Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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58. Motorcycle Rides

Lily’s POV

Harry had called me first thing in the morning telling me to get ready and to wear something comfortable. I had called him back when I was ready and of course I asked him where we were going.

“It’s a surprise. Now wait for me in the lobby. I’ll be there soon.”

I dramatically sigh. “Fine. But one of these days, I’m going to make you tell me.”

He laughs. “Good luck with that. Anyways, I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright. Bye,” I say.

I put my phone in my purse and head out of my room. Ed was working today. He told me that he was shooting a new music video. I had asked to go with him, telling him that I was curious as to how music videos were made but he knows me well and he knew that I’d just try to somehow make myself an extra by being in the video. So, he forbid to go, at least not today since it was the first day but he said he’ll think about letting me watch on one of the last days of shooting.

I head downstairs and sit on one of the benches right by the huge window. I keep myself busy with my phone, occasionally looking up and looking for his black Range Rover. I look up when I hear a motorcycle pull into the front of the building and I do a double take when I realize that it’s Harry. My mouth opens wide as I watch him take off his helmet and hop off of the bike. He shakes his hair, sweeping it back before he places the helmet on the seat and puts on the kickstand.

I slowly stand up and he turns to look at me. He must notice my horrified expression because he smirks as he watches me walk outside. I walk up to him, watching him as he leans on his bike.

“Tell me we are not riding on that thing around town.”

“Well, I can ride on “this thing” and you can walk,” he says with another smirk.

“I’ll take a taxi. Just tell me where were going.” I look at the bike with wide eyes.

He laughs. “Come on. I promise I’ll go slow. It’ll be fun. I promise.” He pushes himself off the bike and walks to the back of it, opening the compartment and taking out another helmet. He walks up to me and holds out the helmet.

I keep my arms crossed, looking down at the helmet like it’s a bomb and then back up at him.

“If I die, I’m going to kill you,” I say as I swipe the helmet from his hand.

He laughs. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.”

I put on the helmet, making sure it’s snug around my head. “Motorcycles are not safe. You’re out in the open and so vulnerable. You could get hit by a bird or something.”

He laughs again, shaking his head. “Well, since you’re going to be sitting in the front, you’ll be the one getting hit by a bird.”

“What?!” I shout, my voice going up an octave.

“I’m joking,” he chuckles. “Now get on.”

He swings his leg over the bike and sits down. I take a small step towards it and survey the bike. It’s a decent size, but then again, I know nothing about motorcycles. Are smaller bikes safer than big ones? Is it safe for two people to ride at the same time? Why aren’t there seatbelts?

I take big, dramatic breaths, even holding my hands out in front of me and pinching my fingers like I’m meditating.

He grabs my wrist and lightly pulls me towards the bike.

“Lily, please get on the bike,” he whines.

I laugh. “Okay, okay. Jeez, so impatient. I’m just trying to mentally prepare myself for my possible death.”

I hesitantly walk to the back of the bike and take one more deep breath. I hold onto Harry’s shoulders for support as I ungracefully swing my leg over the bike. My anxiety reaches a new level as I sit down and wrap my arms around Harry’s torso.

He turns his head and I can barely see his face since it’s mostly covered by his helmet and the sunglasses that he’s put on.

“You ready?”

“No,” I say with a shaky voice.

“Good.”

I smack his back but quickly wrap it around his stomach once again once he straightens the bike and takes off the kickstand. I rest my feet on the small step bar and tighten my arms around him. He walks the bike backwards a few feet before he turns it on, a loud roar echoing all around us.

I close my eyes tightly as Harry twists the throttle a couple of times and I scream when we go shooting forwards. I tighten my death grip around Harry’s hard body but he doesn’t seem to notice or care.

I keep my eyes closed as we swerve out onto the main road and it’s not until we seem to stop at a stoplight that I sneak a peek through one eye.

I’m still alive.

I release my breath, realizing that I was holding it the entire time but I don’t loosen my arms. I feel Harry’s hand rest on top of one of my arms and he taps it a couple of times and then lightly rubs it.

“You okay?” his voice muffled by the helmet.

All I can do is nod, knowing that he can feel it on his back. I close my eyes again when I hear the throttle and I take a deep breath in before the bike lurches forward. Even though my eyes are closed, I can feel how fast we’re going by the wind gusting past us.

“Harry, slow down!”

I hear him chuckle. “I’m going five miles under the speed limit!” he shouts over the wind.

I open one eye slightly and realize he’s right. Cars are zooming past us. I decide to fully open my eyes to take in my surroundings. Trees and buildings flash past us and it’s actually exhilarating to watch. It’s not the same as from the inside of the car. Maybe driving a convertible is similar to this but I’m sure it’s different on its own as well.

I start to feel a little bit less freaked out by this so I decide to lean back slightly. I lean a bit to the side so I can see over Harry’s shoulder and I have a mix of good scared and bad scared spreading throughout my body. Watching as Harry’s weaves through the traffic is like riding a roller coaster. Every time I think he’s going to crash into the car in front of us, he smoothly and expertly glides around them.

I loosen my arms around him slightly and I sit up straighter. He squeezes in between two cars and I squeal. I hear him laugh and I laugh along with him. I’m starting to get more and more used to it, especially as we get off the busy roads and onto one-lane streets. I have an idea where we’re going and once I see Hyde Park, I know that I was right.

He parks his bike on the side of the road and as soon as he puts on the kickstand, I quickly - and still ungracefully - jump off of the bike and dramatically fall onto the grass and spread my arms out.

“LAND! I’ve never been more happy to see land!”

I hear Harry laugh behind me. I realize that I still have my helmet off so I take it off but remain lying on the ground.

“You’re so annoying,” he chuckles. I open my eyes to see Harry sitting down on the grass beside me, dropping a small bag beside him and leaning back on his hands. I realize that he’s now wearing a fedora on his head. “I know you were enjoying it at the end.”

I wasn’t going to admit that. If he knew that I actually did, he would just continue to take me around on that bike. It’s fun but I don’t think it would be good for my heart. My heart pounded like a jackhammer the entire time and I can still feel it thumping against my chest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, closing my eyes again.

“Okay,” he says, sarcasm lacing his tone.

I’m actually comfortable in my position that I don’t even want to move from my spot. It’s a beautiful day today. The sun is right above us, not one cloud in sight.

“Shouldn’t you be worried about fans running up to you?” I ask.

It’s not that I don’t want that, I’m just worried about Harry being disrupted every few minutes by fans.

“I have bodyguards here.”

I look up and, sure enough, there are four burly men standing around the two of us a fair distance from where we were. Plus, were at one of the parts of the park that people don’t usually go to so there’s not a lot of people around us.

“You mind if we move over to that tree?”

I look over to where Harry points and see a huge tree that provides a massive span of shade from the leaves.

“Sure.”

Both of us stand up and I brush off my shirt and shorts. Harry grabs my helmet and puts it back in the motorcycle compartment. He walks back and then we both make our way to the tree. Harry allows me to sit and lean against the trunk as he lies down beside me, leaning on his elbow facing me.

He sits up to grab his bag and goes back to his previous position as he opens it. He rummages through it and I breathe in sharply when I see him pull out my journal.

The last time that my journal was mentioned, I was pissed at him when I found out that he had read it but now I’ve never been happier to see it. He hands it to me and I hold it with both of my hands. The last time I saw this was before Harry left for Paris.

I don’t even care now that he had read it. We’re past that.

I open it and go through the words written in the first few pages. Since I had decided to get a new journal after Marcus and I had broken up, the first few songs are mostly about heartbreak and about life in general. It’s not until I turn the page onto the first song I had written about Harry that I’m overwhelmed with so many different emotions that I quickly close it.

However, I hug to against my chest and smile over at Harry.

“Thank you, Harry. I’ve been meaning to ask for this back.”

He smiles back. “No worries. Sorry I didn’t give it back before. I swear I didn’t read it. I just keep forgetting.”

I know that Harry wouldn’t read it anymore than he did back when he thought that I had cheated on him so I just nod in response.

“Is it alright if I keep it in your bag for now? I might lose it.”

He nods. “Sure.”

I hand it to him and he puts it back inside his bag.

“Have you and Ed recorded the song yet? You know I’m still waiting to hear it.”

He grins up at me and I rip some grass out of the ground and throw it at him. “No, not yet. We’re starting next week. He said it’ll most likely be done before I have to go.”

“I hope so. I better get to listen to it once it’s finished.”

I roll my eyes and smile. “Does that mean I get to hear a song off of your new album before it’s released?”

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

I pout and give him the puppy dog eyes. “Please. Think of it as a going away present. Or just because of the fact that I’m an amazing friend.”

His laugh fills the space around us, his whole body shaking. “Well, if you were a true friend, you’d wait just like everyone else. I’d get in trouble if someone finds out. I would really love to, though.”

I cross my arms across my chest and huff. “Fine. Well, I’m going to be a better friend than you since I’m going to let you listen to my song once it’s finished.”

I stick my tongue out at him and he replies with a smile and a shake of his head. I watch the joggers running past us and Harry lies down and covers his face with his fedora, resting his hands underneath his head.

I slowly move closer to him, making sure he doesn't see me and I start pulling out more grass from the ground and pile it onto his stomach.

By the time I finish, there’s a decent-sized mound of grass on top of him. I take a picture and then turn on the video. I crawl back a few steps and prepare myself, my camera still pointed at Harry.

I scream at the top of my lungs. “Harry! There’s a spider on your shirt!”

It’s like the ground had electrocuted him and I watch as Harry shouts and shoots up while feverishly brushing his shirt with his hands. His hat falls onto the ground and his panic-stricken face causes me to burst out in laughter. His frenzied movements had caused the grass to spread all around him, onto his pants, his chest and even onto his hair.

I fall to the side, doubling over in laughter as I struggle to keep the camera pointed at him. I see him narrow his eyes out at me but amusement is present on the rest of his face. He brushes off most of the grass off of his clothes and then shakes his hair, the grass falling out around him.

He turns to me again as I lie down on my back, my laughter slowly dying down. My stomach is now in pain. Harry’s smirk grows as he slowly crawls over to me and I immediately roll onto my stomach, knowing what he’s planning to do. I quickly get up just as Harry’s hand shoots out to grab my leg.

I quickly sprint away, laughing as I look over my shoulder to see Harry grabbing his bag and getting up and running after me. I look past him and see the bodyguards quickly following after us. Harry doesn’t seem to care about them and they don’t seem too angry that the person they’re supposed to be keeping safe is running away. This must happen a lot, especially when girls run after them.

But no girl is chasing Harry. Harry’s chasing me.

I can see him slowly catching up to me so I push my legs to go faster. Unfortunately for me, a jogger with her three dogs appear in front of me and I have to stop so I don't crash into them. I can’t get around her fast enough because Harry’s arms wrap around me and pull me back.

I shriek as Harry’s laughter is heard behind me. I accidentally step on Harry’s feet in my attempt to get away, causing both of us to fall over sideways.

“Give me the phone!”

I hold my phone out of his reach, laughing as Harry’s arm appears from behind me. I feel his other hand wrap around me, trying to pull me closer but I fight against him.

“Harry! Get off of me!” I say as I continue to laugh.

“Give me the phone!”

“No!”

“Give it to me!”

“No!”

I feel a pinch on my side and my elbow swings back involuntarily and collides with Harry’s cheekbone.

I gasp as Harry groans. He cups his face with his hand and rolls back flat onto the ground.

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry!” I turn around and support myself on my elbow, hovering over Harry as I look down at him with worry.

Harry’s eyes are shut tight and his face is scrunched up in pain.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. It was an accident!”

He takes a couple of deep breaths, exhaling shakily as he does.

I reach my hand up and lightly grab his hand that’s still resting against his cheek.

“Can I see?”

I lightly pull on his wrist, moving it away so I can have a good look at his cheek. The top of his left cheek is red and it’s starting to swell. I run my thumb lightly over the mark and I see his eyes flutter open, his gaze resting on me.

“That’s going to leave a bruise,” I say. The amount of guilt I’m feeling right now is through the roof.

“It hurts so much,” he mutters, shutting his eyes again.

“I’m so sorry,” I cry. I don’t know why my eyes are starting to water. I just helplessly look at Harry as he continues to lie down in pain. “Is there something I can do? I-I can go find some ice to put on it or I can take you to the hospital if it hurts a lot. What if I broke something?”

He opens one eye and he starts to laugh. My eyebrows pull together in confusion until I finally piece it all together. I smack his arm and sit up.

“You’re an arse! I really thought I hurt you!”

He just continues to laugh, rolling over to his side as he clutches his stomach. I cross my arms as I wait for him to stop. He doesn’t. So I just stand up and walk away.

Two can play in this game.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry. I’ll stop laughing.” He appears beside me and puts an arm around my shoulders.

I keep my face emotionless, keeping my gaze in front of me.

“I’m sorry for laughing…but you should’ve seen your face.”

He starts to laugh again but he quickly stops when I look over and glare at him.

He clears his throat. “Sorry. I promise I’ll stop.”

His cheek is starting to redden even more and I sigh in guilt.

“No, I’m sorry. People are going to see your bruise. They might think you got into a fight or something.”

“Well, yeah, I’m going to tell them that you punched me. Everyone will love that story.”

I lightly slap his stomach. “Harry!”

He laughs. “I’m kidding. Don’t worry. I’ll put an ice pack on it right away when I get home. It probably won’t be that bad anyways. You didn’t hit me that hard.”

I continue to look at him with worry. “Are you sure?”

He rolls his eyes and smiles down at me. “Yes, I’m sure. If worse comes to worse, I’ll cover it with makeup.”

I smirk up at him and he looks at me questioningly. “Remember when I did your makeup?”

I remember that day all too well. I remember making the deal with him where I would let him stay the night if he did everything I asked him to do. The first I made him do was to let me do his makeup. I enjoyed every second of it, especially as I watched Harry wince every time I put something on his face. The best part was watching his reaction when he looked at himself in the mirror.

He rolls his eyes again and shakes his head. “Yes but we don’t need to talk about that. And I’ll bet you still have the picture.”

“Of course I do. I will never not have that picture.”

“One of these days, I’m going to get a hold of your phone and delete all of the embarrassing pictures and videos you have of me.”

I raise my eyebrows at him. “Good luck with that. But don’t worry, I’ll back it up onto my laptop just in case.”

He groans and shakes his head. I get another good look at his cheek and my smile falls as I notice that it’s redder than before.

“You should go home and put ice on that soon.”

His face falls as he looks down at me. “Oh…did you need to go home?”

I look at him in confusion before I realize why his mood suddenly changed.

“No. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I…I can go with you and we can just hang out at your place. You just really need to put ice on that.”

He smiles once again. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

We head back to his bike, Harry keeping his arm around my shoulders.

“You know, you owe me for injuring me.”

I raise an eyebrow at him as he continues to give me an innocent look.

“What are you talking about?”

“You hurt me. I think you should do something for me for that.”

I narrow my eyes at him, knowing he’s planning something, if not already.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I think you should ride my bike back to my place.”

I move away from him and stop walking, waiting for him to say that he’s just joking.

“You’re joking, aren’t you?”

He puts his hands in his pockets. “Nope. I mean, you nearly hit my eye. You never know. My cheek could swell up even more and block my vision on my left eye. We could crash because of that.”

I know he’s just making it all up.

“And you trust me to take both of us back to your place?”

He casually nods.

“It’s not even legal. I don’t have a license.”

“It’s okay. I’ll help you. It’ll be like I’m the one driving. You’ll just be sitting in front.”

Once again, my anxiety is growing. All because of that damn bike.

“Do I have to?” I whine. “Isn’t there anything else I can do?”

“Come on. It’ll be fun. Trust me. You’ll love it.”

He holds his hand out to me but I keep my arms crossed and my eyes narrowed at him.

“I doubt it.”

Against my better judgment, I walk up to him and he rests his arm around my shoulders again, pulling me with him as we walk up to the bike. He hands me my helmet and I shakily put it on. He gestures for me to get on the bike and I hold onto the handlebars for support as I swing my leg over it. The bike seems more threatening sitting in the front. I don’t have the reassurance of Harry in my sight. It feels like it’s just me and the bike.

However, when I feel Harry sit behind me and lightly rests his hands on my waist, I relax slightly.

“You ready?”

I gulp before I nod. I grip the handlebars tighter but then Harry rests his hands over mine, moving up closer to me.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be doing mostly everything.”

I’m too nervous to respond so I just nod again.

Harry turns on the bike and he straightens it before he takes off the kickstand. He loosens his left hand keeps it resting on top of mine.

“You’re going to pull this lever back and don’t let go until I tell you, okay?”

I nod again and take a deep breath. I pull the lever on the left handlebar and hold it tightly. Harry proceeds to fiddle with a button and then he does something with his foot until he settles again, putting his hands on top of both of mine.

“Alright. Now, you’re going to very slowly let go of the lever.”

I take another deep breath and slowly release the lever. However, the shakiness of my hands makes me release it more than I intended and the bike lurches forward. I shriek and feel Harry’s hand tighten around my hand, causing the bike to stop, and his other one quickly wraps around my waist, steadying me.

“It’s okay.”

“Harry, I can’t do this. I’m going to crash your bike,” I exclaim, the anxiety present in my shaky voice.

“You can do this. You just need to relax. You almost had it. You just let your nerves get to you. Come on. Just try again.”

I take a soothing breath and attempt to calm myself down. I try to keep my hands steady and once they stop shaking, I slowly release the lever.

This time, the bike moves forward much smoother than the first time. The bike moves slowly as I look down and see that Harry’s able to walk with it.

“Good. See, you can do it. Now, we’re going to go faster.”

I gulp and nod.

“Release the lever a bit more.”

I look ahead of me to make sure that I won’t crash into anything. It’s just an empty street in front of us so I release the lever and feel my heart jump when the bike starts to speed up.

“I’m going to switch it into second gear, okay?”

I don’t know what Harry does since my eyes are glued on the road in front of me but I feel the bike lurch for a second before it starts to smoothly speed up even more.

This is how the rest of the ride goes. Harry keeps his hands around mine as he controls the bike when we turn. Of course I get a mini heart attack when Harry takes control and weaves through traffic and I may have closed my eyes a couple of times when I thought that we were going to hit a car but I start to relax once I start to get the hang of it.

Once we reach his neighbourhood, I feel the bike slow down slightly.

“I’m going to let go now. It’s just straight from here and then I’ll help you again once we reach my house. Is that okay?”

I think it over for a while. There are no cars around us. It’s just an empty, straight road ahead of me. I can do this.

I nod. “Yeah,” I shout over the wind.

Slowly, Harry takes one hand off of mine and rests it on my waist.

“Just keep the bike straight and maintain your speed. Pull the lever back if you need to slow down or stop.”

I nod again before Harry takes his other hand off and wraps both of his arms around me.

I do as told and keep the bike straight. Having full control of the bike is actually exhilarating. I feel the wind whip through my hair and I feel a smile appear on my face.

“Harry, I’m doing it!” I exclaim, a laugh escaping from me.

I feel Harry’s arms tighten around me and then his chin resting on my shoulder.

“You’re doing great. Actually, really great for your first time.”

I accept his compliment, my smile widening. Harry was right. This is fun. I even release the lever slightly, letting the bike go a bit faster.

Once I notice that Harry’s house is slowly approaching, I pull back on the lever, feeling the bike slow down. I see Harry’s hands appear as they rest on top of mine again. He slows down the bike even more before he turns and stops in front of the gate. He takes one of his hands off of mine, disappearing behind me. A few seconds later, the gate opens and Harry hand reappears. He slowly drives the bike inside his driveway, stopping right in front of his garage.

He turns off the bike and I feel the bike lean slightly to the left as he puts on the kickstand. He hops off and takes off his helmet before he stands beside me and helps me down. I take off my helmet, handing it to him before he puts it back in the compartment.

He shakes his hair, brushing it back as he turns back to me.

“How was that?” he asks with a smile.

“It was actually really fun. You were right.” I smile up at him and his widens.

“I told you. And I was actually surprised with how well you drove.”

I blush slightly. “Well, I did have a good teacher.”

“Why, thank you.” He laughs as he turns around, clicking a button on a remote in his hand before I see the gate close.

“Let’s go in and get that ice that you’ve been freaking out about.”

I poke his stomach as he walks past me and I turn around and follow him inside his house. I get a weird feeling as I walk in. The last time I was here was the night of the Brit Awards, the night that we had fought and I had given him his ring back. It was one of the worst memories I have of my time here in London and I hate the feeling it gives me now. I wish I didn’t have to feel this.

Thankfully, Harry walks past the living room and we walk into his kitchen. I settle on one of the kitchen counter stools as Harry opens the freezer and pulls out an ice pack. He grabs a paper towel, wrapping it around the ice pack and finally resting it against his cheek.

“It’ll be gone by tomorrow.” He gives me a toothy grin as he stands on the other side of the counter.

“I hope so.”

“I know it’ll be gone by Saturday, which is a good thing.”

“What’s on Saturday?”

“It’s my mum’s birthday. Oh right! I was meaning to ask you. Would you wanna go? It’ll be here at my place.”

My eyes widen. The thought of meeting his mum, his family, intimidates me a bit.

“Don’t worry. All of the lads are going, too. And El and Perrie. Ed can go, too, if he wants.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. That sounds lovely.” I relax at the thought that it’s not just me that Harry’s invited to his mum’s birthday party. I thought that it would be like Harry bringing me as his girlfriend to meet his parents.

Speaking of girlfriends…

“Is Ivana going?”

He seems surprised by my question but he quickly hides it. “Oh…um, no. She’s working that weekend.”

I nod casually but inside, I’m jumping up and down like a little girl. Who knows what would happen if Ivana was there. Our last encounter, I had almost jumped over the table and knocked her to the ground. And knowing her personality, she would do anything to be the centre of attention, even if the occasion was to celebrate Harry’s mum’s birthday. I wouldn’t put it past her.

“Alright. Well, I’ll ask if Ed wants to go.”

“Great.” He smiles and nods. “Did you want to watch a movie? Or we can do something else.”

He walks around the counter, the ice pack still against his cheek. I hop off of the stool and follow him into the living room. I stop for a second, standing next to the couch, the couch that I had sat on that night.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. It’s in the past. I need to move past it. I take a deep breath and sit down.

 

“No, a movie sounds great.”

 

**************************

 

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!

Just another reminder, message me on kik if you want me to let you know right when I update! Or if you just want to talk! :)

I'm going to be increasing the votes a bit. 15 more likes and 15 comments before I post the next chapter!

Also, I'm still taking song suggestions for this story. It can be about the entire story or it can be specific for a certain chapter! I'm going to be adding one or more songs to each chapter that I'm going to include the video for so you can play it while you're reading the chapter :)

Anyways, thanks for reading!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE PERFECT CUPCAKE, NIALL HORAN!!! <3

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