Lost

This is the final part of the Cyber Louis triology, check both out before reading. After years of torture and distress Reiss has finally made a better life for himself, with his sister Rae and Louis. But even he can't escape his darkest thoughts and his unforgettable past. Rae has found love and he wants so badly to let go and be free, but is it really that simple, is he too lost to be found?

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1. 5 years later

Is this what death feels like, empty, cold, alone? Will I ever get the peace I so desperately desire? To live in a world where you’re merely noticed by anyone is a lonely place. I could be surrounded with meaningless people and I would be nothing to them…
I drummed my fingers on my laptop looking at my recent blog. It’s been what 5 years since Rae and Louis got married, we’re still living in the same place, I don’t like big places. I’m ready to go out into the world and fend for myself. They’ve been cautious ever since they got me back, I can’t blame them. Counselling, journals, therapy, mind control you name it and I’ve done it. Nothing helps, I mean sure talking to people who don’t give two fucks about my life should help, but it doesn’t. About a month ago I created a blog, this is where I post my thoughts online. I’ve received comments from telling me to just end it and comments like they are here for me they ‘care.’ I’m 17 now surely I should grow up and stop letting people get to me, Rae did it why can’t I?

“Reiss” Louis called from the bottom of the stairs. I rolled my eyes shutting my laptop and jumped down the stairs.
“Yes?” I asked sweetly moving past him.
I heard him chuckle from behind me as he followed me into the kitchen “watch it” he smacked the back of my head and sat down at the table. I laughed taking a bite of my toast and shoving my phone into my pocket.
Rae and Louis looked at me waiting for me to speak. I looked at them in a daze. Rae looked at Louis “Reiss about today, if you want I can come with you I don’t mind” she said calmly.
I sighed “I can do it by myself Rae, as much as you would like I’m not a kid anymore I can look after myself.” She frowned and I instantly felt bad “but if you would like to walk with me that would be okay” which brought back the smile to her face. I patted Louis’ arm goodbye and followed Rae out of the door.
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder “it’s going to be fine you know?”
“Rae I’m fine honestly” I said bluntly.
“Don’t do that you always do that. It’s okay to admit you’re scared especially to me, whatever you feel I probably have felt it.” But she doesn’t anymore, does she feel the need to go away forever and to just not exist? I nodded and continued to walk with her to school.
“It’s a good school” she said positively and instantly I knew she was talking crap. She felt my hesitation and continued “okay but it’s better than my last school, this one I actually did something with my life.”
“Getting married to Louis? Yeah I’m sure school helped you with that” I rolled my eyes.
“You have no idea” she said and stopped looking at the gates.
“Well this is me” I said nervously “I’ll see you later” I kissed her cheek and went through the gates. I heard her faint whisper “I love you Reiss” and I whirled around and pulled her into a hug “I love you too.”

The woman in reception was friendly, she printed out my schedule and showed me to my first lesson. But I highly doubt the rest of the school are like this. I had two choices to decide who I wanted to be, do I be the dork who keeps himself to himself, or do I try and fit in become someone else? I mean I’m sure the rest of the school would be happy to know I think about death as a natural thing. Rae’s warned me about this, losing yourself in order to fit in. But little does she know I’m already lost and I just want to be found.

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