Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


116. Radiant

Lily's POV

"There they are," I tell Louis as soon as I spot my group of friends. They're standing in front of two security guards and for a second I think that they're in trouble but I relax once I see them laughing.

I approach them with Louis at my side and they all look at me when we're a few feet away.

"Hey, guys," I say.

The security guards turn their heads at me and I see them glance at Louis. The security guard that's with us converses with the two others and they eventually step to the side, letting my friends through.

As soon as they're within reach, I step up and give them each a hug.

"Sorry for the trouble."

"That's alright," Marcus replies. "They were cool. They were just doing their jobs."

I return the smile he gives me before I look over at Louis.

"Everyone, this is Louis." I gesture to Louis and he sticks his hand out with a friendly smile.

He goes around to everyone, shaking their hand and introducing themselves.

"Nice to meet you," Louis says. "Did you want to head back?" he asks me.

I nod and turn around, looking behind me to signal everyone to follow us. I walk with Matti, Milly and Chloe as Louis and the other guys talk about last night's football game. We reach the dressing room a minute later and Louis walks in first and I follow after, guiding the others inside.

A few heads turn to us at our arrival and I walk up to Liam and Niall, who are the closest to us and introduce them to my friends. I go around the room doing the same with everyone else until I reach Lou's makeup chair.

I introduce them to Lou and Lux first, seeing as Harry's still getting his hair done but Lou finishes with him after I introduce Carla and he stands up from the chair and stands beside me.

I lean up and give him a quick kiss before I turn to my friends.

"Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Harry."

I try to hold back my laugh at their reactions to him. I notice the guys looking slightly intimidated and the girls looking flustered.

I gesture towards Matti, who's standing closest to me.

"Harry, this is Matti." He shakes her hand and I go down the line, introducing everyone. "Chloe, Collin, Leo, Milly...and Marcus."

As soon as I had said Marcus' name, Harry's hand snakes around my waist, resting against my hip and pulling me to him.

He shakes Marcus' hand and I panic slightly when I see Marcus grinning at him.

"Nice to finally meet you," Marcus says.

"Likewise," Harry replies.

Everyone, including myself, watches the two of them with apprehension. Harry's grip around me tightens slightly, only making the grin on Marcus' face widen.

"Lily's told me a lot about you," Marcus says, breaking the slightly awkward and slightly tense silence.

I feel Harry tense beside me and I look up at him nervously. Maybe this was a bad idea. I know that Harry still has his reservations about Marcus, especially in regards to when Marcus cheated on me. I remember Harry voicing his opinion on that matter and as I think about it all, I start to regret doing this before his show.

"Good things, of course," Marcus continues. "Well, mostly."

My stomach turns when I see Harry's jaw clench slightly, his eyes turning hard as he looks at Marcus. Harry's aware that Marcus and I went back to good terms when Harry and I started dating and that also means that we were friends when Harry and I broke up.

I know that Marcus is just teasing him and having a little fun but I wish he wasn't, especially not right now. That's why I look over at him and give him a warning glance when he meets my gaze.

He seems to understand the situation because his face falls slightly before he turns back to Harry, who still hasn't said another word.

"My apologies," Marcus adds, his tone now nervous. "I didn't mean it like that. No disrespect at all. All that matters is that you seem to make Lily happy. I can see that. And I know you treat her better than I did."

The atmosphere turns even tenser. The others quickly look away, surely feeling as awkward as I am.

"Well, I can agree with that," Harry says.

Everyone snaps their attention to him and I furrow my eyebrows at him. I knew this was going to happen. I was just praying that it wouldn't.

I know that Marcus was trying to make up for what he had said before and I was hoping that Harry would let it go.

"Woah, mate," Marcus says. "I didn't mean to offend you. I was just trying to ease some of the tension."

"Harry," I whisper, my tone slightly harsh.

Harry's jaw tightens again and he blows harshly out of his nose.

"Look, why don't we just start over?" Marcus asks before he sticks out his hand. "I'm Marcus. It's nice to meet you. Lily's told me great things about you. I'm glad that she's found the one that makes her insanely happy."

I know that Marcus is over-exaggerating a tad now but I know that he's only doing it for damage control.

I watch nervously between Marcus and Harry and I see Harry take a deep breath before he glances at Marcus' hand and finally shakes it. I release a breath of relief and I lean closer to him.

"I apologize, as well. It's just...I'm sorry. And yes, let's just start over. Thank you for coming." He looks around at everyone and gives them a smile. "All of you. I really appreciate it."

They all return his 'thank you' and then silence fills the space around us once again.

I look up at Harry and I can clearly see that something's bothering him. He's not making eye contact, not even with me.

I turn back to the others. "Harry and I will be back. Just makes yourselves comfortable. There's snacks over there and the show should be starting soon but I'll be back in a bit to take you guys there."

They all nod and make their way around the room.

I look up at Harry, who's still looking down at the ground. I take his hand and tug slightly.

"Can we talk?" I ask.

Without looking up, he nods and follows me to the adjoining room that they use to store their extra clothes. Harry walks further into the small room as I close the door behind me and lean against it.

"Are you okay?" I ask, watching Harry as he paces back and forth.

"I'm fine." His voice is sharp, contradicting his answer.


"I'm fine!"

I flinch as his sudden loud voice but he doesn't even notice.

I remain silent, thinking that he just needs a few moments to calm down.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" he suddenly exclaims. "Walking in here and acting all high and mighty and pretending that he's not the one that was in a two year relationship with you and then cheated on you."

I feel my heart strain slightly at his words and again, I remain silent. However, Harry seems to realize what he said because he pauses in his spot and looks up at me in wariness.

I just clench my jaw and keep my eyes on his.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles before he goes back to pacing. His apology seems half-hearted as it's weighed down by his anger, but I choose not to say anything about it.

"Did you want to me ask them to leave?" I ask instead. "Cause I'll gladly go with them."

Here we go.

"No, of course not. Just...I need a few minutes."

I can feel my anger boiling but I just take a deep breath and stay put in my spot. I give him the 'few minutes' he needs as I stare down at the ground, listening to his footsteps thudding against the carpeted floor and his quiet breathing. Finally, he stops his pacing and faces me but now, I avoid his gaze.

"You said you wouldn't be like this," I say softly. "I just wanted you guys to get along. I wanted to move past everything and not even think about what happened in the past."

"He started it!"

"I know!"

I finally look up him, hoping he can see my anger.

I know that everyone can hear us on the other side of the door but I don't even care. My anger towards Harry is overtaking every other thought in my head.

"I know, Harry. But you didn't have to react that way. This is what I was afraid of happening. I didn't want us to fight over this."

"How was I supposed to react? Everyone in that room knew what he was implying. He was obviously trying to get a reaction out of me. I wasn't going to stand there and take that, especially in front of you. He f.ucking stood there like he was some damn angel and made it seem like I was some asshole!"

"Harry, you know that's not true. I know that he shouldn't have said that but...I thought you would handle it better. You're better than that, Harry. You shouldn't have let that get to you."

"Then why aren't you out there talking to him about it? You agree that he's the one that started this so why don't you talk to him?"

"Because I don't care about what he did right now! I wanted to talk to you first because I knew that you were upset...or angry. I'm talking to you here right now because I'm in a relationship with you, not him. And because I care so damn much about you that I wanted to make sure that you're okay. But obviously, you can't even look past your pride and ego towards this stupid issue to even care or notice. You have to stop with this...this jealousy or insecurity or whatever it was you were feeling back there."

I wait for him to say something but he just continues to look at me. Of course I have some sympathy for how Harry's feeling but I don't want him to feel that way.

"I'm not saying what he said was okay but he was just trying to ease some of the tension. Yeah, he probably didn't choose the right words but he's an idiot."

I can feel some of the weight leaving my shoulders when I see a small smile tug on his lips. However, he completely wipes it off his face and looks down at the ground. I know that a simple joke won't settle the thoughts in his head.

"I'll talk to him about it but I can tell he wish he hadn't said it."

Again, he remains silent but I can see the battle going on in his head.

I sigh. "This was supposed to be a fun night. I'd watch you up on that stage and then we'd go to London and spend the weekend together at your place. Just you and me. But you're letting this get in the way of that."

I push myself off of the door and take a small step towards him, finally catching his gaze.

"Can you say something? Please? I don't want you to go on stage like this."

His eyes flicker in between mine as I continue to slowly make my way to him, stopping once I'm within arm's reach.

"I know that I should probably leave and let you sort out your issues but that would just make me feel absolutely horrible about myself. I would never let you go up on stage with this fight between us. I love you. I care about you. More than enough to know that I would never let you go like this for your show."

I know that if he went up on stage like this, he'd be a mess. And the fact that I'd be in front of him watching wouldn't make it any better.

His face visibly softens before he takes a step forward, closing the remaining space between us and wrapping his arms around me to pull me into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," he whispers against my neck.

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer and burying my face into his neck. I can feel the tension leaving the muscles of his body as I rub his back soothingly. The room is silent as we just hold each other, the only sounds heard are from our quiet breaths and faint heartbeats.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "You're right. You're completely right and I'm an idiot. God, I don't even deserve you right now. Like this. I wouldn't put it past you if you did leave like you said. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

I bring one of my hands up to brush through his hair in an attempt to calm his nerves.

"It's okay, Harry. Shh, it's okay. I accept your apology. I do. I'm here. I'm not leaving."

I feel his arms tighten around me and I do the same with him. He leans back to look at me before he leans in and presses his lips against mine in a lingering kiss.

"I love you," he mumbles against the kiss, not letting it stop. He turns his head to deepen it even further, his hands moving up to tangle in my hair on each side of my head. I rest my hands against his waist, pulling him closer.

He starts to push against my body, forcing me to take a step back with him until I feel the door against my back. We switch the positions of our hands, his gliding down to my waist and mine roaming up his body until they settle on the back of his neck, tugging him down to me.

This is definitely a complete turn of events. One second were yelling at each other and now, Harry has me pressed against the door in the middle of a heated kiss.

I'm not complaining. I'm just glad that we worked through our issues.

Harry's hands brush against the exposed skin of my waist and it's not long until I feel his fingers moving underneath the hem of my top. Just as he starts to glide them around to my back, a loud knock pounds against the door behind my head, making the both of us jump.

The person on the other side of the door clears their throat and Harry and I pull away from the kiss.

"Um...Harry?" Liam says. "Sorry to interrupt but we have to start warming up."

I can sense the awkwardness in his voice and I'm not sure whether it's because he thinks Harry and I are still fighting or if they know what we were doing just a few seconds ago.

Mine and Harry's heated gaze never breaks, our breaths coming out harshly as we try to get ourselves back from that intense moment.

"I'll be right out," he rasps, his piercing gaze still not leaving mine.

I slowly bring my hands up to rest on each side of his face, my thumbs gently brushing against his cheeks.

"I'll see you out there, superstar."

A radiant smile graces his lips, his entire face lighting up and even a faint blush colouring his cheeks. With everything that just happened, it feels like it's been days since I last saw him smile. I can now say that I long to see Harry smile as much as possible, so technically, all the time. It truly is one of the most beautiful things to see, especially up close, especially knowing that I'm the one that caused it, even with just a few simple words.

"Again, I'm sorry." His face softens as he speaks and I just want anything to make that smile come back.

"It's okay, Harry. Really."

"I feel like we didn't really talk it through properly. I mean, you were right about everything and I want you to know how deeply sorry I am. Are you sure everything's okay?"

I give him a reassuring smile. "Yes, Harry. I swear. I would never lie about something like this. We're fine. I said what I wanted to say. I'm sure you said everything you wanted to say. We talked it out. Well...we yelled it out."

His smile finally makes a return, causing mine to widen.

"You apologized. I accept your apology. We finished it off by making out and now, here we are. I think that means we're okay."

He takes his bottom lip in between his teeth, leaning closer to me before placing a quick kiss on my lips.

"I mean, if making out with you is all it takes to work out a fight, I might pick more fights with you."

I roll my eyes and shove him.

"Don't you have a show to do?"

Harry just smirks at me as I fix my shirt and run my fingers through my hair, making sure it looks presentable.

"And don't think that kissing me is going to work every time," I add. "You're lucky you have a show in a couple of hours or you'd be on your knees begging for my forgiveness right now."

"So you're saying that if I didn't have a show, you wouldn't have forgiven me so quickly?"

I look back up at him, worried that he'd be upset about that fact but I furrow my eyebrows in confusion when I see the smirk still glued on his face.

"Cause I can think of another way I'd be on my knees trying to earn your forgiveness."

That damn smirk widens, his dimple on his left cheek more prominent than ever.

I roll my eyes again before I turn around and open the door. I don't take two steps out before I feel Harry walk up to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I look around and see that Ashton and the rest of his band are gone. They must be about to get on stage. Niall, Louis and Liam are on one side of the room with their vocal coach and on the other side of the room, I see my friends sitting around the couches with the others.

Harry and I stop in our spot and he turns to me, giving me a kiss.

"I'll see you later," I say. "I'm going to bring my friends out there to watch the other boys."

He nods, his eyes focused on my lips. It seems like he didn't even hear what I had said, especially when he leans in and gives me another kiss.

And another one.

And another one.

I smile against the last kiss, letting out a soft laugh as I pull away.

"Go, Harry. They're going to get mad at you if you don't start warming up soon. I'll see you when Ashton and the others are done."

"See you later, baby," he says. He kisses me one more time before he turns around and joins the others.

I head over to the others and tell them that we can head out to the stage. Everyone stands up and start making their way out of the dressing room.

I stand in front of Marcus, stopping him as he looks at me with wide eyes.

"You," I say. "We need to have a little talk."

Just like a little kid being scolded by their parents, he nods.

We walk at the back of the group, following them down the hallway. I'm about to speak but he beats me to it.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I really am. I shouldn't have said that. I may not have meant it that way but I still regret saying it. I'll apologize to him after the show. I was going to do it after you two talked but I didn't have the chance."

I look over at him and see the sincerity in his features.

"I guess I was just intimidated by him," he continues. "But I know that's not an excuse for what I said. Again, I'm sorry."

I seem to be hearing that a lot today, for completely different reasons. However, I know he's being genuine. He's not a bad guy. Yeah, he says some stupid things but he's a good person. I know he would never try to upset me or Harry.

"It's okay. And yeah, I think you two should talk it out. I know he regrets reacting that way but he's a guy. You know how they are."

I nudge his shoulder and he smiles at me.

"Yeah, they're pricks, aren't they?" he says, making me laugh. "I will talk to him though. That'll be the perfect opportunity to tell him some embarrassing things about you, too."

I roll my eyes as I groan.

"Should I tell him about the time that you were drunk at your parent's 25th anniversary?"

I start to walk ahead of him but he just catches up to me.

"Or that time that you fell over in front of the whole class during your presentation? I can even show him the video I took!"

I walk even faster.

"Oh, shut it!" I exclaim, standing in the front with Matti to escape Marcus and his booming laughs.


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