Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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80. You And Me

Please read author's note at the end when you're finished the chapter :)

**

Lily’s POV

I’ve felt several different kinds of pain but the kind I’m feeling right now is foreign to me. I’ve never felt it before and I hate it. I can feel it the most in my heart, where it’s starting to hollow and increase in pressure.

“I love you,” Harry breathes. “I love you so much.”

I shut my eyes tightly, the tears shooting down my cheeks. I tighten my arms around his waist and he buries his face further into my neck. His arms tighten around my shoulders and I can feel his tears falling onto my skin.

“I love you,” he continues. He takes a shaky breath. “Don’t leave me…please.”

My heart strains in my chest at the pain heard in his voice. I lean my head back and grab his in between my hands. I force him to look up at me and the pressure in my chest increases when I see his red, puffy eyes and his wet cheeks.

“Don’t say that. Don't. I’m not leaving you,” I say with as much conviction as I can.

I watch as tears continue to flow down his face. I’ve seen Harry cry before but seeing him now is something I wish I never have to see again.

“I really will try to visit you as much as I can,” he says. “And…and I hope you can visit me, too. Like Louis said, any time you have some time off, let me know. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

I nod. “I will. I promise.”

“We’ll talk every day. We’ll Skype when we can. And I’ll write you those letters.”

I smile through my tears. “You don’t have to. I was just joking. As long as I can hear your voice every day, that’s enough for me.”

He returns my smile and then clears his throat. “I have something for you.”

We pull away and he reaches into his sweater pocket. He pulls out a rectangular velvet box with the word ‘Pandora’ on the top. He slowly opens it and I gasp when I see the silver bracelet resting on the pillow.

He carefully takes it out of the box and places the box on my dresser beside us. He unclasps it and I hold my wrist out to him.

“I know there’s only a few charms on it right now but I’m planning on giving you a new one every time we see each other while I’m on tour.” He clasps it but then he holds my wrist in his hands and softly runs his fingertips along the skin underneath it.

I look at the charms and count four. There’s a music note, a moon, a heart and the last one says H+L.

I know what each one means and I think that each one is perfect. I can’t help but think about what the new charms will be.

“I love it, Harry. Thank you.”

I place my arms around his neck and his is already wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer.

“When did you get it?” I ask. Seeing as how we’ve spent every second together during his time here, at least after we got back together, I know that he didn’t get it while he was here. And I’m not sure he would’ve gotten me the bracelet before he hot here, seeing as how neither of us knew that we were getting back together.

“I asked Louis and Eleanor to pick it up when they went out shopping for the things for your flat. I had already called the store to let them know which ones I wanted but Louis and Eleanor picked it up for me.”

I’m absolutely melting right now. “That’s so sweet of you, Harry.” I pull my one hand back, the one with the bracelet and rest it on his chest. “I’ll never take it off.”

Both of us jump when Harry’s phone gets a text.

Harry groans as he takes it out of his pocket. “That’s most likely Louis.”

Louis had texted us on his way back from the gas station that he would wait for Harry down in the lobby. He would say his goodbye to Eleanor in the parking garage since he was leaving his car there and then he would wait for Harry.

I glance at the time and see that it’s 12:03.

Harry reads the text and I see his face fall. “He’s waiting. I…I have to go now.”

A rush of pain washes through me and I immediately pull him closer to me and rest my head against his chest. Tears build up in my eyes again as Harry’s arms wrap around me.

“I love you, Harry.”

“I love you.”

“I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you more.”

“We’ll talk later tonight when you get home, okay?’

I feel him nod. “We will. I promise. I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

His hand starts to rub my back and the tears fall harder as I think about the fact that I’m not going to feel this again for a while. I won’t feel his arms, his chest, his warmth. His entire time here, we’ve barely had our hands off of each other. How am I going to survive without his touch for weeks, maybe months, on end?

“Can you walk me to the lobby?” he asks.

I nod before I pull away. He takes my hand in his and guides me out of my bedroom. I rest my head against his arm and grasp his wrist with my other hand as we walk out of the flat and down the hallway. He puts his arm around my shoulder and I wrap both of my arms around his waist as we go down the elevator and towards the lobby. Louis and Eleanor stand up from the couches when they see us and we make our way over to them.

I can see that their eyes are red as well.

I walk up to Louis to say my goodbye as Harry goes up to Eleanor to have theirs. I put my arms around Louis and he hugs me back. “Bye, Louis. Have fun on tour.”

“Thanks. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. Say hi to the others for me.”

“I will. Take care of El for me, okay?”

We pull away and share smiles. “You know I will. Take care of Harry. Make sure he doesn’t miss me too much.”

We laugh just as Harry rests his hand on my waist and Eleanor stands beside Louis and grabs his hand.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Louis says. “But I’ll try my best.”

I give him another smile and he turns to Harry.

“Shall we go?”

I look up at Harry and I see his face fall as he nods. I can see Louis and Eleanor hug and that's when I stand in front of Harry. I rest my hands on his chest forcing him to meet my gaze.

He takes my face in between his hands and I look into his glistening eyes, my own eyes instantly watering as the pain in my entire body increases.

He pulls me in for a quick kiss. “I love you.” Another kiss. “I love you.” Another. “I love you.”

If the fact that he was leaving wasn’t dragging the mood down right now, I would smile and blush at his actions. I just close my eyes and rest my forehead against his and press my body against him.

“I love you, Harry.” I lean in and kiss him. “You and me.”

“You and me.”

We can do this. I can do this. I have his clothes, his ring, and now this bracelet. I can handle it. Like he said, it’ll be like we’re never apart. We’ll talk every day and we’ll try to see each other as much as we can.

I can do this.

**

“El, I miss him so much!” I cry.

The second that El and I walked into our flat, I dropped face first onto the couch and started crying again. She’s sitting right beside me and is now rubbing my back.

It hasn’t even been 10 minutes and I already miss him like crazy. I’ve been thinking about it since lunch today when I had asked when they would have a show in London. They would be playing in London in November. That also means that that is most likely when I’m going to be able to see Harry again. However, when Harry showed me his schedule, we realized that they would be playing in Manchester a week before London.

That’s still two whole months until I get to see him. They’re going to be in South America for a month and a half and then Ireland for a week before they go to England. I doubt Harry would be able to have time to visit me since it’s the start of the tour, which means a lot of press and interviews. I also doubt that I’ll have time to visit them. It’s the start of the year, which means a lot of readings and papers to start.

Those thoughts are what makes me cry again.

“I know you do, sweetie. Don’t worry. It’s like this at first but it’ll get better.”

I sniffle and turn my face to look up at her. “Really?”

She gives me a sweet smile and nods. “It will. I was doing this exact same thing you’re doing right now when Louis and I first started dating but it gets a little bit easier each time. You’ll realize that you’re strong enough to keep yourself together every time you spend time apart. You’ll also learn to appreciate what you have. And let me tell you, it may suck not seeing him but when you see him again, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. You forget about what you just went through and you just look at the smile on his face as you run up to him and that feeling is all that matters.”

I smile up at her before I slowly push myself up into a sitting position.

“I really need you to help me through this, El. I mean, I know I can do this but I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t want to mess this up. Please.”

She takes my hand. “Of course, Lily. Whatever you need.”

I smile and nod. “Thank you, El. You really are the best friend I could ask for, especially with what I’m going through.”

She returns my smile. “No worries, babe. Did you want some tea?”

I nod. “Yeah, sure. I’ll find a movie we can watch.”

She gets up and heads to kitchen before I grab the remote and find a movie for us. I stop when I find “13 Going On 30”. El comes back a couple of minutes later and hands me my tea.

“Thank you.” I look up and see the biggest smile on her face. “What are you smiling about?”

She sets her tea on the coffee table and then takes out her phone. “I have something to show you that might cheer you up.”

I watch her with scrunched eyebrows as she clicks around her phone. I realize that she goes on Instagram and she quickly hides it once she starts to scroll through her feed.

Finally, she stops and looks up at me.

“What is it?” I ask impatiently.

“Harry just posted it.” She looks at her phone one more time before she hands it to me.

I take it and look down at it. When I see what’s on the screen, my insides melt and my heart skips a beat.

It’s the picture that Eleanor took of Harry and I at lunch, when I had my face nudged into his neck and Harry had his face ducked down towards me. It was the moment when Harry had kissed my shoulder. His eyes are closed and the only part of my face that you can see is the smile on my face.

I’m guessing that Eleanor had sent him the picture and my heart flutters at the thought that Harry had asked her for it.

The picture is in black-and-white, just like all of his recent posts have been but it’s still perfect.

However, when I look down at the caption, my heart bursts out of my chest. I cover my mouth with my hand as tears build in my eyes.

They’re happy tears. Incredibly happy tears.

The caption is short and sweet. It’s short but it’s perfect. I read it once again and I know that El was right. I can do this.

Written underneath one of my now favourite pictures…

You And Me.

 

************************

We shall see how their long-distance relationship works!

Alrighty, so I'm going to go into another one of my rambles but it's necessary.

Anyways, I'm only going to say this once but any hate/rude comments will be deleted. I read every comment and I remember who commented so if it happens again, you will be blocked. You don't like my story or how it's going? Then just don't read it. That's the only solution. I'm not going to waste my time replying to those comments and I'm not going to change my story just because you don't like it.

I will say this to everyone, not every story, or at least every part of the story, is sunshine and rainbows. I make my stories as realistic as possible. And news flash, life isn't perfect. And that's how I write my stories.

If you don't like that, then don't read my story and go find one that satisfies your needs.

LIfe would be boring if everything was perfect, relationships would be boring if they were perfect and there weren't fights and obstacles that you have to go through. Hence, stories would be boring if reality was depicted as perfect.

That's all I'm going to say about that. It did bother me at first but a great friend I made through here told me not to sink to that person's level and reply (which is what I wanted to do). It wouldn't get anywhere.

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this but I just needed to get it out there. There have been no rude comments on here before and I know you guys and I know it's going to stay that way. So thank you and I love you guys <3

Please vote and comment! 35 votes and 15 comments? :)

Thanks for reading! Especially this authors note that was basically an essay :P

Love you guys <3

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