Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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55. Sushi

Lily’s POV

“I’m paying this time and if you won’t let me, then just take me back to Ed’s.”

“Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up in front of him, a chuckle escaping his lips. I smile in triumph as I turn around and walk up to the ticket booth.

“Two adults, please.” I hand my card to the lady working behind the booth and she returns it along with two tickets for the London Eye. I hand Harry his ticket before we make our way to the line.

He leans in, his mouth just beside my ear. “You know, this just means that I’m going to pay for dinner.” Shivers run down my spine as his breath tickles my neck and I cross my arms, hoping to hide the goosebumps appearing on my skin.

I smirk up at him. “Who said I wanted to go to dinner with you?”

His eyes light up, knowing that he’s also taken back to the last time that we were here. I remember teasing him after he had suggested that I could pay him back for the tickets by paying for dinner afterwards and then asking him this exact same question. Nostalgia hits me hard but I find myself smiling at the memory.

I see his eyes dart to my lips. Only a few inches of space is between us and I want nothing more than to close it.

What am I doing?

He leans in even closer. I can see the wariness in his eyes as his gaze moves from my lips and back up to meet mine. I know he’s waiting for me to close the rest of the distance between our awaiting lips but I still have a sliver of self-control lingering somewhere in my body.

This is wrong. I can’t do this. I want to but I can’t. I know that Harry wants this too but why?

Someone clears their throat and I jump and take a step away from Harry. I take a shaky breath as I walk past the man working at the Eye and head into the pod.

We have the pod to ourselves again and I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, especially now after what just happened. I lean my arms on top of the bar right in the front, hearing Harry’s footsteps behind me before I see him appear at my side. Both of us keep our gaze straight ahead of us out in the view of the city. Silence surrounds us and I can feel the tension growing after each passing second.

Finally, the pod moves and I watch as London shrinks below us. It’s still as breathtaking as the first time I saw it. Nothing beats this view, except maybe the view from our spot but I think the beauty of both views is enhanced by the one standing beside me right this second.

“I’m sorry,” Harry blurts out.

I snap my head up to look at him but he’s still looking out at the view.

“I’m sorry for…what just happened.” He finally looks at me and my eyes widen at amount of worry filling his features. “I don’t want to mess this up again. I…I like what we have right now and I don’t want to push you away again. I’m sorry. I…I--”

I take my finger and press is against his lips, silencing him. If this wasn’t such a serious topic, I would be laughing at how adorable I find him right now as he flusters through his words. Instead, I force him to look at me as I take my finger and cup his cheek with my hand.

“It’s okay. It’s nothing. Nothing happened so don’t get too worked up about it. I mean, I--”

What I wanted to say was that I wanted to kiss him as much as he did. But admitting that would probably make this even worse and cause even more problems.

“It’s okay,” I say instead. “Let’s just forget about it and enjoy the rest of the night.”

He nods, the worry fading away and slowly being replaced with a smile. I smile back and his smile finally reaches his green eyes. I see them light up again just like they were a few moments ago and I have to force myself to rip my gaze away from it and rest my sights on the view below us.

“So…I know that you’re leaving in less than two weeks so…I was wondering if it’d be okay if we hung out as much as we could.”

I look back at him and he looks like a kid asking for candy at a candy store.

“What about Ivana? I don’t think she would particularly like it that we’re spending more than together than you do with her.” I try not to sound like I’m throwing it at his face, I just want to make sure that the rest of my time here will be drama-free.

“Don’t worry about her. She actually told me that she understands that I want to spend time with you before you have to go. She even told me that I should spend as much time with you as I can.”

My eyebrows pull together in confusion. Did she really actually say that? That would be the last thing that I would expect to come from her. She used to be so clingy to Harry when I first met her. Even though she was less clingy yesterday at lunch, I still wouldn’t expect her to actually suggest that Harry and I hang out practically every day until I leave.

That is definitely weird.

“Really?” I ask.

He nods feverishly. “Yeah. I know you’re surprised to hear that. Trust me, I was too but don’t think too much about it. Even if she did have a problem with us hanging out, I wouldn’t care. You’re only here for less than two weeks and I want to spend as much time with you as I can. And the fact that she’s okay with that, we should be happy about that. Okay?”

He’s right. Maybe Ivana actually does have a heart and understands that Harry and I are good friends and that we want to hang out before I have to leave. Harry and I would have hung out either way so I don’t want to add unnecessary stress by worrying about what Ivana thinks.

“Okay,” I reply with a smile.

He relaxes immensely, his tense shoulders slumping in relief.

“But, you know, I have other friends here, too.” I nudge his shoulder as we both face the window again. “I came here for Ed so I need to spend some time with him, too. As well as Perrie and El. And even the other guys. I wanted to get to know them more, too so maybe we can hang out with everyone occasionally.” I emphasize the last word with a shrug of my shoulders, earning a chuckle from Harry. “You have to share me with everyone else too, you know.”

I nudge his shoulders again and he looks down with a smile on his face.

“I guess. But I get to hang out with you more. Ed’s got to hang out with you for 15 years so I think that I should be able to spend more time with you now.”

I raise my eyebrows at him. “Oh, really? And who let you decide who I get to hang out with?” I turn to face my body towards him and cross my arms across my chest.

He mirrors my position, facing directly in front of me. “I did.” I see his eyes light up again, accompanied by a smile. “You got a problem with that?”

And just like that, a smile erupts on my face. I feel my cheeks heat up as I look down to avoid his piercing gaze.

I see him take a step closer to me and I look up, craning my neck to meet his eyes. I take a step forward, attempting to look intimidating as I straighten my shoulders.

“I do, actually.”

He smirks. “And what are you gonna do about that?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, challenging him. I lean in closer, our faces only inches apart. His eyes soften and so does his smile. I can see his eye sweep down to my lips and I know that I’ve got him exactly where I want him.

Just as he leans in to close the rest of the space between our lips, I take my hands and quickly press them at his sides, not wasting a second before I start tickling him.

He flinches away with a shout but I keep one arm around his waist as I continue to tickle him with my other. We laugh together, even though Harry’s is caused against his will. He attempts to push me off but his laughter is hindering his strength.

“Lily! Stop!” he laughs. I can see tears prickling the corners of his eyes and I just smile, watching in awe at how carefree he looks like right now. For a second, his dimples distract me but that’s all it takes for Harry to have the upper hand and trap my hands around his. I wait for him to tickle me but he surprises me by pulling me into his body and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“As much as I want to get back at you and tickle you until you beg me to stop, I think that we should enjoy the rest of the ride.”

I hesitantly wrap my arms around his waist, listening to his breathing go back to normal as I rest my head against his chest. I try to focus on the beautiful view in front of me but I can’t. Once again, I feel myself feeling happy and wary being in Harry’s arms but once I feel Harry’s hand glide from my shoulder and up to the side of my neck, brushing my hair back so I can feel the complete warmth of his palm on my skin, I feel more content than anything else.

“I wish I could stay longer,” I blurt out.

I can feel him tense but he quickly recovers as he pulls me in slightly closer.

“Me, too.” There seems to be something hanging onto his words, like he meant more to it than he let on but it was too subtle for me to be able to figure out what it is.

“Well, if I’m wishing for anything, I wish that I could live here. I love it here.”

He lightly chuckles. “I would definitely like it if you lived here, too. Look on the bright side, you’re graduating next year so maybe you can if you really wanted to. I mean, Ed’s here and El and Perrie, and…Prince William.”

I laugh.

“Oh, and me.”

I bite my lip to hide my smile even though he can’t even see me.

“Well, in that case, maybe I don’t want to live here anymore.”

He nudges me with his other hand and I flinch.

“I’m kidding,” I giggle. I slowly look up at him and he looks down to meet my gaze. “Maybe I will. I’ve missed Ed too much and I would definitely miss the rest of you guys.”

“Especially me?” He gives me a toothy grin and I roll my eyes.

“Especially you.”

He smiles. “I would definitely miss you, too. It would be amazing if you lived here.”

I find myself getting lost in his bright, green eyes that are now being illuminated by the moonlight. But it’s his words that leave me tongue-tied. It may be casual to others but to us, or at least to me, it means so much more.

I just give him a smile before I turn to rest of head against his chest again, resting my gaze on the view. Even if I knew what to say, I would probably stumble on my words and I might even say something that I’ll regret. So I keep my mouth shut and Harry seems to be okay with it as we spend the rest of the ride in silence, watching London grow and shrink as we go around and around.

Our pod stops at the bottom and Harry and I step out. Just as we walk out of the gate, flashes go off and we’re met with screams and squeals. Thankfully, it’s only girls and not paparazzi that are blocking our way out. Girls left and right immediately push their way to get a picture with Harry and, not surprisingly, I’m pushed out of the way.

I can see Harry looking over the crowd of girls and he visibly relaxes when he finds me. He mouths ‘just a second’ and ‘I’m sorry’ but I give him a reassuring smile as I stand off to the side. Harry takes pictures with everyone but he politely refuses to give autographs, telling them that he has to be somewhere.

He starts to make his way out of the crowd towards me and, without a word, he rests his hand on the small of my back as he guides me back to his car. A few of the girls follow us so Harry and I walk more quickly. We finally reach his car and he opens the door for me and helps me step inside. I watch as he takes a few more pictures with girls as he makes his way around his car before he opens the door and hops inside.

He turns on the car and carefully pulls out of the parking space. We hit the main road and Harry takes a deep breath.

“Sorr--”

“It’s okay, Harry. I’m totally fine. I would never be upset with you for doing that.”

He glances at me, giving me a small smile before he focuses on the road again.

“Alright. Well, where did you want to eat? And remember, I’m paying.”

Harry immediately relaxes in his seat, already forgetting about his worries.

“Well then, I think we should have a five-course meal and order two bottles of their finest wine.”

He laughs. “If that’s what you want. I’ll go wherever you want to go.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m obviously joking. But I’m actually craving sushi. Unless you don’t feel like it, we can go somewhere else.”

He nods. “Sushi sounds great. And I know a place that has the best sushi.”

I smile. “Sushi it is, then.”

**

“Why the hell did you order this?” Harry laughs. He holds up a sushi with his chopsticks and his nose scrunches up as he looks at it.

“I thought it would be good.”

“So why don’t you eat it?”

“Because I already tried one and it’s disgusting.” I quickly cover my mouth and look around the restaurant, hoping that no one heard me.

“And why are you making me eat it?”

I laugh. “Because they charge you for every piece that you don’t finish.”

He places the sushi back on the place. “They can charge me $100 for every piece of that. I am not eating that.”

I laugh as his eyebrows scrunch together and he sticks his tongue out in disgust.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that you basically get $500 every second.”

He takes a different piece of sushi and stuffs it in his mouth. “Actually, it’s $1000 every second,” he says through a mouthful of food.

I laugh out loud, causing the people in the tables around us to look at me. I don’t care though. Harry is being too damn cute. “You’re an idiot.”

“Did you want some more?” he asks, looking down at the nearly empty plates in front of us. The only things left were the disgusting sushi rolls that I ordered.

I shake my head. “No. I’m so full. Thank you, though.”

“How about dessert? Come on, everyone always has room for dessert. Plus, it’s included with the meal. How about some green tea ice cream?”

“Okay, fine.”

He places the order on the iPad placed in the middle of the table. This place is so high-tech. All we had to do was tap a few buttons on the screen and a waiter would come out of the kitchen with our order a few minutes later.

He rests his arms on the table and looks up at me.

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Well, since you’re the one that decides who I get to hang out with, I’m guessing that I’m spending the majority of it with you.”

He laughs. “You’re right about that. Unless you’re getting tired of me and want to hang out with someone else for a change.”

He should know that I would never get tired of hanging out with him. If anything, I feel like I won’t have enough time to before I have to leave.

I smile. “Maybe we can go to the mall with everyone. I really would like to get to know the other lads. Plus, I haven’t hung out with the girls for a while.”

He dramatically sighs. “I guess.”

I lightly slap his arm and he laughs.

“I’m kidding. That sounds like a good plan.”

Our ice cream arrives and I immediate dig in even though my stomach feels like it’s going to explode.

Harry devours his in seconds and he even takes some from my bowl.

“Hey! That’s mine!”

“Oh!” He puts it in his mouth and swallows dramatically. “Oops! Too late.”

I roll my eyes with a smile. “Here. You can have the rest. I can’t eat anymore.”

I hand him my bowl and his eyes light up. I watch in amusement as he finishes the rest of the ice cream in two bites, pushing it into the middle of the table afterwards.

“Are you sure you don’t want to lick the bowl clean?” I smirk at him.

“You’re funny,” he says with raised eyebrows and a grin on his face, his dimples making an appearance.

“Well, thank you for dinner, Harry. And you were right. That was the best sushi I’ve ever had.”

“You are very welcome. Are you ready to go? I have one more thing I want to do tonight.”

I sit up straight in my seat, new excitement filling my body.

I nod. “Yeah, I’m ready. Where are we going?”

He gives me a look and I instantly know what he means.

“It’s a surprise, isn’t it?” I ask.

“You know me too well.”

**

“What are we doing at the tattoo shop?”

“So I can get a tattoo?” he says with a smirk. I smack his arm at the way he answered my question.

The lady working at the front of the shop tells us to take a seat while we wait for Harry’s turn.

“What are you going to get?” I look through a book of tattoos while we wait for the tattooist to call Harry.

“It’s a surprise. You won’t get to see it until it’s done.”

I look up at him in confusion. “Why not?”

He shrugs, looking at his own tattoo book. I wait for him to answer but he remains silent as his eyes sweep around the pictures in front of him. I decide to leave it. I’m sure it’ll be as amazing as his other tattoos.

I look back down at the book in front of me and it starts to make me wonder what tattoo I would get if I ever got one. I’ve always wanted one but I’m too scared to get one. Your skin is getting marked permanently. It’s not like you can just wash it off if you don’t like it and get another one. Once it’s on you, it’s on you forever. If I ever decide to get a tattoo, it would have to be after I’ve thought long and hard over it, especially on where I would have it.

“Harry Styles?”

Both of us look up to see a man with both of his arms covered in intricate tattoos. I’m pretty sure that underneath his shirt, his chest would be covered in ink as well. Harry and I stand up and we follow the man towards the back of the shop.

“Hey, I’m Cory. I’ll be doing your tattoo.” He shakes hands with Harry and with me. “I’m honoured to be able to do your tattoo. I’ll guarantee it’ll be your best one yet.”

Harry smiles. “No pressure at all. I heard you’re one of the best so I wouldn’t doubt it at all.”

“Thanks. So what would you like done?”

Harry pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Cory.

I lean in to try to look at it but Harry steps in front of me, blocking my view.

“No peeking.” He proceeds to nudge me with his hip, a grin gracing his lips.

I cross my arms in front of me and pout but Harry just laughs and shakes his head.

He turns back to Cory. “This is just the basic idea that I had in my head but I trust you to do it however you want to. I’m sure you can create something much better than this. It’s basically up to your own ideas.”

“And where did you want it?”

Harry shrugs off the checkered shirt he has on top of his plain white one before he extends his left arm and points beside his ship tattoo.

“I was thinking beside and a little bit behind the ship.”

I am definitely curious now as to what the tattoo is going to be.

Cory nods as he looks at Harry’s arm before he looks down at the paper in concentration. He nods. “Alright, sounds good. I’m just going to do the outline and we’ll start right away. Just have a seat.” He looks at me and nods behind me. “You can grab a stool and bring it here.”

Cory goes to the opposite side of the room and sits down at a table. I turn around and spot a stool and I’m about to get it but Harry walks past me and grabs it first. He brings it back and places it beside the tattoo chair, close to the head of the seat.

“Thanks,” I say as Harry sits down. I take a seat on the stool and Harry grabs his checkered shirt, looking like he’s trying to find a place for it.

“Here, I’ll hold it.”

“Thanks.” He hands me his shirt and I place it on my lap.

“Are you nervous?”

He leans back on the seat, getting comfortable before he turns his head to look at me.

“No. I mean, I’ve done this many times before so I’m okay with it now.”

“Does it hurt?”

He smiles. “Only a bit. But the spot where I’m getting it done is one of the least painful places to get a tattoo.”

He turns his body to show me the spot that he’s getting his tattoo.

“When I got the ship done, it wasn’t that bad. It’s the inside of the arm that hurts a bit.”

I just nod as I look over Harry’s tattoos. I remember spending one of our lazy afternoons back when we were together just looking at his tattoos and asking him what each one meant. If it was anyone else, I’m sure they would get annoyed but Harry wasn’t. He was more than happy to tell me the story behind each and every tattoo even though a few of them were just because he thought it was cool.

“But I’ll still need you to hold my hand through it.”

I look back up at him with a smile on my face. “I bet you’re just trying to sound tough right now and it actually hurts like hell.”

He laughs. “Like I said, it still hurts a bit but it’s tolerable.”

I nod. “Of course I’ll hold your hand.”

He gives me a smile just as Cory comes back with a piece of paper in his hands. He stands on the other side of Harry.

Harry reaches his hand out. “Don’t let her see.”

Cory chuckles and hides the paper from my curious eyes.

“Alright. Now, sit up so I can place the stencil.”

Harry does as he’s told. Harry’s body is blocking my view as Cory works on his other side.

“You can lean back again.”

Harry leans back as Cory takes a seat on the spinny chair and pulls a couple of small tables beside him. I see the tattoo gun and the only colours he has in front of him are black and white. Just like the colour of most of Harry’s tattoos are.

“You ready?”

“Yup,” Harry replies. The buzz of the gun surrounds the room and I actually start feeling anxious for Harry. I take his hand. He thinks that it’s because he needs support but now it’s partly for me, as well.

I still can’t see the tattoo from where I’m sitting so at least I won’t be able to see the thing that’s going to cause Harry a small amount of pain. Instead, I just look at Harry. He’s looking down at his arm but when the gun is placed on his arm, he quickly looks away. His hand tightens in mine and I pull it into my lap and cover it with my other one, as well.

“You okay?” I ask.

He nods before he rests his head on the seat, facing directly towards me.

Every time Harry winces and every time his hand tightens, I find myself gripping harder and even running my thumbs across his knuckles.

I notice that the tattoo shop is slightly colder than room temperature and a shiver shakes through my body. I remember Harry explaining to me that tattoo parlors keep their shops cool to prevent both the tattooist and the customer from sweating, which would aggravate the skin even more.

I wish he had told me we were going here so I could’ve dressed warmer. Another shiver runs through my body and I can feel Harry’s gaze on my face.

“Are you cold? You can wear my shirt.”

I meet his gaze and shake my head. “I’m okay.”

“Lily, just wear the shirt,” he laughs but immediately stops as he remembers Cory’s orders to keep as still as possible.

“Okay.”

He releases my hand and I take his shirt and push my arms through. I wrap both sides tightly around my body, realizing that it’s still slightly warm from when Harry wore it. I pull the sleeves up past my wrists so that I can take Harry’s hand again and place it in my lap with both of my hands.

I can see his eyes graze down to his shirt before he sweeps up back to my eyes, a soft expression on his face.

“I miss you wearing my clothes.”

My breath catches in my throat and my heart drops into my stomach. A flashback of when I wore Harry’s jacket after we had our first real kiss blazes in my memory. I still have that jacket. I’ve been meaning to return it but I keep forgetting. Or maybe I don’t want to give it back.

The week that he spent with me while Ed was in LA, I would sleep with his sweater even though it was warm in the room. I have that sweater as well. It’s hanging in my closet right beside his jacket.

When I had found out that he had cheated on me, I was tempted to burn them or throw them out the window.

I’m glad I didn’t go psycho and do that.

I don’t really know how to respond to that and thankfully, Harry doesn’t expect one because he turns to look at his arm. He’s slightly more relaxed now, getting more comfortable with the pain.

“How long have you two been together?”

I snap my head up to look at Cory but he keeps his eyes on his work.

“Oh…we’re not…we…we’re just friends. He has a girlfriend.”

I look at Harry, thinking that he’ll further explain our relationship to Cory but he doesn’t. He just continues to look at his arm with a solemn expression on his face.

“My mistake. My apologies. It just seems like you two are together.”

With that comment, I almost take my hand away from Harry but I feel him tighten his grip, still not taking his eyes off of his arm.

“It’s alright.” I leave it at that. I wouldn’t even know how to explain mine and Harry’s situation to him. We would be here all night.

“I’m almost done.”

Harry finally looks away from his arm and looks over at me.

I quickly look away, pretending to be interested in the other tattoo instruments resting on the tables. I can feel his gaze burning through my skin and I find it harder and harder to look away.

Thankfully, the room goes silent as the tattoo gun is turned off. I look over at Harry’s arm, still unable to see the tattoo. Cory wipes it with some solution before he spreads some cream on it.

“All done. You can look at it over there in that mirror.” He points to the wall beside us and Harry stands up and walks over to it. I remain in my seat, allowing him to get a good look at it first.

“Wow, this is great. Way better than I thought it would be.”

I’m practically jumping in my seat, anxious to finally see it.

“Thanks. Are you finally going to let your friend see it?” he laughs.

Harry turns around with a smile on his face, walking towards me as I stand up. I take in a deep breath just as Harry turns to his side.

I look down to his arm and I freeze in my spot. My smile fades and my lungs stop working.

Placed beautifully beside the ship tattoo is the most intricate tattoo I have ever seen in real life. I can feel Harry’s gaze but I can’t take my eyes off of the tattoo and the words flowing underneath it.

His ship tattoo is now complimented with the most beautiful tattoo of a moon. The quote written underneath it that causes the world to stop around me every time I read them.

 

All That You Are Is All I’ll Ever Need

 

**********************

 

EXTRA LONG CHAPTER! YAY! LOL!

Please let me know what you think! This was one of my favourite chapters to write so it would be awesome to know what you guys thought! I noticed that not as much people comment anymore with the recent chapters. I don't know whether it's cause you didn't enjoy the chapters or another reason. I know it sounds like I'm complaining but your comments mean so much when I read it. They make me happy :)

Anyways, I've been having crazy Harry feels lately so expect a new update soon! But not before I get 10 more likes and 10 comments on this chapter!

Thanks for reading! <3

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