Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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8. Girl Time

Lily’s POV

I woke up to the sound of Ed playing guitar. It usually doesn’t bother me but I slept so late last night that I was still a bit tired. Me and Harry texted each other until 2 in the morning until I had to tell him that I was passing out.

I finally decided to get out of bed and join Ed in the living room. I sat down on the couch beside him and just listened to him play. I was really jealous of how good Ed was at the guitar. He made it seem so easy.

“Do you want to do something today?” I asked once he stopped. He put the guitar away and turned on the TV.

“Sorry, I can’t. I have to go into the studio today. Tomorrow, I have the day off so we can do something then.”

I pouted. “Okay.”

“So what am I supposed to do today?”

I knew he wouldn’t be too fond of me hanging out with Harry for the third day in a row so I didn’t bother suggesting it. Plus, he texted me last night saying that he was working today. I know Ed’s okay with us hanging out now but I didn’t want to push it. But what he said next surprised me.

“Why don’t you hang out with Harry?”

I whipped my head towards him. “Really?”

He grinned and looked at me. “Yeah. I told you I’m okay with you guys hanging out now. I trust you. And maybe you can hang out with the other lads and get to know them as well.”

I smiled at him. “That would be nice. But they’re working today.”

“Oh.” He paused to think. “Why don’t you ask the girls? I’m sure they’d love to get to know you.”

“I don’t know,” I said warily. “I only met them once and I don’t know if it’d be okay to ask them to hang out when we barely know each other.”

“Lily, I’m sure they’re more than happy to spend time with you.”

I thought it over carefully in my head. I wanted to hang out with them. It’d be nice to make more friends here, especially girls. But I barely know them and I don’t want to bother them.

“I don’t have their numbers anyway.”

“I do,” he said as he took out his phone.

“No, Ed, it’s fine. I’ll just ask them the next time we hang out.”

“I don’t want you to be bored today. And I’ll talk to Zayn or Louis and ask them to talk to them for you.”

I groaned. I know Ed and he won’t take no for an answer. “Fine.”

A smile appeared on his face before he looked back at his phone and called someone.

“Hey, Zayn…yeah, I was just wondering if Perrie was busy today. Lily has no other friends and I didn’t want her to spend today alone.” He laughed as I smacked him on his shoulder.

“Great…yeah, just have her text Lily…okay…yeah, could you? I’m sure she’d love to hang out with Eleanor as well…okay, thanks, man….bye.” He hung up before standing up.

“Perrie is gonna text you and Louis is gonna talk to Eleanor but Sophia is away with her parents right now so she won’t be able to.”

“Okay, great,” I said excitedly. “Thank you, Ed.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied. “Well, I have to get ready now. Be right back.”

I nodded before he turned around and headed to his room to get ready.

I jumped slightly as my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw and unknown number. I answered it anyways.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Hey, Lily! It’s Perrie.”

“Oh, hey, Perrie.

“So you want to go out and go shopping with me and El?”

“Yeah, sure. That’d be great!”

“Perfect. So I’ll pick you up in an hour, is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s perfectly fine.”

“Alright. See you soon, love.”

“See you.”

We both hung up and I jumped to my feet and went into my room to get ready. I put on a pair of jean shorts and a loose sleeveless shirt. As I was curling my hair, Ed knocked.

“Come in.”

He opened the door and poked his head in.

“I’m heading out now. I’m taking it that you made plans with the girls.”

“Yup. They’re going to pick me up soon.”

“Sounds good. See you later.”

“Bye.”

He closed the door behind him and I heard him leave a few seconds later. Just as I finished getting ready, I heard my phone vibrate.

I got a text and I quickly opened it seeing that it was from Perrie.

*Heeeeere :)*

I grabbed my wristlet that had my phone and money and headed out. I walked out of the building and saw Perrie and El leaning against a black car. Once they saw me, they smiled at me. I finally reached them and they gave me a hug.

“You ready?” Perrie asked.

“Yup.” I smiled at them before we all hopped into the car and headed to Oxford Street.

“So Lily, what are you in school for?” Perrie asked.

“I’m taking an arts major and I’m minoring in English.”

“Oh, cool. What do you want to do after school?” El asked.

“Well…I sing and play guitar and I write my own songs.”

“Really?!” El exclaimed, turning around in her seat to face me. “Can we hear you sometime?”

“Oh, um…I don’t…I mean, I can’t play in front of people,” I mumbled.

El looked at me confusedly before her face softened. “Oh, I understand. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” I said, smiling at her. “I know, you probably find it weird that I want to become a musician but I can’t play in front of people.”

“No, it’s not weird. I know a bunch of singers who have stage fright,” Perrie said. “Don’t worry about it. We all have our insecurities.”

“I just wish that I could overcome my fear. Singing and playing guitar are my passion and I want more than anything to share it with everyone. I’m working on it but so far, I’m only able to sing in front of Ed.”

“Well, that’s good. We always have to start somewhere. I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome it,” El said. She gave me a smile before she faced the front again.

Perrie parked on the side of the street and we all got out. We went into the first store and we started shopping for clothes. Once all three of us had a pile of clothes in our arms, we all went into the dressing rooms and tried out outfits. We took pictures together of every outfit we tried on and helped each other pick out our favourite ones.

I tried on all of the clothes that I wanted to try on so I sat down on one of the couches as Perrie and El tried on more.

“So, Lily. What’s going on with you and Harry?” El asked through the curtain.

I froze in my spot. How did she know about me and Harry?

“Um…we’re good. He’s a great friend. We’ve just been hanging out lately.”

“Yeah, apparently that’s all he talks about with Lou and the rest of the guys.”

My heart skipped a beat and I felt butterflies in my stomach.

Harry talks about me? With his friends?

“Oh?” I didn’t know what else to say.

“He seems to fancy you,” she said as she came out of the change room and looked in the mirror.

I forced a laugh to hide how uncomfortable I was right now. “I doubt it. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends who hung out three days in a row. Friends who take them on the London Eye. Friends who hang out at 8 in the morning. Friends who text until early morning.”

I looked up at her as a blush crept on my cheeks. “How did you know that?”

“Lou told me and, like I said, that’s all Harry talks about.”

“Even Zayn told me about it, he’s never seen Harry like this,” Perrie said as she came out and stood beside El to check out her outfit.

“I don’t think it means anything. I mean, he walked away after we--”

I stopped myself and my eyes widened as I looked up at them.

“After you what?” El said, turning around and facing me.

I took a deep breath, finally coming up to the conclusion that I should tell them. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to about all of this.

“We kissed.”

Both of them gasped and Perrie turned around to face me as well.

“What?” El asked. “What happened?”

They sat down on the couch across from me and I told them the whole story. All the way from the beginning up until last night.

“Wow.” Both of them said.

“Yeah but it’s okay. We cleared it up last night.”

Perrie’s eyebrows scrunched together, looking like she was thinking about something.

“What was Harry’s reaction when you told him about why you kissed him?”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “Um, I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t really tell but I thought he looked kind of…hurt.”

Perrie and El looked at each other and gave each other a knowing look.

“Babe, Harry likes you.” They said at the same time.

My eyes widened. “What? No, he doesn’t.”

“Yes, he does.” El smirked at me.

“But…well…then why did he walk away after I kissed him?” I raised my eyebrows at them and crossed my arms.

Perrie shrugged. “I’m not sure. Maybe he was just worried about Ed or something. But aside from that, it’s obvious he likes you.”

I took in her words and looked between them. “Well, then, why didn’t he say anything last night?”

“Because you basically friendzoned him. I think he was going to tell you last night but you turned him down before he had a chance. And you told him that the kiss meant nothing when, in fact, you like him, too”

“What? No, I don’t!” They could tell I was lying.

“Yes, you do or you wouldn’t have kissed him. And you wouldn’t have been spending all this time with him and only him. And you wouldn’t be thinking about him all the time.” Perrie raised an eyebrow at me. She knew she was right as I remained silent.

“But Ed--”

“Ed has nothing to do with this. If you like Harry and Harry likes you, then there’s nothing that can come in between that,” El said.

“But what if he doesn’t like me? Maybe we’re just looking too much into this. Maybe he’s just being friendly.”

“Trust me, he likes you,” Perrie said. “He talks about you and spends more time with you then couples I know do. And what’s not to like about you? You’re a sweet girl.”

“Thank you.” I smiled.

“So what am I supposed to do? What if he doesn’t like me anymore now that I, as you said it, friendzoned him?”

“He obviously still likes you or he wouldn’t have texted you until 2 in the morning that same night. And just talk to him. Spend some time alone with him,” El said.

I nodded. “Okay, I will.”

“Good,” El said, smiling. “I think you two would be adorable together.”

I blushed as I looked down at my hands.

“So, do I just tell him that I like him?”

“No no no. You have to let him be the one to tell you first,” Perrie said, shaking her head.

“But I basically told him that I wanted us to be nothing more than friends.”

“Just show him that you feel otherwise. He’ll come around eventually.”

I just nodded, growing scared about how I was going to go through with this.

“Shall we get lunch?” Perrie said. Me and El nodded as we all stood up with our clothes in our arms before we went to pay for it.

We walked down the street and decided to eat at a small café. We got to know each other more and I told them about Marcus and why I came here. They gave me the expected pep talk and I was thankful for it. I never had any close friends, even girls, so it was nice to finally have someone to talk to.

“We should have a girls’ night next weekend. Go clubbing or something,” Perrie suggested.

“Yeah, Sophia will be back on Monday so we can all go,” El said.

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” I said.

Perrie’s phone rang and she answered it with a smile.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” She paused to listen. “Yeah, that sounds good, we’ll meet you there at 6…okay, I’ll tell her…okay, love you, bye.”

She hung up and looked up at me and El. “That was Zayn. He said we’re all going to have dinner at 6. Ed will be there, too.” She said, looking at me.

“Okay, sounds good.”

“We can put our things in the car and go to a couple more stores before we go,” she said.

Me and El nodded. We paid for our food and we headed back to the car to put our stuff in the trunk. We went into another store and shopped for more clothes. We bought some clothes that would be more suitable for the restaurant that we were going to, seeing as we were all wearing shorts. We changed and paid for it and, after going to two more other stores, we called it a day and decided to head to the restaurant.

We got there right before 6 and we entered the restaurant. We were the first ones there and we sat down at the huge table reserved for us. We sat down together and chatted but once the guys got here, Perrie stayed beside me while El went and sat across from us and sat beside Louis. Harry walked up to me with a smile before taking the empty seat beside me.

“Hey, long time, no see,” he said, smiling at me.

After the talk I had with Perrie and El, I was now more nervous around him than I ever have been.

“Yeah, I was hoping to go at least one day without seeing you,” I teased. He gasped and poked me on my side, causing me to flinch away and squeal.

I looked over and saw El smirking at me and I instantly blushed and looked away.

“So how was work?” I asked.

“It was good, we recorded a couple of songs.”

“That’s great. You weren’t too tired from how late we were texting last night, were you?”

“I was but it didn’t matter, I’d choose talking to you over sleep any day.”

I blushed even harder and I looked down at the table.

“Hey, guys.”

I looked up and saw Ed walking up to us. I smiled at him and he returned it. He sat down on the only empty seat beside Louis, who was sitting across from Harry.

“Did you girls have fun today?” Ed said to me, Perrie and El.

“Yeah, we got a lot of clothes,” I said.

“Yeah, and we got to know a lot about each other,” El said, she smirked at me as she said it and I rolled my eyes at her but I couldn’t help the smile that appeared.

I avoided Harry’s gaze but I could see him looking between me and El from the corner of my eye.

“That’s good,” Ed said before he looked down at his menu.

We ordered our food and we talked as we waited.

Everyone was having their own conversations except me and Harry. I don’t know why I’m so nervous around him.

I felt my phone vibrate and I opened it to see a group message with El and Perrie.

Talk to him - El

Yeah go go go - Perrie

I smiled at my phone as I replied.

Ok ok, don’t pressure me :P - Lily

I put my phone away and turned to Harry.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.” He smiled at me and leaned closer to me. “How was your day?”

“It was good. I got to know El and Perrie more. It’s nice to have them to talk to now.”

“You got tired of me, huh?” he teased.

I smiled at him. “A bit, yeah,” I teased back.

The butterflies started going crazy and my heart beat fast against my chest as I tried to build up the courage to say what I wanted to say next.

“Did you want to want to do something this week?” I nervously looked at him while he looked back at me with a smile on his face.

“Of course, what’d you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Maybe watch a movie or something.”

“Yeah that sounds good. I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

Our food was brought out and we ate as we talked. Harry was now talking to Louis and Ed so I turned to Perrie.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this. What if he doesn’t like me anymore? I’m just gonna make a fool of myself.”

“Calm down, love. Just be yourself. Just hang out with him like you normally do.”

I looked over at El and she nodded at me.

Suddenly, my phone rang. Anger grew inside of me as I saw Marcus’ name on the screen.

“Who’s that?” Perrie asked, leaning towards me and looking at my phone.

“My ex.” I seemed to have said it louder than I intended because everyone at the table was now looking at me.

“Lily, don’t answer it.” Ed said.

I took a deep breath and placed my phone back on the table. Everyone was still looking at me as the ringing stopped. But a second later, it started ringing again. I thought he would get it in his head from the last time that he called me that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Why is he calling me now?

My curiousity got the best of me as I picked up the phone and answered it.

“What are you doing?” Ed said, looking at me with a disapproving look.

I held up my finger to silence him before getting up to take the call outside.

“Hello?”

“Babe, I’m glad you answered.”

“Don’t ‘babe’ me. What do you want?”

“I miss you. Please take me back.”

“What, did you get tired of the slut already? Why don’t you just cheat on her with another girl?”

“I’m really sorry for what I did. I really am. I don’t know why I did it.”

“You’re not sorry for doing it. You’re sorry for getting caught. And you were fully aware of what you were doing. And the fact that you didn’t even seem to feel guilty about it when I caught you just makes more true.”

“Just give me another chance.”

“No, Marcus. I told you from the beginning how I feel about cheaters. I never thought you would cheat on me. I can’t ever forgive you for that.”

He was starting to cry now. He never cries.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been so lost without you.”

I took in a deep breath. Even though I was mad at him for what he did, I can’t help but feel upset about how he was feeling right now. But I knew better than to feel sorry for him. He did this to himself.

“I’m sorry, Marcus. What you did was unforgiveable. Maybe when school starts again, we can try to be friends.”

“Friends? Are you serious? Why would I want to be friends with you? You’re pathetic.”

What?

“Now I remember why I cheated on you. You were so boring and I wanted to have fun. I don’t even know why I’m asking you to take me back. My life is so much better without you nagging me all of the time and being all needy and clingy. I can do so much better than you.”

By now, the tears were streaming down my face. How could a person be so cruel?

“Are you done being an ass now?”

“Excuse me?” he growled through the phone.

“Are you done being an ass so I can end this stupid call and never have to bother with you ever again?”

“You’re lucky to have had me. You’ll never find someone like me.”

“Good, I hope so.”

“You, little bi--”

I hung up the phone, cutting him off.

I broke into sobs, not caring about the people looking at me as they walked by. I don’t know why I’m wasting my tears on him, he doesn’t deserve them. But it hurt to hear him say those words. It hurt to know that I wasted 2 years with him when I could’ve been happier.

Suddenly, I heard the door open and Ed came out before he walked up to me and put his arms around me. I buried my face into his neck and cried even harder. He rubbed my back to try to sooth me but it only made me cry even harder.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

I was able to calm down a couple of minutes later until I was only sniffling. I pulled away from Ed and looked down at the ground.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“Not now. I just want to go home.”

“Okay, we can go. Did you want to say bye to everyone?”

I thought about it, debating whether I wanted everyone to see me the way I am right now. Makeup smudged and red eyes.

“Yeah, sure.” I wiped under my eyes, trying to fix my makeup before following Ed back into the restaurant. Once we reached our table, everyone looked over at me.

“Oh my gosh, Lily. Are you okay?” Perrie stood up and came over to give me a hug.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just boy problems.” I forced a smile on my face.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “Not now. I just need some time alone. I’m gonna head back to Ed’s place.”

She nodded, worry still written on her face.

“Call me when you want to talk,” she said.

“I will.” I gave her one last hug before giving El a hug and saying bye to everyone else. I turned to Harry and he stood up and opened his arms. I gave him a weak smile before stepping towards him and giving him a hug.

“Hope you feel better. Let me know if you wanted to talk,” he said.

All I could do was nod before I pulled away and gave him another smile. I gave one last wave before I headed out with Ed.

I was having such a nice time with everyone and Marcus had to ruin it. I wish he could’ve just left me alone. I wish he didn’t call me after I told him I was done with him.

This is only adding to the stress and anxiety that I’m feeling towards my situation with Harry and I wish it would just go away.

I have to just forget about Marcus. I can’t waste another second thinking about him or feeling sad because of what he said. I just need to forget about him and be happy again.

And right now, only one person comes to mind that I hope can do that for me.

 

*********************

 

Yay for double updates! :)

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