Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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56. Stolen Shoes

Lily’s POV

I stare out the window, watching the streetlights pass by as Harry takes me home. I have barely said a word to him since we left the tattoo shop.

The new ink on his arm literally left me speechless. As Cory had covered it up with a bandage and as Harry paid for the tattoo, I stood to the side, fidgeting with my fingers and avoiding eye contact with anyone, especially Harry.

Until now, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he got a tattoo of the moon. Both of us know that the moon holds a special meaning when it comes to our relationship and now, he has it permanently draw onto his body.

It’s a tattoo. It’s a freaking tattoo. Of a moon. On his skin. Forever.

It’s slightly, incredibly overwhelming. This is something couples that have been in a very committed relationship do. Even then, people would rarely take this big step in marking their body for their loved one.

So, of course I’m freaking out a bit. Okay, maybe a lot but I try extremely hard to hide it from Harry. I know that if he could see how I’m truly feeling on the inside, he would feel bad or maybe even feel insulted.

And the quote written underneath the moon, what does it mean? Who is it for?

I don’t want to believe that it’s about me. I refuse to. The moon was enough. If I accept the fact that the quote is about me, I might lose it.

That’s why I’m hoping that Harry won’t bring it up and that’s why I remain silent.

“Lily?”

I tense and close my eyes, realizing that we’re parked in front of Ed’s flat. I guess I can’t avoid it forever.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes but keep my gaze out the window.

“Hm?” I hum in response.

“Please say something.”

My knee starts going up and down and I clasp my hands together tightly in my lap.

“About what?”

I hear him sigh. “I know you’re freaking out about the tattoo but please let me explain first.”

I stop my nervous movements and slowly turn to look at Harry for the first time since I laid eyes on his new tattoo. Stress laces his entire face as he turns in his seat to face towards me. I attempt to keep my breathing under control as I watch his eyes warily look into mine.

I keep my mouth shut, waiting for him to start explaining and hopefully rid of the anxiety that I’m feeling.

“I know that the moon is something that has always reminded us of what we had. I know what it may seem like to you but trust me when I say that me deciding to get a moon is so much more than a reminder of what we had. I got it because it reminds me that each new day can bring you great memories. Yes, that first night that we spent together means a lot to me. That was the night that I started falling for you and that was the night that we both looked up at the moon and you had recited that quote. I know that you must think that that’s the reason that I got this tattoo. It’s not, at least not entirely. After that night, after you told me that quote, it really made me think about everything, about life. It made me realize that something so simple can be made into something beautiful if you think about all of the amazing things that it can give to you. Before I met you, I thought nothing more of the moon than just the moon but now I see it as something to look at when I need hope. After that night, so many amazing things happened to me, from you, from my fans, from the lads and now all I can think about is the moon and how important it is to me now and how I know that just by looking at it, I’ll have all the hope that I need.”

He takes a deep breath, surely breathless from his speech.

As I took in each and every word that he spoke, I found my anxiety slowly start to fade away. I never thought that the moon would hold such an important part of himself now. I thought that it was only because of what it meant to the both of us, of what we had, but now I realize that it means so much more to him.

Just when I think that I’m able to breath again, I’m reminded of the other part of his tattoo.

“The quote, Harry. What does it mean?”

I can see him close himself off for a split second but it quickly goes away.

“It’s not what you think. It’s a quote from one of the songs that I wrote for the album and I just really liked it and wanted it tattooed on me. It ties in to the meaning of the moon and it just seemed fit to put it underneath it.”

I know Harry well enough now to catch one of his nervous twitches that he has, especially when he’s hiding something. His cheek twitches or his nostrils flare and I swear that I just saw both of those but it’s too dark in the car to tell.

So, I just nod. “Okay.”

His eyebrows pull together. “Okay? You’re okay with it? I swear you looked like you were about to jump out of the car while I was driving.”

I give a quick laugh and a roll of my eyes. “Yes, I’m okay. Now that you’ve explained it, I understand now.”

I can see him looking at me warily.

“Harry, I swear. It’s okay. It’s a lovely tattoo. And I love the quote. I can’t wait to hear the song when it comes out.” I attempt to reassure him with a smile and it seems to work because he returns it with one of this own, his shoulders relaxing a second after.

He nods. “Alright. Your opinion is important to me, one of the few that I care about, really, so I’m glad you like it.”

“Can I see it one more time?”

His face lights up, his smile widening. He turns in his seat and slowly pulls the bandage open, only enough to see it without having to take it off completely.

My reaction is just how it was when I first saw it but now my admiration is heightened. It really is beautiful. The detail of the moon is so intricate that it almost looks realistic. The way that it hides slightly behind the ship adds a certain beauty to the whole picture and the quote underneath it just ties it all together. Pictures do speak a thousand words but this tattoo, the moon, the ship and the quote speaks millions.

“It’s just plain beautiful.” I seemed to have spoken those words out loud when I meant to keep it in my head but the reaction that I get from Harry makes me glad that I spoke them. His face lights up even more when I thought it wasn’t possible. His dimples are more prominent and his eyes twinkle from the moonlight.

“Thanks.” He blushes as he puts the bandage back on.

I sigh. “I should get going.” I glance at the time to see that it’s almost midnight before I look back up at Harry. “I had a lovely time, Harry. One of the best nights I’ve had in a while. Actually, in ever.”

“Me, too. Thank you for going with me to get the tattoo.”

“Well, you were my ride home so I had no other choice,” I joke.

His laugh fills the entire car and I find myself watching him in awe again at the way his face changes when he does.

“You could’ve called a taxi or Ed. Don’t lie, you wanted to be there.” He smirks.

I smile. “I know. I’m just giving you a hard time, as always.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“So, I’ll let you know what the plans are for tomorrow. I’ll talk to Ed and the girls. You can talk to the guys. Do you work tomorrow?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m all yours tomorrow.”

I laugh. “Sounds good. So…” I trail off and look out the window.

“I’ll walk you up.”

“You don’t have to.”

Before I could even finish my sentence, Harry had already stepped out of the car. He makes his way around and I open the door and hop out. I close the door behind me and walk up to him. I wrap his shirt around me, forgetting that I still had it as we make our way into the building. He opens the door for me and I relax once I feel the warmth hitting me once I step inside.

“You don’t have to go all the way up. I’ll be fine.”

He smiles down at me, still walking beside me. “I want to.”

I look away with a smile and heated cheeks until we reach the elevators. We make our way up and head down the hallway until we reach Ed’s door. I turn around and face Harry who stands there with his hands in his pockets.

“Thank you, Harry. For everything today.”

He nods. “Thank you, too. Have a good night, Lily.”

He opens his arms and I immediately walk into them, wrapping my own around his body. His arms wrap around my neck and I rest my head against his chest.

“Good night, Harry.”

We pull away and I get my keys out of my pocket but then I see that I still have Harry’s shirt.

“Oh, I’ll give you your shirt back.” I start to pull it off but Harry stops me.

“It’s okay. Keep it. It looks better on you anyways.”

I smile and fix the shirt, wrapping it around my body again. “You say that about every piece of clothing of yours that I wear.”

He shrugs. “Well, it’s true.”

I look at him and he does the same with me.

“Anyways, good night again. Drive safely.”

He nods. “I will.”

I turn to face the door and unlock it. He waits until I’ve stepped inside the flat and I turn around to face him.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I say.

“Sweet dreams, Lily.”

He gives me one last smile before he turns and walks away. I’m tempted to watch him until he steps into the elevator but I force myself to close the door and lock it, not wanting to look like a creep.

All of the lights are off so I quietly make my way to my bedroom. I peek into Ed’s room and see him sleeping soundly. I close the door and head to my room.

I quickly change and brush my teeth, too tired to take a shower so I just go back to my room about to jump into bed when I stop in my tracks and look towards my closet. I walk up to it, stopping in front of the door before I slowly open it.

I immediately see Harry’s jacket and sweater hanging off to the side and I take my hand and run my fingers through the fabric. I place my hand around the sleeve of Harry’s sweater and flashbacks of the numerous nights in a row that I had worn it with Harry holding me tightly in his arms. I haven’t worn it since the night before he left for Paris, the last night before everything fell apart.

Even when things were okay with us, I couldn’t bring myself to wear it again. But now, I can’t help myself. After wearing Harry’s shirt today, I remembered how nice it was to wear his clothes, especially right after he wore them.

I finally pull the sweater out of the closet, replacing it with Harry’s shirt, which I hang beside his jacket. I hold the sweater in my hands, feeling the softness of it against my skin. I bring it up to my face and take in a deep breath. Surprisingly, the scent of Harry’s cologne is still lingering in the fabric and it brings me comfort.

Before I can change my mind, I pull the sweater over my head, slipping my arms through the sleeves before fixing it around my body. It instantly warms me up, not just physically but emotionally as well.

I hug it tight around me before I make my way back to my bed, sliding under the covers and laying down.

I place my phone on the bedside table but after a long debate, I grab it and send one last text to Harry.

*Thank you again for today. Good night and I’ll see you tomorrow :)*

I place it back on the table and close my eyes but not even a second later, my phone vibrates. I lean up on my elbow and take my phone and open up the new text from Harry.

*Have a good night. Sweet dreams. And I already can’t wait. xx*

I smile and place my phone back on the table, lying back down on my pillow and closing my eyes. I fix the sweater, pulling it up higher around my neck so that I can breath in Harry’s cologne as I’m quickly pulled to sleep with dreams of the moon and the quote being sung to me.

**

Harry’s POV

“How do I look?” I allow myself one last look in the side view mirror of my car with Louis standing behind me.

“Compared to when you asked me five minutes ago, you still look like a twat like always.”

I flip him the bird over my shoulder and I hear him chuckle.

“I’m joking. But damn, relax, Harry. You look fine.”

I finally stand up straight and fix my shirt and then turn around and face Louis. I have no idea why I’m so nervous. I guess it’s the fact that I’ve been anxiously waiting to see Lily since I dropped her off last night. The time left that I get to spend with her is getting smaller and smaller every day. I don’t want to waste another second.

“I like your new tattoo, by the way.”

I glance at my arm, a smile on my face. “Thanks. I got it last night.”

“With Lily?”

A blush creeps onto my face as I look back up at him. “Yeah, I took her with me.”

“What does it mean? The moon?”

I quickly look away, my body tensing. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him what it means, I just want to keep the meaning between Lily and I. It’s special to us.

I shrug. “I thought it’d be cool to add it to the ship.”

His head turns to the side as he looks at it but he seems to believe me.

“And what about the quote? Wait…that’s a line from the song you wrote for the album, right? The one you wrote about--”

“Louis!”

We’re interrupted by Eleanor, who walks up to us in the parking lot of the mall. Louis turns around, a huge smile on his face before he takes her in his arms and embraces her.

“Hey, you,” Louis says.

“Hi,” she replies. They pull away and El looks over at me. “Hey, Harry.”

“Hey.”

“Nice tattoo,” she compliments. “Lily told me all about it.”

My heart skips a beat and my smile widens. “Really?”

I can’t seem to tone down my excitement because both of them look at me weirdly. I can see Louis smirking at me.

“Yeah…she told me last night.”

I decide to keep my mouth shut and reply with just a nod.

“Anyways, everyone’s already here. Shall we go?” El asks.

We all turn around and head towards the mall. Since it’s Monday, there’s not a lot of people here. However, we still take a few bodyguards with us since all of the lads are here, too. We spot them, along with the bodyguards, as soon as we enter the mall. I sweep my eyes around the small group and immediately spot her. She’s taking pictures with Perrie, unaware of our presence. It’s not until we reach them that she looks away from her phone and rests her eyes on me. Warmth spreads throughout my entire body as I take in her smile and I don’t realize that I’ve been staring at her until Niall slaps me lightly across my face.

“Harry! What’s wrong with you?” Niall laughs.

My cheeks heat up as I look at him and clear my throat. “Nothing.”

I give him a hug, along with everyone else, including an awkward one with Ed, until I finally reach Lily. I purposely left her for last so I wouldn’t have to rush our hug.

“Hey, long time, no see,” she says.

I smile as I lean in and wrap my arms around her. I hug her tightly and even sneak a little inhale of her perfume before I pull away.

“How are you?” I ask.

“I’m good, thanks. You?”

I open my mouth to answer her but Ed interrupts us.

“Lily! I need your help picking out shoes.”

She looks over her shoulder at Ed before she turns back to me.

“I’m gonna go help him out. I’ll be real quick.”

“Okay.” I nod.

She turns around and heads over to Ed and we all start walking. I try to pay attention to the others, especially Niall, who keeps saying stuff to me but I keep looking over at Lily, especially when Ed puts his arm around her shoulders as they walk along the front of the stores. Just when I see Lily place her arm around his waist, someone punches me on my arm.

“Hey! What was that for?”

Louis is smirking at me as we walk side-by-side.

“Well, you got Niall upset. He told me you weren’t talking to him.”

I look around for Niall but see him walk into H&M with Zayn, Perrie, Eleanor and Liam. I turn back around and see Ed and Lily walk into Vans. I decide to wait outside for them and Louis joins me.

“What’s up with you? You were in such a good mood this morning after you told me about your night out with Lily.”

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the embarrassment about to come with what’s been bothering me.

“Do you think there’s something going on with Lily and Ed?”

His eyebrows rise before they scrunch in confusion. “What? What makes you think that?”

I shrug. “I know that they’re super close and everything but lately…I don’t know…it seems like there’s something going on.”

“You’re joking, right?” He looks at me like I’ve grown two heads.

The longer this conversation goes on, the more I realize how dumb I am for even bringing it up to Louis. This is just my own paranoia getting to me, playing tricks on my mind.

“Just…forget what I said.”

I walk past Louis and head into H&M. Luckily, Louis doesn’t follow after me and he goes to Eleanor instead. I walk over to Niall and Liam by the hats section.

“Hey, Ni. Sorry about before. I was…distracted.”

He smirks at me and shakes his head. “No worries. I can tell that your distraction was very…distracting.”

My eyebrows scrunch in confusion and I open my mouth to ask him what he meant when a loud laughter booms through the store. All three of us turn towards the entrance of the store to see Ed running inside laughing his head off. Not a second later, Lily is running after him, looking angry but cute at the same time as she looks around the store. She spots Ed and quickly runs after him. Everyone else is watching them, even a few other customers.

“Edward Christopher Sheeran! Give me my shoe back!”

As she passes us in the aisle next to ours, I see that she only has one shoe on and all of us laugh.

Ed runs behind a bench meant for people trying on shoes and he stands there with Lily’s shoe in his hand.

“What’s the magic word?”

Lily stops on the other side of the bench, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

“Give me my shoe back now or I will throw all of yours out the window when we get home.”

“Wrong. Sorry. That’s not the magic word.”

Lily growls and lurches forward, jumping onto the bench and then onto Ed. Both of them fall to the ground, Ed shouting as he goes down. All of us walk right up to them, surely wanting to see the show.

Lily is sitting on Ed’s stomach, reaching for her shoe but he holds it out of reach.

“Give me my damn shoe back. My foot is cold,” she whines as she continues to struggle for her shoe.

“Well, that's what you get for embarrassing me in Vans.”

Lily laughs. “It was an accident.”

“Bullsh*t. So you just accidentally tied my shoelaces together causing me to fall in front of everyone at the store?”

Lily puts on her most innocent face. “Yes?”

Ed scoffs before he hands Lily back her shoe. “I’m gonna get you back for that.”

Lily grabs her shoe and slides off of Ed. She sits on the ground as she puts her shoe back on.

“You two are crazy,” Eleanor says.

“She started it.” Ed stands up and brushes off his pants.

“You were taking too long.” Eleanor helps Lily up.

“Compared to how long you take in stores, that was nothing.”

“Well…whatever. I’m gonna go shop now.”

“Oh! Lily, can you help me pick out a top over there?” Eleanor points to the other side of the room and the two of them, including Perrie head over that way.

The rest of us split up around the store and I decide to follow Niall around, listening to him talk about the football game as I just nod in response.

“Hey, Lily,” Niall suddenly says. My heart jumps in my chest and I instantly look over my shoulder for her but there’s no one there.

I turn back to Niall when I hear him laughing. “I knew it. I knew you weren’t paying attention to me.”

My cheeks heat up and I look away. “Sorry,” I mumble.

He shrugs. “It’s alright.”

I start to feel bad for not paying attention to Niall so I decide to help him pick out a shirt. As he’s paying for his clothes, I see Lily walking up to us and I smile towards her as she looks my way. She has an amused expression on her face but it quickly disappears once she reaches me.

“Hey, you. You busy?” she asks.

I shake my head. “No, what’s up?”

“Can you help me pick out something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I follow her through the aisles and I walk in confusion when she makes her way out of the store.

“Where are we going?”

She points a few stores away from H&M. “Just down there.”

I walk beside her and I freeze in my spot for a second when I see her head towards La Senza.

“Um, you need my help…in there?”

There’s a slight smirk on her face as she turns around and faces me. “Yeah. Is that okay with you? Perrie and Eleanor were busy.”

I clear my throat and look around me, hoping that no one was taking a picture of me going inside. The mall isn’t busy and no one seems to be paying attention to anyone else’s business so I nod and walk inside the store with her. She leads the way to the side of the store displaying a wall of bras.

This is so awkward.

I mean, I would be totally fine with this if Lily and I were together. I look around the store and only see a couple of other guys with their girlfriends looking just as uncomfortable as I am.

I clear my throat. “Why don’t you ask Ed to help you?”

She bites her lip and keeps her gaze on the bras in front of us.

“Well, I need your help because I want to get your opinion on what you think Ed would like.”

I freeze in my spot, my breath catching in my throat.

Please tell me I heard her wrong.

“Wh…what?”

“Which one do you think Ed would like? I want to surprise him this weekend.”

I start to see stars and the room starts spinning. I attempt to blink it away but it just keeps getting worse.

“You…you and Ed…you two…are together?”

She nods but she doesn’t meet my gaze. “Yeah. I know it’s surprising but…it just happened.”

This is a dream. This is just some sick, twisted dream.

“When? How long?”

“Since Amsterdam. Now, which one do you think he’ll like?”

 

My jaw tightens as I turn from her and face forward. Everything’s still a blur so I can’t even see anything in front of me.

 

*************************

Sooo i need to address a few things...

First off, I'm sooo sooo sooo sorry for taking so long to update when I said I would be updating soon after the previous chapter but I went away for a week last week and I've been busy with school stuff. Again soo soo soo sorry.

I'll be starting school this week so I'll have to see how my updating schedule will be like. I'll try to update as much as I can but school is my priority since I'm in college and it's my final year so we'll have to see. I will definitely be finishing this story so don't worry. It'll just take a while for me to update.

Anyways, that's it for now. I will really try to update soon. I already started the next chapter.

10 more likes and 10 comments for the next chapter!

Thanks for reading!

And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO LIAM "LORD PAYNO" PAYNE!!!

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