Malec One-Shots (The Mortal Instruments)


18. Anxiety

Alec cautiously approached his mother as she turned around frantically in the kitchen, and she looked momentarily frightened to see her son standing there. “Alec.” She acknowledged, “I wasn’t expecting to see you. What is it, sweetie?” She asked, walking through the kitchen, and out into the halls of the Institute, “Um…I wanted to talk to you…about something.” He began, and Mayrse frowned, “Do you need to go clothes shopping again?” she asked, looking her son up and down. She seemed displeased by the state of his clothes. “No, it’s not that.”

“Well regardless, you need new clothes. Anyway, carry on.” She said, pacing back to her office. Alec stood still, and looked at his shoes. “Do you and dad…I mean…do you think…” he stuttered several times, and it was nearly two minutes before he pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, and blurted out, “Are you and dad okay with me being gay?” He looked up. His mother seemed to flinch a bit at the word, but otherwise she looked neutral. She’s getting better at hiding it, Alec thought to himself. His mother stood up, and wandered over to her son, “Alec,” she began, “It doesn’t make any difference to us whether you’re with Magnus or not.” She soothed. Alec looked down,

“it doesn’t mean…I’m….if it doesn’t work out with Magnus, I’m still going to be with a boy, even if Magnus and I breakup…and I just feel like dad and you… think it’s just a phase, I guess.” He looked down. His mother sighed, and looked down at her feet. “Alec, if I’m honest, this is hard for us to accept. I mean, we’re not used to this. This has never happened to any other shadowhunters, Alec. We don’t know what to do, and it-”

“I’m not asking you guys to do anything. Except accept that I’m not ever going to love a woman.” Mayrse flinched again, and Alec bit his lip. “Alec, I…I’m okay with this. With you.”

“Is dad?”

Mayrse remained silent. Alec’s stomach dropped. “He’s not…is he? He hates me.” Alec  whispered, Mayrse reached out her hand to comfort her son, but Alec pulled away. “Dad…oh god. Dad hates me. He thinks I’m disgusting. He thinks I’m-”

“Alec, your dad doesn’t hate you.” She tried to comfort. Alec shook his head.

“He thinks I’m disgusting. He doesn’t want me…” Tears welled in his eyes, and Alec rubbed his eyes. “I can’t… I know it’s important to continue the Lightwood name…and I can. I can adopt. I just…” He whimpered, and he felt tears coming down his face. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to upset you. I never meant to make dad hate me…I was just being selfish. I wasn’t…oh god, oh god, I’m… I never wanted you and dad to hate me. I just want…” Mayrse pulled her son into a hug.

“Alec, please calm down.” She murmured, but he continued sobbing against his mother, crying about how his father hated him. “Alec, he doesn’t I promise you.” She whispered, rubbing a hand through his hair, but he continued to sob and weep. And she let him cry, thinking it was no big deal, until he began to hyperventilate.

Reluctantly, Mayrse picked up her phone, and dialled. It rung twice, before he picked up. “Who dares call upon the High Warlock of Brooklyn?” was the reply she got. She bit back a sharp comment.

“Mayrse Lightwood.” There was a pause on the end of the line.

“Ah, Mrs Lightwood, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked sunnily. Mayrse sighed,

“Alec is having a panic attack.” She told him.

“What? Why? How bad is it?” Magnus asked. Mayrse sighed,

“Do you want to hear it?” She asked. And Magnus agreed. She held the phone out, so he could hear Alec’s sobs and hyperventilation. He was moaning with tears. “What have you done to comfort him?” Magnus asked, sounding exceedingly concerned.

“What I usually do when Alec is having a panic attack. He has his head between his knees, and I have a bowl beneath him in case he throws up.” She swallowed hard before adding the next part, “Magnus, he needs you here.” And the warlock clicked off the line so quickly she almost didn’t register it.

The warlock burst through the door a few moments later, Isabelle shortly behind him, “Mom, Magnus is here to –by the angel, is Alec okay?” She almost rushed forward with concern, but Magnus kept her back. “Do not rush the angsty child!” He boomed, and Mayrse jumped back. Isabelle looked at him, and then back at her brother, and slowly left the room. Magnus jogged forwards, and dropped to his knees beside Alec. “Alexander,” he said, bringing his head up from between his knees. Alec’s face was pale, and there was snot and tears staining it. Magnus felt something inside him respond to seeing Alec quite so defenceless and helpless. He pulled Alec gently off the chair, until he was sitting on Magnus’ lap, his arms wrapped tightly around his back. Magnus hugged the young shadowhunter close to him, rubbing his back. “Breathe, breathe, it’s okay,” he soothed, and Alec began gasping for air, slower than he was before. “I can’t. I can’t. Br-breathe.” He stammered, his voice croaky. Magnus looked up at at Mayrse, “what happened?” He asked quietly.

“He thinks Robert hates him because of his relationship with you.” She replied. Magnus bit his lip, and soothed his lover as another round of uncontrollable sobs took over him. He shot a look up at Mayrse, mouthing why did you think I could help?! She sighed, and Magnus turned back to Alec. “Sweetheart, if your dad hates you, that’s his loss. You’re talented, you’re kind, you’re amazing. And if he does hate you, then it’s completely his loss that he loses his brilliant son.” He kissed him on the cheek, and then looked him straight in the eyes. He was still crying a bit. Magnus kissed him on the lips softly. “And I don’t think your dad does hate you.” He whispered, forgetting about Mayrse. “I don’t think that man has it in him to hate his son. He never could do that to you. He loves you.” He told him, brushing some hair that was sticking to his face. “But I love you more.” He whispered, and Alec eventually broke a smile. “I love you too.” He replied. And Magnus kissed him again. They kept kissing, until Mayrse cleared her throat, and Alec turned a shade of scarlet, he too had obviously forgotten his mother. “I have no objection of you and Magnus doing…things in private. But I have to object to you two being intimate on the floor of my office.” She said, and Magnus sighed.

“We would only occupy the underspace of your desk. Nothing you’d have to see.” He winked, and Alec punched his shoulder lightly. “Magnus! Don’t say such things to my mother!” He gasped, and Mayrse looked on. Happy. Alec had been suffering from panic attacks for years, and Magnus seemed to be the only one who could calm him down. Maybe they were meant to be.

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