Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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18. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

Lily’s POV

I stop dead in my tracks, causing Harry to be pulled back. He turns around and looks at me confusedly.

“What’s wrong?”

I look around the room nervously.

“I…I’m…you…am I…” I stutter, not know what to say.

Harry didn’t expect me to sing in front of a crowd, did he? I was just able to play in front of Harry. That didn’t mean that I was ready to play in front of a whole crowd. Is that why he didn’t tell me he was bringing me here so that I couldn’t back out?

He seems to notice how incredibly nervous I got and realization crosses his features. He walks up right in front of me, puts down the guitar case and takes both of my hands in his.

“Lily. It’s not what you think.” I look up at him, my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “I didn’t bring you here to play in front of people. I just wanted you to get the feeling of playing on stage. Don’t worry, it’ll just be you and me for now.”

I take a big breath in relief, my nerves disappearing instantly.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you before we got in here but I wanted to surprise you,” he gives me a nervous smile. I felt bad for how I reacted because it seemed like Harry was excited to show me what he had planned.

I smile up at him and put my arms around his neck.

“It’s okay. I think this is great. I was just worried for a second but I’m okay now. Let’s get started, yeah?” I ask. He smiles and nods before I pull away. He takes the guitar case and places it beside the microphone standing in the middle of the stage near the front. I take the small set of steps onto the stage and wait for Harry. He walks on stage and grabs a stool, placing it behind the microphone. He gestures for me to sit down and I do as told. He takes the guitar out of the case and hands it to me. I place it across my lap, putting the strap around my shoulders. I look around in front of me, seeing the empty room. It still made me feel nervous but it was an excited nervous.

“Just start whenever you like,” Harry says. He hops off of the low stage and stands in front of me.

“Woo! Let’s go, Lily!” Harry shouts from below and he starts clapping. I laugh, feeling more comfortable. I strum the guitar, hearing the sound amplifying all around the room from the speakers. It was great hearing the sounds I was making playing all around the room. I’ve never experienced this before so it was nerve-wracking and exhilarating at the same time.

I decided to play John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland. I loved playing that song on the guitar and I loved how I was able to play around with the melody, changing it up to make it my own.

As soon as I heard my voice resonating around the room, I felt my whole body come alive. This is what I’ve wanted to do my whole life. I wanted to hear my voice echoing around a room, singing my heart out on a stage in front of people.

I was close to finally achieving my dreams.

I focused on Harry and only Harry as I sang.

 

“We got the afternoon

You got this room for two

One thing I've left to do

Discover me

Discovering you

 

One mile to every inch of

Your skin like porcelain

One pair of candy lips and

Your bubblegum tongue

 

And if you want love

We'll make it

Swim in a deep sea

Of blankets

Take all your big plans

And break 'em

This is bound to be a while.”

 

Harry starts to make his way onto the stage. I watch him as he walks up to me until he’s standing right in front of me.

 

“Your body is a wonderland

Your body is a wonder

I'll use my hands

Your body is a wonderland.”

 

He leans down and slowly places his lips on mine. His actions cause me mess up on the guitar.

“Keep playing,” he mumbles against my lips before he continues to kiss me.

I try to focus on playing the guitar but the feeling of his lips against mine is stealing all of my attention from it. But I try as hard as I can to turn some of my attention back onto the guitar as I start to play against, continuing from where I left off before Harry distracted me.

After what felt like hours later, Harry finally pulls away and straightens up with a smirk on his face. I glare at him, causing him to laugh at me before he hops off of the stage again, taking his place back in front of me from below.

“Please, continue,” he playfully taunts. I stick my tongue out at him before I turn my full attention back to the guitar. I strum the guitar, leading the song into to the second verse.

 

“Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face

I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase

You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it

I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

 

You want love?

We'll make it

Swim in a deep sea

Of blankets

Take all your big plans

And break 'em

This is bound to be a while

 

Your body is a wonderland

Your body is a wonderland

 

Damn baby

You frustrate me

I know you're mine, all mine, all mine

But you look so good it hurts sometimes

 

Your body is a wonderland

Your body is a wonder

I’ll use my hands

Your body is a wonderland

Your body is a wonderland.”

 

I let the last chord ring out around the room before I look at Harry with a smile. He’s beaming up at me before he starts clapping.

“Yeah, Lily! Woo! You were amazing!” he shouts.

I giggle as I stand up and take a bow. He laughs before he hops back onto the stage.

“You were great, Lily. Like always.”

“Thanks. But why did you come up here and kiss me? Not that I didn’t want you to.” I smirk up at him and he chuckles.

“It was just a little exercise to get you to focus on playing when there’s distractions. It’ll be similar to when you play in front of other people. You focus on just playing and you don’t let anything in the crowd, or the crowd itself, distract you.”

“Wow. That’s actually a great idea. I never would have thought of that. And here I thought you just couldn’t resist kissing me,” I tease, batting my eyelashes at him.

“It was partly that, too. I was actually just going to start shouting obnoxiously but I preferred to kiss you instead.”

I roll my eyes but a blush appears on my face at the same time.

“Okay, on to the next part,” he says.

He gives me a small peck on my lips, leaving me craving for more. I watch him crouch down to the guitar case and pulls out a blindfold. He gives me a mischievous grin as he makes his way back to me.

“What are you doing with that?” I ask.

“Sit first,” he orders with a small smile. I nervously sit back down and Harry walks behind me.

“We’re going to try something else,” he says beside my ear.

I nod before he takes the blindfold and places it over my eyes. He ties it on the back of my head and I hear him moving back in front of me.

“I want you to do the exact same thing but I want you to imagine you’re playing in front of a crowd. Imagine all of your friends and family are here watching you. I know it might seem pointless but it’ll help you get used to playing in front of more people even if you imagine it. I’ve done this before and it helps.”

I nod. “Okay.”

I hear him hop off of the stage.

“Now, tell me who you see in the crowd.”

I clear my throat and let my imagination take control.

“I see you and the rest of the guys. Ed. Perrie, Eleanor and Sophia. My parents.” I laugh. “That’s it.”

“That’s alright. That’s good,” I could hear the smile as he spoke. “Alright, whenever you’re ready.”

I keep the image of everyone in the crowd and I can feel my nerves creeping up on me. Since all I could see was pitch black underneath this blindfold, it was easy to imagine them here.

I take a deep breath before I start playing I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz.

My sense of hearing is heightened as I’m blinded by the blindfold and I let the sounds of the guitar take me into my special world. But I know that I have to keep imagining a crowd in front of me or this will all be useless. I need to feel my nerves in order to get rid of them. So I imagine everyone watching me and I feel the familiar fear creep into my body.

But I welcome it as I begin to sing.

 

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

Well, there's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?”

 

I started off a little shaky but then I start to shake off my nerves. I love this feeling of being on stage and singing and playing guitar. The feeling it gives me is so much more powerful that nerves that I feel from playing in front of a crowd. I start to get into the rhythm of the song as I start to play more passionately.

 

“Well, I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

 

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

 

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No, I won't give up

 

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am.”

 

I didn’t even hear or realize Harry coming up behind me until I feel him start to untie the blindfold.

I feel his breath against my ear. “You trust me, right?” he whispers.

I grew curious about his question but I just nodded in response.

“Keep playing, okay? Don’t stop.” He leans away and he takes off the blindfold. I’m blinded by the spotlight for a few seconds but then my eyes start to adjust. And when my vision starts to focus, it focuses on what’s in front of me.

I gasp as I see everyone standing in the crowd, all of them smiling up at me. I’m tempted to stop playing but I knew that I had to finish the song. I owed it to myself to do this. I had to get over my fear of playing in front of people.

I see the guys, Ed, Perrie, Eleanor and Sophia in the crowd, all of them giving me encouraging smiles. I take their encouragement and continue to play. Harry joins them and gives me a short nod in encouragement. I smile back at him before I focus back on the guitar.

 

“I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up, still looking up.

 

Well, I won't give up on us

God knows I'm tough enough

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

 

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up.”

 

The second that I stop playing, every starts to clap and cheer loudly. I look down at them and I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face. I place the guitar into the case and take an awkward bow. I hop off of the stage and I’m greeted by multiple hugs. First the girls and then each of the guys. Ed walks up to me with a huge grin on his face before he hugs me.

“You were great, Lily. I’m so proud of you. You were amazing up there.”

“Thank you, Ed.” We pull away and give him a smile before I turn to look at Harry. He’s biting his lip to hold back a smile and I walk up to him and give him the biggest hug out of everyone. He hugs me back but I could tell that he was holding back because of everyone here. We pull away and I smile up at him.

“Thank you, Harry. You have no idea how grateful I am for you doing this for me. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. I can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s my pleasure. I knew that you could do this. Watching you up on that stage, I could tell that you were meant to do this.”

I really wanted to kiss him right now. I wanted to kiss him to show him how thankful I am for what he’s done for me. I turn my face to look for Ed but I see him having an animated conversation with Louis. The only ones looking at me and Harry were the girls, who were grinning at us. I roll my eyes at them before I turn back to Harry.

I lean up a bit closer to him. “I really want to kiss you right now,” I whisper quietly enough so that only Harry could hear.

He blushes as he smiles. “I really want to kiss you, too.”

“Oh my gosh! What is that?” Perrie suddenly shouts. We see her pointing towards the other side of the room and everyone looks over at it. Suddenly, she turns to me and Harry and starts waving her hands back and forth in front of her and mouths ‘go, go, kiss’.

I jump at her actions before I quickly put my hands on each side of Harry’s face and pull him in for a quick but adoring kiss.

“What are we looking at?” Niall asks. Me and Harry quickly pull away, grins present on each of our faces.

“Oh, sorry. It was just a wall,” Perrie answers. Everyone turns to look at her like she’s lost her mind but me and Harry mouth ‘thank you’s’ to her before she smiles and nods in reply.

“Thank you guys for coming. I appreciate it,” Harry says. Everyone replies with ‘no problem’ or ‘no worries’ before everyone starts to say goodbyes.

“Are you coming home with me, Lily?” Ed asks just as everyone else has left.

I look between Ed and Harry. “Um, yeah. I’m just going to help Harry put everything away. I’ll be right out.”

He nods before he heads out. I only agreed to go with Ed since I didn’t want Harry going out of his way to take me home when I could just go with Ed. Plus, I didn’t want Ed getting suspicious about it if I did have Harry take me back to the flat.

When I hear the door close behind Ed, I quickly turn to Harry and kiss him, putting my arms around his neck. He has absolutely no idea how thankful I am for what he’s done for me. He was able to help me get over my fear, something I never thought I was able to do. I had to think of something great to thank him for this.

I pull away and rest my forehead against his.

“Thank you so much for this, Harry. I don’t know what I can do to show you how thankful I am.”

He stays silent for a minute before he pulls back slightly to look at me. He looks at me thoughtfully before he starts to look nervous.

“Be my girlfriend.”

Those three words hit me like a bulldozer and it takes me a while to let them sink in. Harry just asked me to be his girlfriend. I mean, we’ve only gone out on one date but we’ve been through so much since we met. It feels like I’ve known him for longer than the little over one week since I got here. I could see him getting more and more nervous as he waits for my response.

His face falls as I remain silent. “I know we’ve only gone on one date but…” He pauses, at a loss for words. He starts to pull away. “I’m sorry. I know that you wanted to take things slow. I shouldn’t have--”

I cut him off by placing my lips on his. He’s surprised by my actions but he quickly recovers and kisses me back, wrapping his arms around me again even tighter. The butterflies go crazy in my stomach, every nerve in my body is ignited and my heart swells in my chest.

I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end the night. I thought that it would be a while before we made it official and we can call each other boyfriend/girlfriend but we didn’t have the typical relationship. What we have is much more special and meaningful and I feel like this is what I need. I can finally call Harry my own and I am all his.

But I know that I have to keep some walls up before I go into this full force. I know I have to tread lightly and not let myself dive headfirst. I have to be careful. I just gave Harry my heart and I have to be careful.

But I have a feeling that he’ll keep it from breaking because of the fact that I have his and I don’t plan on breaking it, either.

 

************************

 

I wasn't able to pick someone to give a shoutout to since I updated a few hours ago, so I'll do two shoutouts for the next chapter!

 

OMG YAY FOR DOUBLE UPDATES!!!

I thought of this chapter right after I finished writing the previous one so I HAD to write it. I honestly like this chapter too. Not only the part where Harry asks her to be his girlfriend but the part where Lily sees everyone in the crowd and she gets over her fear. I kinda got emotional at that part. LOL sorry for my weirdness.

Anyways! Please comment and let me know what you think. Going to do shoutouts for the best comments!

Please like and favourite as well :)

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Thank you so much for reading!

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Love you guys! :)

I want to try to get to 100 likes before I post the next chapter so please like. There's almost 140 people who favourited so please like if you haven't! :)

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