Covered Up

I still have dreams about that night; I can still feel the warmth from the blaze, the humid air. His face is still there, looking at me, pleading. I didn't do anything to help, I just watched as his face disappeared, smothered by hell.

He deserved hell but not this fast. He wasn't finished in this world, he still had to live with the fact he raped me. He still had to live with the guilt that surrounded him that night, watching his parents walk away, his ‘popular’ friends spread rumors, watch as everybody turned against him like he turned against everybody else.

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1. Prologue

 I still have dreams about that night; I can still feel the warmth from the blaze, the humid air. His face is still there, looking at me, pleading. I didn't do anything to help, I just watched as his face disappeared, smothered by hell. 

He deserved hell but not this fast. He wasn't finished in this world, he still had to live with the fact he raped me. He still had to live with the guilt that surrounded him that night, watching his parents walk away, his ‘popular’ friends spread rumors, watch as everybody turned against him like he turned against everybody else.

My mum can’t deal with me, neither can my dad. They say it’s like having a new born, being woken up every night by screaming. I scream his name, begging him to stop. It’s too late though. The damage is done. I’m scared both mentally and physically. Every morning when I look in the mirror I have to stare at the damaged skin on my face; even though it’s covered by my fringe, I know it’s there. Mentally, I can’t look at another boy without feeling like he is going to hurt me. That he is going to pounce on me like a tiger on its prey, rip my dignity from me bit by bit.

I've been sent to my Aunts for the last two years of high school, she is living in forks Washington, my mum hopes that I can start over. I humor her, tell her that I’m sure it will work, I’ll come home a different person but in reality I’ll be the same person I was before. Broken, wounded. She wants me to make new friends, become the head cheerleader like I used to be, like she used to be.

I guess we will just have to wait and see what the future brings.

 

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