we would always spend Christmas Day together. But after last year I decided enough was enough...that's when the resentment set in. But now that it's gone, I might as well continue and maybe this time I'll be able to give them to him even though I still felt horrible for what I had said to him.

I left my parents' house early Monday morning, the day before Christmas Eve, and went down to the old thrift store I used to work in and immediately went to the back where they had all of the good things. I said hello to Joey who worked on Monday's and began to sift through the stuff. I found a few really nice and new bandannas. I noticed Harry has been wearing those recently so if I ever get a chance to give them to him, maybe he'd wear them. Joe, the manager, decided to give them to me for free so I thanked him and got home as quick as I could. I bagged them up quickly and left them with the other gifts in the corner of my old room. 

I sat down and began to think about what if would be like if Harry and I were a couple. I've never liked Harry the way he likes me but if things were to work out, maybe we could give it a try. I imagined us sitting on his couch watching TV, just like I've always wanted to do with a guy. I was never lucky with boys, it never really worked out for me. I would always get up to the point were I would be so in love that I would go all the way and then he would dump me and never speak to me again. But for some reason, I didn't think it would be that way with Harry. I've seen him in relationships and he just isn't that type, at least I don't think he is. I felt a tug on my throat and a dip in my stomach. 

I heard the door opened and saw Nicky enter my room. I threw myself on him and began to cry. "Nicky what am I going to do?" I asked him through my tears. He brushed my hair back and sat me back down in my bed. "He hates me, I'm sure he hates me! He told me he loved me and all I did was yell at him and ridicule him." He ran his hand through my hair a few times and rocked me back and forth. I felt his warm hands grab my face and lift me up so he was looking at me. "I ruined everything." Oh how the tables have turned. 

"Go apologize to him, he's home you know." I took a few deep breaths and shook my head. I pushed him off of me and walked to my window. I began to stare out of my semi octagonal window, I could see Harry's house from here. I could also see the big tree where we first met. I smiled through my light sobs and turned to Nicky. 

"I can't," I whispered. I sat down on my windowsill and closed my eyes. "What if he doesn't want to see me, what if I show up and he slams the door in my face because he hates me?!" I shoved my face into my lap and grunted loudly. Nicky came over to me and placed a hand on my back. 

"Anna, he won't. Trust me." I lifted my head and got up. I wiped my tears and began looking through my duffle bag I had brought for the few days I was here. I had brought the photo album Harry had sent me to show Nicky. I handed it to him, along with the card, and he looked at me with wide eyes. 

"He sent this to me a two weeks ago," he opened it and quickly skimmed through it, then he looked at the card. 

"Oh, Anna. He loves you, he won't let you go that quickly." He put the book down and grabbed my jacket for me. "Come on, we're walking over there." I shook my head and wouldn't move an inch. "Anna, your acting like a child." He grabbed my hand and practically dragged outside. I pushed him off of me and threw my coat on. 

"Maybe it won't be that bad." We walked a few minutes and then we were on Harry's street. I stopped at the corner and contemplated turning back. "Nicky, can I ask you something?" He came over to me and stopped right in front of me. "If I told him that I might have feelings for him as well, would he think it's out of pity?" I was confused, did I really have feelings for him? Or was it really my pity. I let it sink in that maybe I do truly have feelings for him but it was still hard to just deal with it. I held my breath.

"To be honest, he might. But you never know if you don't try." I nodded my head and continued walking. I couldn't help but think about how Harry and I were both here in Holmes Chapel from London at the same time, maybe it's fate...or maybe it's just Christmas.  

I slowly walked up to his door. I stood there on his front steps thinking for a few minutes. I felt my body shiver as I thought of the day he left. Somehow after all of these years I can still see my tears on the concrete. I took a shaky deep breath and knocked on the door. I quickly composed myself and as the door opened I could feel my entire body freezing up. There was a smiling face at the door, Gemma. She gave me a sympathetic hug, she knew how I felt about Harry leaving. She was the one who came to see me every once in a while when I refused to leave the house. 

"Come in," she insisted, so I did. So many memories came flooding back and I could help but cry just a little. Just one single tear that I managed to wipe away before anyone saw. "I'll go get Harry." She disappeared into the kitchen and out came Harry. He walked toward me with his head down but as he lifted it, his feet halted and he gave me a pained expression. I guess he wasn't expecting to see me standing there. I had to choke back a few more tears to get a single word out. 

"Can we talk?" I asked a bit coldly. He whispered something I couldn't catch with a slight nod and led me upstairs to his room. It was just as I last saw it, my body quivered as chills were sent down my back. I took a seat on his bed and he sat next to me. He forced a smile onto his face and I could tell he was preparing himself for what I had to say, which could have been anything at this point. "When you left, Harry, I was a mess. I was devastated, my only friend had left me and I knew that I was never going to be able to do accomplish anything like you did when you left." I felt the tears coming but I held on. We both were facing the wall opposite of his bed, not looking at each other. "I wouldn't leave my house Harry." My hands began to shake, so I sat on them. "I waited and waited for you to call or visit and for the first two years, I was confused and I couldn't decide whether it was me or the fact that you were too busy." I took another deep breath and at this point my body was so filled with air that I could pass out at any moment. I continued. "And then I began to think that...maybe I wasn't good enough for you anymore." 

"Anna" he whispered as he shook his head, he looked genuinely hurt. I didn't know whether I should just continue or leave...After a few more exhales from the both of us, I decided to continue. 

"Then you came, and I was in shock and confused. Not only had I been really angry at you for the passed few years or so, but I was trying to move on...and then you came back." I felt his hand on my leg. This time, I left it and placed mine on top of his. "I wasn't ready, that's why I was so angry. Then you told me you loved me and again, I was in shock, all I could do was scream at you when it wasn't your fault." I felt my words begin to speed up. "And then all I could do was cry and scream and throw things and I just..." I slumped my shoulders and let out a few sobs. I looked up at him with a wet face. "I'm sorry" I managed to say. He grabbed my face, just as he did last time. But now I was prepared, he brought me closer and kissed me with the most passion I've ever felt from anyone. My lips quivered as we kissed, not from sadness but from relief that he wasn't angry with me. He pulled away and I looked at him with pure confusion. That's when I realized how beautiful he is. His perfect eyes, his thin, perfect lips, his flawed skin, his curly hair, everything I've always seen but never acknowledged them for what they are. I hesitated but I placed my head on his chest and he leaned back onto his bed. I cuddled into him, his arm around me. For some reason, it just felt right and after everything I've been through and everything we've been through, I never thought we would be in this position. It was silent for a moment, the only sound filling the room was our breathing. Until Harry spoke up,

"Anna, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt I just-"

"Harry..." I cut him off. "You don't have to apologize," I stood up and composed myself, Harry followed suit. He walked me downstairs and to the door where we stood and talked. 

"Will I see you Christmas Day...you know, like old times?"  

"Of course"

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