Moment in time

I gave birth to a shapely little girl. I was seventeen when I became a mom to my daughter. She had just me and I didn't tell her who was her father. I lived a pretty normal life, until he came back.

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15. I doubts

When we got home was the time late at night. Niall went into the kitchen and ate some food. I chose to go up and take a shower. I had an uncomfortable feeling in my body that I couldn't cope with his life. It felt strange that people wanted to take photos of us and especially just because I was standing next to him. Not that I had anything against standing next to Niall, but it was more the feeling about not being asked if I wanted to let them take the photo. Everyone took it for granted that he was public property and I didn't like it.

 

"You're quiet tonight and you were quiet all night!" Niall whispered to me and I felt him lay near my back and held me.
"I'm just tired!" I got out of me and chose not to talk about my feelings. I didn't know how I would describe how I felt. Failed!
"Did you have fun?" he asked anyway and kissed my neck. I just mumbled something in reply and swallowed. Niall laughed a little bit and took his hands inside my nightgown. Direct I froze.
"Not now Niall!"
He sighed odds and took his hands away. He chose to just be close to me and hold me. I sighed a little bit.
"I'm tired!"
"Okay!" Niall whispered directly and put his head on the pillow near my head. He fell asleep pretty quickly and I was left with my thoughts,

 

Middle of the night, I went away from the bed. I went down and took a glass of milk, which didn't help to get tired. I started the computer and went on-line. I found that various entertainment sites already had posted pictures of me and Niall. I noticed right away that I looked like a witch. I looked as if I hated life and everything around me. Niall looked more like he used to, and I swallowed. I didn't fit in! It was as if they wanted to shoot a good looking guy with an idiot next to them.
"Niall Horan and his girlfriend Nelly.", but I didn't feel like a girlfriend. I was Lilly's mom, I felt it in my whole body. The feelings for Niall just jumped up and down. Sometimes I wanted to die for him, and sometimes I hardly dared to feel anything.

 

I just wanted to cry. It was my own fault that I felt like I did, but how could I stop brooding on all that happened? I knew Niall just did want my best and he wanted to have with me when he would be out among people. Maybe he was sure about his feelings for me, but I wasn't sure what I felt. I simply had two choices. Either I stay with him and then do it with all my heart. Or I had to leave him and explain that I didn't want more. Both choices were difficult. I didn't want to lose him, but I didn't want to be with the known Niall. I just wanted Niall, my own Niall Horan.

 

I didn't fall asleep until the sun was going up. I lay next to Niall and looked at him. He was everything that I wanted, but still not! The last thing I saw was his face. Then I fell asleep!

 

I woke up Nialls voice outside the door. He was talking on the phone and sounded happy. I sighed and turned around in the bed. I was so tired and my head hurt. I closed my eyes again and just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to go up.

 

"Shall we get Lilly?" I heard Niall question. I looked tired up at him and sighed.
"I have such a headache!"
Niall came up to the bed and sat down on the edge. He ran his hand through my hair and smiled lovingly.
"I can pick her up, so you can sleep on?"
I nodded immediately.
"Sounds like a good idea!"

Niall leaned over and gave me a soft kiss. I answered it and smiled as he finished it.
"Wake me when you get home!"
He nodded and pulled the covers up over my body.
"I can buy home food from Nandos so we not have to cook?"
He cared so much about me and I saw the love in my eyes. It just made me want to puke. I also wanted to be sure of what I felt. I wanted to look at him without a doubt and without that I brooded.
"I love you!" Niall whispered, and then he left the room. I felt the emptiness when the door was closed. The question was why I in one moment wanted to be without him, but in the next I didn't want to even miss a second of his life. I was weird!

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