Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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6. Questions and Unknown Answers

Lily’s POV

 

“I hope Ed likes it.”

“What are you talking about? He’ll love it, Harry. It’s delicious.”

I gave him a smile and he returned it with one of his own. After we finished our pizza, we decided that we’d cook dinner for the three of us later. We went out to get the ingredients since Ed has absolutely nothing in his pantry except junk food and mac and cheese. I continued to stir the pot of spaghetti sauce while Harry cooked the pasta.

Once it was cooked, we set up the table. We sat at the counter while we waited for Ed to come home.

“What time did you say Ed was coming home?” he asked.

“He said late afternoon so it should be soon.” I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was 4:33.

Silence filled the room as we both scrolled through Twitter on our phone.

“I know it’s a random question but have you and Ed ever gotten into a fight?” He grinned as he asked.

I laughed. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. You two seem like you haven’t.”

“Well, we haven’t had like a fight-fight where we were mad at each other but I have beat him up a couple of times when he annoyed me.”

He burst out laughing. “What happened?”

“When I liked this boy one summer, he told him that I was into girls and scared him away.”

He laughed again. “And you beat him up for that?”

I giggled. “I really liked him, okay?”

The room got quiet as his laughter died down.

“So, yeah. Me and Ed have never gotten mad at each other. We either think it’s a waste of time to worry about it or we just laugh it off or we just move on.”

He just smiled and nodded before looking away.

Suddenly, we jumped as the front door slammed open.

“LILY!”

My eyes widened at the sound of Ed’s booming voice.

“I spoke too soon.” I nervously got up from my chair and headed out to the living room. I walked into the living room just as Ed came out of the hallway, his face slightly red in anger.

“Ed, what’s wrong?” I asked.

He walked up to me and shoved his phone in my face.

“What the hell is this?” he asked.

I looked at the phone and my eyebrows scrunched in confusion before my eyes widened. It was a picture of me and Harry last night when we were walking to the London Eye.

Hand in hand.

Shit.

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming up behind me.

“What happened?” Harry said from behind.

Ed’s face reddened even more and his jaw tense as he looked at Harry, dropping his hand down to his side.

“What is he doing here?” he said through gritted teeth.

“I…he…he just came over…to hang out,” I stuttered. I’ve never seen Ed this angry before. But why was he acting like this?

“Why?” Ed asked.

“I was bored and I asked him to come over to watch a movie,” I explained.

Ed looked away, taking deep breaths before looking back up at me.

“Why were you guys holding hands in the picture?”

“I…um…because…”

“There were some guys who were checking her out and whistling at her so I held her hand to protect her,” Harry said. I still couldn’t see Harry since he was standing behind me and I was frozen in my spot.

I tried to calm myself as I waited for Ed’s reaction. His face slightly softened but he was still clearly agitated.

“You aren’t allowed to hang out with him unless you’re with me or anyone else.”

“What?!” I asked.

“I won’t let you hang out with him alone.”

“Why the hell not? You’re not my mother!” I shrieked.

“I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me? From what?” I was starting to get annoyed.

“From getting hurt again.”

“How am I going to get hurt? We’re just friends!”

“So you don’t like him?” He raised one eyebrow.

That question shut me up. I closed my mouth and just stared back at Ed as he looked at me questioningly.

Did I like Harry? I don’t know. We’re still getting to know each other.

But he’s a really great guy.

“Do you, Lily?”

I crossed my arms and tried not to show how scared and nervous I was feeling right now.

“Does it matter?” I asked.

“Yes, it does, Lily.”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s none of your business. And it’s also none of your business who I can and can’t hang out with. I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions.”

“Maybe I should go,” Harry said.

“Yeah, you should,” Ed snapped.

Harry started walking towards the door.

“No! Harry, you can stay. I’ll leave. I can’t stand him right now.” I walked past Ed, not giving him another glance before opening the front door and slamming it behind me.

I decided to leave partly because I needed to get away from Ed but partly because I needed to get my thoughts straight.

I quickly walked to elevator, pressing the button multiple times in frustration. I walked in once it opened and pressed the button for the lobby.

Just as the door was about to shut, a hand shot in and blocked it, causing it to open back up.

My eyes widened as Harry came in looking at me with worried eyes.

“Are you okay?” He walked right up to me, a small distance in between us. The elevator door closed behind him.

I looked into his green eyes, my heart beating faster and faster by the second. My emotions were heightened right now.

Anger. Confusion.

I was so upset with how Ed was acting and how he was treating me. My thoughts were all over the place. I couldn’t think properly.

And that’s when I grabbed Harry by the back of his neck and smashed my lips against his. He was frozen at first but then he started kissing me back before he wrapped his arms around my waist. I wrapped mine around his neck as the kiss deepened. I don’t know what came over me but I couldn’t seem to stop myself even now.

Harry lightly pushed me until my back hit the wall behind me.

This kiss was making the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. My thoughts disappeared as it felt like everything around us disappeared. Like it was only me and him in the world at the moment.

I ran my hand through his hair, pulling him closer to me. The kiss seemed to go on forever but then we heard the elevator ding.

We quickly pulled away as the elevator door opened, lucky that no one came in. We just stared at each other, our breaths coming out hard and fast. There was lust in Harry’s eyes but there was also something else, another emotion that I couldn’t figure out.

I was about to say something but Harry beat me to it.

“I’m sorry. I should go.”

Before I could react, Harry turned around and walked away.

I felt my stomach drop as I watched him disappear.

And suddenly, everything that just happened came rushing into my thoughts.

Shit, what did I just do? Why did I do that? I’m so stupid!

The door started to close but I quickly walked out before it shut. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to go back upstairs and have to face Ed. And who knew whether I’d spill and tell him that I just kissed Harry. He’d be infuriated.

But why was he so opposed to me liking Harry? They’re best friends.

I rid my thoughts of Ed and Harry and walked outside. I walked along the sidewalk, looking for any place to stay. I reached a plaza and found a coffee shop. I went inside and ordered an iced coffee before taking a seat in the far corner. I sat there and mentally beat myself up for the mess I just made.

I was starting to become great friends with Harry and now I had to go and mess it up.

Why did I kiss him?

I was just so overwhelmed with everything that happened and I wasn’t thinking straight. When Ed asked me whether I liked Harry or not, I couldn’t answer him. But, in my head, I was screaming one word.

Yes.

I like Harry.

He’s been so sweet and charming since I met him and I realized that I was thinking about him a lot.

But he didn’t like me back. That, I know of for sure. He would never like me. I was just a normal, simple girl.

And the fact that he walked away after our kiss confirmed that.

Obviously, he only thought of me as a friend.

And now I messed it up.

I need to talk to him and clean up this mess. He was a great friend and I don’t want it to ruin what we have.

Of course I won’t tell him the real reason that I kissed him. I’ll just tell him that I was angry with Ed and wanted to do something to get him even madder.

So my plan is to talk to Ed first and try to have the conversation in a civil manner. And then I’ll talk to Harry and straighten things about with him.

I finished my coffee and then braced myself as I headed back to the condo. Time seemed to go in fast forward as I walked back to Ed’s place, as I walked into the lobby, as I went up the elevator and as I walked through the hallway.

I took a deep breath as I placed my hand on the doorknob and slowly opened it.

I closed the door behind me and looked around the room. Ed was nowhere in sight. I checked the kitchen, still no sign of Ed.

Then, I heard a guitar coming from the hallway. I headed towards Ed room, the sounds of the guitar getting louder. I waited for a few seconds before I knocked on the door.

The guitar immediately stopped and there was silence for a few seconds.

“Come in,” Ed said through the door.

I carefully opened the door and saw Ed sitting on the edge of his bed, his guitar in his hands.

He just stared me at, no expression on his face.

I cleared my throat. “Can we talk?”

He remained silent before he nodded. “Yeah, sure. Come in.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed in your room,” I teased, smiling as I saw him smile at me.

“Only when I’m not here. Now get in here.”

I relaxed a bit, relieved that he wasn’t as angry as before. I walked into his room and took a seat on the small couch in front of him.

“Ed, I don’t like fighting with you. You’re my best friend. My only friend, really.”

“I don’t like fighting with you, either.” I looked up at him and smiled once again as I saw him smiling at me.

“Can we talk about what happened? And why you’re so against me hanging out with Harry. I thought you were best friends.”

He sighed before taking his guitar and putting it back on the stand. He sat back down and rested his arms on his knees.

“Lily. It’s not that I have anything against Harry. He is one of my best mates. I’d be like this if it was any other guy. I just don’t want you getting hurt again. After what happened to you with Marcus, I just felt the need to prevent you from experiencing that pain again. I know this sounds cheesy as hell but when you hurt, I hurt. You’re my best friend and I can’t stand you getting hurt.”

“Ed, that’s really sweet of you to look out for me but you have to let me make my own decisions and you have to let me make my own mistakes. You can’t always be there to stop me from getting hurt. No one knows when they’re going to get hurt. I understand how you want to look out for me, I’m like that towards you, too. But you have to let me make my own decisions.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Silence filled the room as he looked deep in thought.

“Just answer me one question,” he said.

I froze in my seat. I knew what he was going to ask and I wanted to run and hide before he asked.

“Do you like Harry?”

I took a deep breath. “I honestly don’t know, Ed. I’m still getting to know him. He’s a really great friend.”

Worry filled Ed’s eyes.

“But I don’t want it to get in between you two so…I’ll keep things between us as nothing more than friends.”

The worry was now replaced with guilt on Ed’s face but he didn’t respond.

There was a tiny bit of hope in me that he would disagree and say that I shouldn’t do that but the hope disappeared as Ed remained silent.

It was true though. I didn’t want it to cause trouble. I didn’t want to come in between Ed and Harry’s friendship.

Harry didn’t even like me back so there was no point in even liking him. I felt my heart strain in my chest, I had to stop thinking about it.

“I realized I was being a prick when I said that you weren’t allowed to hang out with Harry. I can’t do that. I can see that you guys get along so I won’t stop you two from hanging out.”

He opened his mouth to say something, looking like there was one more thing that he wanted to say but he shut his mouth.

“Good. Now it’ll be easier cause I don’t have to go behind your back. I would’ve hung out with him whether you like it or not,” I was trying to joke around but there was a bit of truth to it.

I liked spending time with Harry and I wasn’t going to let Ed prevent me from hanging out with him.

He laughed as he shook his head.

“I knew you would’ve.”

We laughed together.

Suddenly, he turned serious.

“I really am sorry for how I acted.” He looked at me with apologetic eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, smiling at with reassuringly.

He smiled. “Are you going to talk to Harry?”

I sighed. “Yeah. I need to straighten things out with him.”

“What are you going to say to him?”

I shrugged. “Just tell him that it was a misunderstanding and make sure he knows that I don’t have feelings for him. He probably thought I did since I didn’t answer you when you asked me.”

“But you don’t know yet whether you like him or not.”

Again, I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not like he likes me anyways.”

Something flashed through Ed’s features. But it disappeared as quickly as it came. It looked like he was hiding something from me. Instead, he just nodded in silence.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.”

I couldn’t shake the thought away that Ed was hiding something important from me but I just let it go, putting it in the back of my mind.

“Anyways, we cooked you dinner. Are you hungry?” I got up and he stood up after me.

“Yeah. I actually saw it when I went into the kitchen but I was still mad at you two that I didn’t want to eat it.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “You’re such a baby.”

I headed out to the hallway, Ed following after me.

“Now I feel bad for making him leave.”

“You should. We worked really hard all afternoon to cook that. You should talk to him too and apologize.”

“I know. I will. And you mean he cooked it?”

I turned around and smacked him on his arm.

“Hey! I helped!”

“Okay, Lily. Sure you did.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms.

“Oh come on, you know I’m just teasing.” He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked into the kitchen.

I served the spaghetti for the both of us and we sat in silence as we ate. The room was quiet but my thoughts were loud.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. Specifically, what my feelings were towards Harry.

I was still confused.

But then, I would just remind myself that Harry doesn’t like me like that. So there’s no point in worrying about it.

We’ll just be friends. I’m happy with that.

But then, I would remember the kiss. How good it was. How amazing it made me feel.

But the part that made me confused again was the fact that Harry kissed me back.

 

***********************

 

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Why did Harry leave like that??

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