Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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95. Ultimatum

Lily’s POV

It’s safe to say that I had a horrible day since my phone call with Harry. He still hasn’t replied and it’s already 10 at night. I’m trying to do the readings for tomorrow’s class but I’m distracted. El is sitting across from my at the dining room table, her own books splayed out in front of her.

I keep looking at my phone every other second.

Harry should be landing any time soon. He still has to go through airport security and all that and then he has to go to the hotel and get settled. It’ll be early morning there so who knows if he has time to call me.

If he even wants to call me.

I’m still trying to figure out what the hell happened. As I continue to think about it more and more, the more confused I get and the more questions I have.

And with every passing second with no word from Harry, the longer I go with no answers.

“I think Harry is being a bit immature right now,” El suddenly says. I look up at her and see her still focusing on her laptop.

“First off, he went psycho when you were just at an innocent lunch with that Leo guy and then he hangs up even though he was the one that called you and now he won’t call you back. I wouldn’t take that if that were me. If Louis did that, I would be giving him an earful.”

I groan. “I feel like I’m going to when he finally calls me back. I thought we were past this whole jealousy thing. I’ve run out of way to convince him that I would never flirt with another guy.”

“It took a while for Louis to get past that himself but with what you and Harry have been through, I’m surprised you’re still dealing with this now. You need to set him straight. Maybe scare him a little.”

I look at her confusedly. “What do you mean?”

She finally looks up at me. “I mean that maybe you need to put him in his place. Get him to understand that you don’t want to deal with this anymore.”

I can tell what she’s getting to. I know what she means. The fact that I have to settle to this slightly frustrates me.

I was annoyed with Harry at first but I’ve now become frustrated. His jealousy has caused us so many problems. It’s giving me whiplash. He’s all loving and sweet one minute and then the next, he’s pissed at me because he somehow found out that I was just having lunch with someone.

I feel like no matter how many times Harry says he’s working on the jealousy thing, he’s still going to be like this. I can’t deal with this every other day, especially when he’s halfway across the world.

I have enough stress to deal with right now with school. I don’t want to deal with unnecessary drama at the same time.

“What should I do?” I ask.

“Well, if it were me, I would be calling him until he answers. It may be being dramatic but there’s no other way to talk to him.

Slowly, I nod. “You’re right. Yeah, I should do that.”

Without another word, I get up and grab my phone before I head to my room. I close the door behind me and sit down on my bed. I call Harry and wait for him to answer. I can feel my heart thumping in my chest as it rings and rings.

Voicemail.

Normally, I would just wait a while and call again later but I know he’s landed and he always has his phone on him.

I know he saw that I was calling.

So, I call again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Stop calling me. I'm busy right now.”

Usually, I would be taken aback by his tone but I don’t even care right now. I need to let him know that he’s being childish.

“Stop it, Harry. I know you’re purposely ignoring me. We need to talk.”

What? Did that guy leave and now you’re bored and you--

“Will you stop it?! You’re being ridiculous! We can’t keep having this same fight over and over again!”

I know I’ve finally shut him up when Harry remains silent.

“You said you’re working on this whole jealousy thing but honestly, it’s just getting worse. I have friends that are guys and I’m going to hang out with them. It does not mean that I’m flirting with them or fooling around with them like you’ve let yourself to believe. I don’t know what else you want me to do. I can’t just ignore every guy that comes up to me. If they do try anything on me, I’m obviously going to tell them that I’m not interested, that I’m in a relationship with a guy that I’m in love with. I know I sound like a b.itch by saying this but you need to get your s.hit together. I can’t keep doing this every other day, especially with you being away and being able to ignore me whenever you feel like it.”

I catch my breath, worked up from finally saying what I’ve wanted to say to him all day. I know it’s not good that it took El to make me come to my senses but I’m glad she did. I know I’ve had these feelings hidden deep inside but I always kept them hidden because I was afraid that it would cause an even bigger problem.

Truth was, if I didn’t bring this up at all, it would still cause an even bigger problem.

“Are you going to say anything or are you going to continue to ignore me? Cause if you are then that’s it.”

I can feel my eyes welling up. This is what El meant. If he won’t understand that I wouldn’t do anything with another guy, then I need to get it to his head that he might eventually lose me. Again.

What?” he croaks. “What are you talking about?

I take a shaky breath. “I can’t keep doing this, Harry. I can’t keep having this fight with you. It’s not even a stupid fight anymore. You being like this shows that you don’t trust me. Like I told you before, trust is important in a relationship. If you don’t have it, it won’t work. And I’m tired of making excuses for you. I can’t keep taking the blame for how you feel. I can’t keep thinking that your whole jealousy thing is because of what I do. I’m trying to live a normal university life. I dealt with an overly protective boyfriend for a while year last year. I can’t live like that again. Not anymore. So if you can’t get over this whole jealousy thing then…it’s over.”

Just saying it kills me.

No, baby. Don’t say that. We can--

“No, Harry. We’re not going to do this again. You’re going to say sweet things to me and then I’m going to say it’s okay and everything’s going to be fine between us but I know us, we’re going to keep having this fight and I’m getting tired of it. So, I’m going to let you really think about all of this. Really think about how it’s affecting us. Take this time to think about it and I’ll call you when I think we’re ready to talk about this.”

Lily, I--”

“I’ve said all I can to make you believe that I wouldn’t ever hurt you. I think we need to try something else. You need to realize how your actions may eventually be too much. I know I shouldn’t be putting this on you right now but I don’t know what else to do. We’re going to keep going back and forth with this issue but I don’t want that. This may not work but we need to try. This’ll show you what it’ll be like if you keep being like this.”

I hate that we have to settle down to this. I absolutely hate it. But I don’t know what else we can do. Nothing else has worked. This is my last attempt.

I really hope it’ll do us good more than it’ll damage us.

Please don’t do this.

My heart drops when I hear his voice break but I force myself not to give in and take it all back.

“We’re not breaking up, Harry. I just need you to understand that it’s not okay and I think that this will help you to understand that. Don’t think this means we’re breaking up. It doesn’t mean that at all. I’ll call you…I’m not sure when but I need some time, too.”

I remember that time that I told Harry that I needed space at the very beginning of our relationship. I remember the mess I made because of that. I remember Harry breaking up with me.

I really hope the same thing doesn’t happen this time.

“I’ll…I’ll call you…soon.”

Silence.

“Bye.”

I allow a couple of seconds to pass, waiting for him to say anything but he doesn’t. I hang up and a million thoughts immediately come rushing into head.

I still have to come to the realization whether this is the best decision. I really hope this will work. This needs to work. I know I may being dramatic but, with our relationship, we can’t be having this issue constantly coming in between us.

I hate to admit it but I’ve become desperate. I just want us to have that trust between each other. Without it, this relationship will go nowhere but down.

This is my ultimatum.

Just as I stand up to go back to the dining room, my phone rings.

Harry.

My heart thumps in my chest. My thumb hesitates over the answer button but I quickly stop myself. This is what we need. This was the point of everything that I said and want.

I hit the ignore button and take a deep breath as I make my way out of my room. As soon as I reach the hallway, my phone rings again. I hit ignore when I see his name flashing on the screen. He calls two more times before I reach El at the dining room table. I groan as I sit down and El looks up at me curiously.

When she sees the state I’m in and when she sees my phone ring that I choose to ignore again, realization dawns on her face.

“This was the right thing to do, Lily. He needs to realize that what he’s doing is not okay.”

I just nod and turn to my textbook. I know I’m going to be unable to really concentrate on my work tonight but I just need a distraction. I need anything to distract me from grabbing my phone and calling him.

Harry hasn’t called any times more but when El’s phone rings and she looks at it and then at me with worry, I know that it’s Harry.

I look back down at my book, seeming unaffected. “Don’t answer it. And please tell Louis to tell him not to stop trying to talk to me. I told him that I’d call him when I think we’re ready.”

“Okay,” El mutters quietly. I can tell that she’s uncomfortable with me putting her into all this mess. I just hope that Harry doesn’t continue to bother her.

I read the same paragraph five times as I see El texting from the corner of my eyes. I know she must’ve gotten through to Harry because he doesn’t call either of us for the rest of the night.

I have a restless night, tossing and turning and barely getting a full hour of sleep before I get out of bed to get ready for the day. I leave first since El’s class doesn’t start for another hour.

I drive to school and absentmindedly walk to my first class. Marcus sits beside me but Milly is sitting on his other side so, fortunately, his attention is focused on her. The class goes by in a fast blur and I say goodbye to Marcus and Milly before I head out of class.

I look up and see Leo standing by the stairs. I walk up to him and he smiles when he sees me.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Hey, how are you?” He gives me a hug and, thankfully, it isn’t as awkward as our last one.

“I’m good. Just finished my first class.”

“That’s good.” Suddenly, he turns to the people standing beside him. “Sorry. How rude of me. Lily, this is Chloe and Collin. They’re in my English class. Guys, this is Lily. We met in the summer.”

I take my hand out and shake their hands.

“Nice to meet you,” I say.

The girl is pretty, shiny brown hair and piercing grey eyes. The guy is tall, built, an intimidating combination but seems friendly altogether. 

They both offer me a smile before I turn back to Leo.

“Did you want to get some lunch with us? Do you have some time?” he asks.

Since Marcus is probably with Milly and Matti has another class right now, I guess it would be nice to have some company for lunch.

I nod. “Yeah, sure. That’d be nice.”

We all start walking together out of the building and I notice that Leo is walking pretty close to Chloe and is being very flirty with her. I smile as I stand a bit behind them, not wanting to disturb them. I jump slightly when I notice that Collin is standing beside me.

“So, what are you taking?” he asks. Even though he’s talking, he’s looking ahead of him.

I decide to just look elsewhere instead of letting him catch me staring at him.

I clear my throat. “Arts and English. How about you?”

“Criminal Justice and English, as well.”

I nod. “That’s cool.”

An awkward silence falls over us, neither of us knowing what to say next. Fortunately, we seem to reach the restaurant that we’re going to eat in as Leo and Chloe lead the way inside. We line up behind a group of four girls and when the hostess leads then inside, we walk up to the other one behind the counter.

“Four, please,” Leo tells her.

The hostess looks at her computer before turning back to Leo. “We’re just waiting for a couple of tables to finish eating. One will be ready in about 10 minutes. Is that okay?”

Leo nods. “That’s alright.”

We stand off to the side, Leo and Chloe talking amongst themselves and Collin on his phone. If Harry and I were talking right now, I could finally assure him that Leo isn’t trying anything on me. There seems to be something going on between him and Chloe and I know that Harry would find that very good news.

Harry knows my schedule and he always calls or texts when I finish. Surprisingly, he hasn't done either of those this whole day. That thought is both reassuring and slightly disappointing at the same time. 

Of course I want him to call or even just leave a little text but I know that I wouldn’t even answer him. One night isn’t enough for him to finally get it to his head how childish he’s being with his jealousy. I know him and I know that he needs a bit more time to realize this.

I gasp when I feel someone bump into me and I almost stumble over since my ankles were crossed but somehow, Collin had caught me and helped me catch my balance.

I’m about to thank him but when I look up at him, he has a stern look on his face as he looks behind me.

“Hey, watch where you’re going,” he grumbles to the man that had almost knocked me over. I watch with wide eyes as he stares the man down, watching him as he apologizes to me and walks away with fear in his eyes.

He looks down at me and his face softens but his eyes are still hard.

“Are you okay?” he asks. He has so much concern in his eyes and it would be comforting had he been someone that I’ve know for more than 15 minutes.

I’m still shocked about what happened that it takes me a while to answer him.

I clear my throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. Th-thank you.”

He just nods and gives me a small smile when he finally lets me go before he turns around and takes a few steps away from me. He’s on his phone again, just like he was before the man had bumped into me.

Before I can try to process what just happened, the hostess calls us over and we’re finally seated at a table, Leo in front of me and Collin to my right.

Of course I get a little worried that somehow Harry is going to find out that I’m sitting beside a guy that I just met. I still don’t know how Harry found out that Leo and I had lunch yesterday. I wouldn’t be surprised if he found out about this lunch, which seemingly looks like a double date.

I anticipate his call or text throughout the entire lunch but none comes. I’m relieved. I didn’t want to have another fight about it. I didn’t want to be disappointed knowing that Harry isn’t working on his jealousy issue.

Maybe he’s finally realizing it. Hopefully.

I just hope that when I finally decide to call him, enough time has passed that he’s finally understood what I wanted him to understand. I hope that we’re finally able to move past this and we won’t have to fight about it anymore.

 

I really want to talk to him now but I know that both of us need a bit more time.

 

***********************

Yay! More new characters! Don't worry, some of these new characters will have big parts in this story. Not going to tell you which ones though ;)

There's one that I'm excited for you guys to read more about!

I'm so excited for the rest of this story. A lot of new plots and ideas that you guys are going to love AND hate. Don't worry, this story won't be done for a loooong time lol. I have a lot more in store for Lily and Harry ;)

So please vote and comment if you want me to write even more!

35 votes and 15 comments!

Thanks for reading! Love you guys! <3

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