Imperfection ~ An Alex Gaskarth Fanfiction

Cassidy Merrick is a 19-year-old girl who is always on tour with her cousin Zack Merrick and his band All Time Low. Cassidy has been with the band from the very beginning and has supported them through everything. She's always been there for them. Especially her best friend; Alex Gaskarth. Cassidy has always had feelings for Alex but his girlfriend Jess always gets in the way. Will Cassidy ever get her chance with him? Or will her dreams be crushed forever. Find out more when you read: "Imperfection"

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10. Chapter 10

      After about an hour Alex finally got home. The guys tried explaining everything to him, but he didn't really listen. He kept saying that I explained everything, so he understood. The thing is that he didn't truly understand why the guys said what they did. Being entirely honest I didn't know why the guys said what they did either; even if they did have a point.

      I was lying on the couch watching 2 Broke Girls (which is an amazing show by the way), when Alex came home. He seemed a little odd when he entered the house. It's hard to explain; it was like something was blocking him from reality. Sort of like he was in a daze. I stood up and walked over to him while he was leaning on the kitchen counter; after he talked to the guys and they all went back into their rooms.

      "Hey Gaskarth, you okay?" I spoke quietly. He turned to me, obviously something was bothering him. "What? I'm fine." He mumbled as he spoke to me, he was usually never like this. 

      "Listen, something's bothering you. You're my best friend and have been my best friend for the majority of my life; I know when something's on your mind. You can't lie to me." I leaned my head on his shoulder, but he quickly moved away from me. The look in his eyes was something I'd never seen before. It was like I was looking at a scared animal. "Alex you're starting to scare me."

      "I told you nothing's wrong. Why do you always keep asking even if I say I'm fine?! Can't you take a hint?!" His voice rose as he spoke. He was actually getting angry. I slowly backed away from him, my anxiety rising. "Alex I'm sorry."

      "Sorry doesn't cut it, Cassidy. You've always been this way. Always asking so many questions. It's fucking annoying okay?! JESS WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU ALL ALONG." He screamed and ran into his room, leaving me an anxiety filled mess in the kitchen. 

      My breathing became uneven and my heart felt like it might explode. Of course I was having an anxiety attack. Having someone scream at you can really mess with your anxiety. I started to shake and eventually my legs couldn't support me any longer, so I fell to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my legs and slid back into a corner, beginning to cry. I didn't want to disrupt anyone, they always have more important things to do anyway. I put my head in between my knees and hoped that maybe the anxiety would subside on it's own. A silly though, of course, but it was worth a shot I guess.  

      I was on the floor crying and shaking for about 20 minutes before someone decided to take notice. This was probably the longest and scariest panic attack I've ever had. At first I was barely able to hear someone running down the stairs. Whoever it was nearly fell down the stairs because they ran that quickly. They ran over to me and hugged me tightly, obviously it was someone who knew how to calm my panic attacks, my best guess is that it was probably Jack. I looked up from my knees and noticed that I was correct. All I saw in my blurred vision was a messy stripe of blond hair. 

      "Anxiety?" Jack whispered in my ear. I was barely able to nod my head, but luckily Jack got the idea. "Do you need your medication?"

      "N-n-no I-I s-sh-should b-be f-ff-f-ine." I was hardly able to speak due to my breathing. Jack rubbed the back of my neck and put his forehead on my shoulder, still hugging me with his other arm. "Everything will be okay. Try calming your breathing." Jack took my hands and placed them on his chest. "Copy my breathing."

      He took deep breaths and I tried my hardest to copy him. After a few minutes of focusing on Jack's breathing and him rubbing my neck, I finally calmed down. I still held onto Jack as if I would die if I let go. So many thoughts still swarmed my mind but I kept trying to ignore them, knowing if I focused on them for even a second that my anxiety would come back just as bad as before. 

     Jack stayed with me even when I was entirely calm. He kept holding me and rubbing my neck, refusing to let go no matter what. "Jack, I'm fine now." I sniffled.

      "I know. But I just want to make sure." Jack squeezed me tightly for a moment. "I am." I laughed slightly.

      He sat back, taking my hands in his and staring into my eyes. He looked scared and incredibly concerned. "What happened? What caused that? That was the worst panic attack I've ever seen you have. It scared the shit out of me to see you like that." His began to tear up slightly. 

      "Jack please don't cry." I placed my hand on his cheek, moving my thumb slightly. "It was nothing. Don't worry so much or else Zack might think you're trying to steal his job." I smiled, giggling and putting my hand back in Jack's.

      "There's always some sort of reason for your panic attacks though. So I think you're lying to me and if you are lying, I'll be incredibly disappointed in you." Jack spoke so seriously that it kind of scared me. 

      "Well." I took a deep breath, looking at mine and Jack's hands, debating on telling him the truth. "It was Alex." I looked back into Jack's eyes. A look of shock and disappointment filled his features. "It was Alex?!" His voice raised in volume, making me flinch.

      He noticed that I flinched and made his voice soft and quiet. "What did he do?" Jack squeezed my hands. "Well you know how he was acting sort of weird earlier? Well I tried asking him what was wrong and he lost it. He screamed at me and called me annoying. Saying I ask too many questions. But worst of all, he said that Jess was right about me all along." I murmured, trying not to cry.

      "He said all those things to you? He was being weird to us earlier too, but nothing that extreme." Jack pointed out. "He wouldn't really listen to us when we tried to talk to him, it was like he didn't care. We tried to ask him questions about other things too, but he ignored us again."

      "Oh. But all I did was ask if he was okay and he turned on me. Did I do something wrong? Does he hate me?" My heart rate began to increase once again, but Jack quickly began to calm me down. "You did absolutely nothing wrong, he's just being a dick. And I'm sure he doesn't hate you. I think I should get him to come down here and see what he's caused." 

      At first the thought of Alex coming down frightened me, which Jack quickly took notice of. "I won't let him yell at you again. He definitely won't yell at you considering I'm here." He smiled at me and stood up, calling out to Alex. "Hey Alex can you come here for a sec?"

      I heard slight movement come from upstairs, then heard a door open and close. Alex walked down the stairs and barely noticed me, probably because Jack was standing directly in front of me. He moved so Alex could see me, but I don't think he really noticed what had happened. Jack turned to me, then back to Alex. "Dude, what did you say to Cassidy?"

      Alex looked at me, his face was unreadable. I had no idea what he was thinking, which made me a little nervous. He looked back at Jack and spoke blandly. "I didn't say anything to her."

      "She said that you called her annoying, said she asks too many questions and worst of all you said that Jess was right about her. So are you telling me that you didn't say any of those things which resulted in Cassidy having the worst panic attack I've ever seen anyone have in my entire life?" Jack kept looking at Alex, sounding like he was slightly angry. 

      "Okay so yeah I said those things, but she's clearly overreacting about it. I couldn't have possibly caused a panic attack. She must have something else on her mind which caused it." Alex spoke so coldly to Jack, it seemed like someone else was controlling Alex's body. Alex had never behaved this way. Ever.

       I decided to speak up, risking getting yelled at again. "Alex, you screamed at me. You know how I am with people screaming. The whole 'Jess was right about you' comment really fucking hurt me. I already know how Jess feels about me; she hates me and wishes I was dead. She's called me a waste of space and oxygen. She's called me some of the worst things I've ever heard in my entire life. She's the reason I have no self esteem. She's the reason I cry myself to sleep sometimes. But you don't care. You've never cared. And I've gotten so much shit from her just for being friends with you. All I did was ask you if you were okay and you snapped at me. I don't know what she said or did but all I know is that you came home as an entirely different person. And not in a good way. What the hell did she say to you, Alex?"

      "She said that I can't be with her if I'm still friends with you. Okay?!" Alex barked. "Dude she's making you choose over one of your best friends and her? That's low." Jack added.

       "Oh." Was all I was able to say. My stomach dropped and I felt like I was going to be sick. Jack looked at me worriedly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "So are you actually planning on making a choice between the two of us?" I mumbled.

       "Well." Alex began, his voice shaking slightly. 

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