Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


81. Teasing

Harry’s POV

“Don’t worry, mate. Time will fly and you’ll see her again really soon. Trust me, it’s not as hard as you think it’s going to be.”

I look over at Louis as he drives. Even though it’s my car, he insisted that he would drive, most likely because he had noticed that I was in no state to drive safely. As soon as I had left Lily, I had started to cry. I couldn’t stop it. I tried as hard as I could to stop myself but it was too damn hard. My eyes were red and swollen and tears were falling non-stop. I was actually so relieved that Louis offered to drive.

I had just sat in my seat, my head against the window as I watched Manchester pass behind us.

I take a deep breath. “I know. I mean, I hope so. I just don’t want to be miserable the whole time. I know Lily would beat me up if she realized I was like this for the whole tour.”

I just smile as Louis laughs beside me.

I really do hope that Louis’ right. Seeing as how he’s been in a relationship with Eleanor for a long time and has dealt with the long-distance part several times, I know that he must be genuine. I’ve seen him be miserable like I am right now a few times before but he’s also handled it pretty well. I hope I can handle it as well as he can. I don’t want to bring everyone down while on tour by being like this.

I know it’ll get better. I’m just overwhelmed right now since I just left Lily. I’ll talk to her tonight and tomorrow and the day after and every day until I see her again.

I didn’t want to bring it up, I didn’t even want to admit it but I realized that I would most likely be seeing her again at the end of October when we have our show in Manchester. That just made this all much more depressing because that’s two whole damn months.

How am I supposed to survive not seeing her, not kissing her, not holding her for two whole months?

I look out the window again and close my eyes. I instantly bring up the image of her smiling up at me and it brings me slight peace.

“Why don’t you talk to her right now?” Louis asks.

I open my eyes again and look outside the window. “It’s alright. I’ll wait until we get home. I’d feel bad since I made you drive and I would just be talking to her. I told her that, too, so she knows that we’ll talk later.”

“Don’t worry about that, Harry. I really don’t mind.”

I look over at him and give him a small smile. “It’s okay. It’s a long drive and I don’t want you to be bored. It’s really okay. I’ll talk to her later.”

I would feel bad that I would just be on my phone the entire way home talking to Lily. And I know that Louis would do the same if I were the one that was driving.

I give him a reassuring smile and he finally nods.

“I didn’t have the chance to congratulate you properly but…I’m so happy for you. I really am. You and Lily are perfect for each other. I’m glad you guys got through it. I can tell you’re happy again. Genuinely happy.”

“I am. I couldn’t be happier. Well, actually, I would prefer if I could see her everyday but I would take this over not being with her.”

“Yeah I understand.”

“I was honestly really scared that Lily wouldn’t take me back. Even if we had decided to just be friends, I know that that wouldn’t be enough for me. I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her with anyone else and I don't think I’d be able to find someone else. You have no idea how happy I was when she said she was still in love with me.” I smile as I look out the window, remembering the feeling I got when I first heard those words come out of her mouth. “I love her. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“Are you sure that proposal this morning wasn’t real?” Louis quips. “It seems like you’re ready to marry her.”

I laugh and turn to him and see a smile on his face. “Too young, mate. I mean, I do see my future with her but I just got back together with her. I don’t want to take things too fast.”

“Yeah, of course. I was just teasing.”

I shake my head with a smile as I turn back to the window. Talking about her just makes it harder to not call her right now. But I can control myself. It’ll just make it so much better if I wait until I finally get home. I know it’s going to be nice to finally hear her voice after this four-hour drive.

I’m about to bring up tour when I remember something that I wanted to do.

I take out my phone and open up Instagram. I go straight the post page and I click on the picture that Eleanor took of Lily and I at lunch that I had asked her to send to me.

I always see pictures of Lily and I on the Internet but those are different. They’re captured by paparazzi and fans and random people but it’s nice to get one that was taken by one of our friends. It has so much more meaning and it seems more sentimental.

But, most importantly, I absolutely loved the picture. As soon as Eleanor sent it to me, I didn’t waste time in setting it as my wallpaper.

The picture was beautiful. It captured the entire definition of mine and Lily’s relationship. No matter where we are, whether we’re in her room or outside for the world to see, I will use every second to show Lily how much I love her. I want to show her how much I want to hold her, protect her, have her right beside me. It also shows that Lily trusts me again. She trusts me with her body and soul and that showed as she hid her face in the crook of my neck and let me hold her.

Even though her smile is the only part of her face that you can see, it’s enough for me to know that she’s happy. That’s all I want for her, to be happy. I’m just lucky enough to be the one that’s able to give her that happiness.

I edit the photo, choosing the black and white filter like I always do and I don’t even have to think about what to put for the caption.

Three words.

Three words that I just have to keep saying to myself to let myself know that I can do this. Three works to let myself know that Lily and I will never part.

You And Me


“I miss you so much,” I groan. I had dropped off Louis at his place and as soon as I got home, I went straight to my room and slumped onto my bed. I called her straightaway, finding out that she was cuddled up on the couch while Eleanor cooked.

I miss you, too, Harry.” Her voice is low, not having its usual light and spirited tone. I know she’s feeling exactly how I’m feeling right now.

“I miss you so f*cking much.”

Her giggle breathes some life into me and I find myself smiling, like she always does when she laughs.

“So, what are you going to do tomorrow?” I ask.

I hear her sigh. “Well, I have to finish unpacking and then get my room finished and get everything ready for school. Best way to spend my last weekend of break.”

I chuckle. “Wish I was there to help.”

Yeah, right. If you were here, I bet you would just lie in my bed the whole time or just mess everything up,” she laughs.

I dramatically scoff. “Excuse me. I am a wonderful boyfriend. I would’ve unpacked much better than you.”

Oh really? How come Louis was able to help Eleanor while he was here? She’s already finished unpacking.”

“So you’re saying you would’ve preferred us unpacking rather than what we actually did?” I tease. I can practically hear the blush creeping up her cheeks as she stutters on the phone. I know she’s thinking about that night. That amazing night we finally shared our first intimate experience. And, just like I’m thinking about right now, I know she’s also thinking about this morning, when I had tricked her into going back to her room just so I could share another intimate moment with her.

“Thought so,” I replied smugly. “But, hey, don’t work too hard. I don’t want you stressed out.”

Don’t worry, I won’t.” I can hear her walking around. “Babe, I’ll call you back. El and I are just gonna have dinner and then we’ll Skype after.”

Of course I didn’t want her to go but I know there’s nothing I can do about that. If I could, I would have her put me on speakerphone while they eat just so I can listen to whatever they would talk about. 

“Alright. Let me know when you’re done. I guess I can take a shower while I wait.”

’You guess’? Don’t you mean ‘you should’? You didn’t even shower this morning,” she teases, laughing through the phone.

“Well, someone didn’t want to take a shower with me when I offered.”

Well, that someone had already taken a shower and you could’ve taken one without me. No one was stopping you.”

I love it when she teases me like this. And I love teasing her back just as much.

“Well, I just wanted to spend every possible second with the certain someone so I sacrificed my hygiene for the morning before I had to leave.”

Hmm, well, maybe you should’ve woken up when I had told you that I was going to take a shower. Maybe I would’ve let you join me.”

My eyebrows rise at her words and all I can picture is what that actually would’ve been like and those images instantly have me all hot and bothered.

“Well, I’ll remember that for next time, baby.”

I know that I’ve left her all flustered and that just causes the smirk on my face to widen.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lily.”

She clears her throat. “Um, yeah. I’ll-I’ll text you.”

“Bye, baby.”

Mhm, bye….Harry.”

The call ends and I drop my phone on the bed as I close my eyes and wait until my breathing goes back to normal after it deepened and shallowed from the end of the conversation with Lily. I was still wound up so that’s when I get out of bed to take a cold shower.


“You’re not wearing my sweater?” I pout.

Lily and I are now both in our beds, sitting in front of our laptops as we Skype.

Lily pouts back. “I’m sorry. It’s in the laundry. I haven’t washed it since you first gave it to me. I didn’t even wash it back then.”

“Ew, that’s gross.” I playfully grimace, earning a eye roll from Lily.

“Hey, to be fair. I didn’t wear it for a while when we…you know.” She shakes her head, knowing that neither of us wants to bring up that time that we weren’t together. “Anyways, I didn’t want to wash it because I didn’t want to wash out your smell.”

My smile widens at her confession. “My smell? I usually wouldn’t find that flattering. But actually, you’re not the only one.”

She looks at me confusedly.

“I kind of wanted something of yours to bring with me so I can smell your smell while I’m away. So…I kind of stole your perfume.”

Her eyes widen but so does her smile. “Really? So you’re going to wear women’s perfume while you’re on tour?” she teases.

“No, of course not. Do you know how many times the lads will beat me up if they found out?”

She laughs and I take a second to watch her.

“No, um…I kind of took one of your shirts, too. So I’m just going to spray your perfume on that and keep it with me wherever I go.”

A sweet smile is spreading across her face and again, I just look at her.

“Wow, Harry. What else did you steal of mine?” she laughs.

I smile and shake my head. “Just those. But I felt bad so I left something for you.”

Her eyes light up. “What is it?”

I saw you spraying my clothes that I gave you with my cologne when you thought I wasn’t looking. So I thought I would leave it with you.”

Her entire face lights up in excitement as she starts to look around her room. “Really? Oh my gosh, Harry. That’s so sweet of you. Where is it?”

“I put it on your dresser, beside the Pandora box.”

She gets out of bed, disappearing from view but I can hear her walking around. She comes back with my cologne in her hands and she sits back down on her bed. She sprays into the air and closes her eyes as she inhales.

Suddenly, she turns her body around and starts spraying her pillows and her blanket.

“Hey! Don’t use it all!” I laugh.

She raises her eyebrows at me. “It’s mine now. I can use it all I want.”

I just laugh again as I shake my head. “You’re crazy.”

“I love you, too,” she says as she blows me a kiss.

God, I just want to pull her out of the screen and kiss her for hours. She’s being too adorable right now but I wouldn’t have her any other way.

“I left you something else for stealing your things.”

She leans over her bed to place my cologne on her side table before she looks back at me.

“I hope it’s you hiding in my closet.”

I chuckle. “I wish. No, but it is in your closet. Why don’t you go find out?”

She gets out of bed again and walks to her closet. I can still see her on the screen and I watch as she looks around. She looks on the ground first and then on the top shelf but when her eyes sweep her clothes, she gasps. She takes my black shirt that I wore yesterday off of the hanger and hugs it to her chest as she turns around and faces me.

“Harry! I love you!”

I’m about to tease her about her most likely going to drench that shirt in my cologne but my breath catches in my throat when I see her pull off her own shirt, exposing her upper body and red lace bra.

I gulp as I continue to watch, adjusting in my position as I start to get wound up again. Fortunately - and, at the same time, unfortunately - she slips my black shirt over her head and puts it on.

I thought that it would calm me down but it doesn’t. At all. The sight of her standing there in my shirt, the one side of the collar sliding down her shoulder and the hem stopping mid-thigh, completely covering her shorts, she looks f*cking sexy.

She climbs back onto her bed with an innocent smile on her face, oblivious to how she’s affecting me right now.

I gulp again and clear my throat. “It…it looks great on you.”

She smirks and bats her eyelashes. “It looks better on me, right?”

F*ck. She’s just teasing me for the hell of it now.

“Stop or I’ll drive back there and take it back.”

Her eyes widen for a quick second but then a playful glint flashes in her eyes. She bites her lip and tilts her head to the side.

“Hm, well, I want you to come back so why don’t you come get it?”

She’s good. She’s really good.

“You’re going to regret that once we see each other next.”

I thought that she would be left flustered like how it usually happens when we tease each other, but she just bites her lip again, holding back a smirk.

“We’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?”



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