Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


61. Truth or Dare

Harry’s POV

“Why don’t we play a little game of Truth or Dare?”

My blood turns cold as I hear those words come out of Ivana’s mouth. What the hell is she getting at? I know she has some sick reason for suggesting this game and I don’t want to find out if I’m right.

“Come on, Ivana. That’s a stupid game,” I say, desperate for someone to back me up. I know they’re just intimidated by her but I wish they weren’t at this moment.

She looks over at me, that stupid smirk still plastered on her face. “What? Have something to hide?”

I shut my mouth and look away. I look over at Louis and see worry present in his eyes. He’s thinking the exact thing that I’m thinking. That Ivana is going to blab her mouth to everyone here around us, including Lily, the one that I absolutely do not want to know the truth, at least this way.

“Well, I’ll start,” Ivana says. “Lily, truth or dare?”

I quickly look up at Lily, glad that she’s not intimidated by Ivana. However, I wish that she would somehow just get up and walk away, away from Ivana and her cruel intentions.

Lily rolls her eyes before looking back at Ivana. “Truth?”

“Are you still in love with Harry?”

Lily’s eyes falter for a split second. I can see her jaw tense as she stares Ivana down. She glances over at me but she quickly looks away. I can feel everyone else watching us, surely trying to understand what the hell is happening.

I know that Lily still has feelings for me. Both of us established that we still loved each other when we said that we would try to become friends.

I know that she still loves me but I know that she wouldn’t want to admit it in front of everyone else. And I know for damn sure that she doesn’t want to give Ivana the satisfaction of giving her the answer that she knows as well.

Why the hell does Ivana have to ask that? Of everything else she can ask her. I just want to stop this stupid game and get Lily as far away from Ivana as I can.

“We’re waiting,” Ivana drawls.

Lily clears her throat and looks down at her drink.


Ivana laughs dryly beside me. “I guess that answers that question. Well, you know what happens when you pass on a truth. I get to dare you something and you have to do it, no matter what.”

I snap my head over at Ivana, my anxiety rising in my stomach.

“I dare you…to kiss Ashton.”

I feel my blood drain from my face.

No. No, no, no.

I look over at Lily and see annoyance present on her face. Ashton’s face is reddening as he sits there uncomfortably, just like everyone else is.

“What are we? 12?” Lily asks.

Ivana shrugs. “I just thought it would liven this party up at bit. Come on. I’m sure you’ve wanted to before.”

I feel myself getting more annoyed and frustrated with Ivana. I know she’s doing this to mess with Lily but it’s also making me crazy. She knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s good at it. She knows what gets to me and I hate that.

“Ivana, come on. That’s just childish. No one here has to kiss anyone,” I say, mentally pleading that my words will get to her.

“What? Do you have a problem with Lily kissing someone else?” She blinks her eyes at me.

She definitely knows what she’s doing. The fact that she said “someone else” and not just “someone”, I know that she’s directing it at me.

“No, I’m just not sure if everyone is comfortable with that,” I mumble.

“Well, I’m sure that Lily will be okay with it. And I’m most positive that Ashton will be more than okay with it.”

“You don’t know wh--”

“Let’s just get this over with,” Lily suddenly says.

Before I can comprehend what she means, I turn to her and I instantly see red.

Lily pulls Ashton by his neck and kisses him.

My hands clench in my lap and it takes everything in me to stay in my seat and not jump over and attack Ashton to the ground.

Lily isn’t supposed to kiss anyone else. I’m supposed to be her last first kiss.

Even though the kiss only lasted for three long seconds, it felt like it lasted for hours. They pull away and they look at each other. I don’t like that one bit. They finally look away, Ashton with blushed cheeks and Lily with an unreadable expression on her face.

The image of Lily kissing Ashton is burnt into my brain. That was the most agonizing three seconds of my life. I wish I hadn’t seen it. I wish it had never happened.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

I wish that Ivana would just shut her mouth. I’m actually tempted to find some tape, even some damn crazy glue, and shut her mouth closed.

“Alright, it’s your turn now, Lily,” Ivana says.

Please don’t pick Ivana. I hope that no one picks Ivana. I know that Ivana will continue to attack Lily or worse, force me to tell the truth.

“Alright. Ivana, truth or dare?”


“Truth,” Ivana answers confidently.

“Is it true that you slept with the owner of a magazine to get on the front cover?”

Ivana’s eyes narrow and I can see her grip tightening around her cup. It’s clear that she’s taken aback by Lily’s question. Lily just continues to look at her, a triumphant smirk spreading across her face.

“Don’t worry,” Lily quips. “I know you more than you think.”

Is it true? I mean, I don’t really give a sh*t and I wouldn’t even be surprised. Ivana will do anything for fame.

“We’re waiting,” Lily says, mimicking Ivana’s words.

Ivana’s jaw tightens as her and Lily continue their staredown. It’s like they don’t even notice anyone around them.

“Yes, it’s true.”

My eyes widen as Lily’s smirk grows.

“Lily, truth or dare?” Ivana quickly says, her eyes more feral than ever.

Please don’t pick dare. Please don’t pick dare.


Everything around me starts to spin and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I know that Lily only picked dare because she wants to avoid Ivana’s prying questions.

“I dare you to kiss Niall.”

My hands clench again, my nails digging into my skin.

Hell no, Lily is not--

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Lily’s voice interrupts my frantic thoughts. “Do you get off on me kissing people? Are you planning on daring me to kiss everyone here? Even the ones who are in a relationship?”

Ivana raises an eyebrow at her while everyone else, including myself, just continues to watch this scene unfold in front of us. I think that all of us are just too scared to say anything.

“Are you going to kiss Niall or are you going to pass?”

“I’m not kissing anyone else.”

Ivana’s smirk widens. “Alright. So, truth. Is it true that you were such a horrible girlfriend that Harry got himself another one the same day that he broke up with you?”

Hurt flashes through Lily’s eyes, through her entire body. By now, I want to strangle Ivana. She’s hurting Lily, more than she knows. I know that everyone is waiting for me to speak up but I’m more worried about what Ivana will say if I do say something.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Ed says from beside Lily. Ed’s face is red in anger. I can tell that he’s about to lose it. Ivana doesn’t even look at him, she just continues to look at Lily.

“Oh, look. You have your other boyfriend defending you.”

Lily’s eyes narrow. “What? Are you joking or did you hit your head on your way here?”

Ivana shrugs her shoulders. “So…the truth?”

“Well, I don’t know what’s considered a horrible girlfriend but I have a feeling that you do since you’re only using Harry for fame.”

Ivana laughs dryly, her eyebrow raising. “Oh, sweetie. If only you knew. But I guess I can accept that answer. Now, I’m guessing that you’re going to ask me again. I choose truth.”

“Is it true that you’re using Harry for fame?”

Sh*t. No, this is the only thing I didn’t want this stupid game to lead to.

I can see the panic growing in Louis’ eyes just like I can feel it growing inside me.

“Yes, it’s true.” Suddenly, Ivana turns to me. “Harry, truth or dare. Now, I’m going to assume you’re going to end up with truth because I would’ve dared you to take off all of your clothes and run down the street. I’m quite positive that you would’ve passed so that leaves you with truth.”

No. I know what she’s doing. I start to panic even more, my breathing quickening as I try to think of something to stop this.

“It’s getting late. I think we should head home,” Louis interjects.

“No. I promise this will be the last one and I’m sure that everyone will love to hear this.”

“Um, Lily, can you help me with something inside?” Louis asks, worry lacing his voice.

“Nuh-uh. I think that Lily will enjoy this the most.”

Everyone else is just looking between me, Ivana and Lily.

“Ivana, please, don’t,” I plead. “Don’t do this.”

Ivana just continues to smirk at me and shakes her head. “Harry, is it true that Lily over there hurt you so bad that you had to get yourself a fake girlfriend to show her up?”

And just like that, my whole world turns upside down. This isn’t how I wanted Lily to find out. This is the last way I wanted her to find out. I look over at everyone else and all I see is confusion. I look over at Louis and he’s looking down at the ground. I look over at Ed and see anger slowly growing on his face as silence passes by with no answer. I look over at Lily and see a million emotions flashing through her eyes with hurt being the prominent one.

“Well, Harry. Is it true? Did Lily hurt you so much that you had to do such a horrible, horrible thing?”

I look back at Ivana, wanting nothing more than to have her disappear. I keep my mouth shut. I’m frozen in my spot, still trying to let everything sink in. I’m hoping this is some twisted dream, that I’m going to wake up and this mess never happened.

“Is it true?”

I look over and see Lily looking back at me, tears pooling in her eyes. I can’t back out of it now. The truth is out now and I’m now realizing how stupid I am for not telling her sooner.

“Lily, I--”

“Is it true?!” she exclaims, her eyes wild and her body shaking.

I gulp, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. I just want everyone else to disappear and just explain to Lily this huge mess that I’ve made. I really want to lie and tell her it’s not true but it’s just going to make things ever worse. I need to tell her.

“Yes, it’s true.”

Lily scoffs, slamming her drink on the table before she stands up.

“Ed, let’s go.” She starts to walk away, Ed standing up and following after her.

I quickly stand up and frantically chase after them. “Lily, wait! Let me explain.”

I follow them inside the house, trying to catch up to them as they make their way to the front door. Lily grabs her coat and starts to put it on. I reach them but Lily makes no move to look at me.

“Lily, please. Let me explain.”

She buttons up her coat, turning away from me.


She turns around. “What?! What is there to explain, Harry? Ivana explained it pretty well. You wanted to get back at me after you thought that I cheated on you so you decided to get a girlfriend. Fake girlfriend or not, that’s still pretty low. You swore that you would never do that. You swore that you would never hurt me like that. And it all makes sense now. I get it. You hated me so much that you had to hurt me in the worst way you could think of. So no, you don't need to explain. I’m done with you, Harry. I’m not even hurt that I found out. I’m just done with your sh*t. Stay away from me, I mean it. I want nothing to do with you anymore. Have a nice life.”

And just like that, my anxiety reaches its peak as I watch her turn around and open the door, tears flowing down my cheeks.

She can’t leave. She can’t be done with me. I need to explain and apologize. I need to make this all better. I need another chance. I need her back.

Just as she steps under the doorframe, she turns around and takes her necklace off.

No. Lily, don’t.

She takes it in her hand before she throws it at me and my mind is still trying to comprehend what’s happening that I let it fall to the ground.

“Another thing you lied about. You were never there for me and you never will. You can take my bracelet off because I sure as hell won’t be there for you anymore.”

She turns around again and this time, she keeps walking, not looking back again. Ed gives me one last final glare before he follows after her, slamming the door behind him.

I stand there, frozen in my spot, hoping that Lily will walk through that door and tell me that she didn’t mean anything that she said. That she takes it all back and that she’ll hear me out. But she doesn’t. She’s gone and I don’t know what’s going to happen now.

I hear the others walk up behind me and I can’t find myself to turn around and face them. I wouldn’t doubt that they hate me now, except Louis. I hope they are just as understanding as he was when I told him. I need to explain to them, too.

“Come on, guys,” Louis says. “We’ll all talk about this tomorrow. We should give Harry some time alone.”

I don’t deserve Louis’ respect. Even though I’m thankful for it, I wish that everyone would just treat me like dirt like I deserve. They all pass me without a word. Louis stands in front of me and gives me a sympathetic look.

“Sorry, mate. I really am. We’ll figure something out tomorrow.”

I just nod, knowing that neither one of us knows if we can do anything about it. He gives me a small smile before he turns around and leaves, closing the door behind him.

“Well, that went well.”

Anger overtakes me as I spin around and face the one that I wish never existed.

“What the f*ck is wrong with you? Why did you have to do that?”

She crosses her arms. “I just thought that she had the right to know, Harry.”

“You had no right to tell her that. And why did you have to do it in front of everyone else?”

I had no right? I know all about your plan. I know you’ve been trying to get me to break up with you so you can go back with her. I’m not going to be played like that. So yeah, I think I had the right to tell her.”

“You are a horrible human being, you know that?”

“And you’re no better. I don’t about you but if I were Lily, I would’ve never given you a another chance after you cheated on her and got yourself another girlfriend the same day you broke up with her. You two must’ve had something pretty special for her to give you all those chances but now I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything anymore. And you know what? You got what you wanted. I’m breaking up with you. You were useless anyways. I don’t even feel sorry for you. Lily deserves so much better than you.”

“Shut up.” Even though I don’t care about what Ivana thinks, it still hurts to hear those words being directed at me. The fact that Ivana’s saying it means more than I’d like to admit.

“You have a nice life, Harry. It’s been fun.” She steps forward to pat my shoulder before she brushes past me and leaves, leaving me alone in my house.

As the silence grows around me, so do the painful thoughts in my head. It’s finally sinking in what just happened. It’s finally sinking in what going to happen now. Lily is done with me. I know she’s said that to me before but I feel like she really means it now. She was completely emotionless when she said those words. No emotion. It’s like she was completely drained and tired of all of the mistakes I’ve made.

Here I thought that I would be getting to spend this last week with Lily and now, she doesn’t even want anything to do with me anymore.

I pull at my hair and pace back and forth across my foyer.

This is not how I thought this night would end. It was going perfectly. Dancing with her to Last First Kiss brought back so many memories. Being able to hold her in my arms was something I never wanted to stop. I never wanted the night to end.

But the she had to arrive. She ruined everything. If she hadn’t come, all of this wouldn’t have happened. I would’ve had the chance to explain to Lily some other time. I know that I should’ve told her a long time ago but I was scared. I was scared that she would react like how she reacted today. I was scared that she would hate me forever.

I need to talk to her. I need to explain to her why I did it. I can’t have things between us end like this. I can’t bear to think that things will like this when she leaves.

Without another thought, I rush out my door and get in my car. I drive recklessly to Ed’s flat, doing a horrible parking job as I pull into the parking lot. I rush inside, lucky that a resident was coming in at the same time.

I practically run to the elevator, pressing the button several times until it opens. I impatiently wait for Ed’s floor and quickly walk over to his door. I pound on the door, not caring that his neighbours would hear.

“Lily! Open up! Please, let me explain!”

I continue to knock until it finally opens, an angry Ed standing on the other side.

“Where is she? Is she here?”

Ed stands in the way but I push the door open and walk past him.

“Harry, you need to leave. She said she’s done with you. You’ve messed up enough and you’ve definitely hurt her enough times.”

I ignore Ed and walk around the flat, looking for Lily. She’s nowhere in sight so I make my way to the hallway. Her door is closed so I know she’s in there. I walk up to it and knock once again.

“Lily! Please, open the door. I…I really want to talk to you.”

No answer. I stop knocking and attempt to open the door but it’s locked. I take a deep breath. I place my hands on the door and rest my head against it, listening for any sounds on the other side.

“Lily.” Tears well up in my eyes, spilling out when I close them. “I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry. Please, I need to talk to you.”

All I can hear is my heart pounding against my chest. Absolutely no sound is heard from the inside of Lily’s room and it’s actually worse than if Lily was yelling at me right now. I just need to here something from her. Anything.

“Lily,” I whisper, hoping that the pain in my voice will be loud enough for her to hear.

“You should go,” Ed says from beside me. “She may want to talk to you tomorrow but she definitely doesn’t want to right now.”

I shake my head against the door. “I can’t lose her like this, Ed.”

Silence again. I turn my head and look over at Ed. For a second, sympathy flashes in her eyes but then it’s replaced with anger again.

“You lost her the second you decided to cheat on her. I don’t know what you were expecting to happen when she found out. You and I both know that she would’ve found out eventually.”

I push myself away from the door and face Ed.

“I know. I…I don’t know why I didn’t explain before. I was just scared that this would happen.” I point towards the door to show exactly what I meant.

He sighs. “Look. You two are my closest friends. Of course I’m going to be angry with you for what you did but I understand what you’re going through. Just…give her some time and…I’ll talk to her and see how she’s feeling.”

I look towards Lily’s door, wanting nothing more than for it to open. I really do want to give her some time but there’s not much time left.

I nod. “Okay. Yeah. Um…just let her know that I’m really sorry. I know she won’t believe me but just let her know that I just need a chance to talk to her and explain everything.”

Ed nods. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

I place my hand one last time against Lily’s door before I turn and walk away. Ed walks me to the door and I leave, Ed closing the door behind me without another word.

My whole body feels numb as I walk away from Ed’s flat, away from Lily. There was only a door in between us, she was only a few feet away from me but she felt like she was a million miles away.

Everything is a blur when I go home. I don’t even know how I ended up in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I just want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want her to forgive me. I want her back.

I turn to my side, waiting for sleep to take me away from this painful reality. I hope to dream about a life with Lily where I made no stupid mistakes. I want to dream about a life where I never made that irrational decision in Paris that created this whole mess. I want to close my eyes and only see Lily looking back at me the way she did when we went stargazing the night before I left for Paris. Only pure love and genuine affection were the emotions present in her eyes as I looked into them.

I want that again. I need that. I need her.

I glance down at my arm, at my moon tattoo. And as I read the words written underneath it, I repeat the words in my head, hoping that it’ll lull me into a restful sleep.

All That You Are Is All I’ll Ever Need.




Sorry I didn't update on the weekend. It's Thanksgiving for us Canadians so I've been eating all weekend LOL.

Well anyways, let me know what you think! DId you guys guess that this would happen? I asked some of you guys on kik what you thought would happened a most of you were right!

Sooooo please comment! I would really love to know what you guys thought and what you think is going to happen next. (Remember, long comments motivate me to right faster ;) )

10 more votes and 10 comments before the next chapter!

Thanks for reading! Love you guys :) <3

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