War Cry

*unbelievably slow updates* One Direction is put onto a three year break. All of the guys have decided what to do with their lives in the meantime. Liam Payne chose to go into the army. He was glad to meet his best friend, she was nice and funny and someone so easily to get along with. She made his army experience a lot more enjoyable. But what if another band member finds her just as enjoyable as he does? Would he be jealous? Or would he be happy for her?

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24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 

I paced in front of her loft. As soon as I left Niall's apartment, I went straight to her building, knowing that if I held off talking to her then I won't ever tell her what I was feeling. I tried to think of what I was going to tell her, but I kept coming up empty. It was like my brain decided to just turn itself off when I needed it the most. I kept glancing at her ugly green coloured door, half scared but half hoping it would open.

“Come on, Liam,” I murmured to myself, trying to bring my courage up. But I couldn’t, I really couldn’t. As much as I’m falling, I don’t think my heart could stand another rejection. I sound whiny but after that day, my heart felt like it was shattered into pieces.What a fucking mess.

I finally took a deep breath in and lifted my hand to knock. Just as my knuckles were about to touch the wood, I heard a voice behind the doors. My legs were moving before I even registered what was happening. I ran back down the hall and hid behind a corner like the coward I was. I panted, not from the exhaustion of running but the shock and surprise of hearing someone behind the door.

“I’ll come back next week, I have to go up to Manchester for a little bit,” I heard someone said. It was probably Cali. I peaked past the corner of the concrete wall to find Cali’s blonde curls. Just past her shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Tanya’s face. She looked just as gorgeous as ever except her dyed reddish brown hair is now a caramel brown colour and little curls framed her face while the rest was tied back. I didn’t even know she dyed her hair again. I only missed out on three days.

“Yeah, okay.” She tucked one of the small curls behind her ear and smoothed down the front of her shirt. If she looked past Cali’s shoulder, she’d see me tucked behind the corner like the stalker I am. Cali leaned over and gave Tanya a hug, murmuring something into her ear that I couldn’t hear. Tanya nodded in reply and let go. I quickly dived back behind the wall when Cali turned around and walked down the hallway with a promise to call her when she got to Manchester. I held my breath as Cali walked past my hidden spot, I didn’t want her to know that I was here, pathetically eavesdropping. I peaked back around the corner just in time to watch Tanya’s door slide shut.

I huffed, defeatedly. I am such a coward.

I stayed there, leaning against the wall, for what felt like days but it was only a couple of minutes. I was having an internal battle on whether to knock on Tanya’s door or not. But I knew I couldn’t. I already chickened out the first time and there’s no way I could muster up the courage to even think about knock again.

Guess I have to wait for another day.

 

* * *

 

That "another day" didn't happen for another two weeks. I chickened out 28 times and if you did the math, that's twice everyday. During those two weeks, Niall announced that they aren't together anymore but have decided to be friends. His eyes lingered on me for a second too long but it went unnoticed by the rest of the boys. Tanya stayed around, though, which surprised me because she wasn't talking to me anymore nor was she with Niall. But as I watched her interact with the boys I realised that she wasn't in this group for either of us. She was in it because she belonged in it.

Then came the day of Harry's birthday. By that time, I didn't know whether I should even tell her anymore. I felt like the more I prolonged my confession, the lesser chance I have of talking to her at all.

I scanned the Harry’s apartment with half a bottle of corona searching for that familiar reddish brown hair. I didn’t know whether it was because I finally found my balls to talk to her or if I just wanted to see her face again. Fuck me, all i wanted was to sort this out between us, to be with her, to tell her what I’ve been feeling. But I was a chicken shit and I honestly couldn’t. She hurt me bad that time she kicked me out after we had sex. I thought she felt the same as I did, guess not.

“Hey, Liam!” Cali grinned as she gripped my bicep. I smiled and bent to give her a hug, saying hello back. “How have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

I shrugged. “You know, same old. How about you?”

“Yeah, great,” she nodded, “me and Tanya just came back from Brighton.”

My eyes widened at the news but I quickly hid my surprise. What the hell were they doing in Brighton? “Oh really, that’s cool. What were you guys doing there?”

“Tanya met this guy and he invited us to go to Brighton with him,” she replied.

Red hot anger rushed through my blood. Tanya met someone? And here I was working up the courage to tell her that I was falling in love with her. My god, if only I told her that day, we could’ve been together by now. But no, I was chicken shit and couldn’t work up the courage to tell her. Now I’ve lost my opportunity. Fuck me. I tried to take a subtle breath in to keep my jealousy in check. “Oh.”

Cali just nodded as she took a sip from her light beer. It took everything in me to not attack her with questions about this guy. I gripped my corona to stop myself. That was when she started laughing. “I’m just messing with you, Liam. We didn’t go to Brighton for a guy.”

I frowned in confusion. “What?”

“You’re easy to make fun of now that I know that you’re in love with Tanya,” she laughed.

“W-what? I-I’m not,” I spluttered. Ah, shit, what’s the use.

She gave me a shit-eating grin as she winked. “You can’t lie to me Liam. Everyone knows.”

“Does she know?” I asked with fear on my chest.

She shook her head. “No, that girl’s blind and stupid. She’s in love with you too but she won’t admit it.”

I almost fell backward with all the shock I felt. I downed the rest of my corona to cool me down but that didn’t work despite it being ice cold. I felt flushed and hot. Is she really in love with me or was that just a joke?

“Aw, you’re blushing.” Cali squeezed me flaming hot cheeks. I pushed her away and huffed with a roll of my eyes.

“Shut up,” I mumbled. My eyes went back to scanning the room. It wasn’t overly packed but there were quite a few people here.

“She’ll be here soon, eager beaver,” Cali laughed as she gave me a playful shove. I rolled my eyes. Cali had a way of coming up with stupid nicknames for whatever the mood was. I was once called Moody Rudy once. I laughed so hard my chair fell back.

Just as I looked back behind her I spotted Tanya. She was floating around the room with a wide smile in black long skirt with slits on both sides and white blouse loosely tucked into it. She was holding a bottle of corona. When Cali caught sight of who I was looking at, she grinned and told me to go to her. I shot her an incredulous look. How can she think that I could just go up to her without practicing what I was going to say?

“Come on, Liam. You’re going to have to talk to her one day,” Cali said.

“What do you know about what happened?” I asked her.

She shrugged, “She won’t tell me anything. She says it’s ‘nothing’ which so obviously isn’t because I’ve never seen her act like this.”

“Like what?”

She gestured towards her sister as if it would bring to light what’s wrong with her. I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. She looked happy which got me mad because I wanted to be the one to make her happy. She was talking to people she’s never met, laughing and drinking from her bottle. That was when I realised what Cali meant. Tanya has never been easygoing with strangers. She had always been suspicious of new people.

“Yeah,” Cali said, “it’s scary right?” I nodded in response. Tanya’s not a bubbly person, she doesn’t laugh a lot with people she doesn’t know. To see her acting like this reminds me of a ticking timebomb. Like she’s going to explode soon. “Talk to her.”

I sighed and shook my head. “Cali I can’t. I don’t know what to say or how to tell her what I’m thinking.”

“Just say the first thing that pops into your head,” she replied then walked off.

Great help.

I moved through the room, approached people I knew, spoke to people. But it was all a blur. By the time it was nearing 11, I had consumed a lot and I was positively drunk. I don’t usually get drunk but it quitens the shouting voice in my head that’s telling me to talk to Tanya and raises the voice that’s telling me that I had to.

In my drunken haze, I spotted her on the balcony. She was alone and leaning over the railing with a cup in her hand. She had her chin resting on her palm as she swirled the cup. Her hair fell down her back, looking lush and perfect. Remembering what Cali said, I downed the rest of my drink and walked over to her. I kept my sight on the city before us, afraid that if I looked at her face I would break down or something. But I could feel her gaze on me, studying my face, questioning why I was here.

Finally, I turned to face her. Her eyes were red but everything else about her was perfect. She was perfect. “We need to talk.” I was surprised that didn’t come out as a slur.

“You’ve had two weeks to talk to me, Liam,” she murmured. She didn’t sound angry or annoyed. She was just stating a fact.

“I know,” I replied. She bit her lip then looked back out to the city where lights twinkled at us. It was silent between us and all that could be heard was the pounding bass in the apartment and the horns of the cars below us. “Why aren’t you in there?”

She gave me small smile. “I’ve used up my social count for the night.”

“We need to talk,” I repeated.

“You’ve already said that,” she replied with a breath of a laugh.

I pushed my fingers through my hair, slightly frustrated with the fact that my drunken mind sent the wrong message to my mouth. “What I meant to say was, can we please go to my apartment so we can talk?”

She sighed then nodded. We weaved through the bodies of the apartment. I caught sight of Niall and he gave me a nod, telling me that it was okay and it was about time. Zayn gave me grin and a thumbs up. He’s probably drunk too. Perks of living in the same building: we don’t have to worry about being too drunk to drive home. We were both silent as we stumbled up the stairs towards my apartment. Once it was unlocked, she immediately sat down on my couch and laid down.

“Hmm,” she hummed with her eyes closed, “I miss how soft this feels.”

The sight of her almost made me weak and blood rush down my manhood. Her white blouse had stuck to her body which made her bra visible. Her legs were bare as her skirt fell around her. Her mile-long legs were topped off with sexy black heels. She looked absolutely beautiful and sexy as sin. I moved towards the kitchen and taking a bottle of vodka two shot glasses. I placed them on the coffee table in front of her and sat on the floor beside her legs.

"Trying to get me wasted?" She asked with some humour. She dropped to the floor with her legs crossed.

I shook my head in response to her question. “Let’s play a game of truth. Whatever question you don’t want to answer, you take a shot.”

She bit her lip as she thought it over. I have no idea what compelled me to do this but I knew that I needed to talk to her. Now was probably the worst time to do it because I’ve consumed more than I should’ve in alcohol but all I knew was that I needed some answers. Finally, she nodded before opening the vodka and pouring it into the glasses.

“Me first,” Tanya said. “When did you first lose your virginity?”

I chuckled, “Straight to the good stuff, aye? Um, let’s see. I was in high school, around 16 or so. I was at a party. It’s a pretty typical losing-virginity story.”

“Define typical,” she smirked. Her brown eyes were shining with amusement.

“Nope, it’s my turn,” I grinned, “have you been avoiding me?”

There was no hesitation when she threw the shot back. I couldn’t stop the striking pain of disappointment in my chest. I couldn’t ask her why she decided not to answer so I had to let it go. Now I’m ninety-eight percent sure she was.

"Now define typical," she asked while she poured herself another shot.

I rolled my eyes. “I was at a party and I had a huge crush on this girl and everyone basically knew it but her. Anyway we both played a game of seven minutes in heaven and we just never left the room when the time was up.”

She turned her thumbs down and booed. “How boring!”

I scoffed, “as if you have a better story.”

She smirked. “Actually I do.”

“Well, go on then. There’s my next question. How did you lose your virginity?” I asked. She gave me a sly grin and took a shot. My mouth fell open when she did. I was curious, beyond curious as to how she lost it.

She giggled. “I’m kidding, I just wanted a shot. Okay, I lost mine when I was 15 to my neighbour. He was like this fit looking guy, and holy moly. Anyway, he was like older like 19 or something. I don’t want so that I seduced him, because I actually didn’t. We just watched a movie one night and I kind of touched him everywhere.”

I snorted. “Everywhere?”

She turned to me, her eyes wide with delight. Her lips pulled up into a saucy grin as she leaned into me. “Everywhere.”

Her little whisper combined with her grin made my little man grow to the point of painful. My eyes glazed over as I speedily imagined all the different ways I could take her. I leaned towards her vanilla scent, subtly inhaling and thinking of how her scent could probably rub off on me. Her brown hair fell over her sweaty shoulders and her blouse clung to her skin. Jesus christ.

I cleared my throat as I blinked away the images that had formed in my head. “Your turn.”

That saucy little grin turned to one of mischief. Her eyes went from delight to excitement. “Weirdest place you’ve ever had sex.”

I laughed. “What’s with all the sexual jokes?” She just shrugged and threw back another shot. With a roll of my eyes I threw back one as well, knowing that I had to for this question. “Okay, I have to think about this one. Umm, I’d say the movies.”

She gave me a look of mock disappointment as if she expected better of me. I shrugged because that was probably the only wildest thing I've ever done. And it was no easy feat, being part of an internationally famous band. I was lucky I even got into the movies with my girlfriend and had sex before I got recognised.

We carried on for almost an hour. My words were slurring badly and my vision was starting to get blurry. There was no way, if I was told to, that I would be able to walk in a straight line. I’m pretty sure it was the same for Tanya. Our little game went from sexual to gross and back to sexual. Deep down, I knew it was only like this because Tanya was avoiding what needed to be talked through.

“Remember when we were in Kenya, Sam stole your clothes and you walked around in your underwear trying to find them,” she guffawed. Tears were almost streaming down her eyes. I couldn’t stop laughing either. The memory of me walking around the base in nothing but my underwear seems comical and unrealistic, but it happened. Those were great times.

“God, the shit we got up to then. As if they let us stay our full terms,” I shook my head. We were frightening as a group, constantly pulling pranks and all the stupid antics we did but at the same time we all worked in harmony, we were all a pretty great team.

She nodded, a smile still on her lips. That gut wrenching feeling of desire consumed me. She had a far away look in her eyes and her arm lay languidly along the sofa. Her other hand unconsciously traced the rim of the shot glass between us. If I moved slightly over, our legs would be touching.

“I’m really drunk right now,” I slurred. “And I’m falling in love with you.” The second part was not supposed to come out but it slipped anyway. I avoided looking her way, fearing the look in her eyes that would undoubtedly tell me to not.

Her leg bumped into mine and our eyes met. Suddenly her lips were on mine and her arms were wrapped around my neck. My arms instinctively wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against my own body. I’ve been wanting to feel her like this again since the day we had sex. Her fingers slipped into my hair as my hand slid up her side and landing on the back of her neck while the other wound fully around her slim waist.

A moan slipped from the back of her throat and it stirred a deep desire in the pit of my stomach. My cock began to rise and I was surprised that, in the state of my drunkenness, it still had the power rise. Her leg moved over me and she placed her sweet ass on my lap. I hurriedly untucked the blouse from her skirt and groaned when I felt the smooth skin under my hands when I slipped them under it.

My, god.

 

---------------------------

 

IT HAS BEEN MONTHS!

 

Can you believe the amount of drama that has happened in just the space of five months? My goodness. I won’t go into full detail but here is a summation of my thoughts over the past months: yeah, 1D concert, omg i’ve missed them, my birthday:oops Zayn’s leaving, cries for days (figuratively), annoyed for a bit, shocked w/ louis and Zayn, missing Zayn, lmao 1D on James Corden tho; laughs for days, missing Zayn. And there you go :)


Anyway, sorry about the super duper long wait. I was on a holiday in Jan and it’s currently my second last year of high school (woohoo) which is partly crucial and partly not but it is still gruelling. I’ll try to keep it up tho.

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