Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


96. Distracted

Lily's POV

I leave my class and head over to the coffee shop to grab a coffee for my next class. I'm waiting in line, looking at the menu to see if there's something different that I want to try. Suddenly, someone taps my shoulder. I turn my head and see Collin standing behind me with a smile on his face.

"Hey, Collin." I turn around and face him, looking behind him for Leo. "Is Leo with you?"

"I'm going to meet him for our next class. Thought I'd get a coffee first."

I nod. "Same here. I haven't been getting the greatest sleep lately."

I leave out the reason - or technically, the person - behind this.

"Sorry about that. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I didn't get my beauty sleep."

We laugh as I turn back around as the line moves forward. Collin stands beside me.

"Are you going to the party on Friday?" he asks me.

El told me about this party that one of her friends is having. She said that practically everyone's invited and that I better go since I've never been to one before without Marcus back when we were together.

"Um, yeah. I most likely am. How about you?"

I look over at him and see him already looking at me. "Now that you're going, I definitely have to go."

He gives me a sweet smile and I can feel my cheeks heating up as I look away.

Is he flirting with me?

Oh gosh. If Harry was here, he'd most likely already be knocking him to the ground.

I clear my throat as I step forward, following the advancing line. This is actually kind of awkward. I don't know how to react to someone flirting with me when I don't plan on flirting back.

I wrack my brain to think of anything to stop him from flirting with me even more.

"I wish my boyfriend could go, too. I've never been to a college party before."

I leave out the part about Marcus because I know that he’ll just ask about that, too.

I know I'm being horrible at being subtle but I can't think of anything else to do or say.

"Oh, you have a boyfriend? Does he go here, too?"

S.hit. How am I supposed to explain to him that my boyfriend is a global celebrity?

I keep my gaze in front of me. "Um, no. He's a singer so he's travelling the world right now."

I try to be vague but I know he's going to keep asking questions. Which he does.

"Oh yeah. Who is he? Do I know him?"

I sigh. I guess I can't keep it a secret much longer. This is what I get for bringing up that I have a boyfriend.

"Yeah, it's Harry Styles. From One Direction."

I finally look up at him and see him looking at me with wide eyes.

"Really? He's your boyfriend. Wow."

I clear my throat. "Yeah," is all I say as we finally reach the front of the line.

"How long have you two been together?"

Why is he asking me so many questions?

"Over four months now."

I leave out the part that we've broken up a few times. He might ask me more questions about it.

"Do you see him a lot?"

More questions.

"I saw him on the weekend but he started tour yesterday. How about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"

I quickly attempt to change the subject. I don't want to talk about Harry anymore, especially since the two of us aren't talking right now.

"Nope. I wish I had a girlfriend as famous as your boyfriend." He chuckles. "I'm joking. But, no, my girlfriend and I broke up since we went to different schools. We can't do the long distance thing. I admire you for staying in a relationship this long with him touring."

I just nod. Thankfully, it's my turn to order and I walk up to the cashier and order a caramel latté. Just as I'm about to pay, Collin appears behind me and hands the cashier his card.

"I'll pay for her drink. And I'll have a medium coffee, please."

"Collin, no. I'll pay for my own drink." I try not to offend him but I really don't like it when people pay for my things, even if it's just a coffee.

"It's alright. We're friends now. I'm sure we're going to see a lot more of each other so I might as well be a good friend, right?"

I blink up at him, not knowing how to respond. I don't even know how to take in what he said.

What does he mean that we're going to see a lot more of each other? Does he mean since we have mutual friends? Or is he flirting with me even more?

Before I can ask him what he meant, he starts walking away.

"I'll see you later. Leo and I will meet up with you. We should all hang out."

All I can do is nod at him and wave as he waves to me over his shoulder.

I don't want to overthink it so I just quickly walk to my class.

I have this class with Marcus so I take my seat beside him. Matti and Milly don't have this class with us so it's just the two of us.

"Please tell me you're going to the party on Friday." I look at him apprehensively.

"Yeah, why?"

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank god. Nothing. I just...I don't know a lot of people here so I don't want to be the awkward wallflower. Plus, there's this guy that I met through Leo and he's...kinda being flirty with me."

"Really? Who is he? I can set him straight if you want to."

I smile and roll my eyes. "No need. Really. I'm sure it's harmless. I just need you there just in case."

He laughs. "Don't worry. I'll be there. But Milly's going, too, so I won't be able to protect you the entire night."

"I know, I know. And I'm not expecting you, too. I can protect myself. So you and Milly, it's official?"

A wide smile appears on his face. "Yeah, it is. It's been great. I'm happy."

I smile. "That's great, Marcus. I'm happy for you. I can tell she makes you happy."

I've seen them together. It may not been a lot but when I do, I can tell that the both of them are happy.

The professor walks in and I turn my attention to him as he starts the class. Marcus gets bored like he always does and doodles on my notes. I have to shove him away every time but that just makes him do it again.

When class ends, we get up and head out.

"Did you want to get lunch?" he asks.

"Yeah, sure. I'm starving."

As soon as we step out of the classroom, someone calls my name.


I look up and see Leo standing with Chloe and Collin.

I force a smile on my face as Collin watches me as I walk up to them. I make sure to stand away from him, on Marcus' other side.

"Hey, guys," I say. I turn to Marcus beside me. "This is my friend, Marcus. Marcus, this is Leo, Chloe and Collin."

They shake hands, greeting each other before everyone turns their attention back to me.

"Are you guys going for lunch? Mind if we join?" I'm glad that Leo is the one who asked. If it was Collin, I would've been slightly uncomfortable.

I nod. "Yeah, sure."

We all turn around and head towards the exit. I try to be subtle as I stand on the opposite side of Collin but he still manages to make his way around and stand right beside me.

"Hey, long time, no see," he says with a smile.

I give him a small smile before I look away.

"Yeah. was your class?"

"It was okay. How about yours? Were you able to stay awake?"

I laugh. I wish he was like this instead of being flirty. I'm not uncomfortable around him when he's just being nice.

"Yeah. That coffee really worked its magic."

"Gotta love coffee."

He laughs with me this time.

I look over at Marcus, forgetting that he doesn't know anyone else here but I'm surprised to see him already getting along with Leo. I knew they would get along.

As Collin finally puts some attention on the others, my mind starts wandering off to Harry. I miss him. Of course I do. It's been three days since our fight. Three days since I last talked to him. He didn't call me at all these past few days and I'm not sure whether it's because he's really working on his issue or it's because he's mad at me.

I really hope it's the first reason.

I don't want him to be upset with me over this. I know I may be being dramatic - even childish - by practically giving him the silent treatment but he needs to learn his lesson.

I still don't know when I'm planning on calling him but with the party tomorrow, I know that I need to call him before then.

I need to tell him that I'll be responsible and I'll always be with El or Marcus. I know he's not going to be exactly happy that I'm going to a party. My first college party. Without him.

I need to reassure him that I'll be safe. I won't do anything that his crazy, little imagination will take him.

Most of all, I just want to hear his voice. Three days is way too long not being able to talk to him. I don't even care if we're going to fight again. I just want to hear him.

However, I remind myself why I did this. I really hope he's really thought through what he's done. I really hope he finally understands that I would never flirt or fool around with another guy. I really hope I can finally feel that he trusts me.

Three days. Is that enough time for Harry to realize all of this?

I guess there really isn't any other way to find out other than asking someone else. I can't ask Harry himself. That would defeat the whole purpose of this.

So, I decide to call the next best person to ask.

I excuse myself from the others and fall behind them a few steps. I brush off the fact that Collin watches me as I walk away but I put my head down, breaking my gaze from him as I take out my phone to call Louis.

It's almost two in the afternoon here so that means that it's only six in the morning where the boys are.

I decide to text him first asking him if he's awake and when he replies that he is, I call him. He answers on the second ring.

"Lily! How are you? Is everything alright?"

I smile hearing his voice. I miss him, too. I miss all of them. I miss seeing them almost every day like I did in the summer. It was always a good time with them, especially Louis.

"Hey, Louis. Yeah, everything's fine. Are you busy? I kinda wanted to talk to you about something."

"Nope, Zayn and I are just out for breakfast. What's up?"

He interrupts me just when I'm about to answer him.

"Wait. Let me guess. It's about Harry."

I sigh. "Yeah. How is he?"

I'm sure that the boys can see how he's been since our fight. Harry's not very good at hiding his emotions so I'm sure that they can see it as clear as day.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. He wasn't doing well. He almost lost it on Monday when you two had that fight. He kept begging me for my phone to call you but El had told me what happened and she told me that you didn't want to talk to him. I didn't know what to do but I'd rather have Harry mad at me than El."

I lightly laugh. "I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of all of this. That's the last thing I wanted. But there's nothing else I could think of to do. I'm sure Harry told you what happened?"

I know how close the two of them are. I know that Harry goes to Louis whenever he needs a guy to talk to, most of those times when Harry and I have a fight.

"Yeah, he told me. I'm not going to pick sides here. I mean, I can understand some parts of each of your sides but that's it."

"I understand. I'm not expecting you to. I just wanted to ask you how Harry is now. Do you think he's taking this seriously?"

He's silent for a few seconds. "I honestly think he is. I think that he finally understood it all after not being able to talk to you for three days. It killed him. It scared him, especially when I told him that it may be like this permanently if he doesn't learn to compromise. I think it finally got through to him. He told me that he's going to wait as long as it takes for you to call him back. He doesn't want to push you away again like last time."

A shiver runs through me when flashbacks of a certain period of time in the summer runs through my mind. The memories of Harry constantly doing things that I was uncomfortable with that only pushed me away.

The fact that Harry used that experience as a lesson for what's happening now, I really do think that Harry's taking this seriously.

A small part of me was worried that he would just wait for me to call him and just continue to do what he's done in the past. Say sweet things to me, apologize and then pretend like it never happened. If that happened, I know that we would just keep having these issues.

"I'm not saying this because he's my best mate but I really think you should call him soon. He's on edge all the time. He's constantly checking his phone. He makes sure it's always charged, that it's always by his side. He doesn't even reply to anyone's text when he doesn't see your name. Believe me, Lily, I really think he's learned his lesson. I'm not gonna ask you what you're planning on talking to him about. That's between you two. This is just what I think about this whole thing. I really think you should call him."

I find myself smiling. Apart from Harry himself, I know that I can trust Louis to get the most honest answer. If Louis says that Harry's taken this time to work on his issue, then I honestly believe it.

"I will. I wanted to call him today, actually. I just wasn't sure if it was the right time, if Harry finally understood what I wanted him to understand. I'll call him tonight. Just don't tell him, okay? I don't want him to be even more on edge waiting for my call. Are you guys busy around the afternoon?"

"Our rehearsals are gonna be in a couple of hours and then our show later tonight so yeah, we won't be busy during the afternoon."

"Alright, I'll call when my class is over. I finish at four but I'll call around eight? Is that okay?"

That would be around two in the afternoon for them there.

"Yeah, just text me and I'll let you know but we should most likely be free around that time."

"Alright. Thank you, Louis. I really appreciate it."

"No worries, love. And I'm glad you're calling him tonight. Our first show is tonight and, I mean, I don't want it for me and the other boys, I want this for Harry. I have a good feeling that you're going to work through this when you call him tonight so I think it'll put his head back together for our show. Like I said, I want Harry to be his best tonight. I want that for him. I don't know how he's going to feel if he doesn't put on the best show he can give for our fans. I don't want to put pressure on you about this but I know you're a good person. Putting the show aside, I know that you would do this for him no matter what. You two are unbreakable."

Another shiver runs down my spine but I'm not sure how Louis' last words mean to me. I really hope it'll remain true but I also don't want to jinx it or be overwhelmed with the thought. I decide to push those thoughts aside. I need to focus on one thing at a time.

"Thank you, Louis. You're a great person. And a wonderful friend to Harry. I'm glad he has you there with him. But yeah, I'll call him later. I guess you'll find out what happens later tonight. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be okay."

"That's good to hear. Anyways, if there's nothing else you need to talk about, I have to go."

"No, that's all. Thank you, again. Have a good rehearsal today. And an amazing show. El and I really wish we could be there."

"Any time, love. We wish you two could be here, too. Next time, for sure."

"Of course. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Lily."


I hang up with the biggest smile on my face.

I go through lunch being completely distracted. All I can think about is finally having this day be over. I just want the rest of my classes to be over and I want to go home and finally call Harry.

I'm already counting down the minutes until I get to hear his voice again.



Like, favourite and comment! I have no idea why I suddenly got over 20k reads since the last chapter! Whatever the reason, thank you for everyone that's reading this story! Love you guys :)

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