Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


52. Suspicious Behaviour

Lily’s POV

“How was work today?”

I’m sat in my bed, the evening sky darkening around me as I sit on the window bench in my bedroom, my phone against my ear. Harry had called me as soon as he got home from the studio.

Busy,” Harry replies. “They really want us to finish this album soon. I mean, I love writing new music and recording and everything but I hate how I don’t have enough time this week to hang out.” He pauses. “Especially with you.”

I bite my lip, holding back my smile as I look out the window.

It’s been three days since the night at our spot, the night that Harry gave me his ring back. Since then, I would always find myself absentmindedly playing with it as it hangs around my neck, just like I am now.

We’ve talked every day since that night, either through text or a phone call. Things were going well. I’m more comfortable talking to him, just like how things were back when we started getting to know each other.

Ever since that night at our spot, I’ve been waiting for the day that I would get to hang out with Harry. The last time that we hung out, just the two of us, was the night at El’s when we had played our songs that we wrote about each other. I will always cherish that night as one of the most memorable moments I’ve had here. Now, I want that again. I want to do what I love to do with one of the people I care about the most. Playing seems to be something that brings us close together. We’re comfortable. We forget about everything else for a while.

“I know. I was hoping to see you sometime soon. I wanted to show you a song that I finished.”

Oh really? Is it about me?” he teases.

I roll my eyes but smile as I’m reminded of when Harry would always ask that question every time I tell him about a song that I’m writing or I’ve finished writing.

I laugh. “No, sorry, this time it isn’t.”

He laughs through the phone, the sound making my smile widen. “What’s it about, then?

“It’s about not falling for the glitz and the glam of the famous life. How I need to stay grounded and remember where I come from and how I don’t need the money and the free things that come with being famous to be happy. Those things may seem like the most important thing in life and everyone wants it but it doesn’t last. The important thing is doing what I love, hopefully making a change in the world or even in just one person’s life. And just reminding myself and everyone else that love is bigger than anything else out there.”

I take a deep breath and wait for Harry’s response. I bite my lip in anticipation. My songs are usually about love or heartbreak so this is different for me. This song is personal. This song is about me, for me. It’s a reminder to myself that the things that come with the famous life aren’t what I should be searching for to find happiness. It should be about doing what I love and sharing that with others.

That sounds like a lovely song, Lily. I can’t wait to hear it.”

I smile and look down at the ring that I’m still playing with. The moon reflects on the metal as I twirl it around on one of my fingers.

You can play it for me right now, if you want.”

I laugh. “Nice try. I might’ve back when I was still afraid to play in front of people but definitely won’t now.”

Why not?” he whines. I can practically hear him pout as he speaks.

I shrug, glad that Harry can’t see the blush colouring my cheeks. “I want to see your reaction when you hear it. I mean, I always want to see people’s reaction when they first hear one of my songs.”

I get it.” Now, I can hear his smile. “That means that you have to play it for me the next time I see you.”

I smile yet again. “Of course. But when is that exactly? Last time I checked, you’re not the one that’s been bored out of their mind these past few days with nothing to do.”

I’m sorry!” he laughs. “But, um…I’m free Saturday. Do you have plans that day?

“Hmm, let me check my schedule.” He laughs as I pause for dramatic effect. “Well, I have plans to do absolutely nothing in the morning and then more nothing for the rest of the day but I think I can squeeze in some time for you.”

Harry’s laugh triggers mine.

You’re a busy woman, huh? Well, I hope you can make enough time for little, old me.”

“You’re definitely not old and you are most definitely not little. You’re huge.” My eyes widen at my remark. “Shit! No, I meant you’re tall! Not huge like…you know. I mean, I don’t know if…cause you know, I’ve never, we’ve never…Oh my gosh. I meant you’re not little as in you’re tall. Very tall.”

Harry’s laugh booms through my ear as I sit here with my heated cheeks. I bury my head in my free hand and groan.

Still awkward as ever,” he laughs. “Don’t worry, I know what you meant.”

“I hate it. I hate my awkwardness.”

Well, if it helps, I think it’s cute.”

Butterflies erupt in my stomach and my eyes widen.

Wait, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, it’s cute like I find a bunny rabbit cute. Not that I’m saying you’re a bunny rabbit. I-I think your awkwardness is cute. Not that I don’t think you’re cute but, you know…

Now it’s my turn to laugh.

“Don’t worry, Harry. I know what you meant,” I repeat his words. I can hear him groan.

Let’s just forget about both of our awkwardness,” he says seconds later. “So, Saturday. We’ll do something?

I bite my lip and nod. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Silence surrounds me, neither of us saying anything. However, this silence is comfortable. It’s not awkward at all.

I look out the window and set my gaze on the full moon. It’s beautiful. I lean my head against the cool, glass and hold my hand out in front of me, sticking out my thumb.

The moon is never bigger than your thumb.

This moment reminds me of the many times that Harry and I gazed up at the moon, doing this exact same thing. I reminisce about the night when we went stargazing on the top of Harry’s car at our spot. The night that I gave him my bracelet. The night I laid there in his arms as he promised to make me the happiest girl in the world.

I wonder if he’s looking at the moon, too. And then, my thoughts are answered.

The moon is beautiful tonight,” he says.

I slowly drop my hand back to my lap as I continue to look at it.

He’s looking at the moon.

No matter where it is in the sky…no matter where you are in the world…the moon is never bigger than your thumb. It's a full moon here tonight, which makes me think of you. Because I know that, no matter what I am doing or where I am, this moon will always be the same size as yours, half a world away.

Even though Harry is just a few miles away from me right now, it feels like he’s half a world away.

But, just the thought of Harry looking up at the same moon that I’m looking at at this exact second, I feel closer to him than I have these past couple of weeks.

All that I hope for is that he’s reminded of me when he sees the moon because I know that, no matter what, the moon will always remind me of him. Because of that, along with his ring that is now resting against my beating heart, I feel comfort in knowing that I will always be reminded of him.


“Please, please, please! Ed, please!” I whine.

I sit beside Ed on the living room couch, clasping my hands in front of me.

“No way. Why don’t you take El or Perrie?” he never takes his eyes off of the TV in front of him.

Today is Saturday, which is the day I get to hang out with Harry. I’m excited and all for it but for one small thing.

Ivana is going to be joining us. Or technically, I’m joining them. That’s why I’m begging Ed to go with me. For one, I do not want to be a third wheel. And second, I’ll need someone to talk to if Harry and Ivana do something that makes me uncomfortable.

“I already asked them and they’re both busy today. Please, Ed. It won’t be as bad as you think it will.”

Truth was, I have no idea what to expect for today. I actually insisted to Harry that we could just hang out another day since I didn’t want to bother them if they had made plans. But Harry reassured me that it was more than okay. He said he felt bad for making plans with me and then telling me that Ivana made last minute plans together.

“I’ll clean the flat and…and do your laundry for the rest of the time that I’m here.”

He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. “Wash my car, as well.”


I reach out my hand and he hesitantly looks at it before he extends his hand and we shake on it. I’m okay with cleaning the flat and even doing his laundry but I have never cleaned a car in my life. Just because I agreed to do it, does not mean I’m going to do a great job at it.

Oh, well. That’ll be Ed’s problem.

“Okay, well then, go get ready. We have to leave soon.”

Ed groans before he turns off the TV and makes his way to his room. I decide to take out my phone to let Harry know that we’d meet him at the café in half an hour. I’ve been ready since this morning so I just impatiently wait for Ed to be finished.

Ten minutes later, Ed appears back into the living room and I quickly grab my purse and I pull him out of the flat.

We arrive at the café 15 minutes later. We’re here first so I sit at a table for four beside Ed and we wait for Harry and Ivana.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this…whatever this is…with Ivana here. The last time we were in each other’s presence, she gave me the death glare throughout the night of the Brit Awards. I remember her being so full of herself and attempting to hurt me when we shook hands. I grin when I remember that I gave her a taste of her medicine and crushed her bony, little hand in response.

“You have something in your hair,” Ed says, interrupting my thoughts. I look up at him as he reaches his hand out to pick something out of my hair. I look at it and see that it’s a piece of lint before Ed flicks it onto the floor.

“Thanks,” I say, giving him a smile.


Harry’s POV

“At least you’re dressed nicer this time,” Ivana drawls. She glances at me as we pull over in front of the café. “I wonder if a certain someone has something to do with it.”

I turn to look at her. “Can we just have a peaceful lunch without you insulting me? I know that my manager talked to yours about ending the contract so I know that you’re aware now that I don’t want this anymore. Just please, can you not piss me off for these next two weeks that we have left?”

I’m glad that she seems to dislike me as much as I dislike her. At least she’s not some clingy (fake) girlfriend. I just wish that, with her dislike for me, she would break up with me already. But I know Ivana and she just wants to get as much fame as she can get with all of the time we have left together.

She just smirks at me. “Oh, don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll make sure these last two weeks will be the best. Just for you.”

I feel unsettled as I see something flash through her eyes. Before I can decipher it, she turns and hops out of the car.

I take a deep breath and follow her. We stand side-by-side for the paparazzi as we make our way into the café, fake smiles on both of our faces. The hostess leads us through the café and out to the patio in the back.

I see Lily and Ed sitting at a table, facing us but they haven’t spotted us yet. A genuine smile overtakes the fake one previously vacating my face as I settle my gaze on Lily. The afternoon sun is shining above, giving her an extra glow.

As we make our way through the tables, my stomach drops and my smile fades when I see Ed brush his hand through her hair. It’s only for an instant but it causes Lily to look up at him and smile.

What the f*ck?

Before I can think more about this, we reach the table and Lily and Ed look up at us, Lily with a smile on her face and Ed with a flat expression.

He was just smiling back at Lily a second ago.

I shake my head, ridding my thoughts just as Lily stands up and gives me a hug before she turns to Ivana and they shake hands. I can see the same look on Ivana’s face that I saw in the car as she looks down at Lily.

I see a hand reach out from the corner of my eyes and I turn to see Ed holding his hand out to me. I look down at it hesitantly, unsure of whether it’s because of our strained relationship right now or because of what I just witnessed a minute ago between him and Lily. However, I reach out and shake his hand and offer him a smile, one that he surprisingly returns.

We sit down and after our waitress asks for our drinks, we sit there in silence until Ivana breaks it.

“Ed, I didn’t know you were coming. I thought it was just going to be us three,” she nods at me and Lily.

Ed chuckles. “Yeah,” he looks over at Lily and she smiles back. “Lily practically begged me to come. Actually, more like bribed me.”

Lily laughs. I feel my breath quicken as I look between the two of them as they exchange looks, looking like they were laughing at an inside joke.

“I practically have to be his slave for the rest of my time here before I have to leave for school,” Lily explains.

I’m about to ask her what the hell she meant by that but Ivana interrupts me.

“Oh, when is that exactly?” Ivana asks in an annoying, fake-sweet voice.

I can see that Lily can sense the fakeness in her tone as her eyebrows pull together as she looks at Ivana.

“Um, August 22nd,” she replies and she leaves it at that.

I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up at Ivana leans closer to me.

“What a coincidence, huh, Harry? I swear there’s something that’s happening around that day. What is it again, Harry? I don’t think I remember.”

I tense, looking at Ivana and that goddamn smirk on her smug face. I know what she’s talking about. And she knows that I know what she’s talking about. She’s talking about the contract, the one that ends on the 21st of August. The day before Lily leaves.

That look is on her face again but now, much more stronger than ever. It’s unnerving and it sends shivers down my spine.

“Uh, not sure,” I mutter. She gives me a smug smile before she turns to face the others again.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll remember soon.”

I can see Lily and Ed looking at the two of us uncomfortably at our exchange. I decide to look down at my menu to calm myself down. I knew from the moment that I had picked up Ivana that today was going to a long day. I just hope that I can keep myself together long enough to have a civilized lunch.

Our waitress comes back with our drinks and we order our food. Now that I have nothing to distract myself with, I rest my arms on the table and try to think of something to talk about.

I come up with nothing that will interest every single person at this table, especially Ivana. I wish she would just leave. I’m not even bothered that Ed’s here. I can tolerate him much more than I can tolerate Ivana. I would tolerate a screaming baby in front of me better than I could tolerate Ivana right now.

“So…” I start. Lily and Ed look up at me expectantly, most likely feeling the awkward tension surrounding the table, while Ivana just looks at me with a bored expression. “How’s the song that you two are working on coming along?” I ask Lily and Ed.

They look at each other before they turn back to me.

“It’s good. Ed’s still trying to convince me to go into the studio to record it with him but I’m still nervous about it. I think I’ll do it, though. It seems fun.” Again, they freaking smile at each other again.

“Oh, you sing?” Ivana’s voice cuts through the air.

Lily turns to her and I hold back a laugh as I see Lily’s eye twitch infinitesimally.

“Yes, I do.”

“What kind of music do you play?”

“It’s mostly acoustic. Similar to Ed’s style.”

Ivana doesn’t even glance at Ed, she just looks down at her phone that she has out now.

“Oh, I haven’t heard any of his songs so I wouldn’t know.”

I can see Lily glare at Ivana’s head and her hand clenching in a fist, Ivana oblivious to everything. Ed grabs her clenched hand and pulls it down underneath the table as he leans towards her and whispers something in her ear. She visibly relaxes and I wait patiently for either one of their hands to reappear from underneath the table but it doesn’t.

What the hell is going on between the two of them? I’ve never seen them this…intimate before. All of the other times, it was all playful and friendly. Now, they’re smiling at each other, holding hands underneath the table, playing with each other’s hair.

Has something happened recently? Did something happen while they were in Amsterdam? Did something happen before Amsterdam and that’s why he asked her to go with him?

Ed leans towards her again and whispers into her ear. My hands clench on the table as I see her lightly laughing as she looks down. I have to look away.

I was so excited for today. Even though I had to take Ivana with me, I was still excited. And I was still okay with everything even when Lily told me that Ed would be joining us. I never thought that I would be witnessing everything I’m seeing in front of me right now.

I know that they’re close, closer than anyone else I know but this is all getting a bit weird.

They’re friends. Just friends. They even described their relationship as a brother-sister relationship. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. Ivana is getting the best of me so maybe my head is just all over the place because of her.

I try to convince myself that it’s nothing, that it’s just my mind playing with me. I try to distract myself but there’s nothing to distract myself with. Ivana’s still rudely playing on her phone and Lily and Ed are still having their own private conversation.

This is getting really awkward. I should’ve just accepted Lily’s offer to hang out another day. I wouldn’t have to deal with Ed and I wouldn’t have to deal with Ivana. But I was just too excited to hang out with her that I would accept any plans to get that. However, if I had known that today isn’t going as I thought and hoped it would, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.

I should’ve just hung out with Ivana like I was supposed to and then made plans with Lily afterwards. I know that she had asked Ed to come with her so she wouldn’t feel left out or feel like the third wheel but I’m just wondering whether she had asked him because none of the other girls could come or if she had asked him first.

I slightly relax as Ed and Lily finally pull away from each other but then I realize that it’s because our food is here.

We eat in silence at first but then I decide that I need to strike up conversation if I want the awkward tension to go away and to make this disastrous lunch go by much quicker.

Therefore, I talk about anything and everything. I talk about movies, music, even the damn weather. Throughout the lunch, I keep my eyes on the two in front of me. I try to pick out their movements and actions.

I admit, it’s a bit crazy but it’s bothering me like hell.

Ed rests his arm on the back of Lily’s chair, Lily eventually leaning into him. They share their food. Thankfully, they don’t feed other but still. They both look through Ed’s phone with Lily resting her head on his shoulder.

They’ve been like this before so why is it bothering me now?

We finish our lunch and we pay for our meals. I pay for Ivana’s food…and Ed pays for Lily’s.

 I shake my head.

They’re just friends. They’re just being friendly.

I repeat this mantra in my head as we make our way out of the café. We say our goodbyes and I tell Lily that I’d talk to her later. They get into Ed’s car and drive away as I open the door for Ivana. As I’m driving her home, I start to feel nervous about what I want to ask from Ivana.

I don’t know why I’m so worried to ask her, it’s not like I care about what she thinks or how she feels but I somehow am. So I muster up all the courage I can and clear my throat.

“Hey, Ivana?”

“What?” she snaps, never taking her eyes off of her phone.

I keep my eyes on the road. “Um…is it alright if I hang out with Lily? Just…just the two of us. I mean, we’re just friends so it’s not like the media will think anything of it.”

I know she’s going to say ‘hell no’ and explain to me that it wouldn’t be good for her PR but she surprises me with her answer.

“That’s more than okay with me.”

I look over at her as we’re stopped at a red light. She’s giving me that look again. Why the hell does she keep looking at me like that?

“Go ahead. You know what, you can hang out with her every day if you want. I know she’s leaving soon so I just want you to spend as much time with her as your heart desires.” Her voice is filled with fake sweetness and overexaggeration. She’s up to something. She would never be okay with this before. And the fact that she’s the one to suggest that I hang out with Lily all that I want gives me a bad feeling. I should be glad that Ivana is okay with it. Like I said, she’s fame-hungry and will stop at nothing to get rid of anything that comes in her way.

People will think things when they see me and Lily together, therefore affecting Ivana’s PR.

Of course I’m going to go with Ivana’s suggestion but I know that I’ll need to keep my awareness of her on full high. I can’t help but think that she’s doing this for a certain purpose.

Before I start to get more suspicious of her behaviour, we finally arrive at her house and I drop her off without another word.

I drive home but my thoughts immediately bring me back to Lily. I don’t even think about what had happened today at lunch with her and Ed. I just think about her.


I want to see her again and this time, just the two of us. I don’t think I can wait until tomorrow to see her. I need to see her now.





Anyways, please like, favourite and comment! Things are about to get intense again soon! I mean, they already are but it will get even more intense in the next few chapters! So like! And comment!

Thanks for reading and I'll try and update really soon, I already have the rest of the story planned out right until the end. Don't worry, there's still a lot that I have planned for this story! It's not ending anytime soon! But please like and comment!

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