Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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100. Touches

Harry’s POV

“Hi, Harry.”

I slowly drop my phone from my ear, seeing as how the one I was talking to is now standing right in front of me.

Lily stands in front of me, lowering her own phone from her ear and anxiously looking up at me. Both of us stand there, neither one of us saying anything but our eyes stayed locked on each other’s.

I realize that I’m still holding on to the bear and when Lily’s eyes flick down to it, I finally rip my gaze away from Lily. I feel like pinching myself. This has got to be a dream. Lily is supposed to be in Manchester, a 13-hour flight away. She’s supposed to be on the other side of the ocean, going to sleep since it should be midnight there now.

As I look back up at her, seeing her already looking back at me, I finally accept that she’s actually here. She’s still looking at me with so much anxiety. I'm sure she doesn’t know what my mood is right now, especially with our few-worded conversation on the phone.

However, when she waits longer for my reaction, when I start to see an expression on her face looking like she wants to run away and cry, I step forward and take her in my arms. I pull her tight against me and my body relaxes when I feel her arms finally wrap around me. I breathe in her scent, realizing that it’s been a week since I’ve seen her, smelt her, touched her.

Our fight and our issues are in the back of my mind right now. All I can focus on is relishing on the feeling Lily’s presence is giving me right now. I bury my face into her neck and she tightens her grip around me.

It’s not until I hear her sniffle that I reluctantly pull away slightly so I can look at her. There are tears in her eyes and she avoids my gaze when I try to meet her eyes.

“Come in,” I say, pulling her into my room and closing the door. I keep my hand clasped with hers as I walk towards the bed. Surprisingly, she lets go of my hand and sits down on the chair by the desk. She still avoids my gaze as I sit across from her on the edge of the bed. I place the bear beside me and turn back to Lily.

She’s fidgeting her fingers and her eyes stare at her own lap. I know she’s scared right now. Honestly, I am, too. I was absolutely not expecting her to be here. I was just expecting to talk on the phone about our fight either tonight or tomorrow. I even expected us to Skype but I never would’ve thought that she would actually fly here.

I’m positive that she came here to talk about this and as I realize this, it brings slight guilt that she had to fly 13 hours just to talk to me. I’m not sure if the fact that I told her that I didn’t want to talk is the reason that she came here.

“Why…why did you come all the way here?” I try my hardest to make it sound like I’m just curious and I’m not embarrassing her.

She finally looks up at me and shrugs slowly. “I…I don’t know. I…I didn’t know what else to do. I just really wanted to talk to you so…this is the best thing I could think of.”

She looks away again and looks back down at her lap.

I sigh. “You didn’t have to. I was going to call you tonight.”

I see her face crumple and her bottom lip twitch before she stands up, her breath catching in her throat. “O-okay, I-I’ll leave. I’m sorry.”

My eyebrows pull together but I quickly realize what my words sounded like. I stand up and catch her wrist, stopping her. She slowly turns her head to look back at me, fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I’m just surprised is all. I know you have class tomorrow so I’m just really surprised you flew all the way here. I’m…I’m glad you’re here.”

Her face softens and she sniffles before she slowly sits back down on the chair. I sit down as well and rest my elbows on my knees.

“Harry, let’s just talk about what we need to talk about. First off, I want to apologize for everything. For what happened at the party. For being the reason that you were distracted during your first show. For being a hypocrite when it came to talking about our issues when I didn’t talk to you for three days but was also expecting you to talk about what happened even though you needed time to think. I’m sorry for not listening to you and being more considerate of your feelings. I’ve been a horrible girlfriend this past week and I don’t blame you for being angry with me and even not liking me that much right now.”

I sigh. I don’t even waste another second thinking it through. Just her flying all the way here, apologizing for what she felt the need to apologize for, I don’t hesitate when I take my hand out towards her.

“Come here.”

She carefully watches me as she takes my hand and stands up from the chair. I open my legs slightly and pull her close to me, letting her stand in between them. I rest my hands on her waist and she hesitantly moves her hands to rest on my shoulders.

“You were not a horrible girlfriend. Yeah, you did some thing that pissed me off but that happens. Every couple has fights. Every couple does stupid things occasionally but you were not a horrible girlfriend. The fact that you flew all the way here shows that you are definitely not a horrible girlfriend. I know that the both of us have things that we each need to work on but that just shows that we just want to become better people for each other. We fight but then we change for the better. I am still a little bit pissed but I definitely still like you. A lot. Okay?”

The second that a small smile appears on her face, one spreads across mine right away. I pull her closer and she wraps her arms around my neck.

“Now, let’s talk about what happened at the party.”

I can feel and see her tense at my words but I slowly run my hands across her back, hoping it’ll comfort her and let her know that I’m not going to yell at her like I did on the phone. I’m not saying that I regret yelling at her but I’ve definitely calmed down enough to have a civilized conversation with her now.

“I don’t want anything like that to happen again. Okay?”

She nods. “I promise. It won’t happen again.”

“I’m serious, Lily. I don’t know what I’d do if I found out it happened again. I could barely handle it when I found out last night. I was tempted to fly there to Manchester just so you could see how pissed off I was. I also wanted to find that f.ucker that touched you. The part that killed me the most was that someone touched you. Someone else’s hands touched you and I didn’t like that at all. Only I’m allowed to touch you.”

I know she’s intimidated by my words as her gaze falters occasionally but I don’t regret them. I want her to know exactly how I’m feeling and hopefully it’ll stick to her next time she’s out somewhere where drunk strangers are surrounding her.

“Only these hands are allowed to touch you.” I move my hands across her hips, letting it add to my words. “Got it?”

She nods feverishly. “Yes, Harry. I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology.”

Just like what she said in regards to my apology before she left for Manchester after she went to London for Niall’s party, I know that it’s better to say that you accept someone’s apology instead of saying that it’s okay. Saying that it’s okay just negates the whole issue. I wasn’t okay with what happened but I acknowledge her apology.

“I know that you had no control over what happened but I just want you to be more careful next time, especially when you’re in the kind of setting. It’s a party with a bunch of drunk people. I just want you to be more aware of what your decisions and your actions.”

She nods again. “I know. I will. Again, I’m sorry.”

I just nod and give her a small smile, letting her know that I accept her apology. I’m about to bring up how what happened made me distracted during our first show but I decide to leave that for another discussion. I didn’t want to make her feel worse about herself. I hated hearing her saying that she thought that she was a horrible girlfriend. I don’t want her to think that way of herself.

“As for the whole not talking and ignoring each other, we both need to work on that so don’t worry about that for now. You and I will work on finding ways to communicate better with each other. We’ve come a long way since the beginning of our relationship when it comes to communication so I know that it’ll be the least of our worries. So, I accept your apology but I apologize as well.”

She smiles again. “I accept your apology, Harry.”

This went a lot better than I thought it would be. Main thing is that she’s here and we talked through it in person and not on the phone.

“If you think about it, if I hadn’t wanted to take a few hours to think things through, you might’ve decided not to fly here.”

I smirk at her and she smiles with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m skipping two days of classes for this. For you. If anyone should feel bad, it should be you.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, my eyes widening. “Lily, you didn’t have to do that. I know how important school is to you.”

I remember the talk we had about what we should expect with our long-distance relationship when we got back together. I remember her saying that school is important to her and that there would be times when she would be busy.

She locks her gaze with mine and brushes her hand through my hair.

“But you’re more important to me.”

My face softens and I pull her even closer as my hands continue to move softly against her back and her hips.

“I know that it may seem like work is most important to me, especially right now but I want you to know that you’re most important to me,” I explain. Her smile widens and so does mine. “How long are you staying here?”

“My flight is on Monday night, same as your guys’ flight. I’ll just be boarding a different plane.”

Two days. I’ll take that over nothing. I was assuming that she would honestly stay for just one night and then fly back to the UK so she wouldn’t miss any classes. That just made me realize that she’s actually missing two days of classes to be here with me.

“That means that you’re going to see our show tomorrow?” I ask excitedly.

“Yes, Harry. That is correct.” She smiles and bites her lip.

I’m even more excited now. I’ve wanted to have her see one of my shows. I’ve wanted to see her in the crowd, singing along to the songs, specifically to my parts. Ever since the new album came out, I’ve wanted to sing the song that I wrote about her to her in the crowd.

Suddenly, she yawns. I realize that she’s still in UK time. Her body thinks that it’s past midnight now even though it’s only six in the evening here.

“Where’s your stuff? Let’s go to bed,” I say.

She sits in my lap and rests her head on my shoulder.

“It’s in Louis’ room. And it’s okay. We can do something else.”

I rub her back and I feel her relaxing against me, completely doing the opposite of what she just said.

“How did you pay for the flight?” I ask. Worry rushes through me as I think about how she paid for the ticket.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t want to get you upset again so I called Louis and asked him to help me out. I told him that you’d pay him back,” she laughs.

I relax and laugh with her. “Good. I definitely would’ve gotten upset if you had paid for it. You know me well now.”

She giggles and she lifts her head to leave kisses on my neck.

“Why don’t we get something to eat and then we’ll come back and you can sleep. I want you to be rested for tomorrow. We’ll go around the city and then you can go to rehearsals and then you can watch me on stage for the show.”

She lifts her head to look at me. “That sounds like a lovely idea.”

I can’t resist anymore. I lean forward and place my lips on hers. I’ve wanted to kiss her since I first opened the door and saw her.

Her lips quickly move against mine and her arms wrap around my shoulder again. I pull her closer and tilt my head to deepen the kiss. I’m about to lie her down on the bed but she pulls away with a sweet smile.

“Let’s go get something to eat. I’m getting a bit tired.”

I nod, completely understanding. She’s still in UK time but she just had a 13-hour flight. And with the night she had last night, I know that she hasn’t had complete rest recently.

She stands up from my lap and I take her hand as I stand up and lead her out of the room. We go to the closest restaurant we can walk to close to the hotel. It’s a family diner and we eat in a comfortable silence as we try to eat as fast as we can so we can go back to the hotel. I pay for the bill and I know that if Lily wasn’t about to fall asleep, she would be fighting me for the bill.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder this time as she wraps both of hers around my waist as we head out of the restaurant. She’s practically resting her whole body against me in tiredness and as soon as her feet start to drag, I stop and stand in front of her with my back to her.

“Get on,” I say, crouching down and looking at her over my shoulder.

I know her brain is slowly realizing what I’m doing and a small smile spreads across her face as she hops on my back. I hold the back of her thighs as her legs wrap around my waist. Her arms hang loosely but securely around my neck and I lift her up higher so I can carry her better. Her head rests on my shoulder as I start to make our way back to the hotel.

Thankfully, there aren’t a lot of paparazzi out. The security is keeping them a safe distance away from us and I don’t even take any more notice to them.

I feel Lily leave soft kisses on my neck every so often and I turn my head a few times to place my own kisses on her lips.

We finally make it back to the hotel and I carry her on my back all the way up to the top floor. We make a stop to Louis’ flat to get her stuff.

“Geez, Lily. You could’ve laid back on some of the drinks.”

I laugh as she attempts to kick him while still on my back.

Louis dodges her leg and laughs as he goes to grab Lily’s stuff. He hands it to Lily since I have no free hands and we say our good nights before I walk towards my room.

I struggle to get the key card from my back pocket and unlock the door, still keeping Lily on my back. I open the door and I immediately lead her to the bed, turning around and carefully sitting her on the edge.

I turn around and I laugh as Lily collapses back on the mattress. I know she’s still awake since a smile breaks through her face.

“You need to change, baby. Come on.”

She moans as I grab her hand and lift her up into a sitting position. I grab her bag and place it on the bed beside her. She yawns before she opens it and takes out some clothes. She just stands up and changes there right in front of me.

She smirks when she catches me watching her. “You need to change, baby,” she teases, mocking my tone from a while ago.

I bite my lip to hold back my smile before I turn around and go to my suitcase to grab my clothes. As I turn around to go to the bathroom, I freeze in my spot when I look at Lily’s bare upper body, her back to me. She puts on a shirt and my eyes widen when I realize it’s my black shirt that I left her.

I gulp and quickly walk to the bathroom just as she’s turning around. I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself before I change. I just change my boxers, not bothering to put on a shirt since it’s hot in the room. Lily joins me in the bathroom and she gives me a quick kiss before she starts to brush her teeth. I grab my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth as well as I stand behind her and wrap my arm around her waist.

I realize how bad of a decision it was as she bends over to spit out the toothpaste, her bum pressing up against my groin. I try my hardest not to groan or pull her closer against me and, luckily, Lily stands up again when she finishes rinsing. She turns around and leaves a kiss on my jaw before she heads back out to the bed.

I finish brushing my teeth and I head out of the bathroom to join Lily in the bed. She’s already under the covers and lying on her side facing me. I smile when I notice the bear clutched tightly in her arms. I slide under the covers and move right against her, pulling her into me.

“I know I’m trying to work on my whole jealousy thing but I don’t really like that this bear is taking you away from me.”

She giggles and that’s when I playfully grab the bear from her arms.

“Sorry, bear, but you’re gonna have to find someone else. She’s mine.”

I’m about to throw it across the room but Lily grabs my arm.

“Harry!” She laughs. “Don’t. I’ll just put it on my other side.”

She takes the bear from me and places it on her other side, letting it sit against the headboard.

“Keep your hands to yourself, buddy. I’m watching you.” I point at the bear before I finally pull Lily right against my body.

Lily laughs again as she wraps her arms around me. She sighs and instantly relaxes into me. I’m basically adjusted to South America time so I’m not really sleepy yet. But I absolutely don’t mind.

I know that Lily would’ve eventually visited me at least once while I’m on tour. I just never thought that she would visit me here in Peru. I’m so glad she’s here. With the fight that we had and the issues we’ve had this past week, I’m glad that she came here to talk it all through.

I don’t know what she was talking about when she said that she was a horrible girlfriend. She is far from being a horrible girlfriend. Her being here shows that.

“Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, baby. I love you.” I lean back and kiss her forehead. It’s completely dark in the room so I’m surprised when I feel her lips against mine.

However, I don’t waste another second and I kiss her back. I feel her fingers rake through my hair and I turn us slightly so I can rest my upper body over her. The kiss quickly deepens and I’m surprised when she’s the first one to enter her tongue into my mouth.

My hands slide down her waist, over her hips and along her thighs. I stop at her legs and I squeeze slightly as I slide my hand up slowly.

Suddenly, she gasps and pulls away.

Even though I’m slowly adjusting to the dark, I can barely see her face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

I can see her shaking her head. “Nothing…I’m okay.”

She pulls me down again even though I’m still curious what happened. I start to get into the kiss again and I start to caress her thigh again and squeeze lightly.

Lily gasps again. “No!” She pushes me away and I lie there, completely confused but completely worried. I had a small idea from the first time she pushed away and as I turn on the lamp and look at her glistening eyes and stressed expression, I know exactly why she was like that.

“Where did he touch you?” I whisper, trying to sound as calm as I can.

She meets my gaze and I relax slightly as I see her face soften. She takes my hand and places it over her thigh, where I had it placed previously.

“Keep your eyes on me, okay?” I say

All she does is nod but she listens to me and keeps her gaze locked with mine. I slowly, softly and carefully move my hand along her thigh, never taking my eyes off of her.

“It’s me, Lily. I’m touching you and I’m going to be the only one that touches you from now on.” I press slightly harder against her thigh. “This is me. This is my touch. It’s nothing like how he touched you. I want you to know and remember what my touch is like. It’s me, Lily.”

She nods and her eyes are no longer glistening. She doesn’t look as stressed as she was when I first turned on the light. I guess since it was dark and she couldn’t see me, she couldn’t help but think about when that f.ucker touched her.

“Is this okay now?” I ask.

She nods again and gives me a small smile.

“Where else did he touch you?”

She takes my hand again and guides it to her stomach, underneath her shirt, or technically, my shirt that she’s wearing.

I see anxiety appear on her face again at my touch so I move it softly once again. Our gazes lock once again and I do the same thing that I did before with her leg.

“It’s me, Lily. This is my touch. I’m going to be the only one that's going to touch you like this. No one else. Only me.”

She nods and relaxes as my touch hardens slightly.

“Did he touch you anywhere else?”

She slowly nods and turns her head to the side and I know what she’s talking about when I remember her explaining what he had done to her.

I slowly lower my lips to her neck and leave soft kisses on her skin. I can feel her tense so I start to move my hand gently against her waist.

“It’s me. This is my touch. My kiss.” I leave another kiss on her neck. “Only I’m going to kiss you like this. No one else. Close your eyes and only think about me kissing you. Only me.”

I kiss harder against her neck and I know she’s finally got through it when she relaxes and rakes both of her hands into my hair, pulling me closer. I kiss even harder, hoping it’ll get any other image other than me out of her head. I know I’m accomplished that as I hear her moan. My tongue swipes out occasionally, licking her, tasting her, letting her know that I’m the only one that’s going to be able to do this.

“I love you, Harry.”

I leave one last wet kiss on her neck before I pull away and look down at her. She has a serene smile on her face and it triggers mine. I lean down and place a quick kiss on her lips.

“I love you more.”

This time, she leans up and gives me a quick kiss before she rests her head on the pillow.

“Can I turn off the light again? You need to sleep now.”

She nods and I lean over to turn off the light. I immediately take her into my arms and she rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and she rests hers across my body. She tangles her legs with mine and I pull up the blanket to cover her more and I finally relax and rub her back, helping her fall into a restful sleep.

I allow myself to listen to her breathing as it stabilizes until I eventually fall asleep with her.

**********************

Don't worry, guys. I don't plan on bringing Ivana back...for now. LOL jk, I really don't plan on bringing her back to the story but you never you...things change :P

BUT OMG GUYS! THIS IS CHAPTER 100!!! I never thought that this story would go on this long. I honestly thought that it would be 50-60 chapters at the most. Thank you guys! I honestly think that you guys motivated me to continue this story. From what I had planned at the very beginning, this story would've ended quite a while ago. My ideas changed while I was writing, some big changes actually but I love the changes I made. I like how the story is going and I hope you guys do, too. What I had planned at the beginning was totally cliche and I'm so glad I changed it lol.

Anyways, please let me know what you think! I miss your guys' long comments! Pretty please comment :) Also! I need someone who lives in/is knowledgeable about Lima. I need a bit of help in regards to what Harry and Lily are going to do when they go around the city. If you can help me, message me on kik. My username is livelaughlove47

I've already started the next chapter so vote and comment!

35 votes and 15 comments! Thanks for reading! Love love love you guys! <3

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