Let me love you - Friendzone

Emma O'Brian:
Never thought that one night could have changed my life as much as this night did.
but there must come something good out of all the bad right? but for now I'm done. Done with boys, done with friends, done with everything.
just didn't think that that night would have changed that too..

Niall Horan:
feeling lost, feeling alone and felling like I'm going to stay that way forever isn't what people needs to see. so hiding at my dads house was the only way to disappear for a while. at least until people knows I'm there.

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15. Make me feel safe again

- Emma -

We went to the doctor the other day. They couldn't give us an answer right away though.
Once again we sat in that doctors office. we had done like a whole James bond scene to get there to get the privacy.
Marc had helped us though. Even though it was his job, he was set to give us the time we needed to process what ever result that doctor was going to give us.

I was nervous. i didn't really know exactly what I wanted the results to be. But I knew I wanted to be happy though.

the door opened and both Niall and I turned around to look at the doctor. She was smiling and she looked kind, like a mother, like a mother should be to her daughter kind of way. But maybe that was just because I knew that my own mother wouldn't look at me like that.

 

"Mr Horan, Mrs Horan. Nice to meet you both. I'm doctor Ellis." she said as she shake both our hands before signaling us to sitt down again.

"what is wrong with me?" I asked because I couldn't wait anymore.

"there is nothing wrong with you Mrs. Horan."

"then why have she been feeling so sick?" Niall asked.

"These symtoms that you've been having could indicate a pregnancy yes but all the tests came back negative. I belive that due to the last weeks stress with the shooting at your house, all the new exsporsure with marrying a celebrity, that make me think that this is just stress. " Doctor Ellis said as she looked through a bunch of papers infront of her.

 

I looked at her. Was there really nothing wrong with me? I looked over at my husband . he looked relived but worried at the same time. The first impression I had of her was suddenly a bit more negative. As she was looking through the papers in what I asumed was my folder, I thought she looked a bit more cold. Like that smile just had been fake and maybe she wasn't better really than my mother.
Maybe all women were just like her, maybe it was for the best that I wasn't pregnant. maybe I would just turn out like my own mother, a bad mother.

all these thought ran through my mind and my heart was raiseing. a part of me was still sad that it was a negative. the feelings were tearing me apart and I was starting to panic when Niall took my hand in his and just held it tightly.

 

"but why have I been having all the signs of being pregnant then?" I asked still feeling confused.

"even if it would have been early in a pregnancy it would have still shown on the tests. but if you want we could take new ones in a week. I'm confidend that it still is just stress but we will figure it out." she answered.

 

i nodded and felt more at ease when she said that. I knew I was young and again a part of me felt relived that i wasn't pregnant but then the other part of me was sad that I wasn't.
We wrapped up the meeting and Niall and I made a new apointment the following week before we went back home. We got back to the house and I heard Niall sigh.


"you okay?" I asked.
"yeah, I'm just tired." he said.

"maybe we should just have some tea and go to bed? watch some movies or something?" I asked when I kicked of my shoes and hung up my coat.
"yeah, that sounds nice." he said.

"I'll put the kettle on then?"

​"yeah." he sighed again and moved tiredly towards the stairs.


I went into the kitchen and took the kettle to the sink to fill it up with water. the silence that filled the house was deffening. it was always so silent in the house now. I couldn't remember when Niall had played anything of his own songs for a while. it was worrying but than again he was worried about me and like the doctor had said we both had been under a lot of stress lately.

 

I loved Niall a lot and I wanted him to be safe, to feel save. to be happy. Music was one of the things that made him happy. so when he didn't play it worried me. I just wanted everything to go back to what it was before Carter

Preparing the tray with the mugs and some snacks and sandwiches I heard something from the music room from upstairs. it was the soft tones from Nialls gitarr. when he played the gitarr was my favorite, it was so honest and calming in a way. it was always so soothing to me somehow. I could feel how my body was starting to relax. lie this had been something it had been waiting for to do what I had wanted it to do for weeks.


the kettle whissled as it was done and I poured the water into the mugs and put the sandwiches on the tray aswell. I cleaned up the little mess that was on the counter and took the tray and a bottle of coca cola from the fridge and made my way upstairs.
Niall was still strumming on his gitarr when I got to our room. I sat down the tray and the bottle on the nightstand next to our bed and lighted some candles on the dresser and clicked the tv on.

I unmade the bed and went to change into my pyjamas while listening to my husbands softly singing. it made me smile, his soft voice soothing me, soothing my heart. my overthinking thoughts dieing down a little as he kept playing.

Niall kept playing his gitarr for a little while longer and then the music stopped. As I pulled the nightgown down over my head I turned around and was met with the sight of my husband.


"Hi." he said as he leand on the doorframe to our room.

"Hi." I whispered back.

"you know I love you right?" he asked.

"yeah, I love you too." I said simply and smiled.

He smiled then and walked up to me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.


"Are you mad I'm not pregnant?" I mumbled into the fabric och Nialls sweater.

"I don't know." he mumbled into my hair.

"you mad that you're not pregnant?" he asked.

"I don't really know, maybe?" I said and sighed.

 
We stood like that for a moment, just still. right there on the middle of our bedroom floor. The tv was making some nocie in the background and the candles smelled sweet of vanilla. I lifted my head and looked right into Nialls eyes. it was like I could see my whole world in there. He was my world, he was the one I wanted to share things with when things happend. he was the one I wanted to wake up next to for the rest of my life. He was the one that was making me happy.

he had proved that he was always going to be that guy that was going to stand next to me. For better or for worse, our wows to eatch other.
I just knew that this was the start of our lives together. we had the rest of our lives to start a family and raise kids and just be normal grownups.

"so I've been thinking, maybe we could go on a holiday or something? like some sort of honeymoon soon? me and the boys have been talking lately and we were thinking of taking a hiatus some time in the next year or so." he said an looked down at the rugg under our feet.

"but you love your music."

"yeah we do but we just feel like we need a break. just to have new energi for it. we've been doing this since some of us were just sixteen. we haven't really had that much of time off since we started the band and well, some of us wants to focus on family for a while. it doesn't mean we quit or anything. we just need a break. I need a break." Niall said and smiled softly and nervously.

"As your wife I support you in any decision you make. I am so proud of all the things that you have accoplished with the boys and I do think that you deserve to be just human for a while." I smiled.

 

He let out a breath he probably didn't know he held in and smiled bigger. he leaned in and kissed me. his lips som gentle against mine as he held me in his arms again.
 

It was coming back, that feeling of feeling safe again. he was making me feel safe again. he did before too but now I was believing it again. I had lost the trust I had in myself with the shooting but now I was slowly geting it back. I felt like i had finally gained some control over myself again. and thanks to Niall I had realised it.


Niall hugged me tighter for a second and I didn't want to let him go. I wanted him to hold me tighter, longer. I wanted to be in his arms forever.

The silence in the room was suddenly broken when my phone went of. who could that be? I contemplated for a while not to answer it but quickly changed my mind when I looked at the number.


"hello?" I answered, Niall looked worried as I looked up on him ansering the call.
"Mrs Horan? this is Doctor Ellis. I've have to tell you something."



A/N
sorry for the extreme long wait. I've been slacking on my writing and I started a new job, wich gave me no energy really to write. but here it is.. a new chapter. enjoy and tell me what you think.
- Sarah

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