Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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89. Niall's Birthday

Harry’s POV

“What’re you gonna do for your birthday, mate?” I ask Niall. We had just finished rehearsals and we are now being lazy at Liam’s place.

He shrugs. “Probably just go to the club on Saturday. You guys up for that?”

All of us nod. “Yeah, it’s your birthday,” I chuckle. His birthday is on Friday and then we leave for our first show on the following Monday.

“Alright,” he laughs. “Just invite who you guys want. Lou, Harry, invite El and Lily.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask El. School just started for them so they probably won’t be too busy,” Louis says.

I nod. “Yeah, same with Lily but I’ll talk to her.”

I take out my phone just as I receive a text.

*Just finished class. Call me when you’re free*

I stand up and excuse myself before I head out to the back patio. I sit on one of the chairs and call Lily.

Hey, you,” Lily says.

“Hey, how are you? How was your first day?”

It was good. I met some new people and my professors seem nice.”

“That’s good.”

Yeah, I invited one of them over since we have an assignment. We have to use the next month to get to know each other and write a paper on them. It’s supposed to help us practice writing about something unfamiliar to us.”

“That sounds interesting. I hope you have a good partner.”

I do and…he seems nice.”

My heart stops in my chest and I feel my eye twitch. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it comes natural when it comes to guys towards their girlfriends, right?

I clear my throat. “Yeah? What…what’s he like?”

Well, he’s very sweet and funny. And he has the nicest eyes. They’re like a nice hazel-green colour and I’m so jealous.”

What the hell?

I thought she liked my eye colour. I thought I had the nicest eye colour.

“And you’re going to be spending the next month with him? And he’s there right now?”

Yeah, we’re planning to see each other every day. And yeah, he’s in my room right now, we’re just lying down in bed.”

I can feel myself shaking and I start to see red. I’m speechless. I actually don’t know what to say.

Suddenly, she laughs. “And before you freak out, I’m just kidding. My partner is a girl. Her name is Mattison.

And just like that, my whole body relaxes but then it tenses up again.

“Don’t ever do that again. I about had a heart attack.”

Lily just laughs again.

“I’m serious, Lily Benson. I was ready to go over there and kick that guy’s arse out the door.”

My attempt at pretending to be mad at her seems to fail as she still just laughs through the phone. Her and I both know that I could never actually be mad at her, at least about this. She was just teasing me like she loves to do every day. I should get used to it. I still haven’t but I’m not complaining. It’s one of the things I love about her. She doesn't take everything too seriously.

Finally, her laughter dies down. “You should know by now that I would never let a boy other than Ed - or at least that I don't know - take a step into my room. And you should know that I wouldn’t have talked about a boy like that to you. And you should know that your eyes are my favourite. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on.”

I chuckle. “I hate you.”

I love you, too, babe.” She laughs. “But she is here. She’s in the living room with Ed right now, actually. They seem to be hitting it off. I pretended that I needed to look for something in my room and I left them there. She seems nice and she seems like Ed’s type. Plus, I know that Ed warned me never to meddle in his love life so I decide to not listen to him like always.”

I laugh. “You’re just a wonderful friend to Ed, aren’t you?”

The best. Hey, I could have just introduced him to his future wife right now. He’ll thank me later. Maybe in his speech at his wedding reception.”

She’s something else.

“You’re crazy. I hope he doesn’t kill you.”

Pfft. I can take him.”

“I know you can,” I chuckle. “By the way, are you busy this weekend? It’s Niall’s birthday on Friday but he wants to celebrate on Saturday at the club. I would love to see you again before we leave for tour.”

I want to see you! Hold on, let me check if I have anything for school.”

I hear scuffling on the other side of the call and I just sit patiently, waiting for her response.

My heart drops when I hear her sigh. “Babe, I don’t think I can. I have a paper and a test due on that following Monday. I won’t have time if I have to drive there and back on the same weekend.”

I frown. “That’s alright. I understand.” I clear my throat. “We’ll just try to see each other some other time.”

I’m so sorry. I really wish I could make it. I would love to see you and everyone else before you guys leave.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

I still feel bad. I miss you so much. I would do anything to be able to go.”

“I miss you, too. But we’ll see each other soon. I’ll make sure of it.”

We definitely need to. Anyways, I should go. Mattison might be spending enough time to see how annoying Ed actually is. I’ll call you later.”

I laugh. “Alright. Talk to you later. Love you, baby.”

I love you.”

The line clicks and I put my phone down as I close my eyes. I was really excited knowing that I might be seeing her again this weekend. I honestly thought she would be able to.

I take a deep breath and stand up before I head back inside. I see Louis just get off the phone with El and I sit down beside him.

“That was El. She said she can go this weekend.”

I feel my heart drop again. Of course I’m jealous that Louis gets to see El again. And I know that Perrie and Sophia will definitely go since they live with Zayn and Liam. The birthday boy will be celebrating his birthday and having fun so basically, I’ll just be sitting in the corner watching him having the time of his life and seeing the other boys spending time with their girlfriends.

If I could, I would just go down and visit Lily but it’s Niall birthday and we have rehearsals.

Why does Lily have to be so far away?

**

“To Niall!” We all cheer as we clink shot glasses in the middle of the club. The party was going strong. Everyone is here. All the lads, their girlfriends, Niall’s family and friends, even Ed is here.

Everyone’s here. Except Lily.

She had called me a couple of hours ago saying she was crying in the library thinking about the fact that we were all partying tonight without her. I offered to stay home and just talk to her all night but she told me that I should have fun, especially since she’s going to be stuck studying tonight and wouldn’t have too much free time to talk.

It sucked having to get off the phone but I just told myself that I should enjoy tonight since it’s Niall’s birthday.

I try just that but after 10 minutes, I give up and go sit down in one of the chairs by the tables off to the side. I can’t stop thinking about Lily. I just want to leave and go home and talk to her. I take out my phone, debating whether to text her or not but I don’t want to distract her if she’s studying. I decide to just go through my photo album and look at all of the pictures I have of Lily.

I stop at the one of the two of us that I had posted on Instagram the day Louis and I had to leave Manchester and I feel myself smile.

I just stare at the picture for a while, realizing it’s making me feel better but also worse at the same time. I always love looking at pictures of her but it also makes me miss her more.

I’m about to flip to another picture when someone covers my eyes from behind. I feel someone’s breath right beside my ear and I’m about to wrench myself out of this unknown person’s grasp but then I stop when I hear their voice.

“So, I tell you to have fun tonight and I come here and find you moping in the corner on your phone.”

As soon as she spoke the first word and I had smelled her perfume, I knew it was her.

She takes her hands off of my eyes and glides them down my chest. I turn my head just as she leans forward, letting me finally see her.

“Lily?”

She smiles and I see her lips glance down at my lips before she leans down and kisses me. I’m still in shock and disbelief that she’s actually here but as soon as I feel her lips move against mine, it finally hits me. I turn in my seat and stand up, not letting the kiss stop. I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her right against me and her hands move up to rest around the back of my neck, her fingers running through my hair.

The kiss deepens as I turn my head and dart my tongue in her mouth. I’ve craved her kiss, her touch since the second I left her. I’ve needed this and now I’m getting it and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Even as she starts to pull away, I tighten my grip around her, my one hand moving up to grab the back of her neck, pressing her lips harder against mine.

She doesn’t seem to mind as she kisses me back just as hard and starts to lightly tug at my hair. I moan into her mouth, not even caring that there’s a room full of people around us.

She moves up to stand on her tiptoes, pulling on my hair again as she kisses me with so much passion that it leaves me lightheadedness. We finally pull away, both of us quickly trying to catch our breaths with our foreheads pressed against each other’s.

“Hi,” I whisper.

She leaves one light kiss against my lips before she pulls her head away.

“Hi.”

My smile widens as I finally take a good look at her. F*ck, she’s beautiful.

“I thought you said you couldn’t make it tonight.”

She lightly laughs. “I wanted to surprise you.”

I laugh and shake my head. “So you don’t have a paper and a test on Monday?”

She shakes her head. “Nope.”

“And you even got El and Ed to go along with it.”

“I’m that good.” She bats her eyelashes and breaks out in laughter.

“Well, I’m really glad you’re here. I missed you so much.”

“Me, too. Anyways, I want to greet the birthday boy and see everyone else first and then I’m all yours.”

I just nod and take her hand.

“Let’s go.” I lead her through the crowd of people, looking for Niall or anyone else. I spot Niall’s blond head a few meters away and head over to him. I reluctantly let go of Lily’s hand as she steps ahead of me and taps on Niall’s shoulder.

He turns around and his eyes widen. “Lily! You’re here!” he slurs. Of course he’s already drunk.

Lily laughs as Niall pulls her in for a hug. “Happy birthday, Niall.”

I can’t hear the rest of their conversation as they pull away and talk for a while. Lily’s hand finds it’s way back to mine and I smile as I step closer to her and stand at her side as I wait for them to finish.

She keeps her hand in mine as she goes around and says ‘hi’ to everyone. I don’t even care that I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’m just so damn happy that she’s here and I’m holding her.

After she finishes talking to Liam and Sophia, they walk away and Lily turns around and stands in front of me, taking both of my hands in hers and holding it up at our sides. We just look at each other, huge smiles on our faces as the people move around us and the music moves through our bodies. Our bodies are pressed against each other’s and I lean down to hover my face just above hers.

I let my lips just barely brush against hers but it’s enough to increase the heat between us. Our bodies start moving to the beat of the music, my hands going to rest on her hips and hers resting around my neck. She nudges her head into the crook of my neck, her lips leaving kisses on my sweaty skin. I finally take in her dress. It’s black, tight and the back is low, stopping just at the bottom of her back.

A part of me wants to cover it up with my jacket but I’m enjoying running my hands along her exposed skin too much. I bite my lip as she sucks on my neck, my eyes closing tightly as she lightly nips at the skin. She moves so her leg is resting in between mine, pressing it against me.

I lower my face towards her ear.

“We definitely need to leave soon if you’re going to keep doing this to me.”

She pulls away slightly and leans her head up towards my ear.

“Control yourself, Styles. I just got here.” She nips at my earlobe. “We’re here for Niall’s birthday. Let’s enjoy for a bit longer and then we can leave.” She bites slightly harder and my hands grip tighter on her hips before I move them up to glide up and down her back slowly.

“You just love teasing me, don't you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Her face shows nothing but innocence as she pulls away and looks at me. “Anyways, I need a drink. Care to join me?”

She pulls away and once again, teases me as she turns around and looks at me over her shoulder, giving me a small smirk. I grin and shake my head as I go to follow her, quickly reaching her and resting my hand on her waist.

We reach the bar and she orders her drink, which I pay for, much to her dismay. As we wait for them to make the drink, I pull her closer to my side and kiss the top of her head. The bartender hands Lily her drink and we turn around to head back to the others.

We stand with the others but keep to ourselves. Lily has some of her drink and I just hold her close to me as I gaze at her.

“You look great tonight, baby.”

She smiles. “Thank you. You look amazing as always.”

“I love that dress. I’m gonna love it more when it’s on my bedroom floor later.”

I smirk as Lily attempts to push me away with a gasp. I laugh as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“No more drinks for you.” She taps her finger against my chest before she rests her whole hand on it.

“Guys! We’re gonna do another round of shots!” El yells at us as she passes the both of us a shot.

I keep one hand around Lily’s waist and pull her closer to everyone else. Niall stands in the middle and he raises his shot in the air.

“To me!” he shouts.

“To Niall!” Every joins in and we all clink our shots together. I take the shot and feel the burn as it travels down my throat, followed by the warmth spreading in my stomach. Lily takes hers as well and places the shot glass on the table beside us. I place mine beside hers and pull Lily closer to me again as she chases the shot with her drink.

She smiles up at me and I don’t waste a second before I lean down and kiss her. She presses herself against me once again and I’m actually one second away from dragging her out of this club but then someone pulls Lily away from me. I look up and see El grinning at me, Perrie and Sophia standing behind her.

“Sorry, Harry. You two can continue this later. Us girls are just gonna take some pictures.”

I roll my eyes with a smile. “Don’t take too long.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I give Lily one more quick kiss before El pulls her away from me and they disappear into the crowd. I decide to join the other lads as they order another round of beers. I order one too but decide to pace myself. I don’t want to get drunk tonight. I want to be fully aware of what’s going to happen, especially since Lily’s here.

I don’t know how long she’ll be here in London but I’m assuming that she’ll be going back with El and she had told me that she was going back to Manchester tomorrow afternoon.

I keep a lookout for Lily in the crowd but her and the other girls are nowhere to be seen. I know I shouldn’t be worried. She’ll be safe with them.

I tell myself to relax and I join in on the conversation with the lads. We’re in the middle of talking about Niall’s party last year when I see the girls walking back to us.

Except Lily isn’t with them.

My smile slowly disappears when they reach us, still no Lily in sight.

“Where’s Lily?” I ask El.

Her eyebrows furrow as she looks over her shoulder. “I swear she was just with us.”

I feel my stomach drop as I scan through the crowd. Without another word, I head in the direction that the girls just came from. I look left and right, all around me, and I’m about to shout out her name when I spot her walking out of the bathroom area.

I finally release a breath as I walk up to her. She jumps when I stand right in front of her and grab her hands.

“Where were you?”

Her eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “I just had to go to the bathroom.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? I…I thought someone took you.”

“Harry, I’m okay. I really had to go and the other girls were too far for me to tell them.”

Her face softens as she continues to look up at me, most likely taking in my distressed state. She takes a step closer and wraps her arms around my hips.

“I’m sorry.”

I take a deep breath and place my arms around her shoulders.

“Just please, tell me where you are when we’re in places like this.”

She nods and gives me a small smile. “I will. I promise.”

I lean down and place a kiss on her forehead. “Now, can we please go so I can punish you for what you did?”

Her eyebrows raise but then I catch her biting her lip. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”

She takes her finger and glides it along my chest and up my neck before she swipes it slowly along my jawline.

I can feel my pupils dilating and when she licks her lips and then bites it again, I grab her hand and pull her back to the others. I tug her to stand beside me and I lean down towards her ear.

“Say goodbye to everyone. We can see them again tomorrow.”

She just swallows and nods her head. She says her goodbyes to everyone and I do the same. I greet the completely drunk birthday boy one more time before I take her hand again and pull her towards the exit.

There’s already a car waiting for us when we step outside and we quickly walk towards it, avoiding the paparazzi and the blinding flashes.

I open the door for Lily and she steps inside. I follow in after her, closing the door behind me just before the car drives off.

I wait until there’s no more paparazzi following before I turn in my seat and kiss Lily like I’ve wanted to do since I saw her coming out of the bathroom. She’s clearly surprised by my actions but she eventually starts kissing me back. My hands are all over her, not knowing where to keep them and hers are tugging at my shirt collar.

I know that this is partially because of the alcohol but we both know that it’s mostly because of us being deprived and craving it for too long.

I know it’s not safe but I grab her hips and pull her so she’s straddling my lap. I don’t even care that the driver is watching us. I just focus on the feeling Lily is giving me right now. She kisses down on my lips hard, clearly having the advantage with our position but I just use my hands to level the field, feeling her respond to my touch by pressing herself more to me.

Her dress rides up to her hips but I quickly pull it back down, away from the possible prying eyes of the driver. I decide to slide into the seat right behind the driver and let the dress slide back up her hips, my hands exploring the skin.

Lily quietly moans against my mouth and she starts rocking back and forth against my crotch. I know I need to control myself. We definitely need to wait until we get back to my place.

 

We just continue this heated moment for the rest of the ride and all I can think about is what we can finally do once we’re all alone in my room, knowing that we have all night to make up for the time we’ve spent apart.

 

****************************

Soooo soo soo soo sorry for taking so long to update. I've been super busy with school and work. I decided to make up for it with this chapter (and I made it extra long too!).

I promise to try to write the next chapter by this weekend. It depends on how busy I am.

Soo the only thing I'm asking you guys is to please understand that I do get busy sometimes so please don't leave comments telling me to update or get upset with me. I'm trying my best to update when I can.

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