Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


15. Fears

Lily’s POV

I wake up with a slightly pounding headache as I try to adjust to the bright light coming from the window. I pull the blanket over my head to block the light but as soon as the oxygen started to run out under the sheet, I had to take it off and force my eyes to open. As my vision starts to clear, I glance over at the nightstand to look for my phone. I grab it to check the time and see that it’s almost noon. I sit up in bed and stretch, realizing for the first time, the jacket that I’m wearing. It takes me a few seconds to go through my memory and then it hits me right in the face.


I run my fingers through the jacket and then wrap it tight around my body as a smile creeps onto my face. The memories of last night come flooding into my mind as I smell Harry’s cologne from the jacket and it takes all of my self-control not to jump up and down on my bed and giggle like a little girl.

But it did make me feel all warm and gooey inside as I remembered the kiss. Both of them. They were two completely different kisses but they were equally as great.

I remember everything that happened at the club but when I try to remember anything that happened when Harry took me back here, it was all a blur. I scrunch my eyebrows, trying to remember but I come up blank.

Suddenly, the nightstand catches my attention as I see a glass of water and a bottle of pain relievers beside the lamp. I smile at the gesture that Harry made as I take out a pill and take it, hoping that this slight headache will go away.

I remember vaguely Harry dropping me off and telling the driver that he’d be back after he walked me to the flat so he must’ve went home afterwards.

Did I even thank him for helping me home last night? I remember being extremely tired before we left the club and I remember basically crashing on my bed once I got home.

I’ll call him and thank him anyways.

I get up, adjusting my dress before heading out to the living room to make myself a cup of coffee.

As I’m passing the living room, I practically jump out of my skin and I scream as I saw a body sprawled out on the couch. The figure jumped a foot off the couch, frantically looking around before turning around to look at me with a confused expression.

A really cute, confused expression.

“Harry, you scared the hell out of me?” I say as I place my hand over my heart.

He sat on the couch, rubbing his eyes before glancing up at me with a sleepy smile.

“Sorry.” He gives me a goofy grin and I couldn’t help myself smile back as I walk over to him and take a seat beside him. He looks at me hesitantly, looking uncomfortable as he sits.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Do…do you remember what happened last night?” he questions. He seems so anxious and worried right now.

I look at him with confusion. “Yeah, we kissed.”

I could see him relax slightly.

“So…you don’t…regret it?”

My eyebrows raise at his question. Why would he think that I regret it?

Oh, right. Cause last time we kissed, I told him that I thought it was a mistake.

I take a deep breath, smiling at him as I sat closer to him. I grab his hand and look at him.

“Of course I don’t regret it, Harry. How could you possibly think that after…everything?”

He instantly relaxes as he finally smiles back at me.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just thought that once you sobered up, you’d think that I was trying to take advantage or something.” He looks away.

I place my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look back up at me. I place a soft kiss on his lips to rid of his worries, rid of his skepticism before I pull away and lock my eyes with his.

“I would never think that. I would never regret that kiss, or actually, those two kisses, in a million years. I mean, I would’ve liked to have gone on a couple of dates before we had our first kiss but I guess I ruined that when I kissed you in that elevator.”

We chuckle, Harry taking my other hand in his.

“I don’t regret those kisses either.”

His smile broadens before he leans in and kisses me.

“You look great in my jacket, by the way. Better than I do when I wear it,” he mumbles against my lips.

I giggle. “Good. Cause I plan on keeping it.”

We pull away as he takes the front of the jacket in his hands.

“But I’d like to see you without the jacket right now.” A playful smirk plays on his lips as he tugs on the jacket.

I slightly smack his hands before standing up.

“You gotta take me out on a date first, Styles,” I joke as I walk away.

He laughs. “Where are you going?”

“Shower,” I say over my shoulder, continuing to walk as I spoke.

“Mind if I join?”

I grab a throw pillow from the other couch and throw it at the grin on his face. I walk to the hallway before he can throw more witty comments at me.

“In your dreams, Styles,” I yell.

I go into my room as I hear him laugh again, almost making me want to run back out and kiss him again. But I control myself, closing my door behind me.

I grab a new set of clothes and head to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I wash last night’s makeup off of my face along with the rest of my body and wash my hair before deciding that I was done. I just really want to go out there again so I can see Harry.

I hop out of the shower and dry off, quickly putting on my clothes before I brush my teeth. I brush my hair and decide to leave it down and let it air dry. I debate whether I should put on some makeup but thought that it’d be silly to when it was just Harry.

Hopefully he wouldn’t mind.

I take a deep breath and head out, putting my clothes in the hamper but hanging Harry’s jacket on the closet door. I didn’t want to wash the smell of Harry’s cologne away. I walk out and head to the living room. Harry’s head snaps from the TV and looks at me.

“Wow.” I could hear him whisper under his breath. A blush crept on my face as I walk over to him and sit beside him once again.

“What are you watching?” I ask as I snuggle closer to him, placing my knees on his lap. He wraps his arm around me before he takes the remote and starts flipping through the channels.

“I was trying to find something to watch, there’s nothing on right now.”

“Hmm.” I take the remote from his hand and turn the TV off. “Then let’s do something else.”

He turns to me, taking my legs and draping it across his. His touch sending tingles across my skin.

“What did you have in mind?” he asks before he places his face into the crook of my neck, nuzzling his nose against it. I playfully shove him back.

“Not that.” I giggle. “I was hoping we could…I don’t know…talk.”

“Okay. How about you talk and I can kiss you.” He proceeds to kiss my exposed shoulder.

“Harry,” I whine.

He pulls away, laughing.

“I’m kidding. What did you want to talk about?” He starts to softly run his hand up and down my side of my leg, stopping just below the hem of my shorts.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Anything, really. I just want to get to know you better.”

“Alright. What would you like to know about me?” he replies with a sweet smile.

Honestly, I want to know everything about him. A million questions start flashing through my mind.

“Everything.” I laugh. “Just tell me as much as you can about yourself. And then I’ll do the same.”

He chuckles. “Alright.”

I sit more comfortably in my spot.

“My birthday is on February 1. My full name is Harry Edward Styles. I was born in Evesham, Worcestershire but I was raised in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. My parents are Anne and Des but they divorced when I was seven. But my mum is now happily married again to a great man, Robin. I have one older sister, Gemma. My favourite colour is orange. My favourite movie is Love Actually. Turtles are my favourite animal. I like to golf. My inspirations are The Beatles, Elvis and Coldplay. I was in a band called White Eskimo before I auditioned for The X Factor. Uhh…if I hadn’t auditioned, I would probably be studying to go into law or to be a physiotherapist. Other than singing, my other talents are juggling and playing the kazoo. I had a pet hamster and I named him ‘Hamster’. I love apple juice. I hate snakes, absolutely frightened by them. I love tacos. And…I like a girl named Lily Benson.”

He gives me a goofy smile before I return it with one of my own.

“But you already knew that one last,” he adds.

“I actually didn't,” I tease. “Can you say it again?”

He rolls his eyes. “I like you, Lily.”

I love hearing him say those words. It was music to my ears.

I cup a hand around my ear. “Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you.”

He brings his hands up to my waist and proceeds to tickle me, causing me to flinch and fall back on the couch with a squeal.

“I like you, Lily.” He hovers over me, resting on his elbows to support himself. I run my hands over his chest and then up to his neck.

“One last time,” I whisper.

He slowly leans down, placing a light kiss on my lips.

“I like you, Lily.” A kiss on my nose.

“I like you.” A kiss on my jaw.

“I like you.” A kiss on my shoulder.

“I like you.” One last lingering kiss once again on my lips.

He pulls away, silence filling the room as we look into each other’s eyes.

“Anything else you would like to know about me?”

He told me quite a lot about himself. Of course there was a lot more that I’d like to know about him. Some more personal things, some deeper things about himself but it could wait.

“Nothing right now but I’ll let you know.” I lean up to give him a quick kiss, letting him know how thankful I was for him telling me all these things about himself.

“Now it’s your turn.”

“Alright. Well, my birthday is on April 11. I was born and raised in Framlingham. My parents are Victoria and John. I’m an only child. My favourite colour is red. My favourite movie is Mean Girls. My favourite musicians are Ed, of course, Tori Kelly and John Mayer. Pandas are my favourite animal. I’m in school majoring in Arts and minoring in English. I’ve only ever had a pet fish that died one week after I got it. I suck at sports. I’m afraid of spiders. I love spaghetti. I’ve always dreamed of going to Paris. One of my biggest dreams is to travel across the world and share my music. And…I like a boy named Harry Styles.”

He gives me a smile.

“But you already knew that last part,” I tease.

“I didn’t actually. Can you say it again?” He smirks at me.

Now, it was my turn to roll my eyes. I flip us over so that I’m now hovering over him as he places his hands on my lower back.

“I like you, Harry.” I kiss his nose.

“I like you.” I kiss his jaw.

“I like you.” I kiss his neck, a moan escaping his lips.

“I like you.” I move back up and place another kiss on his lips.

Getting to know Harry and telling him about myself was actually really nice. I know that there’s a lot more that I want to know about him and I’m sure that he wants the same from me. When I was with Marcus, he never bothered to ask me about what I liked and the small things about myself. And he would rarely tell me anything about himself apart from the times when I had to nag him about it.

So it was nice that Harry was so open with me and that he wanted to know more about me. It feels like I know more about Harry with the information he just told me now compared to everything that I knew about Marcus during our entire relationship.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. I guess he could see the way that my thoughts and memories about Marcus were affecting me.

“Just how happy I am right now.”

It was the truth. Even though this whole thing made me realize how my relationship with Marcus wasn’t as great as I always believed it was, it made me realize how happy Harry has made me feel in the short amount of time that we’ve known each other.

“There is one more thing that I’d like to ask you,” he says.

My eyebrows scrunch in curiousity. “What’s that?”

“I would like to know…if you would like to go on a date with me this evening.”

My heart flutters and a smile erupts on my face.

“I would love to.”

He smiles before he brings a hand up to my neck and pulls me down for a kiss. My hair falls from my shoulder onto Harry’s cheek. He pulls away but moves his face into my neck.

“You smell so good,” he groans against my skin.

My eyes flutter at the feeling of his lips grazing against my skin. My breath quickens and I know that I have to stop this before I lose control. I pull away slightly, resting my hands on his chest for support before I give him a smile.

“Well, that makes one of us.” I hold back a smile as his eyebrows raise and his mouth opens in amusement.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Mhm,” I reply with a nod and a giggle.

He chuckles. “Well, if you let me take a shower with you, I’d smell just as good as you.”

I roll my eyes and lift myself off of his body. Reluctantly.

“Or you can take a shower by yourself and still smell just as good as me,” I retort. I sit on the edge of the couch as Harry pulls himself up and hugs me from the side. He kisses my shoulder.

“I’m just kidding.” He kisses my shoulder again. “It’s alright if I take a shower?”

I turn to look at him, his gaze moving from my shoulder to meet my eyes.

“Of course.” I smile. He quickly leans forward to place his lips on mine and I instantly kiss him back. I will never get tired of his kisses. I can’t seem to think of any time where I wouldn’t crave for his kiss. I’m addicted.

But, reluctantly, I had to pull away.

“I’ll be right back,” he says. He gives me a quick kiss on my nose before he gets up and disappears into the hallway.

I wait until he’s gone before I basically melt into the couch with a sigh of happiness and satisfaction. A few minutes later, I hear the shower turn on.

I decide to get up and make that coffee that I planned to make before I was distracted by the god that was Harry Styles.

As I wait for the pot of coffee to finish, I hear my phone ringing from the living room. I quickly walk there and grab my phone from the coffee table. I look at the caller ID and see that it’s Perrie. I answer it and put the phone up to my ear.

“Hey, Perrie.”

“Hey. How are you?”

“I’m good. Slight headache but not too bad. How about you?”

“I’m good.” She pauses. “So, how was last night when Harry took you home? Is he still there?” I could hear the teasing tone in her voice and then the sound of someone else giggling.

Eleanor was with her.

I roll my eyes. “Nothing happened. I practically passed out right when I got home.”

“So, is Harry there?”

I tensed, debating whether or not I should tell her. It’s not like we did anything. Other than us kissing this morning. She thinks that we did something last night when he took me home.

“No, he’s not here. He went home after he dropped me off.”

“Oh, okay. So then you don’t mind that me and El are right outside your door right now.”

My heart stopped and my eyes widened right before I heard a knock on the door.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Uhh…um…the place is kinda messy right now. Why don’t I meet you downstairs and we can go out?”

I walk closer to the hallway, hearing the shower still running. That means I couldn’t tell him to hide in the closet or something.

“Uhh…we don’t really care if the place is messy.” She laughs. “It’s a guys’ flat so I wouldn’t think otherwise. It’s fine. Just let us in. We brought nail polish so we can do each other’s nails.

I closed my eyes and smacked my forehead repeatedly, accepting defeat.

I hesitantly walk up to the door, taking a deep breath before I open it. I’m greeted with a beaming Perrie and Eleanor before they walk in.

“Hey, Lily.” They say as they each give me a hug.

I relax a little bit when I realize that the shower turned off before they walked through the door. They go into the living room and take a seat. They pouring the bags full of nail polishes onto the coffee table as I’m inching my way to the hallway, hoping to get Harry before he comes out so I can tell him to hide for a while.

“Um…I’m just going to go to the bath--”

I’m interrupted when the bathroom door opens and shuts. I close my eyes, hoping that I could disappear. But when I open my eyes, I’m still in the living room with Perrie and Eleanor looking at me with amused faces, their mouth opened wide.

“It’s not what you think, he just crashed here when he dropped me off,” I explain frantically.

He appears from the hallways, all of us turning our eyes on him. He’s wearing a fresh set of clothes and his hair is wet.


“Who are you talking to?” he asks. His eyes move to the two girls in the living room and he’s surprised at first but then he composes himself and gives them a smile.

“Perrie, El. I didn’t know you were coming.” He walks over to me but I take a step away. He frowns for a second but then he smiles to cover it up. I didn’t have the opportunity to discuss with him yet about how we were going to handle our…whatever this is. We still had to see whether we wanted everyone to know right away that we’re dating. There’s the Ed problem and the fact that there’s cameras following his every move, news would go around fast if they saw us together.

So I gave him a I’ll-talk-to-you-about-this-later look and he just nodded.

He turns to the girls with a smile.

“Well, I should get going. I’ll let you have your girl time.” They just smile back at him before he turns to me. He puts his hands in his pockets. “So…thanks for letting me crash here last night. Um…I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what to say to him with Perrie and Eleanor watching us. So I just said the only thing I could off. “Bye.”

He gives me a small smile before he heads for the door. I look at Perrie and Eleanor and see them gesturing me to follow him.

“I’ll walk you to the elevator.” I turn around and follow him just as he opens the door. He looks over at me, his eyes brightening slightly as I reach him. He waves to Perrie and Eleanor before we walk out, closing the door behind me. We walk down the hallway in silence until we reach the elevator, neither of us pressing it.

We face each other. I was incredibly nervous and slightly guilty for what I did back at the flat. I knew I had to explain.

“Harry, look, I’m sorry for what happened back there. I was just worried about how Perrie and Eleanor would react. I was hoping to talk with you first about how we’re going to go on about…this.

He remains silent for a few seconds, just looking at me carefully.

“How do you wanna go on about…this?” he asks. He takes a step closer to me.

I look down to avoid his piercing gaze so that I can concentrate on what I want to say. I have to say something to reassure him that I want to be with him.

“Well, I want, more than anything, to have you take me out on dates, hold my hand, hug me, kiss me. But…”

I can hear him take a deep breath.

“But you’re worried about Ed,” he finishes for me.

I hesitantly look back up at him.

“It’s not just that, Harry. I…I just want to see how things go first.”

“Yeah but we can do that without having to hide it from everyone.”

He was right. I don’t know what’s got me so afraid about this. I should be happy about this and I should be showing everyone that. I should be happy that I have Harry.

“What are you afraid of, Lily?”

I look away, his question scaring me.

I remain silent. Harry takes another step closer to me, making me even more nervous.


There was one thing that’s been haunting me since me and Harry revealed our feelings for each other. It was actually ebbing its way into my mind when we first started but I always kept it at bay. I was in denial at the thought because I refused to let it get in the way but now, it was gnawing at my brain.


“I’m scared that I’m going to get hurt again!” I blurt out. Tears build up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I have to be strong now. I can’t let the past affect the present. I can’t let it affect my happiness.

But I can’t seem to.

Harry suddenly rests his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look up at him. He’s looking at me with sympathetic eyes as he pulls me closer.

“You know I’d never hurt you,” he whispers.

I swallow the lump in my throat, forcing the tears to disappear.

“He said that to me…before he hurt me in the worse way possible.”

His eyes turn sad and angry at the same time, knowing the anger wasn’t pointed towards me.

“Lily. I’m sorry that he did that to you. But I promise that I will never do anything to hurt you like that. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you but I can promise you that I will never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I want to make you happy. I want you to learn to trust again. I want to be happy with you.”

My heart swelled in my chest at his words. It rid me of some of my worries but there were still some things that stayed to haunt me. I knew that I could trust Harry. I know he’s being genuine.

But I thought the same thing when I was with Marcus.

But I have to stop comparing Harry to Marcus. Harry has made me so happy in the little amount of time that we’ve spent together, I just have to keep that in mind. It’s enough to make my worries disappear, it’s enough to have me jump into this with no preconceptions, no worries, nothing to hold me back.

“I want to be happy again…with you.”

He smiles at me and, finally, I smile back.

“But I guess I can do what makes you comfortable right now. We won’t tell anyone about us yet, if that’s what you want.”

I nod. “Is it okay if I tell Perrie and Eleanor though? I feel like I need some advice.”

He smiles at me. “Of course.”

I nod again.

“So, thank you for taking me home last night.”

“No problem.”

He finally presses the elevator button.

“Are you still up for our date tonight?”

He seems nervous, worried even.

I walk up to him and go on my tiptoes before I place my lips on his. He wraps his arms around me, his lips moving against mine. I make the kiss last as long as I can before we have to part ways. We pull back and he places a quick kiss on my nose before he leans back to look at me with a smile.

“I can’t wait for our date,” I finally reply his previous question.

The elevator opens, causing us to pull away from each other’s arms.

“I’ll call you later,” he says.

“Bye, Harry. I’ll see you later.”

I pull him in for one last kiss before he steps into the elevator. I wave just before the doors slide close. I take a deep breath, heading back to the flat.

I open the door and close it behind me. When I turn around, I’m met with a pair of questioning eyes as Perrie and Eleanor wait for me.




Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I'm kinda iffy about it, not sure if it's good. So please comment! :)

And like!

I'll try and update again really soon!

Follow me on twitter @sheeriostyles

IG: mrshoranstyles93

Kik: livelaughlove47

And if you haven't yet, check out my other fanfic "Gotta Be You".

Thanks for reading.

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...