Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


144. More In Love

Lily's POV

"Is that the last of it?"

I watch Harry as he carries the last load of Christmas presents from his house to the car. We had sent off everyone else's gifts through the mail except for Harry's family. We had driven back to Harry's house after our weekend at my parents and we had spent the past week doing last minute shopping, including my gift for Harry.

I had an idea what I wanted to give him so all I had to do was go to the mall and convince him to leave me alone for half an hour to get it. It had taken a lot of convincing to get him away from me and most of that convincing had to do with kisses and promises for later that night.

Eventually, I was able to persuade him to go to the YSL store to look at some more of their boots that he's so obsessed with and I had quickly gone to where I needed to go to get his gift as fast as I could.

I couldn't risk him finding out what I got him. I want to surprise him on Christmas Day.

And now, today was Christmas Eve. Harry and I are going to be driving down to Holmes Chapel to his parent's house and we would be staying there for a few days. It'll just be us for tonight but the rest of his family will be spending Christmas Day with us, as well.

I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I felt like I met them well enough the last time.

I watch as Harry carefully places all of the gifts in the trunk of his car and I make sure that all of them are here. I make sure to triple-check, breathing a sigh of relief that they're all here, including our suitcases and Luna sleeping in her cage in the back seats.

All of the gifts are here. Except for Harry's.

I had wrapped it last night after he had gone to sleep. Knowing how sneaky he is, I knew that he would snoop around for it if I kept it under the tree. And with the shape of the gift, it would be easy to tell what it was. So I had put it in my suitcase right after, hidden from Harry's eyes.

"Just one more left," Harry says.

I look around at the gifts in confusion, wondering which gift he's talking about.

"Which one—"


I shriek out loud when Harry crouches down and hooks his arm underneath my legs, lifting me up bridal-styles. He carries me towards the passenger's side door as I laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I can't forget you. You're going to be my favourite gift."

"I thought that you were my gift for Christmas." I add a little smack to his cheek as he opens the door and carefully places me inside. I sit sideways on the seat, pulling him to stand in between my legs.

"Don't worry. I still am. We'll be each other's gifts."

"And can I exchange you for a motorcycle if I don't particularly like you?"

He feigns shock and pinches my side. "No returns or exchanges, babe. You're stuck with me."

I click my tongue, and playfully slump. "Darn. I was thinking that I could trade you for at least two motorbikes. I'd be one happy girl."

He raises an eyebrow at me, a grin quirking up his lips. "Oh yeah? Well, can a motorbike do this?"

He suddenly swoops in and crashes his lips on mine. I inhale deeply, trying to keep up with his urgent lips and nipping teeth. His tongue soon darts into my mouth, swiping against mine before sliding across my bottom lip. His hands tangle in my hair, pulling me harder against him as he turns his head and deepens the kiss even further to the point where I'm left lightheaded and running out of air.

He moves his lips one more time before he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and pulls away, his lips smacking as I immediately gasp for air.

I slowly open my eyes, looking up and seeing Harry smirking down at me.

"Wh...what the hell was that?"

"Just a little something to think about when you think about exchanging me...for anything."

I narrow my eyes at him. "You nearly killed me!"

All he does is laugh, surely proud of himself for what he did to me.

My lips are still tingling and I want to reach up with my fingers to touch them but I know that it'll just make his ego get bigger.

"Can we just go, please?" I sit forward in my seat and reach for the door but Harry stays put, preventing me from closing it.

"Another kiss for the road?" he asks in a sweet voice.

I roll my eyes but can't stop the smile from spreading across my lips.

"I don't think you deserve one," I say, raising my eyebrows and pointing my chin up. "You almost suffocated me with the last one."

"I'd like to think of it more as leaving you breathless rather than suffocating you," he retorts. "It was definitely not my intention to nearly kill you. Who would I kiss then if I did?"

"Hmm. You're right. I don't think you can find anyone else who will put up with you as well as I do, huh?" I lean back against the seat and cross my arms, smirking up at him.

"And I don't think I can find anyone else who I'd enjoy bothering as much as I do with you."

I narrow my eyes at him again and smack his stomach. "You're lucky I put up with you at all. And your lame jokes, too."

"Hey!" he says, furrowing his eyebrows at me. "Take that back."

I hold back my smile, amused that out of everything I've said, he took offense to my jab at his jokes the most.

"Don't make me kiss you again."

My eyes widen and I turn my head to face him completely. "Okay, okay! I take it back! Your jokes are great. The best."

He rolls his eyes with a smile, shaking his head before he leans down. I flinch slightly, preparing myself for another "breathtaking" kiss but he stops just inches from my lips and gives me a sweet smile.

He closes the space between our lips and gives me a gentle kiss, completely different from the previous one.

He pulls away, the smile still present on his lips before he straightens up and finally closes the door.

I take a deep breath as he walks around the car to the driver's side and hops in.

"Ready?" he asks as he turns on the car.

I turn to him and nod.

As soon as he backs out of his driveway and onto the road, he gives me his hand at the same time that I reach for it, like we were both thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. I smile down at his hand as I place it on my lap, gently brushing my fingers along the cross tattoo beside the knuckle of his thumb.

It's a three-hour drive, not including pit stops, so I sit more comfortably in my seat. I had offered to drive halfway but, of course, Harry wouldn't have it.

"Are you sure you don't want to me drive?" I ask, knowing that it wouldn't hurt to ask one more time.

"Yes, I'm sure. You just sit there and hold onto my hand and you needn't worry, my love."

I smile up at him even though his eyes are focused on the road. Even though it gives me a thrill every time he calls me 'baby', I still love every other pet name he calls me. He comes up with new ones every now and then and I do the same for him. It's fun seeing his reaction towards the ones he particularly likes.

"Plus, I like it when you spontaneously lean over and give me a kiss," he adds. "I wouldn't be able to have that if you were the one driving."

"Well, I can take that because I happen love giving you spontaneous kisses."

"See? Works out for the both of us."

I laugh as I lean over and do just that, giving him a quick kiss on his jaw.

I try to keep him entertained for the rest of the drive, reading him funny tweets, pointing at people doing weird things in their cars but my favourite was singing along to the radio to him.

Of course I was being over-the-top but I just wanted to fulfill my duties as the passenger for a three-hour long road trip.

And when Night Changes comes on, I pull out all the stops. I sit on the edge of the seat, my body completely facing Harry as I sing – or more correctly, yell - along to every word and flail my arms in every direction around me. He laughs as he watches me, shaking his head in amusement and occasionally looking out the window to make sure that no one is witnessing what he's seeing.

During the final chorus, I lean towards him and wrap my arm around his shoulders and rest my other hand against his opposite cheek, planning to be as dramatic as I can be and change a few of the lyrics.

"We're only getting older, Harry
And I've been thinking about it lately
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how amazing I am?"

We stop in the traffic and he turns to look at me, a sweet smile on his lips as his eyes gaze at my face in what I can tell is adoration.

"Everything that you've ever dreamed of, basically me
Disappearing when you wake up
But there's nothing to be afraid of
Even when the night changes
It will never change, Harry
It will never change, Harry
It will never change me and you."

His smile is contagious. The smile on my own face just widens the longer that I look at his. He hasn't said a word. I was even expecting him to laugh at me but all he does is stare.

"Did you not like it?" I ask in a joking manner, still confused by his actions.

He shakes his head, his eyes still not leaving mine. "No, I loved it. I're too fucking cute. I just fell more in love with you right now."

My face softens but my heart squeezes in my chest at his words. That was definitely not the reaction I was expecting. I was expecting him to laugh and tell me to shut up but he's reacted the complete opposite.

"Really? That made you fall more in love with me?" I'm still taken aback by his reaction, still wondering why he wasn't appalled by it.

"Yes," he answers easily. "Watching you singing along to one of my songs and making me laugh and you being your insanely adorable self, it's hard not to. And...and when you put your hand in a fist pretending it was a microphone and I saw the ring, I couldn't help but think about the fact that I'd be able to see that again...for the rest of my life."

The traffic starts to move so Harry's gaze focuses on the road. But I keep my eyes on him, his confession still leaving me flustered and speechless.

He takes my hand and places it in his lap, his thumb gently brushing against my skin.

"You're going to make me cry, babe," I finally say.

He gives a soft chuckle, glancing at me for a quick second.

"I'm sorry," he says. "But it's true. I didn't want to tell you this but you actually do things every day that make me fall more in love with you. Some are small things but they're still just as important. Like the other day, when I saw you making my bed. Other than my mum when I was younger, no one's ever made my bed for me before. And again, it just made me think about the fact that I'd be able to have that when we get married. And then another time, you cut up kiwi for me just how I like it, in circle slices. I remember that I had only told you that one time but you remembered. And the first time I saw you wearing my sweater, my shirt, any of my clothes. And every single kiss we’ve had.” Suddenly, a smirk spreads across his face. “Our first time. And our second time. And every other time after that."

I laugh softly, burying my face against his shoulder to hide my blush.

"And last week when I was sick, I really liked being taken care of by you like that. You didn't even give a shit whether you would get sick or not, you still kissed me just like any other day. And when you met my parents and I saw how easy you got along with them. Every time I watch you sing. And I know this was a while ago but that first night that you slept in my room, in my shirt, when you surprised me in London on Niall's birthday, and when I woke up and saw you there like that, I knew that I wanted that every morning. I didn't want to tell you because I thought it would be weird—"

I quickly shake my head. "It's not. It's definitely not weird. It''s sweet. Really sweet, Harry."

He looks over at me as we're stopped at a light. His entire face is soft, his eyes gliding down to my lips.

"And like I tell you all the time, I'm in love with your smile. I fall more in love with you every time I see it."

And just like that, my heart bursts in my chest. Tears prick my eyes at the amount of love that practically crashed through me with just his words. Without wasting another second, I lean forward and press my lips against his, my hands tangling into his hair and pulling him closer.

Our lips are unmoving. They just stay pressed together in a lingering kiss, love pulsing through us in waves. He tilts his head to deepen the kiss but a car honks behind us, breaking us from our moment.

He pulls away quickly but leaves one more gentle kiss on my lips before he starts to drive again.

"I love you, Harry," I say softly, taking his hand again and placing it in my lap as I rest my head against his shoulder.

I feel his warm lips press a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you, baby."

Who knew that me obnoxiously singing one of his songs would lead him to confessing the ways he fell more and more in love with me.

I shouldn't be surprised. Harry does things like that all the time, completely taking me off guard and the doing the complete opposite of what I would expect him to do.

Of course I felt that I should've done the same, list every single thing that made me fall more and more in love with him every single day but I just wanted to soak it all in for now. When the time is right, I'll do the same for him.

And this moment, it's definitely being added to that list right now.

"You okay?" he suddenly asks, brushing his thumb against my skin.

I nod against his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm fine. You? Did you want me to drive?"

"It's alright. We're almost there."

"So what's happening tonight? And tomorrow?"

"Well, tonight, it's just going to be us, my parents and my sister and her boyfriend. Just a nice dinner and probably watch a movie. And then tomorrow is the big get-together. The entire family will be there, everyone you met at Gem's party and more. Mum told me that they'll start coming late afternoon and help get everything ready and then we'll have dinner and then open presents. And then the parents get drunk and us poor kids hide in the basement for the rest of the night."

I laugh. "Sounds fun. I don't have a really big family so our Christmases we're always quiet. It'll be different but I'm sure it'll be fun."

"Just remind yourself of that when my aunts get drunk. They'll be a lot worse than they were at Gem's party."

"I think I handle it." I smile, remembering how that went.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they're going to be interrogating Gem's new boyfriend this time. I think we'll be off the hook now."

"Well, that's good to hear. I don't think I'll be able to explain to them again why I'm not bearing your child yet."

Harry laughs. "We can tell them that we're saving sex for marriage so it'll be impossible for us to get pregnant."

I roll my eyes with a smile. "Like they'd believe that. And I'm sure Gemma will tell them about the time she caught us fooling around in your room that one time."

"That was a good time, yeah. Wish she hadn't interrupted us. I was looking forward to breaking in that bed with you."

I gasp and smack his chest as he laughs.

"We definitely wouldn't have had sex in your parent's house. So keep dreaming."

"Hey, she's letting you sleep in my room so maybe we can."

I sit up straight and look over at him, seeing a small smirk on his face as he focuses on the road.

"Wh...what? Did you ask her or did she decide that herself? Harry, tell me you didn't ask her."

"I did ask her and I was honestly expecting her to say 'no' but she said it's okay."

My heart drops to my stomach. "Did...did she say it right away or did you convince her to? Tell me exactly what she said."

I didn't want his parents to think that we're taking advantage of them letting me spend Christmas with them. I'm more than thankful that they're letting me spend this special holiday with the entire family. I don't want them to think I'm asking too much of them by having me stay in Harry's room.

"I asked where you would be sleeping. She said 'she can stay in your room. Just behave' or something along those lines. She just wants you to be comfortable so she was more than okay with it."

I look at him in worry, growing more and more nervous as we get closer to his parent's house.

"How about Gemma's boyfriend? Is he staying the night, too?"

He shakes his head. "No. They've only been going out for a month so they don't know him that well yet. I mean, they've met him and said he's a nice guy but they don't feel comfortable letting him stay the night yet. Gem was okay with it. She understood."

I bite my lip and open my mouth to voice another concern but Harry interrupts me.

"And don't you dare say that my parents don't know you that well. I know you've only met them a few times but that doesn't matter. They know you. They love you. They practically see you as family already. Now stop arguing and be happy with me that you get to sleep in my bed tonight."

I shut my mouth as he glances over at me with raised eyebrows, a faint smirk present on his lips.

Again, I roll my eyes as I lean back against my seat.

"Fine. But don't get your hopes up. We're just going to be actually sleeping in your room. Nothing else. I don't know what crazy ideas you have in your head now that I know that I'm staying in your room."

Now I know that I have to be extra careful while I stay in his parent's house. I don't want them to catch Harry and I doing something we shouldn't be doing. We might not be as lucky like last time when it was Gemma that had caught us.

"We'll see."

I narrow my eyes at him and when I watch the smirk growing on his face, I can already see how much I'm going to have trouble keeping him behaved these next few days.

"I can easily insist on sleeping in the guest room," I say. "Just keep that in mind, Harry Edward Styles."

"Oooh, using my whole name. You're getting me worked up here, baby."

I can't help the smile from stretching across my face as I swat his chest.

"Stop it."

He just laughs at me, holding onto my hand tighter as I try to pull it away.

"You know I can't control myself around you. You'd have to tie me up and blindfold me to make me behave. But then again, that might make things worse for the both of us, huh?"

I groan. "Oh god. Are we there yet?"

Harry chuckles, taking my hand and placing a kiss on it before he places it back on my lap.

"Think about it, babe."

I stay silent, not wanting him to know that I actually am thinking about it. Harry tied up and blindfolded and completely under my control.

I clear my throat and subtly shake my head from those thoughts. It's definitely not the kind of thoughts I should be having right now, especially as we're just pulling up onto his parent's driveway.

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