Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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134. Linger

Lily's POV

I wake feeling the most refreshed I have in the past five weeks. I feel like I actually got a full night's rest. I don't feel groggy or tired and I don't feel the urge to go back to sleep.

When I feel the warm body pressed against my back, the strong arms around my body and long legs tangled with mine, I actually wake with a smile on my face. Harry and I are in the exact same position we were in when we both fell asleep and I have no intention of moving out of it any time soon.

I can tell that Harry's still asleep when I feel his steady breath against my back. I glance at the clock on the bedside table and see that it's already almost 11 in the morning.

Harry and I went to bed early last night but we stayed up for hours just holding each other and talking. With the crazy week I had, I kept dozing off but then he would give me kisses to keep me awake.

I wasn't even mad at him for it. I wanted to stay up with him. I wanted to keep kissing him.

It wasn't until past midnight that Harry had finally started getting tired. We had just continued giving lazy, gentle kisses until he had turned me around so he could cuddle me from behind until we had both finally fell asleep.

I'm already fully awake but I'm definitely too comfortable to even think about getting out of bed. Instead, I just smile softly as I gently brush my finger along Harry's arm. I take the time to trace his tattoos until I reach down to trace each knuckle of his hand.

When I start to glide my finger along his arm again, I feel Harry move slightly behind me, a quiet exhale leaving his lips and tickling the back of my neck. My smile widens slightly when his arms tighten around me and when he presses his lips against the spot where my shoulder connects with my neck.

He hums lowly. "Hmm, I fucking missed this so much," he grumbles. He buries his face into my hair and presses his lips against my head.

I clasp my fingers over his as I turn my head to face him. A lazy smile is spread across his face, eyes half-lidded and his eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he blinks slowly.

"I didn't really miss it that much," I tease, grinning as I lean in and place a small kiss on his lips.

I turn my whole body around, my chest now pressing against his. His arms tighten around my waist as I place my one hand on his chest and I use the other to brush the back of my finger along his jawline.

"Oh, really?" He raises an eyebrow at me, a lazy smile on his face.

"I don't miss you taking up three-quarters of the bed."

I may be exaggerating but it's true. When we cuddle with my back to him, we always go to sleep in the middle of the bed but we somehow end up moving towards my side.

His smile widens. "I do not! I just want to be as close to you as I can."

I laugh quietly. "I'm just joking. I actually like that you can somehow push the both of us to my side of the bed during the night."

He rolls his eyes but tightens his arms around me. "Did you sleep well?"

I nod. "Very well. You?"

"Very, very well." His smile widens as he leans closer and nudges my nose with his. "The best I've slept in a long, long time."

I continue to glide my finger along his jaw as I close my eyes. His fingers slide underneath his shirt that I'm wearing and he starts to gently press them into my skin.

"Let's just stay in bed all day," he mumbles.

"I wouldn't mind that," I laugh as I tilt my head back slightly to look at him. "But actually...I was hoping to start my Christmas shopping today. It's already December and I haven't gotten anything yet."

"Sure. We can go later."

"Um...I'm okay with shopping here but I was hoping to go in London. There's a lot more stores there so I thought it would be easier. We can stay here though, if you want."

He shakes his head. "It's fine. We can drive there today."

"Have you started your Christmas shopping?"

He nods. "I got a few things while I was travelling but I wanted to wait for you to go actual shopping. I thought it'd be less stressful with you."

I smile. "Well, thank you for waiting. Now we can stress together."

Harry returns my smile before he leans in and connects his lips with mine. His hand that's still underneath my shirt glides up to my back, pressing me more against him. My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him as I deepen the kiss. I swing my leg around his waist, hooking it behind his knees as I arch my back against him.

Harry swipes his tongue against mine, moving his hand from my back to my thigh that's resting against his waist before rolling us until I'm underneath him. I let my hands roam his bare chest, growing excited when I notice that the muscles under his skin have gotten firmer since the last time I've touched him.

I moan against his lips when he squeezes my thigh and he tugs on my bottom lip as he pulls away. His mouth attacks my neck, sucking, biting and licking as I try to keep myself together. My breaths are erratic, just like my heartbeat as I feel him everywhere.

I wasn't sure how things between us would be...sexually...now that our break is over. I thought that it would be awkward. I wasn't sure if I should take things slow. But now, as he's touching me everywhere, pressing his body into mine, all I want is more of him.

He starts to move lower, his body sliding down as his lips trail down to my chest. Just as his hands grab the hem of my shirt, his phone rings. His lips freeze for a quick second but then they continue to move against my skin.

I gasp for breath and lick my lips. "Har...Harry, you...you should get that."

He ignores me, his lips staying glued to my chest as his hands start to pull my shirt up.

"Harry," I say with more determination. "Your phone. It could be important."

"It's definitely not as important as this," he mumbles against my skin.

I give a small laugh before resting my hands on his shoulder, reluctantly pushing him up.

"Just see who it is and then we can continue this right after."

He sticks out his bottom lip and playfully narrows his eyes at me. He groans as he pushes himself up and leans over to grab his phone. He answers it and puts it up to his ear, not bothering to get off of me. Not that I had a problem with it.

"Hello?"

I glide my hands along his chest as he locks his gaze with mine, biting his lip as he listens to whoever's on the phone.

"Hi, mum, how are you?"

My hands quickly move from his chest. Even though his mum's on the phone, it feels like she can see us right now. Harry furrows his eyebrows and leans on his one elbow and grabs my hand with his other hand. He guides my hand back to his chest and I smile. He drops his hand back to my waist as I slide mine from his chest to the back of his neck, letting my fingers play with his hair.

"Okay, we'll be there." Harry suddenly smiles, his eyes softening. "Yes, she'll be there, too."

I think I hear a faint, "That's great, Harry! I can't wait to see you two!" through the phone and I smile at the thought of how excited she is.

Harry continues to listen to his mum as I trace the dips of his collarbone and then along his jawline.

"We'll try to be there late afternoon...okay...we'll see you later...love you, too. Bye."

Harry hangs up and throws his phone on the bed beside us before he hovers his face over mine.

"My mum's throwing a surprise party for Gemma. It was her birthday on the 3rd. Gemma was supposed to do something for work but it got rescheduled so my mum wants to celebrate tonight. Did you want to go?"

I nod. "Of course, I do."

I'm excited to spend more time with his family but there's one thing that's been bothering me ever since he had told me that he had went to his mum the night that I told him I wanted to take a break.

"But..." I say, staring down at his swallow tattoos. "Your mum...she's probably upset with me, isn't she?"

"Hey," he says, taking the side of my face and forcing me to look up at him. "She definitely is not. She loves you. She even called me a couple of weeks ago and asked me what you would like for Christmas. If she was upset with you, she wouldn't have done that. And just like you heard on the phone, she's excited to see you. You don't have to worry."

All I can do is smile and nod. I think back to when we had spent lunch with her, when she had told me that all she could ask for was for me to make him happy. That was a week before our break started so I have no idea what she had thought of me after that.

"Now, where were we?" he says just as he leans down and presses his lips to my neck. I giggle as his hair tickles me and I squirm underneath him. He slides his hands back down to the bottom of my shirt, about to pull it off when we hear Luna barking from somewhere beside the bed.

Harry groans but doesn't move from on top of me.

"I can't catch a break."

I laugh as I pat his back and stroke his hair.

"Sorry, babe. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be."

He lifts his head and gives me one quick kiss before he pushes himself up and gets out of bed. I sit up as I watch him bend down to pet Luna on his way to the bathroom. I slide out of bed and look down to see Luna wagging her tail at me. I stretch and fix Harry's shirt around me.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?"

I lead the way out of the room, Luna following right behind me. I pour out a bowl of dog food for her and give her a fresh bowl of water. When she starts to eat, I turn on the radio and switch the channels until I find one playing Adele’s Hello.

I go to the pantry to look for something for Harry and I to eat. I make each of us a bowl of instant oatmeal and as I'm making us a cup of tea, Harry appears in the kitchen. He walks up to me and hugs me from behind as I dip the teabags in the hot water.

He brushes his nose against my neck before placing a kiss on my skin and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I missed this, too. Waking up and seeing you in my clothes."

I smile, leaning back against him as he sways us slowly.

"I missed this, too. I miss having someone do the dishes."

I burst out in laughter as soon as Harry digs his fingers into my sides, tickling me.

"You wanna say that again?" he laughs.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" I shout, laughing and trying to catch my breath at the same time.

As soon as he stops tickling me, I elbow him in the stomach, shoving him away from me. All he does is laugh, not even flinching from my attempt at nudging him.

"Here, I made you breakfast." I pretend to be upset as I hand him his bowl before I take mine and sit down at the dining room table.

I start to eat, not looking at Harry as he sits down on the seat beside me. I'm about to put another spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth when I feel a pair of arms yank me from my seat, making me squeal as I'm placed on his lap.

"I know you're just pretending. To be honest, I miss that, too."

I roll my eyes with a smile as I turn around in his lap so I'm facing him. "You missed a lot of things, didn't you?"

He shoves oatmeal into his mouth as he nods. "I did. I missed everything about you."

My smile widens as I anticipate his answer. "Really?" I ask softly.

He nods. “Yeah, I missed all those nice things you do but I even missed you teasing me, annoying me, being stubborn. I even missed you being pissed off at me.”

I roll my eyes as I face forward again and start eating. “I can make up for all of that, if you’d like.”

Harry laughs behind me, leaning forward and eating more of his breakfast. His hand rubs along my waist and stomach as my free hand rests on his other leg.

Harry finishes eating long before I do and, as soon as I swallow the last spoonful of oatmeal, Thinking Out Loud starts playing on the radio. Harry suddenly stands up and takes my hand. He pulls me a few steps away from the table, a smile on his face as he pulls me towards him and wraps his arms around my waist. I return his smile as my hands slide up his chest and rests on the back of his neck.

“What are we doing?” I ask with a soft laugh.

“This is called ‘dancing’. It’s been around for thousands of years.”

I smack his chest as I playfully roll my eyes but return my hand back to the back of his neck.

Harry laughs. “This is one of my favourite songs so I thought it’d be fitting to dance to it with my favourite person.”

“I’m your favourite person, huh?” I grin up at him, tilting my head slightly and batting my eyelashes.

He puckers his lips in pretend thought. “Most of the time.”

I can’t help but laugh with him even though I was about to hit him again. The chorus of the song starts and Harry pulls away, still holding onto one of my hands before he twirls me. He wraps his other arm around my back and dips me down to ground.

I laugh as he brings me back up and lifts my hand to rest around his neck again. He snakes his arms around my waist again, tighter this time as he presses me more against his body and starts swaying us to the song.

I look up at him, a sweet smile on his face as he returns my gaze. He leans in and I move up to meet his lips. He kisses me slowly, his lips moving gently but purposefully against mine. I move my hands until they’re clasped together at the nape of his neck, tugging him down closer to me.

We continue to sway as we kiss, the kind of kiss that always leaves me breathless. I pull away with a quiet gasp, opening my eyes slowly to see Harry gazing at me with his bright, green eyes. His smile widens slightly as he takes a step back and, reaching up to take both of my hands in his, he turns me around, our arms twisted in front of me as he presses my back against his chest.

He leans in face into the crook of my neck, placing chaste kisses on my skin as we continue to dance. I lean my head back against his shoulder, turning my head towards his face as I close my eyes. I feel Harry brushing his lips against my temple, my cheeks, my eyelids and then my lips, never fully kissing me but still giving me the full effect of one.

“I don’t understand how you can be this beautiful and be mine.”

I open my eyes and see Harry gazing at me in a way that seems like he’s staring deep into my soul. His eyes are focused on mine but it’s like he’s looking further inside.

“What do you mean?” I whisper.

His eyes now slowly move around my entire face and I see that they focus a bit longer on my lips.

“I mean…I still don’t know what I did to deserve you. You’re so damn beautiful. Inside and out. Look, I know this may not be the time to talk about it but one of the things that bothered me the most, especially during the break, was all of the hate you were getting.”

I tense slightly in my spot but stay in his arms. I knew that we were bound to start talking about all of our problems. We allowed ourselves to forget about it yesterday but we can’t keep putting it off. I’m just glad that I’m here in his arms as he finally brings it up. I feel like I’ll be able to keep myself together if I stay where I am.

“I don’t want you to listen to anything those people are saying. They don’t know the real you. They don’t know us. I know that you’re not using me for my money or for fame or…for anything else except for who I really am. I knew your true intentions from the beginning that you wanted to get to know who I am on the inside. I knew that you didn’t even care about my money or my fame or any of that stuff. You think that I didn’t see that when you stubbornly refused to let me pay for you every single damn time.”

I give a soft laugh as he smiles down at me.

“You think I didn’t see that when I saw how hard you worked to get what you wanted, both for school and for your music. I knew from the beginning when the first question you asked about me was about my mum. I still knew when you had paid for a tour t-shirt at our Peru show, even though I could’ve given you one for free. I still knew when you wouldn’t even let me buy you that damn water bottle.”

I laugh again, a little bit harder this time as he leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.

“And I still know that now, especially when you had told my mum that you wanted to finish school before you even think about pursuing a music career. And when you freaked out last night that I gave you the cologne that I got for free.”

I roll my eyes with a smile before looking back up at him.

“Other people may not know that but the people who matter know that you’re being genuine when it comes to being my girlfriend. All that matters is that you and I both know that we love each other, despite what comes with my career. And I know that we don’t even need to bother talking about the rumours about you and Louis but I don’t want you to believe those people who are calling you a cheater or…or those other horrible names. I know that you would never ever do that. I know the real you, the person you are on the inside. I know that the hate is never going to go away but I don’t want you to read them and I definitely don’t want you to believe a single word. You’re too beautiful to let that get to you. I love you so much that it actually hurts me that you let it affect you. I guess it’s the fact that it’s because of me that you’re getting all that hate so I feel like it’s my fault. I feel like I’m the only one that can reassure you that not one single thing they say is true. I know you. I feel in love with who you are. I want you to believe in only that.”

I don’t know when we had stopped dancing but I only know realize that were just standing in the middle of the living room, my back still pressed against his chest as we look at each other.

I slowly turn around to face him, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. He watches me carefully as I slide my arms around him. I slowly stand up on my tiptoes and give him a gentle kiss.

“I love you so much,” I say. “I mean…it did bother me before, especially when we started having more and more issues and I did try to move past it but…I was just scared that you would start believing it. I didn’t care that other people were saying it. I was just worried that you would start thinking the same things.”

I look away, focusing on the necklace resting against his chest. However, he hooks his finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look back up at him.

“I would never in a million years believe any of those things. I guess I just assumed that you didn’t let it bother you that I never asked you about it. If I knew it was bothering you, I would’ve talk to you about it right away. I know what it’s like to deal with hate and the last thing I want is for you to be dealing with it. I hate knowing that it hurt you and that I didn’t do anything about it. I want you to come and talk to me about it. No matter what. I want to protect you from that. I don’t want you to feel that way anymore.”

I smile through the tears and nod at him. “I know, Harry. Trust me, you already protect me from that. You may not realize it but you do. You do that every time you tell me you love me. That’s enough. That’s all I need. I…I guess it just took me a while to realize that, to truly believe it.”

He returns my smile. “I will always love you so know that I will always be there to protect you. From anything.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to rest my forehead against his. I close my eyes at the same time he does and I just focus on him.

“I love you so much, baby,” he says. “I love you so much it fucking hurts. I hate being away from you. I hate knowing that you’re hurt. I will do everything I can to make sure that you’re always happy.”

I tighten my arms around him. “I am, Harry. I’m always happy when I’m with you. You have no idea how happy you make me. Even when I’m being a bitch to you, you still somehow want to make me happy.”

I laugh with Harry but he quickly shuts me up when he crashes his lips with mine. I brush my fingers through his hair, feeling him shiver underneath my other hand on the back of his neck. Our lips move together, moving and lingering exactly when they need to. He presses my body harder against him, his tongue gently licking my bottom lip before he pulls away.

“I love you, Harry.”

He gives me one more quick kiss before reaching up and tucking my hair behind me ear.

“I love you more.”

**************************

Thank you so much for everyone who waited patiently for this chapter. Like I said to people on kik, I had a big exam on Friday so I was studying like crazy. I didn't have time to write.

Anyways, hope this chapter made up for it so let me know what you think.

50 votes and 15 comments!

Love you guys <3

 

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