Typical Teenager

On the surface Lenna is a completely normal teenager of the 21st centurary; she is in love, she is doing exams and rebeling agaisnt the school. But after a series of confusing events leaves Lenna unsure of herself is she just protecting reality from herself? When she gets to the bottom of what's going on, it becomes a life or death situation. A situation in which she seems to have no influence...

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6. "All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." - Ellen Glasgow

"All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." - Ellen Glasgow

It’s funny how quickly things can change don’t you think? For example; one month can change where you live, one day can change a situation, one hour can change an opinion and one minute, well one minute can change everything.

                You don’t believe me? I don’t blame you, not many people do. However in the back of your head there’s a flicker of recognition or understanding. You know that one minute is the difference between being a straight A student to one that’s failing. That one minute can be the difference between falling in love or out of it for that matter.

                Mine and Thalia’s situation were the latter. In that one moment Matty had made me fall for him all over again. Since then we had talked non-stop, we were inseparable. I’d introduced him to my parents and me to his. Were as for Thalia… well that one minute had made her realise that being with Ollie wasn’t right. For her he was very over protective and controlling. I have to admit I didn’t see it, I quite liked him, but it was her choice. She was dating him not me. That one minute had cause 2 months of pain. Even though she broke up with him she was trying to re-adjust to life without him, and it was hard for her. However like most girls her pain was hidden behind her staged smile. No-one could tell she wasn’t happy. Except me.

                Every now and then between lessons her mask would quiver. You could see her expression change, only very briefly mind you. If you didn’t know her you wouldn’t notice. After breaking up with Ollie she had started to look at things negatively never looking at the positives. She was drifting through life with nothing to hang onto. More than once The Fray’s ‘How to Save a Life’ had scarily come true.

                Nothing can prepare you for a night like that. Happy and cheery melodies cannot change your mood. Their cheery masks will never flicker, they will be just like they always are, but not. No-one outside of generation could understand what it is like to lose a friend like that. To see them slowly drifting away and gradually escaping your grip. To know they are putting on a brave face for your benefit and you can just tell that they are not happy. No amount of training can ever prepare you. You cannot teach someone how to untie a noose that is already tied and poised. It is instinct that you use, because how else can you save that one life? Nobody can truly ever understand what is going through someone’s mind at that exact point, we can only guess from experience. Luckily for me at the time I had been in that mind frame many -a-time before.

                It helped, I guess, that I knew Thalia’s situation. Others you can try and help just by cheering them up, but with tears running down your cheeks hoping that what you have said is enough, it’s hard to think of something to cheer them up if all you can think about is how you will cope without them and how on earth you will ever truly accept it and say goodbye if what you said, is not in fact enough?

                The answer is, you never really can. If someone closes to you leaves you, you will always think about the ‘what if’s. Sometimes they will hit you on a sunny day in the park when you think about how they would have loved the day or how they would have wanted to stay inside and away from the crowds that had gathered on the green space around you.

                I’m glad to say that what I said was enough, I got Thalia for another couple of days until the depression got worse. Every couple of nights I would be up until 3 in the morning trying to prevent what could happen. Trying to prevent the screams that would echo around the house in the morning, as her Mum came to wake her up because she didn’t answer her calls. Trying to prevent the heart wrenching eulogies left with flowers all outside her house. Trying to prevent the tears...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I loved Thalia, I loved her like a sister, but sometimes your best is not always enough. You should have worked harder, done more.

                She left me. She left me here in this hell hole of a world, on my own. Much like her I beginning to question the point of it all. Why the hell am I here and she is not? Why the hell has she been taken away from me?! She was my rock, my foundations, my-my-my best friend.

 

 

I have been in bed for the last 3 weeks. Not getting out or moving the only exception being her funeral, even then I had no make-up on because my tears had washed it off. Matty comes round every day to see me. He’ll sit at the foot of my bed stroking my foot or he’d be tidying up my already perfectly neat room. Most of the time he just held me. He stopped me screaming. He held me together when the thought of her came into my mind. Her smile or laugh at a silly thing I’d said. But today. Today he didn’t show. 2 O’Clock on the dot he turns up in my room, but not today. At 4 O’Clock his face popped around the door frame.

“Lennie? Len can I come in?” I sniffed in reply. He’s come to recognise my various noises. The difference between the sniffs and the sniffles, and the sighs and exhales. He came and sat on the foot of my bed. In his hand he held a shopping bag. He placed in next to me leaving the opening in front of me, inviting me to open it.

“Lenna? It’s been 3 weeks we have to get you up, your body, it’s going to start shutting down” I didn’t reply. He pushed the bag towards me.

“Go on open it, for me?” The slyly added language meaning that if I didn’t open it I would have let yet another person down. I re-arranged my bed sheets to make them more presentable. I pulled the bag towards me and took out what was inside. I reached my hand and pulled out a very badly wrapped present. Glancing up I got a re-assuring nod, meaning that I could go ahead and open it. Peeling it open as delicately as I could careful not to damage what was inside. When the paper was off it was a box, a plain brown box.

                Go he knew me well. He knew that boxes in my house could never be left un-opened for very long. They just took up so much space they just have to be open and gotten rid of. I opened the box and there inside it lay a black piece of fabric. I pulled it out. It was silky and smooth. I decided that to examine it properly I would have to stand up. For the first time in weeks I got out of bed  voluntarily. The fabric dropped down. It was a dress. A beautiful black dress. It came to my knee and had frilly bits on, that’s a good as a description as you were going to get. You’ll just have to use your imagination. I don’t get fashion let alone know all the jargon… all I know is that it was absolutely beautiful.

“So? Are you going to try it on?” I nodded and he got up. He walked over to me and gave me a hug and walked out of the room leaving me to get changed. I’d never realised until that moment that we only ever hugged, even when I was crying all he did was hug me. He held me tight. His touch calmed me down, he knew that I wasn’t ready for such a commitment right now. For all I knew he still thought of us as friends.

                Once I was changed I went to my door and opened it to invite Matty back inside, and there he stood, in a shirt and tie. I was extremely confused then. I didn’t understand why he would wear such smart clothing. It was Christmas so it could have kept him warm but so would a hoody and jeans? A million ideas then raced through my head. Most of which you may be able to guess. He then took my hand and brought me back into my room. He handed me my make-up and sat me in front of the mirror.

“No offence Len, but where we’re going you’re going to want to look your best” He then proceeded to pick up my curlers and start curling my hair. At first I was at a loss to how he knew what to do, when I remembered I had done my hair in front of him when he’d appeared after id just got changed from the shower. I finished my make-up quite quickly then I just sat watching him. Once he’d finished he grabbed a bobble and tied my hair up in a scruffy ponytail and straightened my fringe.

“There we go! You look even prettier than usual!” I gave him a smile. It hurt to smile because it had been so long since I had done it. He then went to my shoe cupboard and grabbed my converse and threw them at me. They had been newly washed and were completely dry. He’d planned this well in advance.

                He then got my favourite ‘smart’ earrings and handed me them.

“Go-on put them in… like I said you’ll want to look smart!” He then took my hand grabbed my hoodie and led me down the stairs.

               It’s funny how a few minutes can change your situation.

 

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