Roses for Roselyn (Niall and Harry Fanfictions)

She was just an ordinary, grounded girl with a young, obsessive sister... little did she know that her sister's biggest idol was obsessing over her. Join Rosie and Rachel on their journey in love, friendship, obsession, fame and passion. What will happen? Who will happen? And most importantly, how will they cope with the disadvantages of 'the good life'?

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75. Anorexia

ROSIE'S POV:

There’s a rap on the door, signifying that my parents have just arrived. I take Niall’s hand and head to the door with him in tow. We’re the only ones here because Rachel left about half an hour ago to go home and spend some time with her family.

As soon as I open it, I am greeted with smiles and the friendly faces of my mother, sister and father. My parents must have asked the taxi to make a quick stop at my auntie’s house, so that they could pick Lola up on the way home.

My mother is the first to step through the door and wrap my shoulders in a hug. She pushes me from the door slightly so that the rest of our family can make their way around us. “Hey Rosie. I’ve missed you so much. How are you? It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Hey mum.” She’s tightly hugging me like she hasn’t seen me in months. “It’s only been one week you know…”

“Oh I know, but we hardly ever leave you for that long.” Niall is snickering over my mother’s shoulder as I try to detach myself from her arms and my pull my hair back from between her fingers. She’s not letting me go.

“Mum…”

“Oh, right, sorry.” She laughs at herself and pulls back, to cock her head to the side and watch me. I start to blush under her gaze and so Niall steps forward to detract the attention from me.

“Marie! How are you?”

“Oh Niall, fine thanks.” They embrace quickly and started chattering as my dad gives me a hug and pats my head. Neither of us are very good with affection and awkward hugs but we both make an effort.

“I hope you’ve been taking good care of my daughter.”

My dad laughs to Niall as they shake hands. “I think it’s more the other way round. She’s been taking care of us boys to be honest.” He sucks in a breath and I can tell he’s going to make a joke. “We’ve been the ones keeping her out of trouble though.”

He winks at me and I shove him jokingly. “Trouble?”

“Yeah, you have to be careful of my daughter getting herself into trouble. You have to watch that one.” Apparently the two of them find it so hilarious that they start laughing and I have to walk past them with a roll of my eyes. Lola has already walked into the kitchen with my mum, leaving their bags in the corridor, so I follow them leaving my dad and boyfriend to talk or laugh some more.

I see her blonde hair swinging behind her back as she stands next to my mum who’s making teas and a coffee for dad.

“Hey Lola.” I slip my arms round her shoulder and she turns to hug me tightly.

“Hey!”

There’s something about her that seems… different. It’s only been a week but she isn’t the giggling child that he used to be. Maybe having to look after 2 kids for the past week has matured her a bit more. She beams up at me but carries on talking to mum about a school project. I notice the dark mascara that is thick on her eyelashes and it surprises me –Lola never wears make up unless I put it on her.  And even when I do it I make sure that it’s light and natural.

Is it possible that my sister has started to grow up already? I grew up in year 7… I can’t expect her to not do the same. But there’s still something about the way that she turns away from me that makes my heart pound and my head ache. She’s just a child. Just my baby sister. She never used to dismiss me to speak to mum.

I musn’t be imagining things because our Mother catches my attention; her eyes widen to show me that I’m not the only one to notice. I just raise my eyebrows and stand next to them to listen in on their conversation, occasionally adding sentences.

It’s approaching 8:00pm when we all sit around the kitchen table and my dad interrupts mine and Niall’s quiet conversation to ask me a question.

“Rosie where is Justin? Is he not at home?”

It occurs to me that I don’t actually know where my older brother is. “Umm... No, he’s not here. He must be with Carla still. Do you want me to call him?” Carla is his pretty, platinum blonde girlfriend that lives further North –closer to London- than we live.

“Yes, okay.” I get out my mobile and pull my feet onto the chair. Niall smiles at me as I type in the contact name and hold it to my ear. “Tell him to come home? We want to go out for lunch as a family tomorrow.” I never knew about that. I nod and wait for him to pick up.

He finally picks up on the 7th ring, just as I am about to hang up. “Yo. You alrite sis?”

I laugh at his cocky slang. “Shut up. Yeah I’m good.”

“What’s going on?”

“Mum and Dad and Lola just got home –we were all wondering where you were?”

“I’m over at Carla’s.” Just as I thought. “Is that okay or…?” He’s expecting for Dad to want him to come home.

“Can you come home? We were planning on going out for lunch together, tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yeah… okay. Hang on.” He disappears away from the phone for a few seconds and then he’s back “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll be there in about an hour ‘cause Carla’s mum has just made me some dinner.”

“Alrite then. See you later Jus.”

“Bye Rosie. See you in a bit.” He hangs up and it occurs to me how much of a shit sister I’ve been over the course of the week –only speaking to him twice and not bothering to keep up with where he was or what he was doing.

“He’ll be home in an hour.”

“Okay then. I’m going to go and get some sleep upstairs –I didn’t get any sleep on the plane so I’m exhausted.” My dad goes to get up and then waits when his eyes pass over Niall. “I forgot to ask if you wanted to come for lunch with us tomorrow.” The statement itself is an invite.

“Oh I’m not sure. I have a lot to fit into tomorrow –we’re going over to New York for the week so I need to pack a suitcase and run a few errands before my flight.”

My dad just shakes his head with a laugh. “I don’t know how you can live such a crazy life.” My blond haired boy smiles, giving a small nod, but not quite meeting my eyes. “Well the invite’s open anyway.”

“Thanks David.” Dad waves us goodbye and heads up the stairs to sleep, with a yawn and a drag in his step.

Lola is on her phone and is scrolling up and down. Mum is going through laundry in the room next door so I take Niall’s hand and tell Lola that we’re going upstairs to watch some TV or something.

“Okay. See you later.” Her eyes don’t even leave her Samsung to look at us, so we leave the room in silence until we reach the landing and Niall speaks up.

“She’s… different.”

“Tell me about it. I don’t know how it’s happened so quickly.”

“It’s growing up. That’s what the first year of high school does to you. Unfortunately for some of us it takes a bit longer.”

I laugh shyly. “Yeah, look at you. 20 and still acting like a kid.”

“I’m not as bad as Louis.” He winks at me and I have to admit he’s right. “What we doing anyway?”

“Spending some time alone.”

“I like alone.” His tone is suggestive so I right my mistakes with a grin.

“I like talking. There’s some things that I need to tell you –especially now that we’ve agreed to help each other and you’re going away so soon. You need to know.”

We slump onto the bed after closing the door behind us. Niall is supporting himself by an elbow that is bent on top of one of the pillows. “Okay so let’s talk. What do you need to tell me?” The skin on his forehead is creased, so I absentmindedly try to smooth it out again. He tries out a smile. He might be hurt by what I tell him. He might be hurt that I never told him and the thought scares me.

“Well…” His burning and curious eyes are too much, and I hide my face with a hand. I giggle but my insides know that nothing about this is funny.

“You have to tell me…” Niall prompts me, but it doesn’t help, so I just give up and slump back onto the pillows.

“Ah. It’s hard to talk about.”

“Aw love.” We lie in silence for a while when he says something that surprises me. “Okay it’s hard for you to talk about so I need to tell you something that might help. I’m just going to ‘be honest’ -you know.”

“Okay…”

“When you were… you know –locked in here earlier- Rachel told me something.” He knows. He knows. She told him. “She didn’t tell me everything.” Okay maybe not. “But she told me that you have a fear of hospitals and about… your uncle.”

There’s no backing out now. I try out the words that I haven’t spoken for four years. “My Uncle Kenny.” They feel weird on my tongue. They are bitter and painful –like burning acid. He doesn’t exist anymore -the words don’t exist anymore.

“Yeah…” It feels weird that Niall would know. I’m grateful to Rachel for making this easier, but I’m also worried that she won’t have told him enough, that she might have told him too much.

“You know I got sick?”

“Yes. She said you were in hospital for a while.” I’ve been trying to forget for so long but it’s hard –especially talking about it now.

“She was right. Well… what hasn’t she said?”

“Why you were ill. What was wrong with you. How serious it was. How long you were in there for.”

I finally turn my head to smile at him and his intensely blue eyes draw me in straight away. “All the important stuff. Sorry –it must have made you worried.”

“A bit.” He smiles back at me with patience and careful timing

I answer the easiest things first. “I was there for around 3 months. Mid-May to mid-August. I didn’t have to miss out on much school because of the fact that it was so near to the end of the term.” Talking about it is weird –like I’m saying it to reassure myself rather than inform another person. “But it felt like I had missed out on half of Year 8 because my Uncle was involved in the accident in January.”

Niall slides his hand across the bed between us to take mine. His familiarity is comforting, and it takes the shakiness out of my voice, for now. “Do you know what the worst bit was?” I don’t wait for an answer. “He was driving home from my birthday party. I used to blame myself for his death but now I realise that I couldn’t have done anything to help. It wasn’t really my fault.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” My mouth forms a faint smile as I stare at the lilac chiffon that hangs high above us. “It started 3 months into his coma, only gradually, but when he died a month after that… everything went toppling down. My world was crushed. Rachel was the only one who noticed what was happening to me and the fact that it was getting so much worse. I don’t know how, but I guess that’s friendship for you.”

“What happened?” I’m not helping myself by avoiding saying it –it’s just making it harder and harder to say.

“I’m surprised you haven’t already realised -I’m so skinny.” He stares at me intensely and then his eyes find our entwined hands. I know that he has finally realised when he squeezes my fingers, a bit harder than before, and draws in a shaky breath.

“I think I know now.” Somehow, admitting that he knew what I had done made it easier for me to say.

“I stopped eating. Food didn’t appeal to me anymore –I didn’t see the point. You eat food for survival or enjoyment and neither seemed appealing to me at that point of time. When there was no way to disguise my eating problems I would be sick to get rid of it. Get it out of my system. After a while my anorexia became so bad that I couldn’t keep anything down anyway. My stomach had shrunken to the size of a plum.”

I’ve just admitted my worst fear to him; that I didn’t care for my own life. “I’ve changed now and my view on life –its value- is much better, but it was difficult because when you’re that young nothing ever feels like it’s going to get better.”

“It’s better now?”

I smile and lift up my hand to bring his own to my face. I kiss the back of his hand quickly and then drop them both back onto the bed. “Tonnes.” He pulls my body towards him, with his other hand wrapped steadily around the small of my back, and I let him, so that we are touching from head to toes.

“Do you mind me asking… how bad did it get? How close was I to… um, never meeting you?”

“Bad enough to scare me into never skipping a meal again. I had to get a lot of help and my family and friends were so supportive but it was a slap in the face to the doctors when I recovered and left the hospital ward.” I stroke the contours of his stubbly jaw as I talk. “They never expected me to get out of the bed again.”

“What motivated you to start eating? I’m sorry if I’m being intrusive but…”

“No, it’s fine. You just want to know.” He smiles faintly. “I don’t know what it was that motivated me. Maybe it was the idea of dying in that dingy room with fluid drips attached to my body to keep me alive. Maybe it was the fact that so many people just expected me to back down and give up. I didn’t want to. I might have stopped eating by myself but that wasn’t necessarily a choice. They didn’t understand that… they didn’t understand that I still had a drive to live and get better.”

“Just ‘cause I had let myself get that bad didn’t mean I’d let myself disappear along with my uncle. I didn’t just want to be a memory. I don’t want to be just a memory.” My voice is getting more and more worked up. More stressed and Niall can tell that it’s aggravating me.

“Okay, we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

“But there’s something else. That motivated me I mean.” He looks down at me with pain on his face. Am I hurting him by talking about this? I know that if it had happened to him then it would be hurting me.

“It was the possibility of never being able to have experiences. I wanted to live my life to its full potential. I didn’t want that hospital ward to be the last room that I ever saw. I didn’t want to be forgotten. I wanted to find somebody who loved me.” His hands tighten around mine and it feels cheesy but I need to get it out of me and tell somebody. I had been waiting to tell someone for so long.

My voice is quiet. “I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I wanted to make more friends and get to know different people with different personalities. I want to have dreams and try my best to achieve them. I want a family, and maybe even children one day. I want a house; I want to decorate it and make it my home. I want to see new places and… I want to experience things with someone who I love. I just want experiences. At 13 years old I didn’t have any good enough experiences to put my mind at rest and let myself go.”

He makes a choking noise and looks away from me. “I’m sorry. I needed to tell you this.” He looks back down to smile at me sadly and I can’t help but wonder if he resents me for telling him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For telling you all of this and hurting your feelings –I didn’t mean to. And if it’s because I didn’t tell you soon enough then you should know that I wanted to… but I didn’t know how you’d react and-”

Niall shakes his head quickly and wraps me in a tight hug against his chest. “That’s not what hurts. It’s the fact that you were hurting so much. I might have never gotten to meet you and that hurts too. I don’t know where I’d be right now without you.”

“Shh…” I reach up to stroke his cheek and he traps my hand in between his.

“You’re exactly what I’ve been needing in my life, you know. I have nearly everything but you were that one thing that was missing.”

He looks down at me and I crane my neck back to see his honest expression. His bottom lip wobbles slightly and I know that he’s finally showing me his more emotive side.

“You really mean that?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For showing me that I was right.” I bury myself in between my hair and his chest to close the unbearable distance between us. I can feel his heartbeat against the side of my face and he puts his arms behind me. “For proving to me that I made the right choice by holding on. For being here. For everything.”

He doesn’t say anything but I hear him sigh gently into my hair. “I don’t want to leave you. Especially tonight.”

“Then don’t. I have a spare pair of your clothes in my suitcase. You can wear them.” They’re the sweat pants and the two pair of t-shirts that I had borrowed. I was hoping to keep them here for when I missed him once he had jetted of to the USA. I was going to wash them and give them back to him, but not for a week or two.

“Okay. Let’s just stay like this for a little longer though…”

“Mmm.” I mumble into his t-shirt. I close my eyes and make a note of everything I feel as I lie against him, pressed into his muscular body. One thing I feel, as strongly as the love I hold for him in my heart, is relief. I am relieved that I could tell him and that his opinions on me haven’t been altered –and if they have then they’ve only made us stronger as a couple.

"Niall... I think I love you."

He sighs into my hair, sending a small shiver down my spine. "I think I love you too." I beam against his chest, and even though we can't see each other's expressions, I know that he is smiling too.

©nialls_tribute

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