Sad Beautiful Tragic

This is my personal past relationship story. Although I am not in that relationship in this time. I would like you all to understand that what I went through was real. This is not only letting me release how I feel but its also a warning on how girls need to watch the signs before falling for a guy.

I am at a place in my life where I am content and joyous! I have everything I could ever need in my life. I am hapy I am just out of the sick and twisted ride I was stuck in .

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3. Chapter 3

It was about 5 months of us getting to know each other, I had just started freshman year and every single day we texted, from the good mornings to not wanting to say goodnight. We became so close so fast which was really scaring me because I had ever felt that way towards a guy, he was my first real crush, someone who I could talk to. And it was about 5 months in to realize that he was confused about his feelings towards me.

 

'A's ex girlfriend was still in the picture. He didn't know how to let her go out of his life completely. I felt so torn for weeks and weeks because here I was starting to fall for this guy and here he was trying to decipher his feelings towards myself and another girl. I didn't want to let him go because I was so deterined and hardheaded that I made myself believe that in the end it would all be worth it. I was so sure of him and I that it didn't even bug me that I was crying relentlessly for months not knowing what to do because I told myself this is normal, this is what all girls go through in order to get the guy at the end..they suck it up and shut up.

 

It was about 7 months of us talking and I woke up that Saturday morning uneasy. My mother and sister kept telling me that I was in love and as much as I was denying it, I knew I was and that's what hurt me because I knew he didn't feel the same towards me. I went to my back patio and called 'A' to tell him I didn't want us to talk anymore because I knew he didn't feel the same way that I did. My feelings were moving so fast that even I couldn't catch up with my emotions.

 

Phone Call:

A: Hey you!

Me: Hey.

A: What's wrong?

Me: We need to talk...

A: Okay, about what?

Me: Well I've been thinking really hard about us but I just feel like we should stop talking...

A: No! I don't want us to stop talking! Why are you saying this? Please talk to me, you can tell me anything.

Me: Because I love you....

A:....

Me: see nevermind you just don't understand. I know you don't feel the same way so we just need to stop talking so I can stop hurting.

A: Listen to me, just because I haven't said it or haven't told you, doesn't mean that I'm not falling...I am, I just need time to say it when I do feel it. I just can't say it because you do. But I think its sweet that your telling me, even though I would really love it if the girl that was in love with me would keep talking to me and not back away.

Me: Okay, I'm sorry.

A: You don't need to say sorry, it's what you feel.

 

It was about a month later that I was sitting in my living room on my phone texting my best guy friend. We were talking about how 'A' and I were getting along and how he still hadn't said the "L" word yet and about how it had been about 8 months of us talking and that we still hadn't had our first kiss yet.

 

Now in middle school before I ever met 'A' I used to like this guy and he was my first kiss. It wasn't a real kiss to me because it had no real feeling behind it and we never got to know each other. But anyway...

 

Myy guy friend was texting me and 'A' just had happened to call me. So while 'A' was on speaker I was still texting my guy friend 'M'. This is what he sent me...

M: So do you want 'A' to kiss you?

Me: Yes of course, its been 8 months already but I'm so nervous about it I just don't know if he want to.

 

As soon as I sent that text I heard 'A' start to giggle. 

Me: Why are you giggling?

A: Because you want to kiss me?

Me: Oh my gosh, please dont tell me 'M' is right next to you and he showed you what I wrote!?!

A: Mhm! And now I know you want to kiss me!

Me: Oh my gosh bye.

 

I was so furious that my best guy friend would do that , dont get me wrong yea 'M' was my best guy friend but he was also 'A's best guy friend as well.

 

Anywho...a few days later on a Thursday I went to small group which is when a bunch of teens get together and hang at someone's house to learn more about God. I sat next to 'A' as we held hands. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my friend 'E' try and tell me something, so I ignored him. As soon as small group was over, I pulled 'E' to the side to ask him what he wanted.

 

E: I was trying to tell you that 'A' told me he was going to kiss you tonight and that he wants you to meet him in the front of the house where the garden is, like now.

Me: Are you seripus, why would you tell me? Now I'm all nervous...

 

I went to the front of the house and waited for 'A'...I didn't know how to feel to be honest. I was confused, excited, but nervous and sick all at the same time. I was trying to make an excuse as why I had to leave early..or to get myself out of it, I don't know why, but I did.

 

He met me there and sat next to me. We sat in the dark for what seemed hours not saying anything to each other.  He finally stood up in front of me and pulled me up towards him..

A: So you know we've been talking for a while and I know you probably know, but i really like you a lot and I just want you to know how special you are to me.

I serously couldn't breathe because as soon as he started leaning in I started ranting..

Me: Oh my gosh did you hear that? It's thunder, maybe it's going to rain. Maybe we should get inside. See, there I felt a rain drop.

He stared laughing a little and held my face, I looked into his eyes and wham...he kissed me. I felt so awkward at first because I had no idea what to do, but after a couple of seconds of realizing that I liked it I relaxed.

He was my first official kiss.

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