Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


149. Red

Please read author's note at the end


Lily's POV

"You can breathe now, baby."

I release a shaky breath, only to grip onto Harry's arm even tighter. The plane had just taken off from the airport and seeing as how I've only flown just the one other time when I went to Amsterdam with Ed, I'm still a little bit scared to be up in the air.

And the flight to Amsterdam was nothing compared to this flight to Toronto. For one, that flight was only one hour long. This one is eight hours. But the part that scares me the most is that we're going to be flying over the ocean.

Harry had to switch seats with me because I was originally supposed to sit by the window. I'm just glad that we're sitting in first class because I don't know how I'd be if I was in economy with so many other people. I know I'd feel claustrophobic.

We were actually supposed to be flying in Harry's private jet and I had tried to hide my anxiety but I knew that he had noticed. I was incredibly nervous to fly all the way to North America in a small jet. I just imagined being blown over by the smallest gust of wind.

I had almost gotten away with hiding it from Harry but I was caught when I had accidentally left my laptop open to when I had searched up whether it was safe to fly over the Atlantic Ocean on a private jet.

Harry wouldn't even let me have another say before he had called his manager and asked to have our flight changed to commercial.

And now, he we are, flying away from London, away from the UK, the only country apart from a couple of others in Europe that I've been to.

I wait a few more minutes before the plane starts to stabilize, a couple of instances of turbulence making my heart drop and hold my breath until I finally feel calm enough to open my eyes.

Harry had been rubbing my arm and placing kisses on the top of my head the entire time, waiting patiently. I loosen my grip on his arm and take a deep breath before I pull away slightly and look up at Harry.

"I'm sorry. You probably wish you stowed me away with the luggage."

He gives me a small smile and pulls up the armrest from between us before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.

"Of course not. Trust me, I was just like you for the first few times I flew. I completely understand. We'll just watch movies the entire time to take your mind off of it."

I just nod and smile up at him before he plays around with the TV in front of us and chooses a movie. He asks the flight attendant for a couple of blankets and he fixes it over the both of us. He pulls out a couple of earphones from his bag and plugs it into the TV and hands it over to me.

I put them on and Harry puts his arm around me, pulling me against him.

His idea seemed to work because, after watching four movies and the attendant's voice came on over the PA system to tell us to put on our seatbelts (which I didn't even take off), I realize that I had forgotten that we were even on a plane.

It had felt like we were back in Harry's house watching the movies in his living room.

The flight may be almost over but one of the things I'm most scared about is almost approaching.


Harry instantly notices my change in mood because he pulls me closer, letting me rest my head in the crook of his neck. I'm about to take off my earphones but he tells me to leave them on. He pulls them out of the TV and plugs it into his phone. He plays around with it for a while until I hear Blackbird by The Beatles playing in my ears, completely drowning out any outside noise.

I smile at him, mentally thinking him for his choice of song. Like always, Harry remembers these small details about me. I had only told him one time that, when I was younger, I used to be scared of thunderstorms and my parents discovered that the only way I would calm down enough to fall asleep was to play this song. And it had just been my go-to song whenever I needed peace of mind.

Again, he starts to rub my arm and my back and so, as I close my eyes and let myself focus on Harry's touch and the song, I relax and surprisingly remain calm when the plane shakes as it lands.

Just as the song finishes, I open my eyes and I see that we're finally stopped. I take off the earphones as I look over at Harry and immediately kiss him.

"I love you so much," I whisper.

He smiles against my lips, kissing me one more time before we pull away.

"Love you."

We wait until the path is clear before we stand up and grab our carry-ons, heading out of the plane, through the airbridge and into the airport, hand-in-hand.

We head to luggage claim and Harry passes me mine before he takes his. Together, we make our way through the airport and, just like I anticipated, there's a barricade blocking a crowd of fans. They scream as soon as we turn the corner into their view.

Harry's bodyguards don't stop and neither do we. We keep our heads down, blocking the flashes coming from the paparazzi waiting outside. There's a black SUV right in front of the doors we go through and a path is made clear for us, allowing us to go inside after passing our luggage to the driver without any obstacles.

The door is shut right away and the driver quickly hops inside the car before driving off.

Immediately, I look out the window.

This is the first time I've been in North America. I want to take as much of everything as I can. We drive along the highway for a while until I see a skyline of buildings approaching us from ahead. And what I know is the landmark of Toronto, I see the CN Tower. And the flutter of snow falling from the sky just makes it even more beautiful.

Harry moves closer to me but he lets me admire the city in silence.

However, when we drive right past the CN Tower, I can't keep in my excitement anymore.

"Can we go on there, babe? I mean, if we have time."

"Of course. I was planning on taking you there anyways. I want to see how scared you get when you walk on the glass floors."

I smile and swat his leg, not taking my eyes off of the tower, having to lean close to the window just to see the top.

"What else are we going to do?"

Since this is their first show back since the Christmas break, they thought it would be best to come here a week early to have enough time to rehearse but it also gives them some free time as well.

"There's an aquarium right beside the CN Tower and an art gallery. We can go to the mall as well, if you'd like. And we can walk around downtown, too. There's an outdoor skating rink that we can do, as well."

"That sounds great, Harry."

"It'll have to wait until tomorrow, though. We have a meeting with the team tonight but then we're all going to dinner afterwards. The meeting will be at the hotel so you can just wait there with El and Sophia."

"Okay, sounds good."

When we join the traffic in the middle of the city, that's when I finally pull my gaze from out the window and turn to Harry.

"Thank you for bringing me here." I lean up and place a kiss on his jawline.

"Thank you for coming. And you know, I completely wouldn't mind if you stayed with me the entire time."

A smile stretches across my face as I roll my eyes. I'm already anticipating Harry saying this at least 20 more times for the rest of the week that I'm here but he and I both know that, if I could, I would stay with him in a heartbeat.

As we head to the hotel, Harry points out places that he remembers from the last times that he's been here. I listen and look intently, wanting to remember as much as I can. Who knows when or if I'll be able to have another opportunity to experience this again?

When we reach the hotel, we quickly make our way upstairs to our room and Harry only has time to freshen up before he has to leave for his meeting.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours," he says. "You can get ready for dinner whenever you want. I'll come get you when it's time. For now, you can stay here and rest for a bit. Tom will be just outside the door if you need anything while I'm gone." He's referring to Tom, one of his bodyguards. The same one that's been with me every time I'm with Harry.

I nod. "Got it. And how shall I dress? From what I can see from this room, I'm guessing it's going to be fancy?"

The executive suite that we're standing in right now, and even the lobby of the hotel just screams five-star luxury. I highly doubt the restaurant that we're going to go to is going to be serving burgers and fries.

I'm already worrying about what I'm going to wear seeing as how I don't have any fancy dresses.

"Well, I was hoping you would wear the dress that I had picked out for you for tonight."

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well...I knew about this dinner ahead of time and I know that you don't have any dresses that would fit for the occasion, even though I would be okay with you wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so...I had my stylist pick out some dresses and I picked the one I liked the most and the one I thought that you would like, too."

This time, I playfully narrow my eyes at him. I'm about to say something but he interrupts me.

"And don't you dare worry about me buying it for you," he grins, knowing exactly what I was going to say. "I'm your boyfriend and I want to do something nice for you once in a while."

I can't help but smile as I wrap my arms around his waist. "You know me so well. But, fine, I won't say anything. Only because I'm really happy you brought me here and I don't want to waste this week pretending to be upset with you."

My smile widens as he laughs, my eyes darting down to this mouth.

"Well, good, because I really want to see you in that dress. Go try it on. I have a bit of time before I have to go."

"Ah, no. You're going to be late and I'm thinking that I want to wait until right before dinner for you to see it."

He groans as he pulls me closer, tightening his arms around my shoulders. "Fine. I guess that's better. I might not be able to leave this hotel room if I see you in it now. Or, more accurately, the both of us won't be able to leave this room at all this whole night."

I roll my eyes and swat his side. "Go. Now. Or I'll tell Tom to drag you out of here."

He smiles as he leans down before giving me a soft, lingering kiss. "I'll see you in a bit. I'll tell my stylist to bring up the dress now."

"Okay. Have fun at your meeting. I'll see you later."

I lean up to give him one more kiss before we pull away. Harry grabs his hotel key and gives me one more wave over his shoulder as he exits the room, leaving me all alone in his huge room. I decide to look around before I sit down on the couch to look for a movie to pass time. As soon as I find one, there's a knock on the door.

Seeing as how Tom is guarding just outside, I open it and see Harry's stylist on the other side.

"Hey, Lily. Harry told me to come bring this to you."

In her hands is a long dress bag with the words Yves Saint Laurent written on the front. She hands it over to me and I hold it carefully.

"Thank you," I smile at her.

"If you need any help getting ready, just shoot me a text." She gives me her phone number before she turns to leave. I bring the dress bag to the walk-in closet and open it. My jaw drops when I see the most beautiful, fire-red dress I have ever seen with my own eyes.

It's exactly the style that I would find myself wearing and I'm actually surprised that Harry was able to pick it out for me.

I leave the dress hanging, not wanting it to get a single wrinkle on it before I have to wear it. I decide to get ready first, seeing the dress finally giving me an idea of how to do my hair and makeup.

I decide to keep my makeup simple but with extra eyeliner and a matching red lipstick to go with the dress. I curl my hair into waves and pin it up into a loose up-do, leaving a few strands loose to frame my face. Seeing how it doesn't really go with my dress, I take off Harry's ring necklace and slide the ring out. I slide the ring onto my thumb since it's the only finger that somewhat fits in it. I finish the look with the diamond earrings that Harry's parents gave me for Christmas, as well as the Pandora bracelet from Harry.

When I'm all finished, I look over at the clock as see that it's 6:10. Harry had said that dinner would be at 6:30. That means that he should be here soon.

Wanting to surprise him, I go over to the dress and quickly undress, taking everything off except my panties. I take the dress from the hanger and unzip it before I carefully step into it to slip it on up my body.

It fits like a glove, like it was made for me. I reach around the back and I'm luckily able to slide the zipper all the way up.

I smooth the front of the dress as I walk over to the floor-length mirror, finally being able to take in the dress actually on my body. It's Grecian-style, the straps tapering out over each side of my chest before it meets back at the waist and then flows back out all the way to the floor. But what makes this dress extra unique is the intricate lace details at the cleavage, the sides and the back of the dress.

I love it. I absolutely love it.

I was so entranced by the dress that I didn't even realize Harry was standing behind me until he had cleared his throat.

I jump slightly as I see him looking at me from the reflection in the mirror. He has a small smirk on his face as he leans against the back of the couch with his arms folded.

I slowly turn around to face him, fixing the dress around me before I look up at him.

" you like it?" I ask timidly.

I'm worried that I did my hair and makeup wrong, completely throwing off the beauty of the dress.

I watch nervously as he pushes himself off of the couch and slowly walks over to me. He takes his time looking at every inch of the dress, even walking around me to get a good look at the back before he stops in front of me again.

"You're an absolute beauty. Radiant. Divine. Captivating. Stunning... A goddess."

I duck my head down, hiding the smile that's stretching across my face. I know it's the dress, but I've never felt more beautiful, especially after the different words that Harry just called me.

Suddenly, he places his hand on my cheek, gently brushing it as he pulls it up, forcing me to look up at him.

"Never hide that smile from the world, especially from me."

All I can do is nod as our eyes lock, my heart pounding in my chest at his words.

"Now, the real question is, do you like the dress?" he asks.

I rest my hands on his waist, taking a step closer to him. "I love it. Thank you for getting it for me."

"Anything for my princess. Or more accurately, my queen."

"You're on a streak right now, babe. You're killing me with your sweet words right now."

"Well, I'm glad it's working. I was just hoping to get lucky tonight."

I playfully glare at him and hit him on his stomach. "And the moment is ruined."

"I'm joking," he laughs.

I can't help but smile as he pulls me into him again. "Go change. We have to leave soon."

He leans down and gives me one more kiss before he pulls away to get ready. He changes into a red, flower-print button up and tops it with a black suit jacket and pants. Of course he wore the red top to match with my dress.

He fixes his hair before he walks over to me and extends his arm out for me to take. I take my clutch as we head to the door and, together, we make our way out and down to the restaurant. We walk in and see everyone already there. We head towards the only two empty seats left, Harry pulling the chair out for me before sitting down beside me.

We all eat and share conversation and laughs, the wine letting everyone relax and enjoy the rest of the night. And when everyone seems to finish their dessert, Harry suddenly stands up and clears his throat, catching everyone's attention.

"I'd like to make a toast. First of all, I'd like to say how happy and thankful I am that we're all here and starting off this new year together. I couldn't imagine a better group of people to surround myself with. I know that we tour every year but I never get tired of seeing each and every one of your faces. I'll be forever thankful that I get to do this every year. But..."

Suddenly, Harry looks down at me, and everyone else does the same.

"This year," he continues. "I have something else to be incredibly thankful for. You all know how special Lily is to me. I'm sure you've gotten tired of hearing me talking about her."

Everyone laughs, including myself as my eyes start to water, unable to look away from Harry.

"But I really am damn lucky to have her. And as you guys found out on New Years, I know that it's just a promise for now but...I can't wait to marry her."

There's a chorus of 'aww's' from the girls as my smile just widens, my heart fluttering in my chest.

"I get to do what I love every year but, this year, I get to share it with someone I love and cherish."

He holds his hand out and I take it, standing up and keeping my eyes locked on his. He moves his hand to rest on my back, pulling me closer to him.

"Lily, I love you so much. It's as simple as that. I'm so in love with you. And I'm so happy that you're here with me. I know I keep nagging you about staying for the entire tour but I'm just happy that I have you, even if you're halfway across the world. And like I said, I only love you more every single day."

Unable to resist any longer and not caring that everyone's watching, I lean up and place my lips on his. He cups my cheek with his other hand, letting the kiss linger for a moment longer before we pull away with huge smiles on both of our faces.

Everyone suddenly starts clapping and takes a drink from their wines glass but I keep my eyes on Harry for a few more seconds before I look down and hide my face. Harry wraps his arms around me, giving me a light squeeze until I pull away.

"You two are too cute," El says.

"Honestly, you two should just get married already and get it over with," Liam adds.

"Get a room!" Louis exclaims.

I laugh lightly as we sit back down again, Harry keeping my hand in his.

All of a sudden, the other girls start scolding their boyfriends, asking them why they never do sweet things like Harry just did in front of everyone else.

I just laugh as I lean my head on Harry's shoulder, feeling him place a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you, Harry. What you said...was incredibly sweet. I won't be able to stop thinking about it for a while."

"Good. That's what I was aiming for."

I smile, turning my head to give him a kiss on his jaw before nuzzling my face into his neck again.

"I already know this is going to be one of the best weeks I'm going to have. And I can say it's safe to say that I can tell that this year is already going to be the best. All because of you."

He places his hand on the back of my neck, gently caressing it as his other hand continues to hold mine in his lap.

"Every second spent with you is the best time of my life," he says.

I lean back slightly to look at him. "Stop it. I honestly can't handle how sweet you've been to me. This entire day. From the moment we woke up, to you helping me during the flight, the dress, and your words. I feel like the happiest girl in the world right now."

He just smiles at me, his eyes darting down to my lips stretched out in my own smile.

"If this is how happy I am now," I continue. "I can't even imagine how happy I'm going to be when I'm finally married to you."

He brushes his fingers through the loose strands of my hair, tucking them behind my ear.

"I'm sure you'll be just as happy, if not more. Only difference is that you'll be stuck with me forever."

I laugh lightly. "That's not a bad trade-off."

"Just wait and see," he chuckles. "You have no clue what you're gonna get yourself into."

"I have a pretty good idea already. I just know you're going to be extra annoying when it comes to buying me stuff because you're going to be all "what's mine is yours, baby"," I say in a deep voice, trying to mimic the way he talks, only making him laugh.

"That was a horrible impersonation. I don't think I want to marry you anymore."

I roll my eyes with a smile and slap his thigh. "But, really, no matter how much you annoy me, I know that I'm going to be insanely happy as long as I'm with you."

"So, my New Year's resolution is still being kept?"

I smile. "Still going strong, babe."


I'm the worst! I'm so so so so so sorry for taking so long to update even though I said that I would be trying to write more often. I didn't realize how fast this summer was going to go. I guess it's because it's the first time I'm actually working during.

Again, I'm so sorry. I don't want to get your guys' hopes up again and say that I'll try to update more often but I also don't want to keep you guys waiting for so long. I still have a lot more planned for this and I don't want you guys to lose interest in it.

I've honestly felt like changing the end and finishing it soon just so I don't have to make you wait but I couldn't do that to you guys (unless you want me to...). I really do feel bad. This story is going on for almost three years now and I hate making you guys wait months for a new chapter when I used to update almost every other day when I first started writing this.

Three years is a long time for a story but it's partly because I added a lot more things from what I had originally planned. I actually have the summary of the story at the top of my Word document, how I originally imagined it and it's honestly almost completely different. I guess that's why it's taking longer than I originally thought it would but at the same time, I know it's because I've been lacking in updates lately.

If you guys bear with me, I'll write the rest of the story the way I imagined it and write it as best as you guys deserve. It's just going to take a bit longer than you guys are used to to read new chapters.

Please let me know how you feel about it. I miss interacting with you guys. I feel like I'm losing readers because of this. I'm really really sorry.

I love you all <3

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