Lost

This is the final part of the Cyber Louis triology, check both out before reading. After years of torture and distress Reiss has finally made a better life for himself, with his sister Rae and Louis. But even he can't escape his darkest thoughts and his unforgettable past. Rae has found love and he wants so badly to let go and be free, but is it really that simple, is he too lost to be found?

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3. Chapter 3

What I fear most is what I could do if I had the chance. One moment of complete madness and I'm gone, it's something out of my control. 

I noticed a comment under my latest entry and paused for a moment.

Live every day like it's worth something, ponder over the hot girl in class, the happiness of your family, laugh at someone who seems as desperate as you are. Capture every moment that caught your eye and write about it. That is something I would get great pleasure in reading, not the horrible thoughts, because everybody has a reason to smile, some may need time to look for theirs. Left anonymously. 

For a second I shrugged the comment off and then I thought about it, try and do those things they said, would that help?

Breakfast was better than dinner last night, everyone lost in conversation. 
"So who's your worst teacher?" Louis lent back on his seat chewing a piece of toast. 
"Definitely Graham" I shook my head thinking about his harsh words. If you continue how you are, you will fail. 
"I don't remember him" Rae looked at Louis "was he the one with the beard?"
Louis burst out laughing and choked on a bit of toast "no that was Wilkinson, do you remember when he caught us?" 
I closed off my ears not wanting to hear the rest of that conversation. But they wouldn't stop, it has been so long they have become immune to my existence once they were off on one. Kissing is fine, anything more and that will be too much. 
"This is my queue to leave" I stood up grabbing the spare bit of toast. "I'm going out later, I'll be back around 10" I announced hoping they wouldn't ask questions. Fortunately they were busy focusing on each other to process what I had just said and instead nodded their heads. 

School was strangely different today, only one day had passed and everything had changed. I spoke to a girl in my English class today, she was ticked off as the hot girl in my class. I thought about someone who was as desperate as me and observed the rest of the class, they seemed normal, boring even. The hot girl whispered in my ear "are you going to North later?"
"What's that" I asked tilting my head.
"It's a bar" she said and I remembered my conversation with Lily yesterday, she worked there. 
"As a matter of fact I was" I smiled and turned away from her focusing on something else.
"Want to go with me?" she asked and I nodded looking down at the blank page below me. We had one hour to write about our parents, a funny story, or a moment of happiness and I was stuck. Mr Wilkinson who Rae and Louis spoke about approached me and raised his brow. "Well it looks like we have a volunteer to read what he has written, go ahead" he said to me. I froze and looked at everyone's waiting eyes and gulped. The door burst open and in came a guy and Lily, she looked at me before sitting down at the back. Wilkinson seemed to turn his attention away from me and spoke to her "where have you both been?" 
They looked at each other and laughed causing his face to redden. "Don't make this year difficult Lily, your father would have wanted better for you" he frowned and turned back to me. "Go ahead Reiss up the front, give us a memory as you seem to have written so much" he joked. I looked around helplessly and pushed myself up, focusing on each step as I made my way to the front. I turned around red in the face and stared down at my blank page. Everyone lent forward waiting to hear from the boy they thought had it all, what great memories he would have to share.
I mouthed words but no voice came out to my dismay. Think of a memory Reiss there must be one. I thought of Rae and finally I found my voice. 
"You know when you have that moment, where your heart stops beating when you think you're in trouble? When the whole world seems to pass by and all you can do is focus on what you had done. But there she was by my side telling me it was all okay, that I hadn't done anything wrong. She took me to my room and played games with me until I was tired and let me sleep in her bed. It's little things like that that made me happy, big things never seem to phase me." I said awkwardly occasionally letting my eyes fall on Lily, her expression showed nothing and the hot girl seemed excited about whatever I was saying. So did the rest of the class in fact, hoping this wasn't it, but it was. I sat down uncomfortable and looked down at the table. Wilkinson sat down speechless as did everyone. Way to put a downer on something that was meant as happy Reiss. A loud clap came from the back of the class, it was Lily smiling at me. Everyone seemed to follow along and clap with her I nodded towards them and focused my eyes on the door. 
"I need to go to the toilet" I said aloud and excused myself sitting down by the lockers outside. The door opened after me and I saw Lily looking down at me on the floor. "That was really something" she said, "was that about your mum?" she sat down next to me.
"My sister" I admitted and looked ahead of me.
"She seems nice" she smiled warmly lost in thought.
"I'm not as fortunate as you think I am you know. Looks can be deceiving, things you may think you believe when really you have no idea."
She sat in silence her lip began to tremble, too soon enough she composed herself "you going to North later?"
"Yeah Mia asked me if I was to" I said finally remembering the hot girl's name.
"And what did you say?" she asked raising her eyebrow.
"I said yes" and Lily smiled.
"Well it looks like I'll see you guys there, come say hi if you see me" she said before getting up and going back into the classroom.

People put up walls to protect themselves, but what is she protecting herself from? 

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