Imperfection ~ An Alex Gaskarth Fanfiction

Cassidy Merrick is a 19-year-old girl who is always on tour with her cousin Zack Merrick and his band All Time Low. Cassidy has been with the band from the very beginning and has supported them through everything. She's always been there for them. Especially her best friend; Alex Gaskarth. Cassidy has always had feelings for Alex but his girlfriend Jess always gets in the way. Will Cassidy ever get her chance with him? Or will her dreams be crushed forever. Find out more when you read: "Imperfection"

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6. Chapter 6

      **TRIGGER WARNING**

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      After the CD had finished I stood up and walked over to my mirror, looking at the disgrace I saw in front of me. I looked at my cheek and saw the hand shaped bruise, gently brushing my hand over it. It actually hurt more then it had earlier. Jess was such a bitch and I couldn't understand why she had to hate me so much.

      "Why? Why does she hate me? What the hell have I done?" I asked myself as I sunk to the floor, burying my head in my hands. I began to cry, not only because of Jess, but because of everything I've kept from everyone. I've managed to keep so many secrets from everyone I knew, even Brooklyn. One of the biggest secrets I've never told anyone was that I self harmed. The only reason no one ever really knew was because I didn't cut my wrists, it was to risky. I only cut my thighs and there were over 50 old and new scars.

      I slowly began to stand up, wiping the tears from my eyes. One single thought popped into my head and it wasn't one I was particularity proud of. Then, without being able to stop myself, I walked over the little basket I kept multiple pens and pencils. I moved a few of them and stuck my hand to the bottom of the black basket, feeling around for my blade. I quickly found it and gently lifted it out. It was only small, considering it was from one of my Dad's old disposable razors. Feelings of self hate and worthlessness boiled up from inside of me. I put the blade in the pocket of Zack's hoodie and wiped my eyes again. Quietly, I unlocked my door and opened it, quickly walking over to a small closet filled with multiple towels and grabbed two. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Luckily no one seemed to notice me, they were all too busy doing their own things to notice me.

      I placed the two towels on the counter next to the sink and took the blade out of my pocket. Then I quickly removed all clothing I had on, with the exception of my bra and underwear. With the small metal item tightly in my grasp I walked over and sat on the toilet seat. I looked down at the multiple scars on my thighs and felt disgusted.

      "I'm ugly, stupid, fat, and just a pure disgrace to my entire family. I deserve every cut I've given myself." I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. Looking down at the blade I prepared myself, placing it to my skin, pressing down and dragging it across. The crimson blood slowly began to surface as I continued to make multiple cuts. After about 10 or more cuts on my thighs I decided to get in the shower. I leaned over and turned the knob. As I removed the little clothing I had on, I hid the small piece of metal inside a pocket in my jeans.

      After my shower I brushed out my damp hair and braided it, bringing the braid to the left side of my head. Quickly I got dressed with the clothes I had been wearing previously and grabbed the two towels I had used, throwing them into the clothes basket in the laundry room. I walked out and ran back into my room, hiding the blade once again. I heard people talking as I quietly walked back out of my room. Scanning the area from the top of the stairs I noticed that Zack was nowhere in sight, Jack was sitting on the couch and Rian was about to go somewhere, probably with Cassadee.

     I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Rian walked over beside me and I gave him a small smile. "Hey Rian."

      "Hey Cassidy, what happened to your face? That's a pretty big bruise."

      "Oh, this." I pointed to the now partly faded bruise. "I'm just clumsy, you already know that."

      "Are you sure it's just because you're 'clumsy'? I feel like there's another reason that you're not telling me." Then luckily before I could respond, there was a knock on the door. Rian walked over and opened it, revealing a tall, beautiful girl with curly dark brown hair with blonde streaks in it. Of course I'm talking about none other than Cassadee Pope.

      "Hey Cass!" Rian said excitedly, bringing her in for a hug. She kissed him and then walked over to me.

      "Hey Cassidy!" I laughed slightly as she brought me in for a bone crushing hug. "I still find it funny that are name's are pronounced the exact same way. It's kind of like I'm talking to myself."

      "Well it'd be great for both of you to stay here and chat but I'm taking my wonderful girlfriend out for a very special dinner because I love her very much." Rian smiled as he wrapped his arm around Cassadee's waist.

      "Cassadee we can talk later, you two go have fun. But not too much fun, okay?" I raised an eyebrow as I said the last part, making them both laugh. They both nodded and walked out the door, leaving me and Jack the only two people in the house.

      I walked over to the couch and sat on the opposite side from where Jack was. "Hey Cassidy, why are you sitting all the way over there? Get over here."

      I moved over and sat next to him. He lifted his arm and put it over my shoulder, allowing me to snuggle into him. "Hey Jack."

      "Is something wrong Cassidy?" I looked up at him and shook my head. "Woah what happened here."

      "Jess slapped me." I said blankly, looking at the TV. "It's honestly no big deal, so don't make it one."

      "Jess is a bitch." Jack kissed the top of my head and I snuggled into him more. "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone what actually happened. Especially not Zack."

      I looked up at Jack's big chocolate eyes and smiled. "Thank you."

      "Anything for you Cassidy." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. Suddenly my phone rang and I quickly took it out of my pocket. The ringtone I had set was "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At The Disco, and I remembered exactly who I had it set for. It was someone I hadn't talked to in years.

      "Hello?" My voice came out shaky and my eyes began to water.

      "Hi Cassidy, it's me Melanie." I couldn't believe it. Melanie was my best friend, the one I told all my secrets to, then one year she just stopped talking to me because she got into more clubs and made new friends.

      "Melanie?! What?!" I was confused and excited, which was prominent as I spoke.

      "Yeah it's me! I've missed you so much Cassidy! I'm so sorry for being so busy and not really being able to talk but I found your number in my phone and decided to give you a call!" My heart crushed as I heard her say that just because she found my number on her phone she 'decided' to call me. There could've been other reasons to call your 'best friend'.

      "Is it okay if I call you back later? Something kind of came up, sorry." She agreed and we both hung up.

      "Was that Melanie? You were so upset when she started hanging out with other people and began to stop talking to you. Seeing you like that crushed me inside. You're my best friend and I don't ever want to see you that way again." I looked up at Jack, a look of hurt plastered across my face.

      "Yeah it was. I don't really want to talk to her right now. She was supposed to be my best friend and she was the only one I ever truly trusted with anything. Then when she left I swore I'd never trust anyone ever again." I sat up and put my head in my hands. "I don't know what to do Jack."

      Jack placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around, bringing me into his chest as he hugged me. I sobbed quietly as I remembered everything I had gone through because she had basically left me.

      "Shh Cassidy it's okay." Jack gently rubbed my back as I continued to cry.

     

     

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