Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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76. Only You

Lily’s POV

My breathing starts to normalize as Harry slowly runs his fingertips up and down my spine. He pulls me closer to him and I rest my face into his neck.

“That was…amazing,” I say, my voice scratchy from how vocal I was.

I can practically hear his smile since I’m unable to open my eyes to look up at him. I feel him press his lips on the top of my head.

“I love you.” I know I said it a million times in the past 10 minutes but I don’t care.

I love him. I love him so freaking much. I never knew you could love someone this much but I do. Sharing this moment with Harry was more than I could ask for. This is what we needed, especially with Harry leaving tomorrow and with the uncertainty that goes with our relationship in the future.

This shows him that I’m here. I’m here and I’m never planning on leaving. I hope he finally believes it. I know he did, though. The look he gave me after we came down from our highs, I could see a change. I know he’s there with me now.

He’s mine. I’m his. Nothing can come in between us.

“I love you, too.”

It’s us against the world.

“Did you want my sweater?” he asks me. I suddenly feel cold as he mentions it so I nod. I open my eyes as Harry slides out of bed. He reaches down to the ground to pick up his boxers, putting them on before he goes inside my closet to look for his sweater.

I sit up, using the blanket to cover myself as I wait for him.

I spot my underwear at the foot of the bed so I grab it and put them on.

He walks back and hands me the sweater before I carefully out it on. Harry slides into bed again while I pull his sweater all the way down. He extends his arm to let me rest my head on his shoulder again but I swing my leg over his body and straddle him.

Harry raises his eyebrows at me suggestively and grins and I roll my eyes with a smile and shake my head.

“Can we talk?” I ask, placing my hands on his chest. I see the scratch marks that I made while I was in my pleasure-filled mind. I should feel embarrassed but I just bite my lip and softly run my fingertips along them.

He puts a pillow behind him so he can sit up a bit. He playfully narrows his eyes at me as his hands rest on my thighs.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Harry,” I whine, laughing along with him.

“I get it. You just wanted to sleep with me and now you want to break up with me.”

I smack his chest. “Will you shut up and let me talk?”

He holds his hands out in front of him before he places them on my thighs again.

“Yes, baby. What did you want to talk about?”

I close my eyes and sigh. He’s always been cheeky but he’s been extra cheeky lately. I see that damn smirk on his face when I open my eyes again.

“Okay, so first of all, I wanted to talk about…what just happened. I know that sex isn’t the answer to everything but…I just thought it would be another way to show you that I’m not going anywhere. It just shows that I trust you.” I take one of my hands and place it over his heart. “I trust that you’re not going to hurt me anymore.” I take one of his hands with my other and pull it up to rest over my own heart. “And I want you to know that I won’t ever hurt you again. This is it, Harry. Nothing can come between now.”

I lightly pull on his arm. “Come here,” I whisper.

He sits up and I take his face in between both of my hands as his wrap around me, pulling me as close to him as I could get.

“I love you, Harry. Just the thought of losing you again kills me. It’s only you that I want to hold like this. It’s only you that I want to call at two in the morning. It’s only your clothes that I want to wear. Only you that I want to kiss. Only you that I want to wake up to every day. Only you that I want to make memories with. Only you that I want to share about my past with. Only you that I want to be with. Only you that I trust. Only you that I love. You aren’t going to lose me.”

I could see it swimming in his eyes as he took in my words. I can tell he’s truly starting to believe that I don’t ever plan on leaving him. I can see his doubts fading away and being replaced with reassurance.

“We’ll make this work. Whatever it takes. Harry, I can’t even imagine losing you so if we somehow do break up, don’t even think that it’ll be because I want to leave you. I will choose to do anything else than to leave you. When we broke up when you went to Paris, the pain I felt was unbearable but I know that if we did break up now, it would kill me. I wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be able to find someone to love like I love you. This is it. You and me, Harry.”

I can finally see a smile appear on his face.

“Okay?” I whisper.

He nods, his smile widening. “You and me.”

He tucks my hair behind my ear gives me a sweet kiss. The look he’s giving me send butterflies to my stomach. People usually only feel this in the beginning on a relationship but Harry manages to do it every single day. I can’t help but run my fingers through his curls and lean in to give him a lingering kiss.

“There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about. It kind of relates to this.”

He just nods and waits patiently for me to continue.

“I don’t know how long-distance relationships work, especially with you travelling a lot. I know we’ll make this work but I feel like we need to talk about what to expect. I know we shouldn’t set expectations because it could lead to disappointment but I think we need to to make sure we know what we’re getting into. You’re going to tour for eight months and I’ll be busy with school. I know you need to focus on your career and I need to focus on my studies. I…I think we both need to understand that. If one of us is busy, the other one needs to understand that we need to put that first. I know you’re worried that I’m going to need you here with me but you won’t be able to and…and I’ll understand. I just want you to understand, too, that I’ll be busy with school a lot. I really need to focus since it’s my last year.” I take his face in my hands again. “But…we’ll work around it. We’ll do whatever we can to make up for it as soon as we have time. Do…do you understand, Harry?”

I can see him try to force a smile as worry grows in his eyes. “Yeah, I understand. I just hope that we don’t have actually go through that. I want to be there for you as much as I can. No matter if I’m tired as hell or…or if I have an interview early the next morning, I will do whatever I can to be there for you, even if it’s just to talk to you on the phone. Don’t think that just because I’m going to be away, that I won’t be there for you. Like I told you, I want to treat you better than I ever have before. I know it’ll be harder now with us being away from each other for long periods of time, but I’m going to go whatever it takes to make you happy. Okay?”

I smile and nod. “You and me,” I say, copying his words from just a while ago.

His smile widens just before he leans in and places his lips on mine.

“So, was your surprise having sex with me?” Harry says after pulling away with a grin spreading across his face.

I roll my eyes. “No, you idiot. It isn’t.”

He rubs my waist and hums. “Then what’s the surprise?”

I reach over to the side table and grab my phone. I go through my music, looking for the song.

“It’s the song that I made with Ed…about you.”

His eyes light up and his face softens. “Really? You finished it?”

I nod. “Yeah. He sent it to me a couple of days after I got to my parents house. I…I wasn’t able to make myself listen to it then so…so this will be the first time that I hear it.”

Understanding overtakes his features. He must understand why I couldn’t listen to it. It was too hard. I tried but as soon as I heard the first line, I immediately turned it off as I was hit with so many painful memories.

“I want to listen to it now. With you,” I say softly.

He nods and brushes his fingers through my hair soothing me. “I would love that.”

I give him a small smile before I look down at my phone. I take a deep breath and shakily press the play button.

The familiar sound of the opening chords fill the room and I place it on the bed before I look back up at place my around arms Harry’s neck. We just sit in there silence as we listen to the song, our eyes locked on each other’s.

All I knew this morning when I woke
Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before
And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles and your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel like.

I remember waking up the morning after we went on the London Eye. I couldn’t get his face and his smile out of my mind.

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you.

As I spent more time with him, I always wanted to know more about him. Just like he said in his letter how he was drawn to me when we met, it was the same for me, too. I was drawn to him and I found myself falling deeper and deeper as I got to know him.

“’Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed
.”

Ed’s voice now takes over the song.

And all my walls stood tall painted blue
And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you

And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies
The beautiful kind, making up for lost time
Taking flight, making me feel right like.”

Ed had told me that he had noticed that he could see something when Harry and I were together, even before he found out about us. When he had seen me perform in front of everyone for the first time at that venue, he could see that I was finally letting some of my walls down. He could see it the most when I was around Harry.

“I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you.”

'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
And you'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed.”

“Come back and tell me why
I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it's not all in my mind.”

Every time I spent time with him, I would always look forward to when I would get to see him again. As we spent more time together, as I was starting to develop feelings for him, I would always doubt the fact that he would return those feelings.

But he did and he’s shown me that ever since I met him.

“I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you.”

All I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed.”

“All I know is we said, "Hello."
So dust off your highest hopes
All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed
All I know is a new found grace
All my days I'll know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed.”

The song ends and silence fills the room. It’s a beautiful silence because Harry and I just keep our eyes locked.

This night has just been perfect. More than I could ask for. I feel like we’re finally getting somewhere in being more open with each other. Being more open means being able to trust each other more and I feel like I trust Harry more than I ever have. Tonight has proven that.

It’s a wonderful feeling thinking about the fact that Harry and I just made love to show each other that we’re taking our relationship to the next level and then we both listened to my song for the first time, the song that I wrote when Harry and I first met, the lyrics describing my first thoughts of him.

It’s weird thinking about that moment and then thinking about where Harry and I are now. I have no idea how we got here, especially in such a short amount of time but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Harry was right. I really think that everything that happened between us happened for a reason, even the painful parts. It’s what got us here. It’s what made us stronger.

I rest my forehead against his and close my eyes. I focus on the movement of our chests as we breath, the beating of our hearts and the blissful feeling spreading throughout my body at the amount of love that was shown these past two days, especially tonight.

I know I’m going to miss this when Harry leaves. That’s why I just stay in this position. I want to remember what this feels like and hopefully it’ll be enough to keep me sane.

“You and me, Harry.”

Even though I won’t be able to have this every night, I know that I’ll still feel the same amount of love that I’m feeling this second.

 

“You and me.”

 

****************************

 

This only goes for people with Wattpad:

Ok so some people weren't able to read the private chapter soooooooooooo I'm going to take it off private BUT only if you guys can get all of the previous chapters to 25 votes ;)

I didn't realize that you had to be 18 years or older to read them. I thought you only had to follow me to see them.

So once you guys do that, I'll take the chapter off of private because I love you guys so much :)

Anyways, 35 votes and 15 comments for the next chapter! Let me know what you guys think :)

Hope you guys had a great Christmas! Santa didn't put the boys under my Christmas tree like I asked :( maybe next year.

Thanks for reading! Love you guys <3

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