Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


26. I've Never

Lily’s POV

“Harry,” I whine. I’m attempting the push him out my bedroom door, which is very hard to do, but Harry just laughs as he watches me.

“You’re like a baby monkey trying to push a full-grown elephant away,” he says while laughing, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

“Shut up.” I try to intimidate him but his laugh and his amused face just makes me laugh. I try to push him once again but he holds onto the frame of the door, feeling like I was pushing against a wall now.

I give up and take a step back before crossing my arms.

“Just make this easier for the both of us and let me stay the night,” he says, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on his face.

“I’ve told you multiple times that you shouldn’t. Ed is coming home tomorrow so it’s quiet possible that he might come home early. If he catches us, he’ll kill us.”

“I just talked to him and I confirmed the time of his flight. He won’t be here until the afternoon. That’s plenty of time for us to wake up and for me to leave.”

I sigh, knowing that he wasn’t going to give up. I know that he’s not going to take ‘no’ for an answer. “You’ve stayed the night for the past few days, what’s one night going to make a difference. Haven’t you had enough of me? I sure have had enough of you.”

I try to hold back my laughter as I see Harry’s face fall. But then he narrows his eyes at me once a smile breaks onto my face, letting him know that I was just teasing him like I love to do.

I giggle as he rolls his eyes.

“Pretty please let me stay.” He puts on the most adorable puppy dog face I have seen in my entire existence and I almost immediately agree to let him stay.

I know that I’m not going to win this fight so I don’t know why I’m still bothering to argue with him.

I guess I’m just being paranoid with the whole Ed-possibly-coming-home-early thing. Ed wasn’t coming home until tomorrow afternoon and, just like Harry said, we would have plenty of time for Harry to leave.

And I do want Harry to stay the night. We have so much fun and I like sleeping in his arms and waking up to see him next to me.

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to let him stay one more night.

But I think I want to have a little fun before I agree to it.

“I’ll make you a deal.” I raise an eyebrow at him and his face lights up.

He nods feverishly. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

“I’ll let you stay for the night if…” he waits impatiently as I make him suffer with my long pause. “…you do what I say for the rest of the day.”

His lips pull up into a smirk as he walks up to me and places his hands on my hips. “Is that all?”

I raise my eyebrows at him, returning his smirk with one of my own. “Oh, just you wait. You get to stay the night so I want to get a little something out of it, too.”

“Isn’t me staying enough?”

I roll my eyes and make a face. “Not really.”

He growls lowly and dips his head down and places his lips into my neck, just underneath my ear. “You’re ruthless today.”

I bite my lip to hold back a moan. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s making me weak with his actions.

I want him to know that I’m in control for the rest of the day so I push him away, quickly putting on the most innocent face I can put on.

“Ready for your first job?” I ask.

He looks wary as I try to hold back a smile. I don’t let him answer as I take his arm and pull him to the dresser with the mirror. I tell him to sit in the chair and then I go over to grab my makeup kit.

“No, no, no. Hell, no.” He starts to stand up, waving his arms in front of him but I quickly walk up to him, push him back down with my free hand and then straddle his lap. I lean back against the dresser and place the makeup kit on it beside me.

I wrap my arms around his neck. “Do you want to stay the night or not?” I say in a teasing voice.

He narrows his eyes at me but then his actions contradict his features as he rests his arms on my waist. “But why on earth do you want to put makeup on me?”

I giggle and shrug. “I thought it’d be fun.”

“Yeah, fun for you.” He frowns.

“Oh, suck it up. You might actually enjoy it.”

“I highly doubt that.”

I make a face at him before I turn in my seat still straddling Harry’s lap as I take out all of my makeup. “Just relax.”

He sighs and I take my foundation in my hands. I turn back to face Harry and he’s staring at it with a grimace on his face.

I want him to relax and just have fun with it so I lean forward and give Harry a kiss. He’s surprised by my actions but he quickly returns the kiss. But I don’t let it go any further as I lean back and pull away.

“You ready?”

He sighs but he seems more relaxed as he nods.

I smile as I squeeze some foundation onto the back of my hand. I start applying it on his face and he flinches from the slight coldness of the substance. He keeps his eyes on me as I apply it to his entire face. I put some powder afterwards and then the fun parts come. I have fun combining multiple colours of eye shadow onto his eyelids. Then, I put a thick line of eyeliner. I’m putting the last layer of eyeliner when Harry jumps in his seat.

“Ow!” he yells. I jump and look at him frantically.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” I say with worry.

A smile erupts on his face as he opens his eyes. “I was just kidding.”

I smack his arm as he laughs at me. “You’re an idiot.”

I take the mascara and I tell him to look up.

“No, absolutely not. The other stuff I can handle but I will not let you put that junk on me. I’ve heard how hard it is to get that stuff off.”

“Calm down, I have stuff to take it off easily. Plus, you have beautiful eyelashes and they will look amazing with some mascara.”

He groans. “Fine. But that’s it. No more.”

I laugh. “I promise. No more makeup. Now look up.”

He narrows his eyes at me before he relaxes and looks up. I take the mascara wand and brush it across his long and full eyelashes. Who would’ve thought that I would be jealous of a guy’s eyelashes?

“Alright, I’m done. Just close your eyes again, I need to fix your eye shadow.”

He reluctantly closes his eyes and I pretend to fix the eye shadow with one hand as I start to pull out my phone with the other. I open up my camera and hold my phone up in front of his face.

“Alright, I’m done. You can open your eyes now.”

The second that he opens his eyes, I take a picture. It takes a while for him to realize what I did before his eyes widen and he reaches for my phone.

“Delete it!”

I hold the phone behind me and push him back with my other.

“Absolutely not. I need to remember the hard work that I did.” I couldn’t stop laughing as Harry crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Would you like to see your beautiful transformation?”

He remains silent so I move to the side and let him look at himself in the mirror behind me.

His face turns into an expression of pure horror.

He shouts. “Okay, we can take this off now. It’s scaring me.”

I laugh and I see a smile creeping onto his face. I was really hoping that he wouldn’t take this too seriously and I can see that he’s having fun with it now.

“This is never going to happen again. Especially since you took a picture against my will.”

I laugh. “I guess that’s fair.”

“But seriously, can we take this off now. I’m starting to look some of my manliness.”

“What manliness?”

He snaps his face towards me and before I can react, he starts tickling me.

I squeal out loud as I try to grab his arms off of me. “Harry! Stop! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!”

Tears are forming in my eyes as my laughter continues. He finally stops and I try to catch my breath.

“Please take this off,” he whines. “It’s starting to itch.”

“Oh boo hoo. You’re such a party pooper.” I grab the makeup remover cloths and start cleaning off the makeup. I have him wipe his own eyes since I was scared that I would hurt him so I get off of him and start cleaning up my makeup. Just as I finish, Harry finished wiping off the last bit of makeup.

He stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Are you done having fun now?”

I turn around in his arms and wrap mine around his neck. “Nope.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “What now?”

I have him do so many things. I make him give me a massage, which he is amazing at. He helps me with my laundry, which I haven’t done in two weeks. I ask him to make me dinner and he was more than happy to. He makes a wonderful grilled salmon with roasted asparagus and then we share a bowl of chocolate ice cream as we watch TV.

When we decide to head to bed, I take out my phone and we take a bunch of cute pictures together. He sits behind me on the bed, his arms around me as I lean back on his chest. We take a bunch of goofy pictures and a few decent ones and I instantly set it as the background for my phone.

Surprisingly, he takes out his phone and takes more pictures. My assumption of him wanting to have pictures of us on his phone is confirmed as he sets one of the silly pictures of us as his background.

“Can I tell you something?” he says.

He’s now leaning against the headboard as I remain in front of him, leaning against his chest. He’s playing with my fingers and I absentmindedly watch it.


“I’ve had more fun this past week with you than I have with every other girl I’ve dated with…combined.”

My body fills with happiness and I’m about to say something but he continues.

“I’ve never cooked with anyone else. I’ve never taken silly pictures with them, let alone use it as the background for my phone. I’ve never sung to them like I did with you, even though we weren’t together back then. Like I told you before, I’ve never taken anyone to my secret spot. I’ve never made breakfast with someone.” Suddenly, he chuckles. “I’ve never let anyone else put makeup on me but that doesn't mean I’m going to let you again.”

I laugh and I’m absolutely melting inside at his words. But he doesn’t stop there.

“I’ve never wanted to stay at someone’s place more than I want to stay here with you. I’ve never felt this strongly for any other girl in my entire life.”

I’m biting back a smile as I take Harry’s hand and fit my fingers in between his. I’m speechless right now. I never would have thought that Harry would tell me those things. But then again, Harry somehow surprises me when it comes to our relationship.

My heart feels light in my chest but at the same time, it feels like it’s about to explode it happiness.

I feel the need to tell him all of the things he’s done for me, things that I’ve only experienced with him. But I feel like I was this moment to be remembered for the things that Harry just shared with me. I feel like it would take away from the feelings that Harry’s just shared with me. I wanted this moment to be about how special Harry makes me feel and how he goes out of his way to let me know how he feels.

I love how open he is. It’s a breath of fresh air.

I’ve started to realize something but I would always deny it, partly because of my fear.

But I can’t deny it now.

I’m falling for Harry.

I’m falling for him hard.

I turn my head to face him and our eyes instantly lock to each other.

“You’re amazing, Harry.”

He smiles at me before he leans down and kisses me. I bring a hand up and rest it lightly on his cheek.

This kiss is soft and pure but it was still breathtaking.

I pull away before I move to his side so that I can rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him tightly.

Harry runs his hand over my arm, soothing me as I close my eyes.

I wanted, more than anything, to tell him that I was falling for him but I was scared. I was scared that I would scare him off. We’ve only been together for a few weeks and, even though we hit a bump in the road for a few days, I’ve had the perfect time with Harry.

Being with Harry this past week reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite books, The Faults in our Stars.

The quote: I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.

This quote is currently half true.

I’m slowly falling for him.

But the part that hasn’t come true, the part that I fear for the most about, is the part about falling all at once. The part where I am actually in love with him.

I know that I’m getting there but I don’t know what’s going to happen when it does.

I’ve let my past relationship already cause trouble for my relationship with Harry. I can’t let it happen anymore.

I don’t want to ruin what we have because I know that I won’t be able to find anything else just as amazing, just as perfect.

I think my fear about losing him is stronger than my fear about falling in love again.

And I just have to let that fear drive me to fight for us.

I have to let that fear drive me to fight for love.

I’m slowly drifting off to sleep and, just as I’m about to be pulled under, I feel the faint pressure of Harry’s lips against my forehead.

I started dreaming about Harry. A dream where we’re walking out on the streets hand-in-hand. He looks down at me in adoration and I look back up at him in pure joy and happiness.

Suddenly, Harry is yanked away from me.

But then I realize that it wasn’t happening in my dream, it was happening here in my room.

I hear yelling and my eyes snap open.

“Get the f*ck off of her!”

I sit up and see Ed grasping onto the collar of Harry’s shirt and his other hand is held up in a fist.

His face is contorted in rage, red and shaking.

I look over at Harry and there’s pure fear radiating throughout his whole body.

“Ed! Stop!” I yell. I quickly get off the bed and attempt to pull him off of Harry. But he’s filled with too much anger that it’s useless.

Harry is grasping onto Ed’s hand that is grabbing his shirt with both of his hands, trying to pull it off.

“What the hell is going on?!” Ed shouts.

“Ed, you need to calm down first. Let me explain. Just let Harry go first.”

“No, you explain right this f*ucking second!” he spits.

“Let go of him!” I snap back.

“Tell me!” he roars.

I open my mouth to respond but Harry beats me to it. And what he says shocks all of us.

“I love her!”

I gasp as me and Ed snap our heads towards him.

Harry looks back at me and I’m about to say something when Ed brings his arm back and punches Harry across the face.








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