Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


140. This

Lily's POV

Catching the light from the moon, grasped carefully in between his fingers...

A ring.

My body goes numb and my mind goes blank as I focus on the ring. I still have my hand clutched over my mouth in shock as my other hand that's still held up in front of us shakes like a leaf.

I'm unable to move or talk and when Harry walks around me to stand right in front of me, I can only stay put in my spot. I slowly look up at him as he smiles nervously at me and brings my hand down in between us as he holds it with his own.

"Lily, I made you a promise the other day that I will marry you one day. I know it'll be years down the road but I wanted to do something to show you that I'm completely yours. Everything I have, everything that I am is yours."

I can see his eyes misting and I can feel his hand shaking as he still continues to hold onto mine. I bring my other hand down from my mouth and rest it over my chest, feeling my speeding heartbeat.

"This...this isn't a proposal," he says shakily. "I will propose to you one day. That, I know of for sure. But I just wanted to promise myself to you. I want this ring to symbolize forever for us with what we have right now. I know we're too young to even be engaged but I want this for us, to show that it'll be forever, even now. I can't imagine my life without you. I've already experienced that and I never want to experience that ever again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to start this new chapter with you...with this promise. So...Lily...will you promise to be mine forever?"

By now, my cheeks are streaked with tears and my entire body is shaking. My heart is pounding in my chest and my stomach is in a constant spin.

I look down at the ring still grasped in his fingers as he holds it beside my right hand. I look back up at him and see him looking at me with complete nervousness on his face.

We did make a promise yesterday and as he stands in front of me now, with a ring in his hand, it doesn't change anything.

"Yes. Of course, yes." A smile stretches across my face as more tears flow down my cheeks.

"Really?" he breathes.

I nod my head feverishly. "Yes! I promise, Harry. A million times yes."

He releases a huge breath as he finally smiles, a tear escaping from his eyes. The both of us look down at our hands and I watch as he slips the beautiful ring onto the ring finger of my right hand, where promise rings are supposed to be placed.

The ring fits perfectly.

Harry brushes his fingers along mine for a few seconds before he entwines our fingers, pulling me to him before he crashes his lips against mine. He wraps his other arm around my waist and he lifts me up as I wrap my arms around his neck.

He spins me around, letting our lips just stay pressed together in a lingering kiss as we let the excitement grow.

He pulls away to look at me, a huge smile on his face. I wrap my legs around his waist, not wanting to pull away from him just yet. He holds me with both of his hands now and I take one of mine, the one with the ring on it and rest it on his cheek as I smile back at him.

"I love you so much," he whispers. "You have no idea how happy I am right now."

"I love you, Harry. And I think I do because I've never been more happy than I am now."

"Do you like it? The ring?"

I hold my hand in between us and we both look down at it.

"I love it, Harry. I really do. It's beautiful."

The silver band is simple until it curves out on both sides of the multiple diamonds in the middle. There's one circle-shaped diamond surrounded by a ring of smaller ones. It's one of the most beautiful rings I've ever laid my eyes on.

"Look on the inside."

I furrow my eyebrows as I look up at him before I give him a pout. "I don't want to take it off."

I've only been wearing it for less than a minute and I already never want to take it off of my finger.

Harry chuckles lightly. "It'll only be for a minute. I'm sure you'll like it."

Keeping my legs around him as he continues to hold me up, I carefully slip the ring off and hold it up towards the moonlight. I have to squint a bit as I see something engraved on the inside of the band.

I look at it closer until I can finally read it.

You And Me

My face softens as I take in the words, the three simple words that have kept the both of us strong while we were apart. And now that it's engraved in this ring, I feel the meaning behind the words now strengthened and amplified.

"You and me, Lily. Forever."

A serene smile spreads across my face as I read the words one more time before I slip the ring back where it belongs.

I look back up at him, more tears building up in my eyes as my smile only widens.

"You and me, Harry," I whisper. "Forever."

I take his face in between my hands and pull him to me, placing my lips on his to give him a gentle kiss. I never thought that I would be this much in love with Harry but, once again, he's done something absolutely amazing and he proves to me that it's possible to love someone even more every day. With how I'm feeling right now, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he proposes. Or when we get married. Or when we grow old together.

The love I'm feeling is already bigger than I've ever imagined, more than I've ever dreamed. It's scary but it's the best feeling in the world.

We pull away, soft smiles present on both of our faces. I look down at the ring again and just like when I first laid my eyes on it, I look at it in awe. It's absolutely breathtaking.

"Wait," I suddenly say, a thought coming to me. "You only promised me two days ago. How did you get this ring so quickly? Engraved and everything."

He shrugs. "I started looking at them yesterday after we talked about it. You didn't think I'd be a cheap boyfriend and actually use my ring as your promise ring, did you?"

He points to his ring around my neck and I playfully roll my eyes at him.

"I knew that if I told you that I would get you a ring, you wouldn't let me get it. I found the perfect one. This one." He points to the actual promise ring and we both look down at it. "I called them and asked them to make it in your size and I picked it up while we went shopping, when I was shopping for my parent's Christmas gift at the jewelry store."

So what he's saying is that he picked it up just today.

I furrow my eyebrows at him as I realize something. "Harry, jewelers don't make rings that fast unless..."

He gives me an innocent smile but I can tell that he's trying to hide something. I decide to stand back up on my feet but he keeps me close, keeping his arms around me. I raise an eyebrow at him and he shoots me a sheepish grin.

"Harry Edward Styles, how much money did you spend on this ring?"

He pretends to ponder in thought, puckering his lips for extra affect.

"It was nothing," he says casually.

"Nothing, my ass. Tell me you didn't spend a million pounds on this."

He brushes my hair behind my ear, clearly trying to distract me. "Just half a million."

My eyes widen. "Harry!"

He laughs, pulling me closer. "I'm joking. But really, it's not as much as you're thinking it is. Promise rings aren't as expensive as engagement rings. Baby, please don't worry about it, okay? I don't want to ruin this moment."

My face softens and I slump in defeat. He's right. Tonight has been perfect. I don't want to ruin it with my reservations against people spending money on me.

I playfully pout at him, resting my hands on his chest. "You know I would've been happy with your ring." I hold his ring in between my fingers, his eyes moving down to it.

"I know you would've but I felt that that ring already has a special meaning behind it. I didn't want to take that away. I didn't want to take away everything that's happened when it came to that ring. I wanted to give you a different one that will hold a different meaning but still be just as special."

I thought that I would make him a little bit guilty but he's completely got me beat. Again, he's completely right. His ring has been one of the most meaningful things that symbolizes and represents our relationship. I wouldn't want to take away from it, either.

I nod, fully understanding him. "Well...thank you. I really do love it."

He places a kiss on my forehead as I place my hand back on his chest.

"I'm glad."

"Is this why you wanted to stay here?" I ask.

He smiles and nods. "Yeah. I was thinking of the perfect place to do it and I was actually going to do it on the Eye because that was where we first started to get to know each other. And I felt like that had a special meaning behind it. That's why I was persisting on us getting a pod to ourselves. I mean, it's fine that we didn't. I was worried that I was going to give it away, anyways. And now that I think about it, I feel that here was definitely the best place to do this. It's been nothing but great memories here. Well...except that one time I was being a complete idiot."

We both laugh quietly, thinking about the time that Harry had gotten upset with me when I was teasing him about another guy taking me on motorcycle rides and he had said some hurtful words to me. It seems like a lifetime ago and I've honestly moved on from it.

"This is where I gave you my ring as a necklace. This is where you gave me your bracelet. This is where we had our first date. And now we'll always remember this place as the place that we officially promised ourselves to each other."

My heart feels full, like it's about to burst out of my chest. All I can do is smile as I close my eyes and bury my face into his neck, pulling him closer to me.

"Now I don't want to leave," I whisper, laughing quietly.

"I don't either but I don't want you to get sick," he chuckles.

He pulls away and he's about to lead us back to the car but I tug on his hand, stopping him.

"Can we take a picture before we go?"

He smiles and walks back up to me, standing behind me as our backs face the view. He takes out his phone from his pocket and I take it from him. He wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder.

I hold up his camera in front of us and we both smile as I take a picture. I think about how I can show the ring in the next one and the best thing I can think of that doesn't look weird was to rest my hand on Harry's cheek.

He turns his face towards me, placing his lips on my cheek so that the ring is now in better view. I smile from ear to ear, the corners of my eyes crinkling as Harry keeps his lips on me. I take a few pictures this way before I turn my head towards him, meeting his lips with mine in a kiss as I take the last pictures.

I put the phone away, not taking my eyes off of him as we pull away. Blissful smiles are present on our faces and he leans in to give me one last quick kiss.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you, baby. Now, let's go. It's getting colder."

I nod, giving him back his phone before he takes my hand and tugs me back towards the car. He opens my door for me and closes it after I'm in my seat. He jogs to his side, hopping in and quickly turning the car on. He rubs his hands together and tries to warm it up with his warm breath as we wait for the car to warm up.

When warm air starts to blast through the vents, he carefully drives through the trail back to the main road. He drives back to his place and I take his free hand and place it in between mine, trying to warm it up even more.

As I do, I can't help but take glances at my new ring. It hasn't fully sunk in yet that we're promised to each other but I know it'll hit me soon.

It'll hit me soon that, even though I've known it for a long time now, it's actually going to be forever for us now. Our love will only grow stronger. One day, we'll get married. One day, we'll start a family together. It's all becoming more real now and I can see it all when I look down at the ring but, most especially, when I look at Harry.

I look back up at him, my smile never leaving my face.

“So, what are we going to say when people ask me about the ring? They’re bound to think things when they see it.”

He intertwines his fingers through mine. “We can tell them the truth,” he says easily. “We’ll tell them it’s a promise ring and that I’m going to marry you one day.” He takes a quick glance at me. “That is, if you want to tell people.”

I squeeze his hand. “Of course I do. That means that we’re going to tell my parents on Friday. You haven’t even met them yet and we’re going to tell them that you gave me a promise ring.”

Worry takes over his features and it only makes my smile widen.

“Are they going to be okay with that? What if they don’t like me?”

I take his hand and place a kiss on it.

“Harry, they’re going to love you. I didn’t tell them any of the bad things that happened between us because I didn’t want them to think differently of you. I didn’t think that they needed to know. So they only know the great things I tell them about you. My mum is already excited to meet you. She’s wanted to meet you for a long time now.”

“And your dad?”

“He may be a bit tougher to get through, what with dads being dads, but I know that you’ll win him over really quickly. He’s much more laid back than I am so if you won me over, you’ll definitely win over my dad.”

“I hope so,” he mutters. “I don’t want to leave a bad first impression with my future father-in-law.”

I laugh before I lean over and give him a kiss on his cheek.

“Everything will be fine. If I can survive your lovely aunts, you can survive meeting my parents.”

He finally smiles and turns his head to give me a quick kiss as we’re stopped at a red light.

“Speaking of my aunts, they’re going to have a fit when they find out on Christmas, especially my mum and granny. Are you sure you’re up for that? We can just tell them on the phone afterwards.”

I laugh. “I think I’ll be fine. They’ve already teased us about getting married and having kids. I’m sure I’ll be used to it by then.”

He sucks in through his teeth before blowing out through his lips. “I can already imagine how they’re going to react. They’re going to kill us with their screams and bone-crushing hugs.”

I laugh again, facing forward and leaning my head against his shoulder as he continues to drive.

“And how about El and the rest of the boys?” I ask.

“We can tell them on New Years.”

“That’s true.”

El had texted the both of us this morning that her and Lou would have a New Years party at their place. Of course I had told her about Harry and I “getting back together”. And I’m sure that either Harry or El had filled Lou in on it, too. Seeing as they were the only ones that knew of Harry and I’s break, I knew that they would need to be informed right away.

“And…and how about the rest of the world?” I ask.

He stays silent for a few seconds but gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“We can do whatever you’re comfortable with, baby. We can just keep it between our closest friends and family.”

I smile and turn my head to give him a kiss on his shoulder before I lean against it again.

“Can we? I just need a while to take it all in. I think telling our friends and family will be a good start. And then we can take it from there.”

“I completely understand. And I completely agree. Even if we kept it between just the two of us, I’d be happy with that, too.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

I feel his lips leave a kiss on the top of my head, letting it relax me.

I know that people will speculate once they see a diamond ring on my finger, regardless if which finger it’s on. I know that the media will be writing articles about it as soon as they see it. I know that they’ll eventually start asking me when we come across photographers.

All I would need to do would be to just ignore them. I wouldn’t necessarily deny it but I wouldn’t confirm it, either. Even if I tell them that it’s just a promise ring, there’s no doubt that the media will twist my words and say that we’re engaged.

People can speculate all they want. As long as I know the truth, that’s all I need.

And as I look down at the ring, I know that all of the horrible things that will come with it will be in the back of my mind. As long as I remind myself that Harry and I are promised to each other, I know that I won’t let any of the speculations get to me.

As I remind myself that it’s officially forever for us now, I know that I’ll be happy from this moment on.

And as I look at the ring one more time, I realize that I want Harry to remember that, too. And with that realization, I finally know exactly what I’m going to get him for Christmas.

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