Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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94. Old Friends

Lily’s POV

“I have to go,” I giggle. I try to push off of the side of Harry’s car but he just pushes me back, pressing me against the door.

“No.”

“Harry,” I whine. “It’s getting late. I’m going to be so tired tomorrow.”

He nudges his face into my neck, his lips grazing my skin. “You’re always tired in the morning.”

I smack his shoulder. “You’re funny.”

He starts to kiss my neck, his tongue occasionally swiping across my skin. I bite my lip to suppress my moans, mostly because I know that if I make any sound, it’ll just motivate Harry to keep going. Even though I want this right now, I can’t. I really do have to go soon. It’s a four-hour drive and it’s almost 9pm.

I am definitely going to be tired tomorrow.

I attempt to push him off but he just presses me harder against the car.

“Harry, you already had your ten minutes,” I laugh.

He really did. It was quick. Too quick. But it was definitely one of the best ten minutes of my life.

My comment doesn’t affect him at all. If anything, it just urges him on.

I know I need to take matter into my own hands if I want to stop this. So I do. I take his face in between my hands and push his head up before I smash my lips to his. I kiss him hard, totally catching him off guard and I take that opportunity to push him off of me.

I laugh as I quickly turn around, opening the car door and hopping in. I close the door just as Harry takes a step towards the car. A smile is etched on his face as I turn on the car and open the window.

“Very funny.” He rests his arms on the door and leans in.

“If I didn’t do that, I’d be here all night.” I lean in and give him a quick kiss.

“What’s wrong with that?” Now it’s his turn to lean in and give me a kiss.

I laugh as I pull away. “I have school tomorrow. And you have a flight in the morning.”

He shrugs. “I can just sleep on the plane.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, you can sleep on the plane but I can’t sleep in class.”

“Yes, you can. It’s easy. Just put your head down on the desk and close your eyes. Listening to the teacher will help. It’ll put you right to sleep.”

I laugh. “You’re funny.” I sigh. “I really have to go.”

Harry pouts and looks around the car. “Take care of my car, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

He pats the steering wheel. “Car, take care of my baby, okay? Keep her safe from those psycho drivers out there, even those she’s one herself.”

“Hey!” I smack his arm as he laughs.

“I’m kidding.”

Suddenly, he leans his entire upper body into the car through the window and kisses me. I take my hands and rest them on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. I relish in this moment. Who knows when I’ll get to kiss him again any time soon?

Surprisingly, Harry pulls away but he leaves multiple kisses on my lips. He leans back with a sad smile on his face.

“Have a safe drive. Call me when you get home. Okay?”

I smile and nod. “I will. I’ll call you if it’s really late. I don’t want to wake you.”

His eyebrows furrow slightly. “No, call me. Please. I won’t be able to sleep until I know you’re home safe.”

My face softens and I nod. “Okay. I will.”

His smile reappears but then I see his eyes start to glisten. Once I see the tears building up, I can feel mine doing the same thing.

“I love you, Harry.”

His smile widens but his eyes well up even more. “I love you.”

I lean up to the window and wrap my arms around his neck. “I’ll miss you.”

He nudges his face into the crook of my neck and I can feel him press his warm lips on my skin.

“I’ll miss you more. Please, let me know when you have some time off. I would really love it if you came to visit me.”

We pull away but I keep my arms around his shoulder. I look up at him and see the tears slipping down his cheeks.

“I will. I promise. I’ll call you later, okay?”

He nods. I give him one last smile before I lean in once again and leave one more kiss on his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you, Lily.”

Reluctantly, I pull away and lean back in my seat. Harry takes a step away from the car as I put on my seatbelt.

“Bye,” I whisper.

I can see him swallowing, surely holding back the rest of his tears. He forces a smile on his face and I struggle to do the same.

“Bye.”

**

I arrive at my flat at 12:30 in the morning. As soon as I step inside the front door, I take my phone and call Harry.

“Hey, did you make it back okay?” his raspy voice tells me that I woke him from his sleep.

“Yeah, I did. I’m in the flat now. I just wanted to let you know that I’m home so I’ll let you sleep now. I can tell that I woke you up.” I lightly laugh as I head to my room. The lights are off in the entire flat, including El’s room so I know that she’s already asleep.

“Is it that obvious?” he chuckles. “I really did try to stay awake. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I understand. I told you that I would just text you so I don’t wake you.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad to know that you’re safe.”

“Thank you. Now, go to sleep. I’m just gonna go straight to bed.”

I hear him yawn. “Okay. Good night, baby. I love you.”

“I love you. Good night.”

I hang up as I walk into my room. I throw my bag on the floor and head straight to my bathroom. I wash my face, brush my teeth and change before I walk back to my bed and crawl underneath the covers, falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

**

“This is equivalent to a hangover,” I groan. I massage my temples, hoping it’ll lessen this huge headache I have right now. I sit at the counter in the kitchen as El finishes eating. All I can manage right now is coffee and I’m already on my second cup.

“At least you two talked it through. I was right. You two made up and now you’re not crying your eyes out like you would be if you didn’t.”

I just grunt in response as I continue to massage my head. El finishes eating and I pour myself one more cup of coffee in a travel mug before we head out of the flat and head to school.

Our classes start at the same time but El finishes later than I do so we take separate cars.

“I’ll see you later!” El shouts over her shoulder at me as she heads to her class. I wave back at her with a smile, walking in the opposite direction to mine. I see Marcus and Matti in the same seats we were at last week and I take mine in between them.

“Good morning, Lily,” Matti says.

“Morning,” I reply, offering her a smile.

“What happened to you?” Marcus asks.

I turn to him and give him a glare. “What?”

He can sense my hostility, his eyes widening and his gaze faltering. “I meant…you-you look tired. I mean, not that you don’t look good. You just…look different. Not a bad different! Just--”

“Just shut up. I have a killer headache and you’re making it worse. I got home late last night and I didn’t get enough sleep. Hence, I woke up late and didn’t have time to get ready.”

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry. You…you still look great.”

I look over at him and sigh. “No, I’m sorry. You know how I get in the morning if I don’t get enough sleep.”

He should know well enough. There were many mornings when I would be anyone’s worst nightmare if I didn’t get enough sleep. He’s lucky I’m not on my period right now at the same time.

“Let’s just change the subject,” I add. “How was your date with Milly?”

Last week, after spending time with Milly for the assignment, he told me that he had asked her out. They’re date was on Friday but since I was in London on Saturday and Sunday, he wasn’t able to tell me how it went.

“It was good. We just went to a simple dinner. Nothing too extravagant. We went for a small walk afterwards and then I dropped her off at her place like a gentleman.”

“And is there going to be a second date?”

He shrugs. “I mean, I want to. We’ve been texting all weekend but I’m not sure if she wants to.”

“Well, seeing as how you two were talking all weekend, I’d say she wants to.”

He bites his lip. “Really?”

I nod. “Yes, really.” I look over my shoulder and see Milly walking in. “Go ask her right now.”

His eyes widens when he sees her but he quickly looks away. “Are you crazy? I’m not doing it here. Everyone can hear.”

I roll my eyes. “Fine. But you better do it soon. Looks like you got some competition.”

His head snaps back up and he looks over at Milly talking to a guy in our class that had walked up to her.

He practically pushes me when he stands up from his chair and walks over to her. I don’t catch what he’s saying but the other guy walks away a few seconds later and Milly shyly looks up at Marcus with a sweet smile on her face.

I decide to leave them alone before I turn to Matti.

“So, how about you? Ed won’t stop talking about you.”

Before I had gone to the club to surprise Harry, I had stayed at Ed’s to get ready. He wouldn’t shut up about Matti. He asked me a million and one questions.

Has she said anything about me?

Does she have a boyfriend?

How is she?

I smirk when she blushes.

“We’ve just been texting. That’s it.”

I chuckle. “I don’t think so. Do you like him? You can tell me if you do. I won’t tell him.”

I know I’m being super nosy right now but I can’t help it.

She opens her mouth to answer but then the professor walks in, interrupting her.

“Everyone, take your seats!” he announces.

Both of us face forward and Marcus returns to his seat with the biggest smile on his face. I have an idea for the reason behind it but I know that I have to wait until class is over to get the real answer.

Class passes by torturously slow. I’m not sure if it’s cause I still have a headache or because I’m still tired but I find myself watching the clock half the time. I try to write down as many of the professor’s notes as I can and I almost shout out in relief when he announces the end of class.

“Did you guys want to get some lunch?” I ask.

I look up at Marcus and see him glancing over at Milly. “I actually have plan…with Milly. Maybe next time.”

I smile. “No worries. Go have fun on your date.”

He rolls his eyes and lightly shoves me before he turns around and heads over to Milly. I turn to Matti as she’s gathering her things.

“I have plans, too. Sorry. My sister’s visiting so we’re going for lunch. You’re more than welcome to join us.”

I smile and shake my head politely. “That’s alright. I don’t want to intrude. Have fun. We’ll have lunch another day.”

“Of course. I’ll see you later.” We hug goodbye before she turns around and leaves the room.

“And then it was one,” I mutter to myself before I head out.

I contemplate texting El to have lunch but I know that her class doesn’t end for another 45 minutes. I guess it’ll be a lunch for one today.

I pick a coffee shop right on campus and sit at a table outside. I order a sandwich and when I get my drink, I take out my phone to keep myself busy.

I debate on whether to text Harry but I know he’s on the plane to Bogota right now. It’s a 12 hour flight and they left early this morning so I know he must be tired. He won’t land until 9 or 10 but it’ll be 3 to 4 in the morning for him there.

Maybe I can leave a short iMessage since I know that they get Wifi on the plane. I’m about to text him but a shadow looms over me.

“Lily?”

I squint as I look up towards the sun to see someone standing beside me. As I adjust to the light, I can finally see who it is.

“Leo?”

I stand up and hesitantly return the hug he’s offering.

“What are you doing here?” I ask as I pull away.

“Mind if I sit?” he asks, pointing at the empty chair in front of me.

I shake my head. “No, not at all. Sit.”

We sit down and the waiter comes over to get his order.

“What are you doing here in Manchester?” I ask again when the waiter walks away.

He takes a deep breath. “I go to school here now. I saved up enough money. I was going to use it to take my mum to London and Paris but she said that I should use it towards school.”

“Wow, that’s great! Is she here, too?”

A sad smile appears on his face. “Unfortunately, no. I barely have enough to pay for tuition and my dorm. But I’m still going to save up to try and get her here. I know she wants to move here, too.”

“That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you. And I’m sure your mum is very proud of you.”

He blushes. “Thank you. So anyways, how have you been? I was going to message you when I got here a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You should’ve. I would’ve showed you around campus.”

He smiles. “Well, I would still love that. I don’t know anyone here yet so it’d be nice.”

“Yeah, of course. Maybe Friday after our class? I can introduce you to my friends. I’m sure my friend Marcus would love to have at least one friend that’s not a female.”

We laugh.

“I would love that.”

The waiter comes over with his drink and informs us that he’d bring out our food together before he walks away.

“So, I don’t want to sound like a creep but I saw your pictures on Facebook and Instagram with Harry. I’m guessing you two have gone past the “complicated” part of your relationship?”

I remember telling Leo when I had met him in Amsterdam that my relationship with Harry was “complicated”. Back then, Harry was still in his fake relationship with Ivana but that was when he was messing with my head. I didn’t know about his fake relationship and with how Harry was treating me at that time, I remember that I basically decided to go to Amsterdam to get away from it all. Away from him.

I clear my throat. “Yeah, it’s a long story. But, yes, we’re back together. And…we’re happy.”

That’s all I wanted to say about that. At least for now. I know he’s a nice guy but I barely know him. We had a short conversation in Amsterdam and it’s been over a month since then.

He nods. “That’s good. And don’t worry, I’m not one of those guys that goes for someone who’s already taken. I mean, I can say that I did have a little crush on you when I met you but don't worry, it’s in the past. And I’d like for us to be friends.”

I blush at his confession. I mean, I did have a feeling that he liked me and back then, I may have grown to like him, too, if we had met under different circumstances. If I had met him before the summer started, before I met a certain someone, I probably would’ve had a crush on him, too.

I nod. “I would love that, too.”

I’m about to ask him what course he’s taking but then my phone rings.

I excuse myself before I take out my phone.

Harry.

“Hey, Har--”

Who’s that you’re sitting with?

My eyebrows scrunch in confusion. How does he know I’m with sitting with someone at this exact moment?

I even look around me to find him but I know that he should be on the plane right now.

“Um, what?”

Who’s that sitting with you?” he says more slowly.

“Okay, first of all, how do you know I’m with someone?”

I’m still looking around because how else would he know?

Did someone take a picture of us and post it online?

But how could Harry have seen it already?

It doesn’t matter. Now answer my question.”

I raise my eyebrows at his tone and lean back in my chair. “He’s a friend,” I say as I look over at Leo, who’s looking back at me with confusion.

Why?

I give a short, dry laugh. “We’re just having lunch before our next class. Aren’t you on the plane right now? How do you know where I am?”

Can’t you have lunch with El? Or even Marcus. How do you know that guy?

“We met during the summer. In Amsterdam.”

I can tell that Leo is getting uncomfortable, surely understanding the nature of this phone call.

Is it that guy that messaged you on Facebook? What is he doing there?

“Will you calm down? He goes to school here now and we just bumped into each other.”

I thought he said he was working on the whole jealousy thing. He’s said that multiple times now when it’s given us nothing but trouble.

I have way too many questions boiling in my head. How he knows I’m here. How he knows I’m with Leo. Why he’s acting like this.

I can here him groan. “Just forget it.”

Without another word, he hangs up, leaving me speechless.

I stare at the phone before I put it down.

“Did I just cause trouble being here with you?” Leo asks awkwardly.

I quickly shake my head. “No, not at all. It’s not your fault at all. He’s just…he gets like this occasionally. I, um…I’ll just talk to him later.”

My mind is elsewhere for the rest of the lunch. As Leo talks to me about the course he’s taking and the job he got here to save up money, I find myself zoning out. I apologize every time he tries to get my attention, just making me feel worse for the way I’m treating him right now.

I just really need to talk to Harry. I know us by now. I know that we need to talk about this or the problem is just going to get bigger and more out of control.

I glance at my watch. “I have to get to class. Um…I’ll message you on Facebook when I have time to introduce you to my friends this week.”

He nods before we both stand up. “Sounds good. I’ll see you later then. It was nice to see you again.”

I smile and nod. “You, too.”

We head our separate way, both of us waving to each other over our shoulders. I head in the direction of my next class as I pull out my phone and open my messages.

*Can we talk?*

I send Harry the text and I keep my eyes on the screen, waiting for the three dots to appear, showing that he’s replying.

I wait and wait, even walking slower to class to buy myself more time.

By the time I reach my class, I still get no reply.

 

************************

 

SOOOO SOOOO SOOOO SORRRYYYYYYYY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE!

I've been super busy with school :(

Also, I kinda wanted to take a break last weekend after the whole Zayn leaving thing. Hope you understand. Anways, I don't really want to get into that because I'll just go on and on about it.

It is what it is. Only time will tell what happens.

I'm just glad that the boys are happy and that they're still here for us :)

So yeah, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! 

Anyways, 35 votes and 15 comments!

Thanks for reading! Love you guys :) <3

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