The Days Before She Died

My name is Lucas Hunt,
The chances are you’ve never heard of me, never met me, and don’t even know who I am. I was a boy; I am now a man, with scruffy brown hair, big blue eyes and a body that all girls adore. This all means nothing to me. I don’t need or want the girls anymore, because the girl I truly love died. Rose is dead. I try not to think of her as dead, because she’s still alive in my heart. I live with the painful thoughts of her death, and the happiness of her smile. It’s the greatest of contradictions. That’s what I remember most though, her smile. But at least I Know that she died a happy woman because of what we did in the days before she died…

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1. Day One

 “Miss Rose Parker. I’m very sorry, but you have cancer.” He whispered. Rose didn’t cry, she didn’t laugh. She stayed as she was. The smile disappeared from her face, but she didn’t seem too shaken by the news. “You have approximately three months left to live.” He added. I gulped Rose was twenty, nearly twenty-one. Why did cancer have to pick the most beautiful girl, my girlfriend, when she was so young and vibrant?

“Thank you.” She sighed; the doctor knew she didn't mean it, but then, is it possible to say thank you to man that has just told you your life is going to end before you thought it had even started? Without saying anything more we got up and left, silently walking to the car. I muttered moisture of swearwords under my breath. I didn't want this to happen to Rose, she was my girlfriend, and I didn't want her to die. I think I let the first tear streak down my cheek as we walked, but I quickly wiped the tear away from my face. I couldn’t let Rose see me cry, I just couldn’t.

“What do you want to do then Rose?” I asked softly as we got into my car. I opened up the car door and helped her in, taking more care than I had on the way to the hospital; I knew that I’d have to treat her with more care now that she would get weaker, and more fragile as time would go on.

“Please don’t leave me!” She whimpered. “Just because I have cancer, please don’t leave me!” I held took her hand in mine and looked into her eyes, she looked terrified. For once in my life, I understood. She looked at her feet and shifted around her seat awkwardly, waiting for my response.

“Rose, I would never leave you. Cancer or not, you’re my girlfriend, nothing between us has changed.” I squeezed her hand. “So, what do you want to do?”

“Everything I haven’t done yet.” Rose whispered. I looked into her eyes, and she looked back into mine, as we drove back home to our little apartment in Surrey. As we reached the door I noticed that Rose had changed since the moment she was diagnosed, if anything, a little part of her character had been worn away, almost as though something had finally pierced her hard shell, and the essence of her very soul was oozing slowly out of the pinprick that the diagnosis had made.

It was obvious why she was acting differently, as the first day of her being diagnosed, Rose was very upset, but if I was her, and I was as upset as she was. As a boyfriend, you have a kind of instinct, one that tells you to look after your girlfriend, and when you are told there is nothing you can do to help her, you feel hopeless, and very unhelpful. I looked at Rose yet again, and listened to her mumbling. It seemed as though she was worrying about things that she shouldn’t even think about it. Soon I realized that she was planning her own funeral.

“Rose, please stop it. I know that you have been told that you’re dying. But please… don’t be so morbid. I don’t want you to die.” I said softly, another tear prickling at my eyes.

“I don’t want to die either...” Rose said as we walked into the apartment. I sat her down on the sofa and went to make some tea. By the time I came back in Rose was on the floor, surrounded my shards of glass, with money folded into her hands. “This is what we saved for the IVF treatment, right?” She asked. I nodded. “Well, I’m never going to be able to have children Lucas. SO what are we going to do with the money?” Tears and eyeliner ran down her cheeks.

“I have no clue.” I whispered, Rose had always wanted a child. Ever since I had met her she had wanted children, and if you thought about it, you realised just how much of a motherly person she was. “Wait...” Thoughts flooded my brain as I thought about how much money we must’ve saved...£50,000? Rose had been saving since she was fifteen, as the doctors had told her she’d never be able to conceive a baby herself, but Rose never told me the reason why, because I never asked.

“We saved £45,000.” Rose muttered. “For nothing, it’s money that I can’t even use anymore.” She wiped the tears away from her face again, shook her head, and looked at me seriously. “What do we do?” She asked.

“We do everything.” I whispered. “We spent the £45,000 on everything. We do everything we planned to do in your lifetime, and we do it until the day you die Rose.” Her facial expression changed, at first she looked confused, and then her face filled with complete excitement. I didn't have to say anything more. She was up for it, and I knew it.

Rose never seemed sad by the fact that she was going to die. She saw it as a chance to do what not many people normally do. Live Wild. That was the Rose that I fell in love with, the wild crazy girl. We would so everything in the approximate three months that she had left to live with Lymphoma. We didn't have enough time to fit the whole world in, but we had enough time to do what we needed on earth.

 

Everything was happening so fast. We were only on the first day of her being diagnosed, and yet we already had the rest of her life planned out. We had planned my loved ones death, and how she was going to die. I did it all while shedding only a few tears. Which I think was rather brave considering I knew that she was going to die. Rose was happy that we had planned everything in advance. She loved to be ready for everything, and to have her whole life set out like a play, where all she had to do was say the right words and take stage at the right time. In a way I found that sad, I would not have liked to just be a character in a play. I loved to do everything out of order. But Rose was different.

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