Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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57. Truth

I was right. Lily and Ed are together. All the intimacy, the touching and everything that I overheard that day when I came to pick her up at Ed’s. They were together already.

All those moments that we shared since she came back from Amsterdam means nothing now. I thought that she was starting to have feelings for me again but there I was, oblivious to the fact that she was with someone else.

Suddenly, a thought strikes me right in my face. I start to remember the multiple times that Ed had warned me to stay away from her. Here I thought that he just didn’t want the two of us together, when in fact, he was just doing it because he had feelings for her. That was months ago. Did he have feelings for her all this time? How long has he been feeling this way?

No wonder he punched me when I confessed that I was in love with her. No one freaks out that much over it.

“Harry? Did you hear me?”

I shake my head and look over at Lily.

“I…I need a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I feel like I’m going to freak out in any second. I need to get away. I turn around and make my way out of the store. Just as I’m about to walk through the doors, I feel someone grab my wrist. Lily turns me around.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I shake my head quickly. “Nothing. I just need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

I politely pull my wrist out of her grasp and turn around. I quickly walk straight, not knowing where I’m actually going. I walk throughout the mall once I realize that I’m all the way on the other side from everyone else. I find a vacant bench off to the side and I sit down, resting my elbows on my knees and bowing my head.

All of my hard work, it’ll all be for nothing. Even when the contract ends, I won’t be able to win her back. She’s with someone else now. I can’t get her back.

I should’ve told her about the contract. At least then she’ll know that I’m fighting for her. She’s moved on. She thinks that I’ve moved on myself and now she’s found someone else. And it’s not like it’s some casual fling, she’s with Ed, someone she’s known almost her entire life. Someone she knows so much about, someone who knows so much about her.

It’s over. I’ve completely lost her.

Suddenly, I hear my phone ringing and I pull it out of my pocket and answer it without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Haz, where are you?”

I take a deep breath. “I just went to the bathroom.”

It’s silent for a while but I swear I hear Louis and someone else - a girl’s voice - whisper through the phone. I can’t hear them and I have no energy to ask about it.

“Alright, well, we’re going to the food court to get some lunch. Meet us there.”

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.”

More inaudible whispering.

“You alright?”

Does he know? Do they all know about Lily and Ed?

“Yeah. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I hang up and put my phone back in my pocket before I stand up and make my way towards the cafeteria. I look around for them and it’s easy to spot them as they’re taking up three tables.

I look away when I see Lily and Ed sitting beside each other and I take a seat as far away from them beside Niall.

“Are you not going to get anything?” he asks through a mouthful of food.

I shake my head, keeping my eyes on the table. “No, I’m not hungry.”

Niall doesn’t say any more as he continues to eat his food. I decide to take the risk and look up to the other side of the table towards Lily and Ed. They’re deep in conversation. Lily doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that I had abruptly left her and walked away.

She doesn’t care.

Suddenly, she looks over at me, wariness lacing her features but I look away. I keep myself busy with my phone, not bothering to include myself in any of the conversations. A few minutes later, I see Niall stand up from the corner of my eyes. Once I realize that someone else is sitting down in his seat, I look up.

Lily sits beside me and hands me a plate of chips. “Here. I can’t finish them.”

I look down at the food and then back up at her. “Thanks,” I mumble. I make no move to eat since my appetite’s completely gone.

“Where’d you run off to? You were gone for a while.”

I keep my eyes on the table. “I went into a store on my way back.”

Why am I lying? And why am I being so hostile right now? It’s not like she did anything wrong. I find myself getting slightly angry but I don't know why.

“Oh. Okay. Well, I wanted to apologize for putting you in an awkward position when I asked for your opinion back in La Senza. I was just--”

“It’s okay,” I interrupt her. I just needed her to stop talking about that, about Ed.

She quietly clears her throat. “Look. Ed and I--”

“Yes, I get it. You’re together. Are you planning on telling every single person here at the mall?”

I snap my head up at her and see shock present on her face. No one else seems to hear us or notice but I decide to only focus on the girl sitting beside me.

“What is wrong with you?” she breathes.

I scoff and stand up, walking away from the table. Like I assumed, Lily quickly follows behind me.

“Is this about me and Ed?”

I don’t reply. I just keep walking.

“Do you have a problem with Ed and I being together?”

I stop in my tracks and turn around, catching her off guard as she almost slams into me.

“No. I do not have a problem with that? Why would I?”

I can see the hurt flashing through her eyes but then it’s replaced with anger.

“Because the second that I told you that Ed and I were together, you started acting weird. You stormed off and you’ve barely looked or talked to me since then. And now you’re walking away again. So don’t lie to me and say that you don’t have a problem with that because I know you do. Before you made that rude comment about telling the whole mall, I was going to tell you that it’s not true.”

I flinch in surprise.

What?

I just blink, a million thoughts racing through my mind.

“Ed and I aren’t actually together. It was just a joke. Eleanor told me that you thought that something was going on between me and Ed. I have no idea what gave you that idea. Like I tell everyone, Ed is practically a brother to me. There never has and there never will be anything more than that between us.”

Sh*t.

I’m so stupid.

I’m so so stupid.

She shakes her head. “I don’t even know why that would bother you so much. You’re with someone else now so why would it be surprising to you that I could be with someone else? And you’re best mates with Ed so it would’ve made sense that you would be okay if the two of us were actually together.”

I’m an idiot.

“Why would it bother you this much?”

I stand there speechless. I have no idea how to explain myself. She’s already pissed at me right now. I can’t make it worse. I can’t tell her that I’ve been trying to win her back even though I’m still “with” Ivana. She would rip my head off.

“Harry?”

I shrug and I try to think of anything to say. “I…I just didn’t think that you would’ve moved on that fast.”

Take it back. Take it back. Take it back.

Her anger grows. “Oh, so it’s not okay for me to move on right away but it’s okay for you to get yourself another girlfriend the same day that you ended things with me? That makes so much sense.”

I just keep digging myself a bigger hole.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“So what did you mean?”

I wrack my brain for anything to fix this. Anything.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Look. I don’t have time and energy for this. I was really hoping we’d go a week without causing issues between the two of us.” She opens her eyes and rests her gaze on me. “Ed and I aren’t together. I don’t know why you would have a problem with that if it were true. Let’s just forget this all happened. It’ll be pointless to keep dwelling on it. I’m leaving in two weeks and, like I said, I want to enjoy the rest of my time here. No more drama. I’m leaving in two weeks and who knows how long we’ll go without seeing each other. I will eventually move on and I will eventually meet someone. You say you haven’t moved on either but I can tell that you are. You’re with someone else and she’s going to help you with that.”

No. No, no, no, no.

This is not how I want this to go.

“Can we just go back to how things were like they were last night?”

“Wait. Can we talk more about this?”

Hearing her say that she’s going to move on and meet someone else makes me feel like a fire is burning in my heart from the inside out. She can’t move on. I can’t let her do that.

She shakes her head. “No. If we talk more about this, we’re just going to end up fighting and then we’re going to spend days not talking to each other. It’s just a waste of time.”

She’s right. Both of us might end up saying something we would regret, most likely me, and then Lily will get upset or angry with me and ignore me again. She only has less than two weeks left here. I’m not going to let even one day go to waste without being able to see her or talk to her.

I’ll just have to bite my tongue and fix this mess that I’ve made.

“Fine.”

A small smile graces her lips. I really wish this past hour hadn’t happened.

“Wait. How did Eleanor know?”

Before I even finished the sentence, I immediately knew the answer.

“Louis,” she giggles.

I roll my eyes. “Of course. How did I not realize?”

“Look. No matter who told me, at least now you know the truth.”

I guess that’s true. At least now I won’t be tortured every single time I see Lily and Ed together.

“Now, come on. I actually need your help picking out something for Ed.”

I snap my head up at her and she rolls her eyes with a smile on her face.

“Not that. I want to get him a thank you gift for letting me stay with him this summer.”

I nod. “Yeah, sure.”

She turns around and we start walking. I can see her looking at me and I return her gaze. She takes a couple of steps forwards before she stops right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

“Whatever’s bothering you, stop. These past few days have been great. Even talking to you on the phone was nice. Now stop being a grumpy gills. I want to see the Harry that I like.”

My eyes widen and my heart skips a beat. I don’t think she’s aware of what she just said and I’m sure she didn’t mean it in the way that I’m taking it right now.

I want to see the Harry that I like.

Of course she didn’t mean it as in like-like me but it was still nice to hear.

“Now, smile.” She takes her fingers and pokes each of my cheeks, pushing them upwards. However, a genuine smile is already spreading on its own will.

“There he is.”

She takes her hands back and we continue walking.

I guess it is better if I just forget about what just happened. No matter what she said, I’m still going to fight for her. Now that I know that she’s not with Ed, I can focus on winning her back.

We spend the next hour in the music store looking for something that Ed would like.

“How about a guitar?” I suggest.

She shakes her head. “He already has a lot of those. I want to get him something he’ll use a lot.”

“How about a guitar strap?”

She looks around the store. “Yeah. That might work. Where are they?”

I look around and spot a whole wall of them near the back of the room. “Over there.”

We head to the wall of guitar straps and Lily starts looking through them.

“Why did you even think that Ed and I were together?”

I’ve been anticipating this question but I was hoping that she wouldn’t bring it up. It’s embarrassing and I know that I can’t just lie and say that I just somehow thought it up out of the blue. I can already feel my cheeks heat up in absolute embarrassment.

“I…I…when…the…” I stutter.

She turns her attention from the guitar straps and turns to face me.

I take a deep breath. “Well, it started that day we all went out to lunch with Ivana. When we got there…I saw him brushing your hair…and you two were sitting so close to each other and you guys were holding hands and-and you were smiling every time he talked to you. And then when I came to pick you up afterwards…I heard you two through the door. You were laughing and then…” Just when I thought it wasn’t possible, I feel my cheeks heat up even more. “I…I heard him…moaning…and stuff.”

Her eyes widen in shock but then, understanding plays in her features as she nods. “I see. Well, let me try to explain it all. The hair brushing thing?” She scrunches her eyebrows as she seems to think things through and then realization appears on her face. “There was something in my hair and he was just getting it out. And…” she shrugs. “We always sit together like that, it’s just how we are. And as for the talking and holding hands, he was just trying to calm me down. No offence but I was kind of pissed at how she was treating Ed. I wasn’t going to take that but Ed was just trying to calm me down. But what you said about when you were picking me up, I’m drawing a blank.”

Her face scrunches in confusion. “What happened then?”

A few seconds later, her face softens and she rolls her eyes with a smirk. “Oh gosh. What you heard was Ed and I fighting. He threw a spider at me and I decided to punch him out. I punched him harder than I meant to and I may have injured him.”

She bursts out laughing as she turns to look at the guitar straps again.

It all makes sense now, the laughing, the squealing, Ed groaning from Lily punching her. My prayers have been answered. I’m tempted to jump up and down and punch the air but I’d look like a right idiot. So I just smile, glad that Lily can’t see me as she’s focused on picking a guitar strap.

“Well, I’m glad I know now. I’m sorry for freaking out on you. I…I don’t know what came over me.”

She turns her head and gives me an understanding smile. “It’s alright. Let’s just put it behind us.” She turns away again.

I know what she must me thinking, why am I getting upset with her if she’s with someone else while I got myself another “girlfriend” the same day that I broke up with her. She must think I’m a hypocrite and selfish or delusional for thinking that Lily can’t move on that fast.

It’s difficult to show Lily that I haven’t moved on with my current situation so that’s why I’m doing my best to show her that. It also makes it a million times better knowing that she hasn’t moved on herself. I know she will eventually but I just hope that it doesn’t happen before the contract ends and I can tell her everything and hopefully win her back.

“How could you think that Ed and I would be together? That’s, like, incest.” She pretends to throw up and I laugh.

“I can’t even imagine kissing him. Plus he’s not my type.”

“And what is your type?” I smirk as I walk up beside her and lean against the wall, crossing my arms.

She rolls her eyes, not taking her eyes off of the guitar straps. A sly smirk appears on her face. “Well, I like guys with blonde hair, blue eyes, Irish, plays the guitar, born in 1993, super hot and--”

She shrieks when I step forward and wrap one arm around her waist from behind and cover her mouth with my other. She laughs against my hand and I join her. I love it when she teases me. She knows all my buttons and she knows exactly when and how to push them. There’s no more tension around us anymore. The air already feels light again, just like how it was last night.

“Wanna try that again?” I say beside her ear. I take my hand off of her mouth but keep my hold around her waist.

She giggles. “You know what my type is.”

She doesn’t make any move to release herself from my grasp as she continues to look through the guitar straps. I subtly breathe in the scent of her shampoo, closing my eyes as it brings back memories when the same scent would surround me when we would lie down in bed together.

I hope her vague answer is meant in the way that I’m interpreting it. I hope that I’m still her type.

“Was I your type before we met?” I curiously ask.

“You mean tall, handsome, charming, sweet and funny? No, that was not my type at all.”

I nudge her side and she squeals and jumps out of my arms. We laugh and I bask in the light that surrounds her as she smiles. I had noticed that the light had drained from her face after I confronted her about her and Ed but now the light is back.

“You’re funny,” I tease.

“I know I am.” She playfully shrugs before she turns and grabs a guitar strap from the wall.

“I think he’ll like this one.”

She has a guitar strap with pictures of cats all over it.

I grin down at it. “He’ll love it.”

“I’m gonna get him something else, too, though.”

Lily goes to pay for it and then we start heading back to the others. We find them in the Apple store.

“Excuse me,” I say to Lily and she grins when she sees who I’m turn to look at. I immediately make my way to Louis. He has his back to me and I take that opportunity to put him in a headlock.

“Hey!”

“Hey, blabbermouth.”

He chuckles. “Hey, Eleanor was the one who told her, not me. Go after her.”

“Louis!” Eleanor says from beside us.

“Yes but I entrusted you with that information. I didn’t think you’d go telling your girlfriend.”

I’m not actually mad at him for it. I mean, at least I know now but he should’ve told me. I would’ve pieced it together much faster that Lily was just messing around.

“I’m sorry!”

I instantly let go. “You better be.”

He straightens his shirt and looks up at me. “So what happened?”

“Well, she went along with it even though it’s not true. They’re not together.”

“I told you! I don’t know why everyone keeps saying you’re smarter than me.”

I punch his arm. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

“They’re practically brother and sister. That would’ve been the weirdest relationship ever. And everyone knows that you and Lily are meant for each other.”

“Louis, don't say that. Harry has a girlfriend,” Eleanor says.

Louis realizes his slip-up, his eyes widening. “Oh right…I forgot.”

I keep forgetting that Louis is the only one that knows about the contract and both of us have to be careful if we want to keep it that way.

 

Two more weeks. Just two more weeks and this will all be over.

 

***********************

 

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!

And come on guys, did you really think I'd have Lily and Ed get together? LOL. It was fun to see you guys freak out though but a lot of you knew that it wasn't true. You guys are so smart.

Anyways, as i said from the update yesterday, my kik got deleted so all of my conversations disappeared. I was talking to a lot of you guys on there, even if it was just to update you guys on when there was a new chapter up. So anyways, message me on there if you still want me to update you guys if I haven't. I tried messaging everyone on my contact list but I might've missed some of you guys. So yeah, just leave me a little message if you want me to continue to udpate you guys. My username is livelaughlove47

Also! I was wondering if you guys have any songs that you guys know that relate to this story, I would love to check them out!

So, 10 more likes and 10 comments before the next chapter! It's gonna be another cute chapter so like like like and comment comment comment!

Thanks for reading!

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