Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


7. The Secret Spot

Harry’s POV

The feeling of her lips on mine lingered as I drove away from Ed’s flat. The look of confusion and then hurt on Lily’s face before I walked away from her is all I can see in my head as I drove home.

The second our lips touched, it was like my whole body was on fire, I felt alive. I knew that her sudden decision to kiss me was partly due to the fight she had with Ed but the feeling I got from kissing her was enough to overtake my thoughts. But then thinking about the fight made me think about the consequences of kissing her. I didn’t want to get in the middle of her and Ed’s friendship. And I promised him that I would keep things between me and Lily as friends.

That’s why I stopped the kiss. That’s why I walked away without an explanation.

But I would do anything to kiss her again.

I need to talk to her about this. But what do I say to her?

I was obviously kissing her back so she must know, or at least think, that there’s something between us.

But I have no idea the reason behind her decision to kiss me. Did she kiss me because she likes me? Did she do it to spite Ed?

No, she wouldn’t do that.

So she must have feelings for me, too.

At least, I hope she does.

I need to talk to her. I need to know why she kissed me and I need to know how she feels about me. Hopefully, she likes me back.

I finally admitted it to myself. I like her.

And right now, my promise to Ed is being kept in the back of my mind right now. I can’t help how I feel and I know I’ll regret it if I don’t do something about it.

First step is talking to her.

But now I’m nervous because I basically ran away after our kiss. She must think I’m an ass for doing that.

I can’t leave things how it is. I need to apologize and explain to her what happened.

Once I parked in my driveway, I pulled out my phone and called her, nervously waiting for her to pick up.

Lily’s POV

I collapsed on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts. Ed left to get some food after we talked and now here I am on my bed trying to make sense of everything that’s happened.

The thought that’s being overpowering every other thought is the kiss.

The kiss was indescribable and it made me feel alive again. After being in this post-breakup depression state, I was starting to feel again. But did I just start feeling something from the kiss or did it start from before? From when we first hung out.

I guess I didn’t realize it then but spending time with Harry brought me out of my funk and I was starting to be happy again.

I know it seems like I got over the breakup pretty fast but I guess when you’re cheated on and you meet someone like Harry, it doesn’t matter.

I like Harry, I really do but I can’t help thinking about how it’ll come in between him and Ed. They’re best friends and I don’t want it to ruin their friendship.

I groaned at my dilemma and covered my face with a pillow.

I was stuck in between following my heart and being happy again or putting Ed and Harry’s friendship in front of everything.

Before a debate started in my head, I heard my phone ring.

I whipped the pillow off of my head and sat up and grabbed my phone.

I looked at the caller ID and my heart did a backflip as I saw Harry’s name flashed on the screen. I answered before I could even think about the reason why he’d be calling.

“Hello?” my voice came out scratchy so I cleared my throat.


I stayed silent as I waited for him to say something. Seconds ticked by as the conversation, or should I say, lack of conversation, grew awkward.

“Can we talk?” Harry said at the same time I said, “Can I say something?”

Both of us chuckled lightly.

“You go first since you’re the one that called,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. I could hear the nervousness in his voice. “Um, could we possibly talk in person?”

“Yeah, sure. Um, did you want to talk now?”

Ed was out getting food and I don’t want to risk him getting mad again if he sees Harry here when he gets home.

“Yeah, sure. Do you think we can meet somewhere? I know I shouldn’t be asking you to lie to Ed but could you not tell him that you’re meeting up with me? I don’t want him any more pissed at me.” He laughed, trying to make light of the situation.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll make something up. Where did you want to meet?”

“I’ll come pick you up since you don’t have a car. Is 20 minutes okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Ed’s out right now so just wait for me at the front.”

“Sounds good. See you soon.”

“Yeah, see you.”

We hung up and I went into the bathroom to freshen up before I quickly sent Ed a text.

*Gotta go to the pharmacy to get some feminine stuff*

I knew that he wouldn’t offer to get it himself on his way back.

*Yeah sure. Are you sure you don’t want to wait for me so I can go with you?*

I rolled my eyes and smiled at my phone.

*No, Ed. I can handle going to the store by myself. Plus, it’s a heavy flow so I need to get it now*

I smirked while I waited for a reply.

*EW! You didn’t need to tell me that! Just be safe. Call me if you need anything*

I laughed before sending him one more text.

*LOL. I will, mom*

I was about to put my phone away when I got a text, this time from Harry.

*I’m here*

I took one more look in the mirror before taking a deep breath and headed out.

I ran to the car once I spotted it, it was colder than I thought it would be. I quickly closed the door behind me once I hopped in the car.

“Hey.” He gave me a smile before he started driving.

“Hey,” I replied. “So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” He grinned at me before looking back at the road.

I grew excited but I was still incredibly nervous about what we were going to talk about.

15 minutes later, Harry turned onto a dirt road.

“Close your eyes,” he said with a small smile.

I closed my eyes as I felt the car drive over small bumps. A couple of minutes later, the car stopped.

“Wait.” It was all he said before I heard a door open and close. A couple of seconds later, my door opened and I felt a gust of wind enter the car. He grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car. He closed the door and he placed his other hand on the small of my back before guiding me.

“This way.”

I tried to listen to my surroundings and all I could hear was the rustling of leaves and the sound of crickets. There were no sounds of traffic or people.

Finally, Harry stopped us and he let go of my hand.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

I opened my eyes and gasped as I took in the view. I was standing on the ledge of a small cliff on the edge of the forest looking overtop the beautiful nighttime view of London. Millions of lights spread across the whole of London and the stars twinkled in the sky. I looked around and spotted the London Eye.

“Wow, Harry. This is beautiful. I didn’t think anything could top the view from the Eye but this definitely does.”

“I thought you would like it.” I could see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. I know that once I look at him after looking at this beautiful view, I will make a fool of myself.

“How did you find this place?”

“I saw the ledge when I was walking around town so I thought I’d go and look for it. It was scary as hell driving through the forest but it was worth it.” He paused. “I’ve never shown this spot to anyone before.”

I grew nervous once again.

“Why did you decide to show me?” I asked. I still avoided looking at him.

“I don’t know. I thought that you would like it and that it’d be a good place to talk.”

I couldn’t resist anymore and I looked over at him. He was looking at me nervously and I could tell that he was anxious.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked.

He held out his hand. “Let’s go sit over there.” He nodded his head towards the edge before I took his hand and nervously followed him. Once we got closer to the edge, I grew scared and held onto Harry’s arm.

He chuckled at me before he carefully sat down on the ledge, his legs hanging over the edge. He looked up at me when he noticed that I didn’t move.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure that’s safe? We could fall.”

He laughed at me. “Yes, it’s perfectly safe. I’ve sat here hundreds of time.” He held out his hand and I hesitantly took it before slowly sitting down beside him. I inched my way to the edge and gulped as I hung my legs over the edge beside Harry’s.

“Just looked at the view. Don’t look down.”

I listened to his advice and looked up. I relaxed a little bit as I rested my eyes once again on the view.

A couple of minutes of silence filled the air before Harry cleared his throat.


I looked at him and waited for him to continue.

“Harry, don’t be nervous. Just tell me.” I gave him a reassuring smile and he returned it with one of his own.

“Okay. So, I wanted to talk about…what happened…the umm…the kiss.”

I knew that that was what he wanted to talk about but I still couldn’t help the nervousness that grew inside of me.

What was he going to say about the kiss? Did he like it as much as I did? Of course not, or else he wouldn’t have walked away right after. He probably wants to tell me that it can’t happen again? He probably thinks, well now, knows, that I like him and he wants to tell me now that he doesn’t like me like that.

Yeah, that’s most likely what he’s going to say. I don’t know if I can handle hearing him say that to me so I spared myself the hurt and embarrassment and decided to speak first.

“Yeah, about that. I’m really sorry for doing that. I wasn’t thinking and it was really stupid of me. I didn’t think about how it would affect your friendship with Ed and things between…us. I shouldn’t have done that. I only did it because I was so mad with Ed and how he was treating me. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. I feel horrible for doing that. I don’t want to ruin what we have. You’re a great friend and I don’t want my stupid decision to ruin it. I’m so sorry.”

I was lying to him and to myself though. I wasn’t sorry for that kiss. I would do anything to share another kiss with him, especially right now. But I know that he doesn’t want the same thing. I’m just saving him from telling me the same thing that I just told him. And I wanted to save myself from hearing it coming from him.

I pick at my nails as I waited for Harry to say something. When I built up enough courage to look at him, I slowly turned my gaze on him.

He was looking ahead of him. His expression was unreadable. But I could see a hint of…hurt?

No, I was just imagining it.


He blinked a couple of times before he looked back at me.

“That’s how you feel?”

His question confused me.

“Um, yeah?” It came out sounding like a question because I wasn’t sure what the real context of his question was. I could see the hurt more imminent in his eyes before he looked away.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked.

I could see him trying to force a smile on his face as he looked back at me.

“I just wanted to make sure things between us are okay. I wanted to apologize for running off like that after we…” He looked away again.

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that should be apologizing for my mistake.”

He snapped his head towards me and looked at me with pain in his eyes but he quickly recovered.

What did I say?

I looked away and waited for him to say something.

“So are we okay?” I asked after seconds passed by in silence.

“Yeah, of course we’re okay.”

A smile crept on my face as I looked at him and saw him smiling back at me but his faded a second later.

My heart dropped as I looked at him. I felt like there was something else he wanted to say but I didn’t want to be pushy and ask him about it.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated and I pulled out my phone before answering it.


“Lily, where are you? I’m home now and I have food.”

I looked over at Harry and saw him looking deep in thought.

“Yeah, I’m heading home now.”

“Okay, see you.”

I got off the phone and turned towards Harry.

“I should--”

“I’ll take you back now.” Without looking at me he got up and headed to the car. I sighed before carefully getting up and following him. I got into the car and we silently drove back to Ed’s flat.

I couldn’t help but think that I said something wrong. But this is what Harry wanted, right? He was just going to tell me that he wanted us to just be friends. But then why did he seem hurt by my words?

Harry’s POV

A mistake?

She thinks the kiss was a mistake?

That’s the last thing that I would think about the kiss. I felt the sparks and I thought she did, too.

But she said that the kiss meant nothing to her. She only did it to spite Ed. It hurt to hear her say that, especially after I came up with a whole speech telling her how I feel about her.

And here I am. I just made a fool of myself by bringing her to my secret spot, planning to tell her my feelings for her. I really thought that she would be doing the same thing but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

I’m not mad at her. I’m just mad. More upset, really. I was really hoping that tonight would be one of the best nights of my life but it was actually one of the worst.

I have to let it go though. She is a great friend and I’d take that over nothing.

I pulled up to the front of the apartment and put the car in park before facing her.

“So, um…we’ll see each other soon?” I asked.

She looked at me with a smile before turning to face me. “Of course, Harry.”

“Will Ed be fine with that?”

She chuckled. “Yeah. I talked to him about it and he understands now that we’re just friends.”

My heart dropped when I heard her say “just friends” but I smiled to hide it.

“That’s good. I like spending time with you and I’d rather not have Ed beat me up for it.”

She laughed her beautiful laugh before I joined her.

“I like spending time with you, too.”

We just looked at each other, big smiles on our faces. She blushed before looking away.

“I should go. Ed’s probably worried that I got kidnapped or something.”

I laughed again. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

She smiled at me before opening the door and getting out. She turned around to face me.

“I had a good time today. You know…before Ed went all psycho on me.”

“Me, too.”

“Bye, Harry.”

“Good bye, Lily. Have a good night.”

She smiled before closing the door. She walked away but she gave me one last wave before going inside the building.

I drove home, unsure of how I should feel right now. I should feel upset but I don't. My happiness that comes with spending time with her is stronger than any other emotion I’m feeling right now.




Sorry for taking so long to update! I had 3 exams this week so I was super busy studying this past month. But I have one more exam on Tuesday so after that, I'll be able to update more :)

might be able to put up one more chapter this weekend but I'm not sure yet :)

Thank you so much for everyone who's liked and favourited! I was on the front page of the popular fanfics for the month!

Please continue to like and favourite but more importantly comment! I loooove reading your comments. They always make me smile :)

I'm not even gonna bother talking about the people who are rude about me not updating a lot, not worth my time.

I'm just gonna focus on the ones who write sweet comments :)

Thank you so much for reading!

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