War Cry

*unbelievably slow updates* One Direction is put onto a three year break. All of the guys have decided what to do with their lives in the meantime. Liam Payne chose to go into the army. He was glad to meet his best friend, she was nice and funny and someone so easily to get along with. She made his army experience a lot more enjoyable. But what if another band member finds her just as enjoyable as he does? Would he be jealous? Or would he be happy for her?

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22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 

I woke up with a goal, determination seeping through every part of my being. After realising yesterday that I had to be the one to approach Tanya, I’ve thought every single way I could talk to her. I’ve thought of many different plans and plan B’s. I’ve even contributed people who may be involved easily.

My number one plan was to call her and ask her to meet up.  This plan was definitely going to backfire in more ways than one. She could not answer, she could say she has other plans, she could not answer her phone or she could outright say no. Otherwise, I’d just show up at her loft, uninvited and unexpected. If Niall or Cali or both are with her, I was going to have to ask for time alone or something. Or else I’d have to improvise.

Yes, Plan: Talk To Tanya is a go.

I showered, I got dressed into a black shirt and denim jeans. I drank coffee had some breakfast and rehearsed what I was going to say to her. Well, technically I was thinking of what I wanted to say to her. I actually didn’t have a clue about what to say to her. I think I felt like I was going to get that far.

I’ve never felt so nervous in my whole entire life.

When the clock neared 11:00, I picked up my phone and got ready to call her. As the phone rang, I repeated what I was planning to say. I kept repeating it until she, surprisingly, answered the phone.

“Hello.” Her voice was small, quiet, and a little hesitant. In that one word I could hear her resentment and I felt my heart crack.

I silently took a deep breath. “Hey.”

It was silent on the other line and it completely messed with my head. I lost track on what I was going to say and instead dissected what her silence meant. It was loud and it echoed in my ear. Tanya’s not usually a silent person, well not to me anyway. She’s always talking, never a silent moment between the both of us. But this silence scared me. Frightened me down to my wits and ripped apart everything I’ve got.

“What do you want, Liam?” She asked, impatiently.

I heaved a heavy sigh. “To talk. Please, can we just talk?”

She hesitated. “I have plans with Niall today.”

I tried to hide my disappointment but I couldn’t, not when it affected me so greatly. "Oh."

"Yeah," she replied. No regret or remorse, nothing; blank and emotionless. I guess I deserve it.

"Okay."

"Okay." She hung up.

Plan B, here we go. Let's just pray that Niall's willing to let me talk to her on her own.

I walked out of my apartment in a hurried walk, only pausing to check if I locked my door. As I waited for the elevator, I thought of how exactly I was going to show myself to her. Was I just going to burst through? Should I knock? Should i use the key I’ve got on my keychain? What if they’re not home? Should I wait for her?

The elevator dinged as it opened up in front of me. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw Niall already in there. I expected him to already be at Tanya’s, given the time of day. He seemed just as shocked as I was which I couldn't fathom as to why. I stepped into the car and Niall retreated to the left back corner.

"Hey," I said with a nod.

"Hey," he replied. The car fell silent for the three floors. This is the first time, since the day we met, that it was awkward between the two of us. Niall and I had always been close; we knew how to fill those awkward moments. It’s obvious that this was my fault. I do feel bad, I honestly do, for ruining our friendship but I had to sort out whatever is left of mine and Tanya’s relationship before I could talk to Niall again.

“Where are you headed to?” I asked, pretending to be oblivious when I knew exactly where he was heading.

The surprise that flitted across his face didn’t go unnoticed by me, no matter how much he tried to mask it. I felt guilty that he now expected me to be silent around him. “Jacob’s in town so I’m spending the day with him.”

Jacob? What? I thought he was going to be with Tanya not his brother. “Oh really? How long is he here for?”

“He’s leaving in two days,” he replied.

“Is Alex with him? And Isla?” I asked, referring to Jacob’s wife and son.

“No, he’s here on business for a bit. They were going to come but Alex got a fever a few days before they were going to leave so Isla decided not to go,” he answered.

“So they’re going to meet Tanya today?” I tried not to let my voice falter at the mention of her name. Everyone knew what it meant when the girlfriend meets their boyfriend’s family.

He shook his head. “Tanya has a hangover so she couldn’t come. Says she’ll probably be rude to Jacob and she didn’t want that.”

My eyebrows rose. So Tanya lied to me? She couldn’t just outright say no and instead lied to get out of it. It hurt. “Oh.”

I couldn’t be more grateful for the ding that told us that we reached the lobby. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I muttered a goodbye to Niall and quickly walked outside of the building. I heaved a deep breath and headed towards Tanya’s loft.

The seven blocks it took me to get there was full of contemplation. I just wanted answers and I wanted to give my answers. I want to finally talk it out with her, to finally understand what it is that's happening between the both of us. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm going crazy with the idea of us together and I'm mistaking that for her wanting me as well. But I just needed to know where we're both at in this situation. If we're on the same page or if I'm ten pages ahead, or a whole a book ahead, I just needed to know.

When I arrived at her loft, a small building with only four other apartments in the south if central London, I paced in the hallway. I could hear Mumford and Sons playing softly and I was reminded of that first day we met, when I approached her in the most assaulting way to which she replied with the most rejecting words. I couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto my face. Should I knock? Should I burst through? I pulled out the keychain I had of my keys and held up the brass key she gave me a few days after we saw each other again. I studied it. Should I use it? Do I have the right to use it? No, I most definitely do not have the right to use it.

I knocked on her door. It was painted a moss green. When I first saw it, I laughed and asked why the hell did she paint it such a horrifyingly ugly colour. She just shrugged and said it reminded her of our fatigues. I stopped laughing after that. I still had my fatigues hanging on the door of my closet. Sure sometimes I wish I could escape all the memories from those three years, but those three years have now become the biggest part of me and I can’t just forget about them. It will always be a memory and it’s up to me to remember the bad days or the best days.

It slid open. She didn’t see me straight away; she was more focused on getting the door opened. She claimed that the door was ancient but I thought it was more about how it was maintained properly. Since her door isn’t a normal one that just swings open, it’s a sliding door and it takes some effort to get it all the way open. I always told her to get it fixed or oil it up or something but she’s always like “don’t tell me how to live my life”. Her reaction was comical in a sarcastic kind of way. She was wearing a slightly sheer black jumper with white skinny jeans. She was barefoot as well. I watched as her eyes move from the floor, up my body until it locked with mine. Her eyes widened and her hand gripped the door again.

“Hi,” I pathetically said.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. Her green orbs glanced over my shoulder like she expected more people to show up.

"I need to talk to you," I simply stated.

She pursed her lips. Her eyes danced all over my face. I knew what it meant when she does that, it means she's panicking but she doesn't want to stand down and she's looking for a way out. "Niall's coming soon, you need to leave." She gripped the door and tried to slam it shut but with it being ancient, it was slower than she was it to be.

I grabbed the door and wrenched it open, making Tanya step back. I kept my eyes on hers and took a step over her threshold. She stepped back again. "I know for a fact that Niall's not coming here."

Her eyes widened and danced even more crazily on my face. "W-What?"

"I ran into Niall. He said he was spending the day with Jacob and that you're not coming because you have a hangover from yesterday," I told her, matter-of-factly.

Her face fell as she realised that I demolished her cover up. I heard her a mutter, a shit, and I had to try so very hard not to smirk. I turned around and slid the door shut, locking the both of us in her modernised loft with its smooth white linoleum floor and white and beige themed furniture and Arctic Monkeys now playing softly.

"So will you let me talk?" I asked her.

She sighed. "Don't exactly have a choice, do I?" She gestured to the closed door and me blocking her way to it. "Go on, talk."

I tried to detect any kind of emotion in her tone but there was none. There was even less on her face. She didn't give away a single thing and I had to commend her one that. But it made it more difficult for me. She stood defiantly, her arms by her sides, her back straight and her eyebrow raised. A look like that on any woman is terrifying. My mother had it, my sisters and all my ex-girlfriends. It's frightening to talk for fear I may say the wrong thing, which is wholly inevitable. I always make a fool out of myself when in fear.

I looked down to the floor, suddenly interested in how shiny and smooth the floor was. "Where do I start," I muttered to myself.

"Christmas Eve," she whispered. My eyes snapped back to hers. I didn't know what I was expecting when I looked back but I did not expect her indifference to still be there. I wanted some emotion, something to indicate that I've hurt her or made her angry, just something.

I frowned. "I didn't think I was acting any different on Christmas Eve." I thought back to that night. It came back in flashes; us standing on the balcony, watching the fireworks and everyone in their pairs. Me stood next to Tanya, staring intently, thinking she was the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I never knew whether it was because I was high on life and a half drunk or because I was starting to realise that I did like her. I assume it was the latter seeing how everything's turned out.

She laughed humourlessly. "Please, you drank your body weight in beer."

True. I basically did. "You kind of encouraged that." I laughed it off like I was trying to make a joke but it was evident that she wasn't interested.

"Stop stalling, just get on with it."

I took a breath and sat down on the armrest of her white sofa. She didn't move from where she stood but continued to watch me intently. "I don't know what happened that night. I thought it was because we were already half drunk, but when we were watching the fireworks, I was watching you. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I thought I was going crazy and I blamed it on the alcohol, now I know that I starting to realise how I felt about you.

"Then I saw you and Niall making out in the kitchen... I tried to play it off like I was just overprotective of you because you're my best friend. I told myself over and over that you're my best friend, that I wasn't feeling any heartbreak or jealousy and I was just being protective. So yeah, I started to drink like crazy, trying to numb those feelings and trying to forget what I saw in the kitchen. It didn't work. That's why the next day I completely avoided Niall. I couldn't look at him because I was scared that I was going to lash out at him."

I watched as Tanya began to pace in front of me. Her eyes stayed on the floor and I couldn't believe how sensual her bare feet were making me feel. They padded on the floor, silently and softly. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. It was weird, and oddly arousing. I rested my hands on my lap. I tried to shake all thoughts of Tanya and I in any sort of compromising position and focused on the situation at hand.

"I didn't know you saw that," she finally said after what felt like an eternity of silence.

"Well, I did," I replied, sounding a little more snarky than I actually was. Her eyes snapped back to mine, slightly narrowed, and I knew I said the wrong thing.

"Keep going," she said. She moved around until she was sat on her white coffee table, crossing her legs on top of it.

I slid down from the armrest to the actual sofa and sat on the very edge so I was directly in front of her. I tried not to show my relief when she didn't move further back. "Can you tell me what happened when you met Sophia?"

She stilled then shook her head. "Skip that part, we'll get back to it. What happened on New Year's?"

I blanched. Here goes nothing. "New Year's was fucked up," I started, ignoring her disapproving face at my use of profanity. "I wasn't driven just by jealousy that night. I was mad because you didn't tell me you weren't dating Niall. Back then I believed that you were my best friend, that's all, and I just had moments where I thought I liked you. It was a stupid reason to be mad but I guess I just needed an excuse to be mad. You didn't tell me anything and we barely spoke anymore and it was just killing me. I was mad."

"That's not all, Liam," she said. Her hands were resting on her knees with her palms up. It was tempting to reach over and hold them, to feel her soft skin that was as pale as snow.

I dropped my head so as not to look at her. There was no way I was going to be able to describe the next part without grabbing her face and pressing my lips to hers. "What I was talking about in the alleyway did apply. I was mad because you didn't tell me anything and I was supposed to be your best friend. I was offended. And it really did feel like you were avoiding me. I don't know if I should blame it on the alcohol, that kiss we had. I didn't think it was stupid, I think the timing was but the kiss itself wasn't."

I lifted my head to see if I gauged any reaction out of her but I was greeted with the same void expression she’s been wearing the whole time I was talking. I leaned closer towards her, keeping the eye contact we now had. I wanted her to know how serious I was about the next part. “What I did with that girl was the most stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. With the alcohol mixed with my feelings, I went crazy. After I kissed you… I don’t know, I guess I thought you felt the same way but then I saw you kiss Niall and I just… I got jealous and I guess jealousy mixed with alcohol isn’t the best of combinations. I don’t know why I did it, it was stupid and I was angry. I know that you’re angry about that too. I'm sorry, Tan." I gripped her open palms and pulled them toward me. "I'm so, so sorry."

The silence echoed all around the room, I don't know how, but it did. It reverberated on the walls and the furniture and our beings. It was loud in my ears. I looked straight into her green eyes. She hasn't moved from her position and it made me wonder what on earth is going on in her head. “Please say something,” I begged.

Her lips parted like she was going to say something then she ripped her hands out of my grasp. I jumped at her sudden movement and frowned. Is she still mad? Then I felt her hands on my cheeks, pulling me towards her. Then I felt her lips on mine, her soft pink lips that didn’t have the texture of lip-gloss like on New Year’s. It was soft and natural and perfect. Her breath tasted like chamomile, just like her scent. She kissed me with urgency, like if she stopped, someone would burst through the door.

I didn’t know if I should pull away, knowing her she’s going to freak about this later. But I didn’t know if I had the strength to pull away. My arms snaked around her waist, wrapping around like a monkey to a tree, and pulled her towards me. Her legs uncrossed, slowly, and moved to straddle my hips on the sofa. I should stop this. I pulled my arms away from her waist and placed them on her hips. "Tanya," I murmured against her lips.

"Shh, please," she begged not moving away.

"No, Tan." I pushed her back and she moved. I jerked when I saw tears running down her cheeks. I frowned. "Tanya, why are you crying?"

She shook her head. "Just please be quiet, Liam." She leaned back down and kissed me, not as urgently as before, but softer, moving against me like lava down a hill. I didn't know whether to obey or to try harder. Despite the slow movements of her lips, and now her tongue, which has slipped past mine and is working with mine, her grip on my neck was tight with no room for me to slip out of. That's it, there's no way I was going to be able to stop.

My hands slipped under her jumper and I'm met with cool, silky skin. Her hipbones were prominent under my hands and it made me wonder whether she was eating enough. Lately, I haven't seen her consume anything other than alcohol. I ran my hands up her sides, incredulously as if I'm touching for the first time.

I moved my mouth from hers and ran it lightly across her cheek to her ear, feeling her salty tears on the way. “Please stop crying,” I whispered, “please.” A sob broke from her parted lips before she inhaled deeply. Her eyes shut as her head tilted towards the high ceiling. I placed my hands on either side of her face and wiped away the stray tears. When she opened her eyes, they bore straight into mine. It was almost like she was trying to reassure herself–of what, I have no idea.

She lowered her head back down and nestled herself in the crook of my neck. I felt her lips brush against me. It sent shivers down my spine. I have never experienced anything like this. It was intimate to a whole new level.

I inhaled deeply, breathing in her scent again, as I stroked her hair. I could never get enough of it. “Tell me what happened when you met Sophia.”

She stopped kissing my neck and I halted my stroking. She leaned back onto my knees and looked me straight in the eye. “It was stupid,” she whispered. “I was so used to always having your attention and you basically ignored me the entire time. I don't know, I guess I just got jealous that your attention was elsewhere. And when you started going off at me about her being insecure, it just made me even more irritated. I didn't hear you telling her about my aversion to meeting new people. So, I don't know. It was stupid, I was just being stupid."

I looked down to where our legs connected to hide the disappointment I knew was on my face. I was disappointed because she didn't tell me that she liked me. That little bout hope I've been building since Sophia told me about her observations was once again crushed. I thought that she was jealous because I was with Sophia, turns out it was because of the object of my attention.

"Hey," she said, putting a finger under my chin and lifting my head up, "I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry," I replied. Her arms then ran down my chest to the hem of my shirt. My eyes widened at her actions. What is she doing? She lowered back down and kissed me with that same urgency as the first time. I couldn't help but answer back the same.

Suddenly her cold hands slipped under my shirt and onto my stomach. They were soft as they glided up and down, feeling every part and contour of my torso. She slid her hands up until my shirt revealed everything underneath then she broke the kiss to slip it off. When I glimpsed at her eyes, they were far away like she was dreaming everything that's happening. I kissed the tip of her nose and her eyes flashed back to mine. The corners of her lips tilted up and she swooped back down to kiss me. Her tongue ran across my bottom lip, it was such a turn on that she was in control. Her hands wandered all over my body, moving from my front and around to my back

My hands skimmed her waist, along the lining of her jeans. I gave them a little tug before lifting up under her jumper again. I slid my hands until I felt the wires of her bra. The material felt like lace. I moaned into her mouth.

This is such a bad idea.

She threw her jumper off her body in a hurried rush, breaking our contact for half a second, not nearly long enough for me to look at her. I wrapped my arms around her bare upper body and rolled us onto the sofa, stretching our bodies on the soft cushion. I felt her hands slide down my back and under my jeans. Her hands gripped my cheeks, squeezing them in her palms. I moaned again. I hooked my finger into her jeans and slid around back to the front. I tugged on the button before doing it with one hand. She sighed into my mouth. I could feel her hot breath on my tongue.

Everything progressed so quickly. Just a moment ago, she was mad at me. Is she still mad? Or does she feel the same as I do? What is going through her head?

I sat up on my knees while she slipped out of her jeans, nice and slowly and completely erotically. With her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes trained on mine, I wasn't able to look away. I looked down at her bare body, clad in only red laced matching underwear. Her jeans were discarded on the floor and the corners of her lips were tilted up.

I groaned at the sight of her and leaned back down to kiss her. I kissed down her chin and down her neck. She moaned in my ear and wrapped her legs around my waist. I circled my hips down where it mattered most and she moaned even louder. My hands drifted to her breasts, squeezing before moving around to take it off. She slid it her arms through the straps and threw it. I cupped both her breasts and ran my thumbs over her nipples, watching in awe as they hardened.

"Liam," she groaned. She sat up, making me move with her. "Get these off," she whispered, pulling at my jeans. I got off the couch to kick my shoes off and take off my jeans. As I pulled them off, I watched her. Bare upper body and her core covered in red lace. Her red hair all down her front, her mascara slightly smudged, her lips swollen and her green eyes sultry and hazed over.

God, I'm so in love with her. My heart hurt just looking at her.

"Oh, Tanya," I murmured as I dropped to my knees in front of her. I ran my hands from her feet to the apex of her thighs, feeling the smooth skin that met my hands.

"What's with the underwear?" She asked, eyeing my white trunks. I smiled sheepishly and slipped out of them. She grinned at me and took off her own underwear. I didn't know whether to be disappointed that I wasn't able to see her lacy knickers or to be excited for what's to come. My mouth watered at the sight of her in all her naked glory. Moving my eyes to hers, I dropped a kiss just above her core, then again on her stomach, then between her breasts and finally onto her lips. I gripped her thighs and pulled her down on top of me on the floor. She squealed in surprise. I grinned at her and kissed her collarbone.

I laid her back down onto the white fluffy rug she had just inches from her sofa. Her hands went around my back and gripped my cheeks again. My god, nothing has ever felt so good in my whole life. I slowly entered her, the both of us moaning at the pleasure of it. She locked her legs around my waist, bringing her hands up to rest on my shoulders. I hovered over her, only high enough to not put any of my weight on her but low enough to allow no space between us. I slowly thrust in and out, circling my hips whenever they met hers.

She squeezed my shoulders and gasped, "Faster, Liam."

I grinned at her and worked faster. Sitting up on my knees, I gripped her hips, driving in and out of her at a quick pace. I could feel myself getting there. Her hands were at her sides, gripping at nothing but air. She was starting to arch her back.

"Almost," she said. Her face contorting as she reached her peak. I hooked my arms under her underarms and pulled her up with me. Holding onto her waist, I thrust up into her, feeling her walls clench.

"Oh god," she moaned. I was panting and so close to the edge. "Oh god, Liam, I'm almost there."

"Wait for me," I begged, driving in harder than ever before. I could feel it now, deep in my stomach. "Are you ready?"

Instead of answering she moaned loudly. She titled her head up to the ceiling and parted her lips. I kissed her neck and her breasts, sliding my arms up and down her back. "Now!" I said. Together, we hit our climaxes and came. We sat there for a while, with me on my knees and her legs around my waist. Her head was buried in the crook of my neck and mine was buried in her hair. We were both panting.

She raised her head and gave me a sleepy smile. I couldn't help the grin on my face. She is so beautiful and I am so in love with her. I stroked her hair and pressed a light kiss on her lips.

A phone ringing then interrupted our moment. It wasn't mine so I could only assume it was Tanya's. She sighed and stood up to go get it. I brushed my lips on her thigh just before she went off and she giggled. She picked up the phone with her eyes still trained on mine. "Hello?" She answered. I got up and sat on the sofa, sitting comfortably as I leaned back and rested my arm on the backrest, and placed my ankle on my knee.

Her eyes widened. “Niall,” she gasped breathlessly. I frowned. Fuck, of course this happens.

“Yeah, I’m fine… No, I’m okay now… Yeah, I have, thanks… Have fun with Jacob… I’ll see you later, bye.” She hung up. Fuuuuck!

I knew it! I knew this was such a bad idea. Why the hell didn’t I stop this?

Our eyes met.

That’s why I didn’t stop it. I’m in way over my head right now, and there was no way I was able to stop that. I didn’t have the willpower to stop it from happening. Now, she’s going to hate me for doing that to her.

She looked at me in horror. “Fuck, Liam!”

I stood up and walked over her, my arms outstretched–for what, I have no idea. “I’m sorry. Shit, Tan, I’m so sorry.”

She gripped the roots of her hair in frustration. “That can’t ever happen again! Ever! Fuck, Liam! I’m with Niall.” She started to pace, I could see how mad she was in her posture. Her shoulders were evidently tense and her green eyes were turning red. She stopped to look up at me and scowled. “Can you put something on?” She yelled.

I winced. “Yeah, sorry.” I rushed to pull on the clothes, having to run around since we threw it all over the living room. When I turned back around, she was walking off to her bedroom, probably to put on a housecoat or something.

Fuck, shit, shit, fuck!

I leaned against the wall, banging my head repeatedly against it. Now, I completely ruined this whole relationship. The irony of this situation is absurd! I came here to fix things, to talk it all out and i end up ruining things even more. I can’t believe my luck. What complete bullshit!

Tanya walked back out, wrapping the belt of her white housecoat around her waist. We just stared at each other. I could practically see steam bursting from her ears. She walked over to me with purposeful steps. “Never again! Okay?”

“Sure, Tan,” I whispered.

She shut her eyes and turned away. “You’re going to have to leave, Liam.”

I looked at her in alarm. Is she serious? She’s going to act like nothing happened and tells me to leave? We’re not even going to talk things out? She turned around and glared. “Just leave, please!”

“So we’re not going to talk about this, Tanya?” I asked, my voice rising.

“Please, just go,” she begged and that’s when I saw the tears in her eyes. Great, I’ve broken every single string in the relationship, if we could even call it a relationship.

I threw my arms up in defeat. “Fine,” I huffed and walked out of her loft.

So we share an incredible moment and she doesn’t even want to talk it through. I get that we shouldn’t have done that and she basically just cheated on Niall, but I at least needed to know where I stood at now. What are we? Are we still ‘best friends’ or is it way too complicated now to even give it a label? I growled under my breath as I shoved my hands into my pockets.

That was the best sex I’ve had in years. It meant so much to me. What did it mean to her?

 

-------------------------------------------

 

So I wrote basically all of it on my phone, there’s bound to be tons of mistakes. I apologise. And please don’t expect the rest of the chapters to be this long; this was how I intended this one to be. Also, that was my first time writing a sex scene so please don’t laugh; I know it’s kinda awkward but yeah, first time.

 

-Winona

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