Lost

This is the final part of the Cyber Louis triology, check both out before reading. After years of torture and distress Reiss has finally made a better life for himself, with his sister Rae and Louis. But even he can't escape his darkest thoughts and his unforgettable past. Rae has found love and he wants so badly to let go and be free, but is it really that simple, is he too lost to be found?

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5. Chapter 5

"Tell me about your day?" Dr Stevens said in a dull tone.
"It was nothing special" I told him. Today consisted of me keeping my head down avoiding having conversations with anyone. Lily and I avoided eachother as if nothing happened, it's best that way. Mia tried talking to me again and I brushed her off.
"You pull that face when you're thinking, what are you thinking about?"
I shrugged "I was thinking how close are we to finishing, I'm hungry."
Dr stevens stood up putting down his notes and went over to the door "let's go eat" he said and I sat there startled.

After a burger and chips I sat back in my seat full and a little sick. 
"Now you've eaten you have no more excuses, tell me something about you."
"Like what?" 
"Something important to you, tell me about it."
I sighed "Rae and Louis, it sounds weird but in ways they both saved me. I only wish they could save me from myself."
"What are you most afraid of?"
I thought for a second, my mum who tortured me, my dad who abused me "myself" I said honestly. People can hurt you, maybe even kill you but nothing is more stronger than the power of your mind. It can make you do reckless things, no matter what the consequences. 
"Have you ever hurt yourself?"
I picked up the last chip and played with it between my fingers "once, a month ago."

Louis and Rae had gone out for a drink at the pub with Harry and his girlfriend. I wasn't allowed being underage and all, but I've been served before I look well older than 17 who would have thought? I used to be a skinny fragile little boy, time was good to me and I eventually grew into myself. I opened the fridge looking for something alcoholic to drink and there was nothing but an almost empty bottle of wine. Taking the wine from the fridge I sat down and drunk the remains and put the bottle down. Rae's scissors she used earlier were left on the table. I bit down on my lip hard causing a drop of blood to run down my chin, the scissors still staring at me somehow made it into my hand. What would it feel like? I thought as I pressed the blade into my arm closing my eyes. The pain was bearable almost overshadowing the pain I felt inside, but not quite. Realising what I had done and how crazy I was I chucked the scissors in the bin and ran to my room. Rae and Louis had no idea, and I smiled my way through it showing them I was dandy,

"Why haven't you done it since?" Dr Stevens asked. 
"Because I'm afraid at how good it felt, but how little satisfaction I felt from it. That was only a pair of scissors, what if next time it was a knife or worse?"
"You have good self control Reiss, I fear at one point you could snap and really hurt yourself."
"I fear that too but I'm stronger than people label me as. I've lasted this long I can do this I have to keep telling myself this then maybe it will be okay."
He didn't seem convinced but let it go "have you made any friends since you started school?"
I shook my head "I haven't let myself become close to anyone."
"You're lonely you need someone other than me you can talk to, someone outside of the situation."
I nodded "I will try"

It was getting late but I wasn't ready to go home yet. I've lived here for 5 years and I've never visited any of it. There was a park down the corner of my road, it was pretty much empty so I went and sat down on one of the benches. I pulled out a cigerette from my pocket and lit the tip sucking in the smoke - another thing they don't know about me. I recognised one of the guys from the other day with Lily, she was trying to get away from them. One of them stared back at me and walked over to me, his face was hard. "Have you seen Lil?" he asked me in a croaky voice.
I shrugged and continued to smoke my cigerette, he grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me up. "I said have you seen Lily?"
I smirked punching him in the face knocking him away from me "I said I don't know" I growled at him. The other one came over to us and looked from me to him "have we got a problem him here Seth?" Seth I'm guessing shook his head and stood up "when you see her tell her Seth wants to talk" I looked him directly in the eyes and shrugged making him smile. "Oh and another thing" he came closer to me and banged his head against mine pushing me onto the floor. I felt a blow to my stomach as his foot collided with it "be careful."

"Reiss" Rae shrieked pulling me into the livingroom.
"I'm fine" I assured her knowing Rae would never let this go.
"You're going to tell me everything that happened" she said calmly sitting me down.
"It was nothing Rae, some kids showing off."
"Where were you?" she asked me.
"The park" I told her the truth not wanting our relationship to be based on lies.
"Don't go down there anymore okay?" I sighed and she pushed my chin up so I could look at her "please?" she said again and I nodded.

 

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