Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


50. Realization

Harry’s POV

“Trust me, Harry. This will work.”

I glance at myself in the mirror in front of me. I can see Louis giving me a mischievous smile as his plan to get Ivana to break up with me pans out. His plan was to have me go out in public with Ivana like I usually do but with one small change.

My outfit.

Louis dressed me up in a red button up with a polka-dot collar that would look absolutely atrocious on anyone. He paired it off with green and white pinstriped trousers.

I look like a damn Christmas tree.

I just remind myself that this will only help in Ivana breaking up with me so I finish the look with a pair of yellow crocs.

Louis is a freaking genius for coming up with this plan. Everyone knows that Ivana will stop at nothing to keep her public image at its best, including the people that she’s seen out with. If the media starts putting out pictures of the two of us together in my new getup, she’ll know that her image will be affected and she won’t be taken seriously when it comes to the fashion industry if she’s known as the girlfriend of someone with a horrible sense of style.

Since she’s an up-and-coming model, she won’t have any other choice than to get rid of anything that will get in the way of her climbing up the ladder. She won’t have any other choice than to get rid of me, which I will be more than happy about.

I really hope this will work. Sooner rather than later.

“We can do something with your hair, too,” Louis says.

He grabs Eleanor’s blow dryer from the bathroom counter and turns it on. He looks completely clueless as to what to do so he just shrugs and points it at my head. My hair blows up and away in every direction and I shake my head to help in the process of f*cking up my hair. He turns it off a minute later and not a second passes by before Louis and I break out in laughter. My famous curls are nowhere to be seen, my hair just a mess of puffy tangles. I didn’t want it to seem obvious that I was trying to look bad do I just flatten my hair down to make it look a bit more presentable.

I take a step back so I can see the final product.

I look absolutely horrible. Right out of a worst-dressed list.


I look at my watch and realize that I have to meet up with Ivana soon. I dread it but at the same time, I’m excited to see her reaction once she sees me, especially since we’re meeting out in public.

I groan. “I have to go. Is there anything else that I should do?”

Louis scrunches in eyebrows in contemplation. I can see the gears working in his head. He glances down at my wrist.

“Give me your hand.”

I look up at him in confusion but do as I’m told, holding my arm up to him. He unbuttons the cuff on my right wrist and folds it up a couple of times.

Realization hits me in the face when I see Lily’s bracelet around my wrist. I haven’t taken it off since she first gave it to me. Nothing will make me take it off. Even though she returned my ring, I knew that I had to keep this on because it’s the only thing left that gives me hope that she will come back to me.

I look up and see Louis smiling at me. “I know that Ivana doesn’t know that Lily gave this to you but I just thought that it will remind you to keep fighting. I just want you to be happy.”

I return his smile and I nod. “Thanks, Louis. For all of this.”

“Don’t worry about it. I want her out of your life just as much as you do, maybe even more.”

I laugh. I’m glad that I came to Louis about all of this. A great weight was lifted off of my shoulders after I told him. I’m glad that I have him to trust with his and that he’s supporting me and actually helping me out. I was really worried that he would be disappointed in me.

I take out my phone when I hear a text and I see that it’s from the she-devil herself.

*Are you on your way? You better not be late*

I roll my eyes and I’m about to reply but Louis takes the phone from my hands. I watch him as he smirks while we types on my phone. He hands it back to me and he just looks back at me with a triumphant smile.

I look down at the screen, reading Louis’ reply to Ivana’s text.


I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk.

“Girls hate it when you reply with that,” he shrugs knowingly.

I shake my head and smile, putting my phone away.

“Well, wish me luck.”

“I sincerely wish that your appalling outfit will cause the dear Ivana to break up with you and leave our lives forever.”

I just laugh and follow him out of the bathroom. We head downstairs and into the kitchen. I see Eleanor closing the fridge before she turns around. She freezes in her spot when she sees me, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping.

“What the hell?” she mumbles.

I attempt to seem innocent. Eleanor can’t know of our plan without letting her know that it’s all because of the contract.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. I try to force back my laughter as I see Louis doing the same from behind Eleanor.

Her eyes widen even more as she shakes her head. “N-nothing.”

I bite my tongue and nod. “Alright. Well, I have to go. I’ll see you guys later.” I turn to Louis. “Thanks again, Lou. I’ll talk to you later.”

I give him a look and he seems to understand that I meant I’d keep him updated on our little plan. He nods in reply and I turn around and head out.

I drive to the café where I’m supposed to meet Ivana and park in front. I hop out of the car and am immediately surrounded by paparazzi. I smile for the cameras, this time for a different reason.

The paparazzi give me remarks and questions about my appearance but I just ignore them. I don’t want risk the chance of messing this up before I can even start it.

I look up and see Ivana sitting at a table outside in front of the café. She looks up at me and her reaction is similar to Eleanor’s but I find it absolutely more amusing. She’s mortified. I can see her cheeks redden and I’m not sure whether it’s because of embarrassment or fury. Either one works for me.

I walk up to her and she hesitantly stands up. I smirk in my head as I lean in and give her a kiss on her cheek. I mentally pump my fists in the air when I realize that she slightly moved away from me.

We sit down. The paparazzi are still taking pictures of us but they’re a good distance away as they’re blocked by a gated barrier.

A waiter hands us menus and we order drinks before he walks away.

I’m looking at my menu when I hear her clear her throat. I look up. She has her eyes glued to her menu, a smile plastered on her face.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

I realize that she’s trying to hide her irritation from the paparazzi and my smile widens.

“What? You don’t like it? I saw it in a magazine the other day. I think there was a picture of you in the same one.”

I give myself a mental high-five at my ambiguous comment.

She scoffs. “I highly doubt that. No magazine that I’m in would classify that as fashion.” She glances at me for a quick second to gesture at my outfit. She quickly looks away, knowing that she can’t stand to look at it. “Did your stylist pick that out for you? You should fire her.”

My smile quickly fades and it’s replaced with anger. How f*cking dare she? I really want to respond to her insult and defend Lou but I bite my tongue. I need to make sure my plan goes perfectly.

“I picked this out,” I mumble. I guess this is another way to defend Lou. Ivana has no right to insult her.

She laughs dryly. “Well, then maybe you should’ve had her pick out an outfit for you. God forbid you can’t do that yourself.”

I’m starting to lose my patience but I just force a laugh and turn back to my menu. The waiter comes back with our drinks and takes our order. I order soup, wanting this “date” to end as quickly as possible. I’m glad that Ivana is on the model diet of leaves for breakfast, lunch and dinner as she orders a salad.

“Harry! Ivana! Can you smile for the camera?” one of the paparazzi shouts at us.

Ivana ignores him and usually, I would too but I just thought of a better idea.

“Sure! We’ll even pose for you,” I reply.

Ivana whips her head up at me with a glare. “What?” she snaps.

I stand up with the most innocent smile on my face and hold my hand out for her.

“They want a picture.”

I just wait as she looks between me and the paparazzi.

“Harry, sit down,” she whispers.

“But, love. These kind photographers just want a picture. Why don’t you be nice and just pose for a couple of pictures?”

I know I’ve hit a nerve. I made sure that everyone could hear me. She’s now aware that people will know that she refused to take pictures, especially since she’s coming off rude when I agreed to it. That’ll definitely affect her “perfect” image.

She subtly glares at me before she puts on a fake smile and stands up. She takes my hand and we stand off to the side in front of the cameras. I notice that she’s purposely trying to stand away from me but I pull her right to my side and put my hand around her waist. She stands tensely and I can tell that she’s absolutely hating this, especially once we see a couple of the photographers start to laugh and point at us.

“Okay, that’s enough.” She pushes herself away from me and goes back to her seat. I smile for a few more seconds to the cameras, making sure that my outfit was in full view before I join Ivana back at the table.

We receive our order and we eat in silence. I eat my soup as quickly as I can, not caring that it’s burning my tongue.

Even though I want to get as many pictures with her as I can, I know that I won’t be able to stand that much longer with her.

I finish my soup so I just wait impatiently for her to finish to bowl of leaves.

Finally, she finishes and I pay for the meal and we head out. I walk her over to her car, opening the door for her. I begrudgingly lean in for a hug. I’m about to pull away but she holds me still.

“If you still want to be seen with me, you better get yourself together and dress more nicely. If you don’t, don’t be surprised if I leave you.”

She pulls away and goes into her car without another word and drives off. I turn around with the biggest smile on my face.

Don’t worry, Ivana. That’s exactly what I’m working on.


Lily’s POV

“Are you ready?” Ed asks me from the door.

I take one last lookover at my outfit in the floor-length mirror. I’m dressed in my orange dress and black pumps, my hair in a loose, side French braid. I nod in satisfaction and grab my clutch, following Ed out of the hotel room.

We head to the movie theatre where the premiere will be held and we wait behind a line of other black SUVs, waiting to arrive on the red carpet. I can see the huge crowd of fans lining the side of the streets, screaming and waving at the cars, not knowing who’s inside.

It’s finally our turn and someone opens the door for us. Ed steps out first and we’re met with a chorus of thunderous screams. Ed waves at them quickly before he turns back to me and helps me out of the car. I ungracefully step out of the car, hoping not to flash anyone. I stand up and fix my dress, pulling it down to its right place. I follow alongside Ed as he goes to takes pictures with the fans and signs some autographs.

Afterwards, he leads me to an area with a backdrop with The Fault in Our Stars written on it. He poses for pictures as I wait on the side. Like I expected, the photographers asked me to join in the pictures and Ed holds out his hand for me. I walk up to him and stand beside him, his hand resting on my back.

I smile for the pictures, still not used to the blinding lights. We continue to make our way down the carpet and I try to blink away the lights that burnt my vision. Ed goes through a couple of interviews for celebrity news shows as I stand to the side looking like an idiot as I blink like a crazy person.

The rest of the premiere flashes by in a blur. I actually got to meet Ansel Elgort, Shailene Woodley and John Green. Of course I took pictures with them and of course I posted them immediately on my Instagram and Twitter.

We watched the movie afterwards and I am not exaggerating when I say that I cried for almost the entire movie. I was a mess. And trust Ed to make fun of me for it during and after the movie.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with me?” he asks.

People were now making their way to the after party, including Ed. I was really tempted to go because of the chance that I would get to hang out with the cast but I knew I had a slim chance, plus, I was too tired to party.

I shake my head. “It’s alright. You go have fun. I want to go sightseeing for a bit.”

He looks at me worriedly. “I know I said I’d stop being overprotective but I’m really worried about you going out by yourself, especially at night.”

I give him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to stay in crowded areas and I’ll call our driver to pick me up and drop me off at the hotel.”

He sighs. “Alright. Just let me know when you get back to the hotel if you get there first.”

I nod. “I will. Don’t worry. Now, go. I’ll be fine.”

He looks at me hesitantly before he steps forward and gives me a hug. “Be careful. Call me if you need anything.”

I roll my eyes but it’s accompanied with a smile. I know he means well with his worry so I just return his hug.

“I will. I’ll see you later.”

We pull away and he gives me one last smile before he turns around and hops into the taxi that he called. I decide to go back to the hotel to change into something more comfortable before I have Ed’s driver drop me off downtown. Since it’s summer, there are a lot of tourists here just like me. A lot of families and even more couples walk along the streets.

I get out of the car and join the crowd of people walking along the shops before I decide to head to the canals. I take a few more pictures of the water and the beautiful lights lining the walls. Amsterdam is absolutely breathtaking.

I look around me and realize that it’s now mostly couples out and about. It’s almost 11 at night so the families are most likely in bed putting their kids to sleep.

Of course I start to think of someone in particular. Someone who I would love to have with me here right this second. It’s romantic as much as it’s beautiful. I move my gaze away from the loving couples and head over to a café right beside the canal. I walk in and order a hot chocolate, taking it with me to sit at a table outside.

It’s peaceful here. You can here the rippling of the water, the rustling of the leaves of the trees above me and the chirp of the crickets. I could stay here all night.

I’m just gazing out into the water when I hear someone clear their throat. I look up and see a guy standing beside me. I give him a friendly smile and his widens. He looks to be around my age, dark hair, piercing blue eyes and a killer smile.

“So, either someone is stupid for standing you up or the world is crazy for letting a lovely girl like you to sit alone at a café.”

I lightly laugh, looking down to hide the blush creeping onto my cheeks. I eventually look back up and see him still smiling at me.

“May I sit or are you waiting for someone?” he asks politely.

I shake my head and gesture towards the seat in front of me. “No, go ahead.”

Of course I keep my guard up. Even though he’s friendly, you never know with people out there. There’s a pub beside the café so there’s a lot of people around me. There’s also the two people working in the café that I can see through the window. I’ll be safe.

“Thanks.” He sits down before he extends his hand out to me. “My name is Leo.”

I shake his hand. “Lily.”

“You’re not from around here, aren’t you? I can tell you’re from the UK.”

I nod. “Yup. I’m just here for the weekend visiting with a friend.”

“And what do you think?” he smiles sweetly.

“It’s beautiful. I wish I could live here.”

“Well, Amsterdam would be lucky to have you.”

I blush again and smile. I pick up my cup and take a sip, hoping to hide my reddened cheeks before I place it back on the table.

“Have you been to the UK?” I ask.

I shake my head. “Haven’t been out of Amsterdam. It’s just me and my mum and we’re already struggling to keep up with the bills. I would love to take her there sometime though. That’s why I work every day to save up for it.”

I sit here in guilt. Here I am in Amsterdam, flying here for free and staying in a nice hotel when Leo can’t even take his mum to the UK, let alone anywhere outside of Amsterdam.

“That’s really nice of you. You’ll love it there.”

He smiles. “Well, if I do get the chance, I’ll need a tour guide. You don’t have to give me your number if you don’t want to but it’d be nice to know someone in the UK.”

“How about we just be Facebook friends first?” I smile. “You can message me on there when you’re planning to go to London.”

He dramatically sighs. “Alright. I guess that’s fine,” he says teasingly causing me to laugh.

I take out my phone and log onto Facebook, handing it to him afterwards. He taps around on my phone before he hands it back to me. He takes out his phone and plays around with it. I look down and see a notification from Facebook saying that Leo accepted my friend request.

“And now, we’re friends.” He grins at me, putting his phone away. “So, I’m guessing you don’t want to give me your number because you have a boyfriend?”

My smile falters but I manage to maintain it.

“Um…no,” I say quietly. “It’s…let’s just say it’s complicated.”

He nods in understanding. “Ahh, I get it. Don’t worry.”

I thank him with a smile. I see him look at his watch before he looks back up at me.

“I would really love to stay longer but I have to get going. I hope you have a wonderful time for the rest of your trip here.”

We both stand up.

“It was nice to meet you, Leo. I really hope you get to take your mum to London soon but don’t work too hard. You should enjoy yourself sometimes.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I will. And I can say that I really enjoyed tonight. It was lovely to meet you.”

Suddenly, we do an awkward dance where neither of us knows whether we should shake hands or hug but then he laughs and pulls me in for a hug. I laugh as I hug him back.

We pull away.

“Bye, Lily.”


He turns around but gives me one last wave over his shoulder as he walks away.

I take my seat again and finish my hot chocolate. I call Ed’s driver and wait for him. As I sit in the car on the way back to the hotel, I start to think about Leo. But it’s not how girls would usually think about someone after they have a conversation with them at a café on a beautiful night in Amsterdam. The reason that I’m thinking about Leo is because of the fact that I realized something after meeting him.

Leo was sweet and charming. I would definitely find myself agreeing to go on a date with him if he had asked me out and if we didn’t live in two different countries. But I realized something. I realized that no matter who I meet, no matter how sweet and charming they are, there will always be something that will lead my thoughts to someone else.


The one who I’m missing more and more since I last saw him.

I came here to get my head straight. I came here hoping that I’ll be able to move on and understand that I can only be friends with Harry. I thought that, by spending time away from him, my feelings for him would slowly start to fade away.

But it hasn’t. At all.

If anything, my feelings for him have still continued to grow stronger and stronger every day since I met him. It hasn’t stopped.

My feelings for him may have been wounded when he hurt me but they were still there.

When I see him with Ivana, my feelings are still there.

When I tell myself that I will never be with Harry, my feelings are still there.

And I feel like, when I see him tomorrow when I get back, when I have to tell him that we need to put our feelings for each other locked up somewhere deep inside of us that we won’t be able to take back out, when I tell him that we both need to move on…

…my feelings for him will still be there and I know that it will never go away.




Please let me know what you think? Did you like Louis' plan to get Ivana to break up with Harry? :P Do you think it'll work??

​And what do you think is going to happen when Lily goes back to London?

Pleeeeease comment! And like like like! :)

​10 more likes and 10 comments before I post the next chapter.

​Thanks for reading :)

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