Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


109. Delayed

Lily's POV

"Harry! We have to go! Now!"

I try to roll away from him but he wraps his arm around me and pulls me back, my back flush against his chest.

Both of us need to leave really soon for the airport or we'd miss our flight. Technically, I would miss my flight since Harry's going in his private jet and it'd just wait for him.

I had thought that we would just cuddle and maybe even get an hour's sleep before we go but Harry had different plans. Let's just say that he was not completely finished and we may have had sex two more times. I wasn't complaining but I wish I could've had enough energy to put in some work. But Harry wasn't complaining about that, either. He enjoyed it just as much as I did.

"Five more minutes," he grumbles.

I roll my eyes even though he can't see me.

"You said that 20 minutes ago. Now, let's go."

I decide that the only way to escape is to tickle him. So I reach behind me and pinch his side, making him flinch and release me. I roll as quickly as I can and stand up from the bed.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice." He pouts at me and rubs the spot where I pinched him.

"What's not nice is you making me possibly miss my flight. You can stay here but I need to get ready."

I grab the set of clothes I set off to the side, knowing that I would not be comfortable wearing the white dress for the 13-hour flight. I go inside the bathroom and change into a pair of leggings and Harry's sweater before I go to the sink to wash off all of my makeup. I know I'm definitely going to sleep on the way home so I don't want to risk smudging my makeup and landing at the airport looking like a mix of a zombie and a raccoon.

I brush my teeth and then make my way back into the room to see Harry sitting on the edge of the bed just as he's putting his shirt back on. He stands up and walks over to me as he buttons it up.

"You look beautiful."

I roll my eyes and blush at the same time. I cross my arms as he wraps his around my shoulders.

"Liar. I look horrible. I'm wearing my lazy clothes and I have no makeup on. Plus, my hair is all tangled. I was too lazy to brush it."

"You're beautiful, Lily. You don't need fancy clothes and makeup. I think you look perfect, no matter what you're wearing."

"You're just saying that cause you're my boyfriend."

He playfully narrows his eyes at me. "I'm saying it cause it's true and cause I love you."

"Okay but I'm clearly not as pretty as you." I grin up at him as he rolls his eyes with a smile.

"You're crazy."

"I'm only saying it cause it's true and cause I love you," I say, copying his tone from just a few seconds ago.

"Can you stop being extra cute right now? It's just gonna make getting on that plane so much harder."

I raise an eyebrow at him as he just brushes his hand along my cheek.

"So, you want me to be not cute? You wanna fight me?"

We laugh together.

"Stop it! You're still being cute," he mumbles.

"I can take you." I nudge him and his smile just widens.

"Oh yeah?" He raises an eyebrow at me as he takes a step back.

I nod. "Of course I can."

He takes another step back and holds it hands up to his side.

"Let's see then."

His eyes widen when I lurch forward and jump on him, making him fall on the bed with me on top of him. I quickly grab his arms and pin them on the bed as I put as much of my weight on his hips. He starts laughing and I just smile down at him.

"Is that all you can do? I can easily flip us over in one second. What we did a couple of hours ago showed that, didn't it?"

I glare at him as he smirks at me. He nudges his hips up slightly but I can tell that it wasn't too difficult for him. I know that if he wanted to, he could easily do what he just said.

"Well, I still tackled you down and if it came down to it, I could easily fight you."

He raises his eyebrows at me before he pushes his hips off of the bed, making me fly up in the air. He frees his hands and uses them to push me to the side as he rolls over with me and presses himself on top of me.

He traps my arms beside my head and smirks at me again.

"Oh really? Try and get me off of you then."

I glare at him before I use all my strength and try to push him off with my hips. He starts laughing when I barely manage to move him. I try to break my hands free from his grip but, again, I can barely move them.

I try one more time, attempting to push him off of me just as his phone starts ringing.

He's about to sit up but he stops and playfully glares at me.


I giggle at how well he knows me. It's funny how he knew what idea was going to pop into my head before I even thought it.

He slowly releases his grip on my wrists and sits up, still straddling my waist. He watches me carefully and I hold my hands up in front of me, showing him that I'm going to be a good girl.

He reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone before he answers it.


I put my hands back on the bed as I just listen to Harry talking to whoever called him. I try to hold back my smirk when I push my hips gently but it's enough to catch Harry's attention when he looks over to me and glares at me.

I bite my lip and push once again and Harry takes his hand and presses it on my lower stomach, stopping any further movements. This time, I sit up and press my hands on his cheeks, squishing them together and pulling back and forth.

He furrows his eyebrows at me as he struggles to push my hands off of his face with just one of his. I just smile and continue to squish his cheeks in between my hands.

"Yeah, we'll be down soon," he mumbles through his squished mouth. I giggle quietly as he hangs up and throws his phone on the bed beside us.

"I thought I told you to behave." He playfully glares at me and cups my face in his hands.

"You were talking too much." I squish his face one more time before I put my hands on his chest and gently push him away.

"Now, let's go. I know that was someone telling us that we need to leave."

He stands up from the bed and I do the same before we grab all of our things, including Marshmallow under Harry's arm, and make our way out of the hotel.


"Harry!" I squeal as he continues to carry me over his shoulder as we walk through the private room in the airport where we're all allowed to wait in. We had already checked in our luggage at our separate sections of the airport and now we're just waiting to board our separate planes. The other boys are here too, along with a couple of their bodyguards and people from their management team.

"You're gonna be my carry-on. I'm taking you with me."

I laugh again, feeling more blood rush to my head. Thankfully, Harry stops and carefully places me back on the ground. He sits down on one of the seats and I'm about to sit on the one beside him but he tugs my hand and pulls me onto his lap so I'm sitting sideways across his legs. He wraps his arm around my back and his other hand rests on my leg and I just play with the buttons of his shirt in front of me.

I look up at him when he sighs deeply.

"What's wrong?"

He gives me a small smile and shakes his head. "I'm just gonna miss this...having you in front of me."

I watch his eyes roam around my face, like he's trying to memorize every single detail about me in his memory. I allow myself to do the same, taking in every inch of his face and burning it into my brain. Eventually, our gazes meet and I can easily capture the flash of sadness behind his eyes.

"We'll see each other soon," I whisper. "It'll be the end of October before we know it."

I know my words have no conviction behind them. I know that these next five weeks will drag by and feel like years. Like we pointed out before, we had the luck of being able to see each other more than we thought we would these past few weeks but we both know that we won't be as lucky from now until him and the rest of the boys come back to the UK for their show there.

I know we can handle it but it'll definitely be difficult. These past few weeks have been amazing and I have now become used to seeing him so much, being able to hug him and kiss him. Now, I'm going to be deprived of that. Talking on the phone or even Skyping will be nice but it will never be enough.

I feel whole when he's beside me, being able to feel him breathing, being able to hear his heartbeat.

"These next five weeks won't be the same without you," he says as he gently brushes his hand through my hair. "Now that I know what it's like to have you on tour with me, I want nothing else."

I struggle to give him a comforting smile and I take my hand and rest it against his cheek, running my thumb along his skin softly.

"You'll still have an amazing time. You have the boys, your fans, your friends. Oh, and Marshmallow."

His smile widens, as does mine as we glance over at Marshmallow sitting on the seat beside us by my feet. Harry turns back to look at me, looking slightly less upset.

"You're right. But you know I'd do anything to have you with me every day."

I smile softly as I start to hold back the tears I can feel forming.

"We'll be together again really soon and it'll be like we were never apart. We were able to do it before for a while. I'm sure we can do it again this time, even if it's for five weeks."

He nods before he places his forehead against mine. "I know we can. We can get through anything."

I nod against his forehead and close my eyes. I repeat his last words in my head, reassuring myself that he's right. We've gone through hell and back. We can make it through anything. We can make it these next five weeks.

I pull away from his forehead but move to rest my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply to let his cologne relax me. He wraps both of his arms around me now and holds me tight. I keep my eyes shut, focusing on his even breathing and lulling heartbeat.

It's not until we hear a loud crash of thunder that I jump in his arms. I snap my eyes open and glance outside the window behind Harry. It was only drizzling before but now it's pouring. And from the thunder that just nearly gave me a heart attack, I know that we're in the middle of a thunderstorm now.

"Lads," we all look up at one of their managers who had just walked into the room. "Some bad news. All of the flights are delayed until the storm passes so we're stuck here until it does."

He looks over at me and nods. "That means you, too, Lily."

I nod at him in acknowledgement before he looks around the room at everyone.

"Just sit tight here and I'll keep updated with the flights. Yours, too, Lily."

I nod again. "Thank you."

"As of right now, the storm looks like it won't be passing for another couple of hours so you can rest until then."

Everyone nods and starts getting comfortable in their seats before their manager excuses himself and leaves the room again.

I rest against Harry's shoulder again and relax in his lap.

"I've never been more happy to be in the middle of a storm," Harry mumbles. "It just gave me more time with you."

I smile as I close my eyes, feeling Harry slump slightly in his seat but still making sure I'm comfortable. I take a quick look at him and see him resting his head on the back of the seat but facing his face towards me with his eyes closed. I close my eyes again and bury my face deeper into his neck.

"Can you sing for me?" he asks suddenly.

I smile again. "What song?"

I feel him shrug. "Any song."

I hum in thought as I think through which song to sing. Immediately, one comes to mind. One that I think will make us leaving a little bit easier for the both of us.

I decide to sing quietly, just loud enough for only Harry to hear, not wanting to disturb the others in case they're trying to catch up on some sleep.

"We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there's no doubt
I will stay with you."

"As each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my love you can rely
And I'll stay with you."

"Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you."

"Though relationships can get old
They have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like a miracle
Yeah, and I'll stay with you."

"Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you."

"And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will
But through it all, we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, and they may go
Through the years I know
I will stay."

"And in the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for a lifetime, yeah
And I'll stay with you
I will stay with you."

"Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you."

"Everything will be fine
And I will stay with you
Through the end of time
I will stay with you."

I knew that Harry fell asleep near the end of the song when I noticed his breathing had evened out and his grip around me loosened slightly, but I decided to finish anyways just to make sure that he's in deep sleep. We have a couple of hours before the possibility of the storm to pass. We might as well use that to get some sleep.

I let myself relax even more in his arms until I feel myself fall asleep with Harry.

It's not until I hear a door closing that I'm startled awake. I'm slightly disoriented, not knowing how many hours I slept. I try to fall back to sleep, my eyelids heavy and difficult to open. However, I feel Harry moving and when I open my eyes slightly, I notice that someone is nudging him awake. The room in completely silent and the previous sounds of rain against the windows is now absent.

"Harry," someone whispers. "The flights are slowly being resumed. Lily's flight is going to be boarding soon."

I move slightly in my spot, letting Harry and whom I assume is the boys' manager, know that I'm awake now.

I hear Harry clear his throat and feel him straighten slightly in his seat. "Alright," he grumbles, his voice still laced with sleep. "Thank you."

I force my eyes open slowly, rubbing them to make them open easier. It's not until I move again that I feel something against my back. I glance over my shoulder and see Louis sleeping against me. I look further down and see Liam fast asleep against Louis' shoulder and I turn to look in front of me to see Niall sleeping against my legs, using Marshmallow as a pillow.

If I could, I would take a picture of this. The boys' sleeping is one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.

I look up at Harry and see him still trying to open his eyes. When he's finally able to, he gives me a lazy smile and sits up straight, tightening his arms around me.

Carefully, I sit up, feeling Louis' head slide down, thankfully not waking him. Harry keeps his arms around my waist as I carefully take my legs out from under Niall, his head falling until it's resting on the armrest of the seat, still using Marshmallow as a pillow.

I glance down at my watch and see that it's almost two in the morning. That storm took longer than was expected. My flight is now delayed six hours. Even though we were just sleeping, I'm glad I got to spend a little bit more time with Harry, especially since I was in his arms.

I stretch as I stand up and I turn around and see Harry doing the same, twisting his upper body to crack his back. He places a hand on my back, pulling me to him and leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

"I'll walk you over," he whispers. "Did you want to say bye to the others?"

I shake my head. "It's alright. I don't want to wake them. Just tell them I said bye."

He nods before he rests his arm around my shoulders.

"Let's go," he says, bending down to take my carry-on before we head to the door. We walk out of the room and start walking over to where my plane is boarding the passengers. I look around and notice the airport almost empty. They must've boarded the other flights first. The airport was almost full before we had gone into the waiting room to wait for our flight.

I guess it's a good thing. I was worried about saying my goodbye to Harry in front of several people.

I keep an arm around Harry's waist as we continue walking through the airport, Harry's arm still resting around my shoulders and my hand clasped with his.

It's a bit of a long walk and Harry occasionally leans down to place a kiss on the top of my head. We finally reach the check-in counter and I hand the woman behind it my ticket before I stand off to the side and turn to face Harry.

I wrap both of my arms around his waist and both of his wraps around my shoulders.

"Bye, Harry," I whisper. I can already feel the tears building up in my eyes as I look up at him and see the same thing happening to him. "I love you. So much."

He sniffles, his eyes turning red and his bottom lip trembling slightly.

"I love you, Lily." He sniffles again and rests his forehead against mine. "I'm gonna miss you so f.ucking much."

A tear finally falls down my cheek as I close my eyes, feeling the familiar emptiness start to fill my body.

"I'm going to miss you, too," I say, my voice cracking at the last few words. "I hate this part so much. I hate it."

"Me, too," he says breathily. "I hate it, too."

"Final call for flight 205 to Manchester."

I tighten my arms around Harry and bury my face into his neck. I finally break, not being able to hold back anymore. I start fully crying, shaking in his arms as the tears fall furiously.

I know that we were trying to make it seem like it was nothing but five weeks is a long time. It seems like five months now as I'm standing here about to board my plane.

"I love you, Lily," his voice trembling. "I love you so much. Always remember that. I love you more than anything."

I take a shaky breath. "I love you, Harry."

I lean back so I can look up at him. His eyes are now puffy, his cheek wet with tears. I lean up and place my lips on his. Both of us are crying too much to be able to move our lips so they just stay pressed against each other's. I slide my hands up to wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Tears continue to fall on both of our faces, feeling his mixing with my own.

He pulls away only to place multiple quick kisses on my lips. They go on and on and I never want them to stop. He kisses me one more time, letting our lips linger together longer before we reluctantly pull away. I open my eyes, meeting his gaze.

"Bye, Harry."

I give him another quick kiss.

"Bye. I love you."

This time, he leans down and gives me yet another.

"I love you."

Another one.

"Have a safe flight."


"You, too."


"Call me when you land in Manchester."

I nod. "I will."

I stand on my tiptoes and pull him in for a hug, holding him tightly, as does his own arms around my waist.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you, Harry."

One more squeeze and then we pull away. He takes both of my hands in his and squeezes it before he leans in and gives me one more lingering kiss.


"Bye, Harry."

Taking all of my strength inside, I let go of his hands and take a step back. I walk backwards towards the doorway leading to my plane. I can feel more tears rushing down my cheeks and I never leave Harry's gaze as I see tears falling down his own. He puts his hands in his pockets, not even bothering to wipe his tears away.

I reach the point where I have to turn around. With one last wave and a small smile, one that he returns, I stop in my tracks.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you."

I allow myself to look at him for a few more seconds before I turn around and continue walking through the hallway.

Instantly, I feel the emptiness continue to take over my body. I feel the pull stronger as ever, knowing that Harry is just a few steps behind me. And, like always, I feel my heart staying behind with him, knowing that he took it with him as soon as I had pulled away from him.

It does start to physically hurt as I continue to walk away from him but I know that he'll keep my heart safe and that it won't be long until I see him again, being able to give it back to me as whole as ever.


They're apart again :'( We'll see how it goes this time!

Anyways, 40 votes and 15 comments! Pretty please comment. I love knowing what you guys are thinking for the chapters :)

Thanks for reading! Love you guys <3

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