Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


2. Heartbreak and Making New Friends

“Okay, I’ll be there soon. Bye.”

I hung up the phone and turned my attention to the scenery whizzing past me from outside the window. I was on the train heading to London to visit my closest friend, Ed Sheeran. Right before I left my parent’s house, I had called him to tell him everything that had happened and that I wanted to visit him. He was ecstatic and told me to get here right way. Now, I had just gotten off of the phone with him, telling him that I was almost there. He said he would pick me up at the train station and, after insisting that I could stay at a hotel, he told me that I could stay at his place since he had a spare room.

I was kind of glad that he offered to let me stay at his place because I had no idea how long I was planning on staying. To be honest, I was just running and hiding from the painful memories that came from my hometown.

I recently had my heart broken from the one that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We’ve been going out for 2 years and I loved him.

And I thought he loved me back.

Boy, was I wrong when I found him cheating on me at the end of the year university party last week.

The memory causes pain in my whole body, just seeing him in bed with another girl after I looked for him at the party.

He didn’t even run after me after I stormed out of there with tears streaming down my face. His expression when I caught him made the pain a hundred times worse. He was expressionless, no ounce of regret or guilt written on his face. He didn’t say anything, he just went back to kissing this unknown girl laying underneath him.

I ran out of there and went home. I was glad that I had packed my stuff for the end of the school year, so I just grabbed everything and took a cab to my parent’s home.

I stayed there for a week, just staying in my old room and crying myself to sleep. My parents knew what happened and felt sorry for me and understood that I needed time for myself. Other than convincing me to eat 3 meals a day, they left me alone. I was thankful for that.

Now, a week later, I finally forced myself out of my bed, even out of my room and told me parents that I needed to get away. I told them that I wanted to go to London and that I would visit Ed.

Me and Ed have been friends since I was 5 and he was 7 so they were more than okay with me going there. They thought that it would be good for me and to go there and clear my head and forget about the pain that I’m feeling.

Since I didn’t bother unpacking once I got to my parents room, I just took one of my suitcases and decided to leave right then, right there.

I said my goodbyes to my parents and told them that I’d keep in touch. It was summer vacation so they were going away on their yearly tropical getaway. It made me feel less guilty for leaving them after locking myself in my room for the whole week.

And now, here I am, 10 minutes to my destination. 10 minutes away from my best friend, who I haven’t seen in months. The last time I saw him was during Christmas when he came to visit me. It seems like it was so long ago but I’m glad now that I get to spend the summer with him, especially since he just got back from the Red Tour, opening for Taylor Swift.

I decided to grab my suitcase while I waited for the minutes to pass by before I arrived in London. And finally, I felt the train slowing down and the train station growing bigger as we approached it.

Once it finally stopped, I rushed to the exit and hopped off of the train before struggling to get my suitcase down. After having the passenger waiting to get off help me with my suitcase, I thanked him and turned around. I scanned the train station before I saw a mop of orange hair poking out of the swarm of people. When he noticed me, a huge smile appeared on my face before I held onto my suitcase tightly and ran towards him.

Once I was a few feet away from him, I let go of my suitcase and jumped on him. He caught me easily and spun me around as I started laughing.

Once he stopped spinning, I jumped off to my feet but kept my arms around him as he kept his around my waist.

“I miss you so much, Edward!”

“Ugh, it’s only been one minute and you’ve already managed to annoy me. Stop calling me Edward!” He laughed before he let go and went to grab my suitcase. He walked back over to me and we walked side-by-side to the entrance of the train station.

“But that’s your name, is it not?”

“It is but it reminds me of my mother when I get into trouble.” His face turned into a grimace causing me to laugh at him.

“Well, I like calling you Edward.”

“Fine, then I’ll call you Lillian.”

The smile on my face disappeared as I heard him saying my full name. He noticed my change in behaviour and he immediately looked guilty.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.”

I gave him a small smile to hide the pain that I felt. Marcus called me that, only him. Even my parents called me Lily now. I used to think it was cute but now it’s tainted. How could one person cause me to hate my own name?

I shook my head of thoughts of Marcus. I came here to forget about him so I’m not going to waste my time thinking about him.

“It’s okay. It’s my name, isn’t it?” I tried to make light of the conversation but you could hear the edge in my voice. “Let’s just forget about it. I came here to have fun. And that’s exactly what we are going to do.” I lifted my chin up to show him how strong I was. If I wanted to forget about him, I had to start now.

“Fun we shall have. Come on, I’m having a small get together at my place tonight and you need to get ready. You look like shit.”

I playfully punched him as we exited the train station and headed to his car.

Trust Ed to be completely and brutally honest with me. And I loved that about him. I didn’t need anyone to sugarcoat things for me. I’d rather someone tell me the hurtful truth than a pretty lie. But Ed was honest to me about the important things. When we were younger, he would tell me which guys were good enough for me and I trusted him. Ed was already making music when I met Marcus so he wasn’t there to warn me about him, even though you couldn’t tell back then.

Ed would even help me with the clothes that I should wear and how I should cut my hair and things like that. He was the most absolute best friend I could ask for.

“Well, sorry. I just got off of a 6 hour train ride after spending a week in bed doing nothing but cry my eyes out.” I pretended to be offended but, with our friendship, we didn’t take anything the other said seriously.

“Right. So now, you have to dress up and show that bastard what he lost and what a big mistake he made.”

“But he isn’t even here to see me, you dope.” I laughed.

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

We reached his car and he put my suitcase in the trunk before both of us hopped into the car.

We drove to his place, catching up, talking about the tour and his new music. I told him about school and how excited I was that I only had one more year until I graduated.

About half an hour later, we were driving up a driveway to a modern-looking condo. He parked in the underground garage before we hopped out of the car. He grabbed my suitcase from the trunk and we headed to the elevator.

“You’re on the top floor?” I asked excitedly causing him to chuckle.

“Yeah, you’ll love the view at night, you can see London Eye."

“That’s amazing!”

The elevator dinged as we reached his floor and I followed him as he walked up to his flat. He opened the door and once I looked inside, I gasped. The inside was nice, modern furniture and cool paintings decorating the room. But what took my breath away was the view from the window. One whole wall was just a window so you can see most of London.

I rushed to the window and gazed at the beautiful view. It was now 7 in the evening so the moon and stars were out and the city was filled with beautiful lights. And, far away, was the London Eye. It was breathtaking.

“This view is gorgeous, Ed!”

“I told you. Now go get ready. Everyone will be here at 8.”

I reluctantly pulled my gaze away from the view below me so that I could get ready.

“I’ll show you your room.” He took my suitcase once again and led me into the hallway before stopping at the last door on the right.

“Here’s your room.” He opened the door and walked in. It was a small room but it was perfect enough for me. It had a double bed in the middle, two side tables, a study table and a small closet. “My room is right across from yours.”

“Thank you so much, Ed. I really appreciate you doing this. I would’ve been okay staying at a hotel.”

“Oh, nonsense. Now, I get to spend more time with you. Just stay out of my room.” He put on a serious face but it just made me laugh.

“Okay, fine.” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“So the bathroom is the one beside your room. There’s a blue towel there for you. Just take your time getting ready. I’ll be in the living getting the drinks and snacks ready.”

“Okay, thanks.” I smiled before he left the room. I opened my suitcase and pulled out pair of high-waist black short with a grey top, deciding to top the outfit with a light pink blazer. I grabbed my toiletries and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

Once I was finished, I returned to my room to change. I plugged in my blow dryer and dried my hair before taking my straightener and straightening my hair and leaving a few curls at the end. I put on my makeup, just a thin line of eyeliner, some mascara and red lipstick. Just as I spritzed myself with my perfume, I heard a knock at the front door. I quickly put on my bracelets before opening the door and heading out to the living room.

I could hear many voices blending together as I made my way through the hallway. Once I reached the living room, I could see several people lounging around. I looked for Ed and some him come out of the kitchen carrying several beers in his hands.

He noticed my presence and he instantly smiled.

“Lily! Perfect timing. I want you to meet some people.”

I walked over to Ed and he handed me a beer before gesturing towards the people sitting on the couches in the living room.

“You probably know them already but I’ll introduce them to you anyways.”

I looked at the multiple faces looking at me, only now realizing who they were. It was the boys of One Direction and a few girls who I assumed was some of their girlfriends. I wouldn’t say that I was a huge fan but I enjoyed their music. I started listening to them once I found out that Ed wrote a couple of songs for them and I decided to listen to their other music.

“This is Zayn and his girlfriend - oh, excuse me - I mean, fiancé, Perrie, that’s Louis and his girlfriend, Eleanor, that’s Liam and his girlfriend, Sophia, that’s Niall.” Then Ed rested his hand on the last person’s shoulder, who was seated right beside us. “And this is Harry.”

They all said ‘hi’ to me as I gave them an awkward smile. I looked over at Harry and he gave me an extremely cute, dimpled smile. I immediately looked away before I made a fool of myself.

“Everyone, this is Lily. She’s one of my closest friends. We’ve known each other since I was 7 and she was 5 so she’s like an annoying younger sister to me now.” Everyone laughed and I laughed along with them, allowing me to feel like nervous around them.

“Hey! You’re only two years older than me and I’m still much more mature than you.” I playfully swatted his arm and earned a few chuckles from his friends.

“Says the one who sang from the balcony at your parent’s house when you got wasted on your 18th birthday.”

“Ed!” I buried my face in my hands as everyone laughed at me. I felt Ed put his arm around my shoulders and tried pulling my hands away from my face.

“Oh, come on, we’ve all had embarrassing drunken stories.”

I snapped my head up at him with a smirk. “Oh, like that one time when you were 19 and you--.”

Ed smacked his hand on over my mouth, silencing me as everyone laughed at the show the two of us were putting on.

“Let’s put on some music, yeah.” Without taking his hand off of my mouth, he pulled me towards the sound system. I ripped his hand from my mouth and groaned as I saw lipstick smeared on the palm of his hand.

“Look what you did.” I glanced in the mirror behind the sound system but noticed that my lipstick was fine.

“Oh, boo hoo, it’s fine. You look great.” He didn’t even take his eyes off of the iPod attached to the sound system as he looked for a song to play. Once he found one he was satisfied with, he clicked on it and the room was filled the sound of Coldplay.

I looked over my shoulder at the group of people chatting casually in the living room. I was incredibly nervous meeting them. Ed seemed to noticed how anxious I was.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get along great with them, especially the girls.”

I sighed. “I’ve just never had many friends before, other than you.”

I never noticed it until we broke up but Marcus wouldn’t allow me to go to parties or hang out with people I met in my classes. I thought he was just being a little protective but now I realized that he didn’t allow me to have a normal university life. I only hung out with him and even at parties that he would bring me to, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight or talk to anyone for more than a few minutes.

“I know, but it’ll be good for you to make new friends and I can’t think of any other group of people that would be good for you.” He put a comforting arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.

There was another knock on the door causing Ed to pull away from the embrace.

“I have to get that. Why don’t you join them?” I pointed his gaze towards his friends seated around the living room and my anxiety level increased once again.

“Okay,” I said nervously.

He gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder before giving me a reassuring smile and walking over to the door.

I slowly walked over to the living room and all eyes went to me once I got there.

“Hey, Lily! Come sit with us.” The girl who Ed introduced as Perrie waved me over and she patted the empty seat beside her. I sat down beside her and felt myself calm down slightly as she gave me a warm smile.

“So, we were just on the topic of embarrassing drunken moments after Ed took you away. You don’t have to be embarrassed around us. I’m pretty sure all of us, especially the guys, have had way more embarrassing stories. We were actually just talking about Harry’s most embarrassing drunken moment.” Perrie was so bubbly, I found it amusing. I could tell that it was easy to get along with her.

We turned our attention to Harry, who was shaking his head with smiling.

“Lily doesn’t need to know about that.” The way his deep voice said my name made me feel weird. A good weird. But I quickly brushed it off, not wanted to think too much about it.

“Why, Harold?” Louis said.

“I don’t want her first impression of me to be based off of it.”

Louis exchanged amused looks with Zayn, earning a roll of eyes from Harry.

“And what impression did you want to leave for Lily?” Louis said with a teasing voice.

Harry started to open and close his mouth, no sound coming out as he tried to find something to say. I could see the two other boys trying to hold back their laughter, earning a swat to the arm from Eleanor and Louis.

I could tell that Harry was starting to get embarrassed by his friends and, saved by the bell, Ed came over with a couple of people that I didn’t know.

He introduced them to us before he went to get him drinks. After we were acquainted with Ed’s friends, the girls all switched seats with the boys so that the girls, including me, were seated together.

We got to know each other and I told them that I was visiting for an unknown period of time for the summer. I could feel someone’s gaze on me as I chatted with the girls and I would occasionally glance over at the guys. I would see Harry looking at me but he would quickly look away with a hint of a smile on his face. I didn’t think too much of it. I thought that he was just listening in into our conversation.

Last I heard, he had a girlfriend or at least, linked to a girl so I didn’t want to think too much into it. I decided right then and there that I would stay away from boys during my stay here. I came here to mend my broken heart and I couldn’t risk giving it to another boy while it was still broken.

No boys this summer.

A couple of times that I had glanced over at Harry, I would also see Ed looking between us with a disapproving look. I knew that look. He’s given it to me many times before when I’ve set my eyes on a boy.

But I would reassure him that I had no intention of being interested in anyone while I’m here, especially one of his best friends.

Yes, I would tell him that.

Maybe not right away but maybe when he confronts me about it.

I experienced a great amount of pain from the person that I loved. I don't think I can handle the possibility of getting hurt even more.

But like the saying goes, you won’t know until you try.  




So here's the first chapter! I'm so excited for this fanfic. I have many great ideas for it.

Please let me know what you think! :)

I know a lot of you guys wanted a sequel but I wanted to try something new. I promise that I will write a sequel eventually! :)

Please like, favourite and comment :)

I will start doing shoutouts again so whoever write the best comment will get a shoutout! :)

Thank you guys for sticking around and for any new readers :)

Love you guys :)

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