Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


44. Pranks & Ice Cream

Lily’s POV

“Lily, you have to talk to him sometime,” Eleanor warns me.

I glance down at my phone vibrating on the counter in between Eleanor and I. After I went for a little walk after my fight with Ed, I decided to catch a taxi to her’s and Louis’ place. I couldn’t go back to Ed’s flat. I was still upset and pissed at the things he said. I’m trying to let the rest of my time here be peaceful and happy and he won’t even respect my choices about Harry. He immediately jumps to the worst case scenarios when it comes to Harry and I and it’s frustrating that the one person that I thought would be there to support me basically said that he wished I never came here.

Of course I was hurt by his words and I’m angry at him for lashing those words at me while I was still overwhelmed with everything that’s happened.

It’s almost midnight now and he’s been calling me nonstop for two hours. He’s left texts asking where I am, knowing that he’s worried about me, regardless of his mood before I left.

I kind of wanted him to worry about me. That’s how angry I was with him. If he was expecting me to come home and pretend that the fight never happened, he better think again.

The phone stops ringing but, like I expected, it starts to ring again two seconds later.

“Lily,” Eleanor whines.

“You can answer it, if you want. But I’m not talking to him.”

Eleanor groans before she swipes my phone from the counter and answers it.

“Hey, Ed…yeah, she’s here with me…she’s fine, she came here a few hours ago…she…she doesn’t want to talk to you right now…yeah…yeah, I will…okay, bye.”

Even though I had no intention of knowing what Ed said, I know that Eleanor is going to tell me anyways.

“He’s been wondering where you are and he said he’s sorry for what he said. He wants you to go back to his place and talk.”

“We had a chance to talk about it but he ruined it by saying those things. I can’t go back there, at least, not tonight. Is…is it okay if I stay here the night?”

She gives me a warm smile. “Of course. Stay as long as you like. What he said was out of line so I’m on your side for this.”

I reply with a smile, pulling my knees up on the chair and hugging them.

“Do…do you think that what some of what Ed said was true? Am I being stupid for what I’m doing with Harry?”

She looks at me with sympathy and sighs. “Well, like Perrie and I said. We wished he would’ve done a lot more to earn your forgiveness but neither of us know the whole story between you two so we can’t be ones to judge. I just hope that this doesn’t make things worse. Just trust your gut with whatever you think is right. If you think this is what you two need, then I’m going to respect that.”

Ever since I forgave Harry, I’ve been bothered with thoughts that I’m being stupid and careless. Even though we both made mistakes, what he did was much worse than what I did and I’m not sure if I should’ve forgiven him so easily. But like I said, I haven’t completely forgiven him yet. I still have a chance to have him earn it. I just thought that us being friends would be able to make that process easier. And I wish that Ed had let me have a chance to explain to him.

“Where’s Louis?” I ask.

“He’s still out with the lads. They decided to go to the bar afterwards. I told Louis you were here and he said he’d be home soon.”

I nod.

“Does Harry know you’re here?”

I shake my head. “No. I haven’t talked to him since this morning at Zayn’s.”

“So he doesn’t know that you and Ed had a fight?”

I shake my head again. “And I don’t want him to know. He was already worried this morning that he’s getting in between mine and Ed’s relationship, he’d freak out if he knew what happened. I told him that he’s not his fault at all but I know he’s going to blame himself if he finds out.”

“Hmm, well, you better think of an explanation as to why you’re here because Louis said that he’s coming over.”

I snap my head up at Eleanor. “What? Are you serious?” I groan and bury my face in between my knees.

Eleanor giggles. “I’ll just tell him that I invited you over for a sleepover.”

I just grumble against my legs, earning another laugh from Eleanor.

“Oh come on. Let’s just forget about that for now and do something fun.”

A smile stretches across my face as I look up from my knees and over to Eleanor’s grin.

“What did you have in mind, Ms. Calder?”

A mischievous smirk spreads across her head and I raise an eyebrow at her.

“Why don’t we pull a little prank on Louis and Harry?”

I had silently agreed the second that she said ‘prank’.


“I can hear the garage door open,” Eleanor whispers even though no one else can hear us. “Are you ready?”

I cover my hand over my mouth, trying extremely hard to stifle the laugh threatening to erupt from inside. Eleanor and I are currently standing on top of her bed, ready for our prank.

We wait silently until we hear a door open and a couple of footsteps coming from downstairs.

Eleanor and I giggle quietly before we stop ourselves. She nods, the cue to start our prank. Both of us hold hands and start jumping on the bed. It was very hard to keep the giggles down but we contained ourselves. We can hear the footsteps stop downstairs before we hear mumbling, not being able to understand the words over the thumping and squeaking of the bed.

The voices stop and we hear footsteps ascend from the stairs.

“Now,” Eleanor whispers. “Oh, yeah,” she moans. I have to bite my lip hard to stop myself from laughing at Eleanor’s hilarious face. She gives me a look, ordering me to continue with the plan.

I prepared myself for the deepest voice I could put on and followed Eleanor’s actions. “Oh, baby. You feel so good,” I mumble deeply. Now it was Eleanor’s turn to stifle her laughter so we jump higher and land harder on the bed to attempt to cover our giggles.

“Oh, yeah. Keep going! Harder!” Eleanor squeals.

I decide to just groan and moan, not trusting my fake, deep voice to say anything. I made sure to make my groans and moans as believable as I could, getting louder and louder as the footsteps started coming faster and louder.

Suddenly, the bedroom door flies open and an angry-looking Louis comes storming inside. His eyes land on the head of the bed but his face turns into a look of confusion as it trails up to look up the two of us still standing hand-in-hand, no longer able to hold in our laughter.

“What the f*ck, Eleanor?” There’s still a hint of anger present in his features but his face visibly softens as he looks at us still laughing our heads off.

Eleanor doubles over in laughter, clutching her stomach as she falls on her back onto the bed. Louis makes his way over to Eleanor and she tries to crawl away from him, still laughing, but he grabs her ankle and pulls her to him. He rests one hand beside her head and hovers over her.

“What the hell was that for? I was ready to kill someone,” Louis scolds.

“I missed you, too, Boo Bear.” Eleanor speaks through her slowly dying laughter, wiping tears out of her eyes. “And don’t worry, it was just Lily.”

I can see a smile slowly creeping onto Louis’ face before he tickles her. “Don’t pull that shit on me again. You have no idea how painful it was to hear that coming home.”

She rests both of her hands on the sides of his face and smiles at him. “I’m sorry. We were bored. I promise not to do that ever again.”

“You mean you won’t pull that prank ever again, right? I still want you to make those noises, just only with me--”

“And that is my cue to leave,” I quickly say, jumping from the bed and onto the floor. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

I head out of the room, closing the door behind me just as I hear Eleanor giggling again from inside.

I turn around and bump into a hard body, a pair of familiar hands reaching out to grab my arms. I look up and meet a pair of bright, green eyes, amusement playing in his features.

“You two are crazy,” he laughs. “I thought Louis was going to kill someone when we heard those noises.”

I laugh as I take Harry’s wrist and guide him downstairs. “Come on. Let’s give those two some privacy.”

About halfway down the stairs, Harry slips his hand to link with mine. I casually take my hand out of his grasp, pretending that I had to hold on to the railings as we made the rest of the trip down the stairs.

Today is day one of us trying to be friends again and us holding hands is not the ideal way to start that.

Thankfully, Harry doesn’t seem affected by my rejection as we both sit on the couch.

“So, what are you doing here?” he asks, grabbing the remote from the table in front of us and turning on the TV.

“El asked me to sleep over.” I keep my answer short, knowing that if I extended the lie, he would notice. “How about you?”

“I had nothing else to do so Louis said we could watch a movie here.”

“Oh.” I nod. He flips through the channel, finally stopping at Friends before he places the remote back on the table.

“So, how was your girl’s day?” he asks.

“It was good. We just went shopping and had lunch. How about you?”

 “Lily, we didn’t have a girl’s day,” he teases. I roll my eyes as he grins at me.

This is going along much less awkward that I thought it would be. It’s comfortable. It’s almost exactly how it was back when we were just friends. Just as long as I don’t think about anything that happened after that time period.

He chuckles, turning back to the TV. “It was good. We just played video games and then went to a bar afterwards. Typical manly, guy stuff.”

I laugh.

“So, did you talk to Ed yet?”

I tense, looking down at my hands on my lap. I knew that Harry would bring it up, seeing as how I told him today that I would talk to Ed about our on-gain friendship. I was planning on telling him another lie but I knew that I had to stop lying if I wanted this friendship to work. Lying has already given me so much trouble and I owe it to Harry to start being truthful if I expect it in return from him.

“Um…yeah, I did.”

I continue to avoid his gaze that I can feel on me and I wait for him to ask further questions, not wanting to tell him what happened. I know he’s going to feel guilty once I tell him.


I take a deep breath and I force myself to look up at him. He’s looking at me with worry but also, anticipation, like he knows what happened, being able to tell from my hesitation.

“We had a fight,” I mutter.

He’s silent for a while as he looks away for a while. He looks back at me with the guilt that I knew was inevitable to appear on his face.

“A fight, as in those fights that you two have where you quickly forget about it and move on?” he asks hopefully.

I remember the day that Harry asked me whether Ed and I have ever fought and then telling him that we have never had a fight where we stayed mad at each other for longer than five minutes.

I nervously shake my head. “Unfortunately, no. This is the biggest fight we’ve ever had and I think it’s going to take a lot for us to get over it. That’s why I’m here. I left. I was…I am still mad at him for some of the things he said and I couldn’t take his protectiveness anymore.”

I glance over at Harry and see the guilt growing in his eyes. I reach over and place my hand on his.

“Harry. It’s not your fault, okay? Don’t blame yourself for this. This fight was bound to happen eventually between the two of us. I decided that I wouldn’t take it anymore with his protectiveness and Ed would be like this if it was any other guy. Please. Don’t feel guilty.”

“I can’t help it.” He groans and leans forward to bury his face in his hands. I move closer to Harry, hesitantly reaching out and rubbing his back. I can feel his muscles relaxing under my touch and I continue, telling myself that this is a completely friendly gesture.

“Stop it or I won’t be friends with you anymore,” I tease. My plan to stop his worries seems to work as he looks up at me with a smile.

“I’ll have to think about it then,” he teases back. I gasp and I’m about to swat his arm when he catches it mid-air, stopping me. We laugh as Harry pulls me to him, ignoring the tingling I feel from his touch.

“Come on, let’s go make a midnight snack for all of us. God knows Louis and Eleanor will need it with whatever they’re doing right now.”

Harry stands up and I smack his leg.


“What? Why else would they be taking that long up there?” he laughs. I follow him to the kitchen, a smile stuck on my face.

“They could be talking. We did that when we--”

I stop myself, my eyes widening at the words that came out of my mouth. I look up at Harry and see an emotion I can’t put my finger on flash through his eyes. He quickly covers it up with a smile.

“Sorry. I didn’t for that to slip out,” I stutter.

He shakes his head. “It’s okay. You’re right, though. Umm…yeah, they’re probably just talking,” he mumbles before he turns around and opens the fridge.

I close my eyes in embarrassment, scolding myself for not thinking before speaking. The emotion that flashed through his eyes looked like he had just reminisced about those times that we would just stay in bed and talk. Just like I just did.

I open my eyes and see Harry still looking in the fridge, but he’s not moving. He just leans his arm on the door with his other hand resting on his hip, his head hanging low.

One of us has to change the subject and since I was the one that brought it up, I know that it has to be me. So I walk up to Harry and clear my throat.

“So, what are we going to make?”

Harry’s head perks up before he leans down to properly look in the fridge. He clears his throat and reaches inside but stands back up with nothing in his hands. He opens the freezer door and smiles.

“Ice cream!” He reaches into the freezer and takes out the tub of chocolate ice cream. I laugh at his excitement, shaking my head as I walk over to the cabinet to get four bowls and spoons.

I walk back to Harry at the counter to see that he’d found the scooper. I place the bowls beside him and he places two scoops of ice cream into each bowl.

“Wait!” I’m glad that he’s forgotten about my stupid comment so I just watch him as he goes back to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of chocolate syrup and a can of whipped cream.

He hands me the whipped cream and spray a decent amount on top of the ice after Harry pours the syrup. I wait for Harry to squeeze syrup onto the last bowl and I immediately know which one is his as he puts double the amount of syrup into it.

I laugh. “Harry, you’re not going to be able to sleep tonight!”

He grins before he finally stops pouring the syrup and places it on the counter.

“Whipped cream, please,” he says.

I roll my eyes and reach over, about to spray whipped cream onto his ice cream. I decide to spray the tiniest dollop of whipped cream on top, teasing him.

“Hey! More!” he whines.

I laugh as he playfully frowns. “Harry, you do not need anymore sugar! I’m cutting you off!”

A playful grin plays on Harry’s face now and he reaches for the whipped cream. However, I react quickly and hold it out behind me, out of his reach.

“Lily Benson, give me the whipped cream!”

I continue to laugh as we flail around, Harry trying to get the can from my hands. Eventually, Harry grabs my waist with one of his arms, pulling me to him. I squeal as Harry reaches forward for the can, trying to keep it away from him.

I wasn’t keeping it from him because I didn’t want him to have anymore whipped cream, I just wanted to have fun with him.

I squeal again when Harry finally has a hold on the can but I hold on tighter, not letting go. I have to use both hands now to keep Harry from getting it. It’s now in the middle of us, Harry letting go of my waist to use both of his hands as well. Harry’s hand almost completely covers both of mine and again, I ignore the tingles I get under his touch.

It’s now a tug-o-war for the can and I can tell that Harry is holding back, making it seem like I had a chance. I know that if he tried, he could wrench the can from both of my hands with just one of his.

We both laugh, our eyes not leaving each other’s as we pull back and forth for the whipped cream. Suddenly, Harry pulls hard, causing my body to lurch onto his.

“Give me the can, woman!” he says with a huge grin on his face.

I laugh even harder, my grasp slightly loosening from around the can. When I go to pull on the can, my hand slips to the top, causing a stream of whipped cream to fly into the air before it lands on my cheek.

I gasp at the coldness and Harry just laughs at me.

Even though it was my hand that had slipped, causing the whipped cream to spray onto me, that didn’t stop me from turning the can towards Harry and pushing on the nozzle. A steady stream of whipped cream goes straight for his face and he doesn’t react fast enough to dodge it.

Now it’s my turn to laugh as Harry finally lets go of the can and wipes the whipped cream from his face. I take my finger and swipe it across my cheek, getting the small dollop of whipped cream off of my face. I lick the whipped cream from my finger and I can see Harry watching me intently. He eventually looks away, trying to get the rest of the whipped cream from his face. I reach up and wipe the last remains of it from his face and I’m about to lick it from my finger when Harry grabs my wrist, stopping me.

I freeze at his actions, our eyes locking as he slowly brings my hand up to his face. Then, he leans his head forward and takes my finger into his mouth. My eyes flutter slightly as he very slowly licks the whipped cream from my finger, feeling his tongue glide across my skin. He pulls away, a sucking sound reverberating around the room as his mouth leaves my finger.

He keeps his hand around my wrist, our hands frozen in between us, our eyes never faltering from each other’s. I can hear his loud breathing but mine was just as loud.

What the hell was that?

Friends don’t lick whipped cream off of each other’s fingers, right?

He’s making this whole let’s-be-friends-again thing between us even harder but then again, I didn’t stop him. I could’ve but I didn’t. Am I wrong for not stopping him? I would like to think not.

Harry’s about to say something but Louis and Eleanor enter the kitchen. Harry quickly lets go of my wrist and I look away from his intense gaze, turning around to face Eleanor.

“Oh, you guys made ice cream. Perfect, we just set up a movie,” she says.

“Great,” I reply. I clear my throat once I realize how abnormally squeaky my voice was but I keep my mouth shut, not daring to speak again.

Eleanor grabs a bowl and hands it to Louis before she takes her own.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late.” She smiles before she follows Louis out of the kitchen.

I can feel Harry’s gaze pointed at the back of my head and I slowly walk up to the counter to grab my ice cream. I look over at Harry’s bowl and I decide to spray more whipped cream on it before I take it and turn around.

Harry’s looking at me with an unreadable expression but it makes me flustered. So I look at the top of his head to avoid his piercing, green eyes as I walk up to him and hold out his ice cream for him. He slowly takes it and I quickly turn around, making my way out to the living room to join Louis and Eleanor.

Harry is right behind me and I sit down on the couch not occupied by Louis and Eleanor. Harry sits on the couch beside me, a good two feet of space in between us. I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed that he sat so far. I mean, we sat closer than this back when we were still friends and we had watched Star Trek together.

I decide to let it go and just enjoy the movie. However, once the opening credits appear on the screen, I know that I’m not going to enjoy it. The words ‘The Conjuring’ appear and I immediately get anxious, pulling my knees up and hugging them. I can see Harry occasionally glancing at me during the first couple of scary parts where I would jump and then cover my eyes.

However, when it got to a really scary part about halfway through the movie and I was practically shaking in my seat, Harry slides over to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. I immediately rest my head against his shoulder, still covering my eyes with my hands.

I relax tremendously as Harry tightens his arm around me, occasionally rubbing my arm when he feels me tense.

“Why did you choose this movie?” I ask exasperatedly.

I can feel Harry’s laughter shake his body and it slightly calms me slightly.

I try to drill it into my brain that this comforting gesture is strictly friendly. Nothing else to it. But then I remember what had happened in the kitchen with the whipped cream.

The way he looked at me.

The way he held me.

The way he’s holding me now.

I now know that trying to be friends with him again will be harder than I thought.





But I'm done now and I have almost two weeks off to write!

Let me know what you think of the chapter!

15 more likes and 15 comments for the next part which will hopefully be up by Sunday!

Thanks for reading :)

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