Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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93. Communication

Lily's POV

I throw my bags into the back seat, all the while Eleanor watching me with curious eyes as I hop inside the car and slump in my seat.

She sighs. "What happened now?"

I look over at her. "How did you know something was wrong?"

She keeps the car in park before she turns in her seat to face me.

"Well, for one, you're not crying your eyes out like I thought you would be. Two, Harry isn't here walking you to the car like I thought he would. And three, you aren't complaining about missing Harry already like you did the last time."

I chuckle lightly. "You know me too well." I look out the window and take a deep breath. "We had a fight."

"About what?"

"The stupidest things that people could fight over. I don't know. We said things that I'm sure we didn't mean. Again. I just have no idea why Harry said what he said."

"Did you guys talk about it?"

"No, we didn't have time to. It happened not even an hour ago. You were already on your way when Harry finally wanted to talk about it."

Suddenly, El turns off the car and crosses her arms. "Go talk to him."

I look at her in confusion. "What? No, it's fine. It can wait. We have to go back to Manchester and I don't want to make you wait."

She raises an eyebrow at me. "Like you said, I know you too well. I know that if you don't talk about this now with Harry, face-to-face, you're going to go home and worry about this every day until you see him next. So you can talk to him now and you'll make up like I know you two will and we can go home and you'll be happily in love like you always are and I won't have to deal with you crying every day. Trust me, babe, it'd be better for the two of us if you got out of this car and talk to him."

I look at her in astonishment. I know she's right. That's exactly what's going to happen if I leave this without talking to Harry.

"We can stay here all night if we have to."

She leans back in her seat to make a statement and I smile and shake my head.

"Alright, fine. I'll go. Are you really sure though? I don't want to make you wait. Who knows how long we'll take to talk."

"It's fine. I'll just call Lou while I wait." She gives me a reassuring smile. "Lily, I promise, it's fine. I know you'd do the same for me."

I smile back. "Thank you." I sit up straight and put my hand on the door handle. "I'll try and make it as quick as possible."

"Take your time, sweetie."

I smile at her again and open the door. I step out and turn around to face El again.

"Thank you, again. I really appreciate it."

She just returns my smile and nods. "Good luck."

"Thanks." I give her one last smile before I close the door and head towards the house.

I take a deep breath as I reach the front door. I contemplate on knocking but I decide to just let myself in. I open the door and I immediately start looking around the house. I freeze when I see Harry sitting at the bottom of the stairs, his head bowed down.

His head snaps up at me when he hears me and I feel my heart drop when I see his red and puffy eyes looking back at me. His cheeks are wet with tears and his bottom lip is trembling.

I close the door behind me but I stay in my spot as I stand there and just stare back at Harry. I know that we needed to talk about this but I have no idea how to start. I don't even know which one of us should be speaking first.

Just when I think that Harry's going to speak, he bows his head again and a sob shakes his body. My feet have a mind of their own as they move towards Harry. I stand right in front of him and drop down to sit on my knees.

"Harry."

He just hangs his head lower, preventing me from seeing his face. I take my hands and reach them out to rest on his arms.

"Harry. Look at me."

Another sob escapes him and I start to worry as I watch his shaking body. I move closer to him and move my hands to his head. I use all my strength to force him to finally look up at me. His tear-streaked face is even worse up close and my heart actually strains in my chest at the sight. His arms are folded on his knees in front of him, blocking him from me so I take my hands and move his arms to the side, quickly moving closer so I settle in between his knees. I take his face in between my hands again and lock my gaze with his.

"Harry, why are you crying?"

"Because...because I-I lost you."

My eyebrows furrow and I lean back slightly. "What? What are you talking about?"

What the hell is going through his head?

"You're leaving me, aren't you?"

My mouth opens and closes in confusion. "What in the world made you think that?"

He sniffles. "You...you left without talking to me about our fight. It made me think that you didn't want to talk about it at all. I thought you didn't care anymore, that you finally had enough."

I sigh. This man and his insecurities. Still on my knees, I move up onto the first step, the one underneath the one he's sitting on. His hands hesitate by my sides but they eventually softly rest on my back.

I lower my hands to rest on the back of his neck, his eyes occasionally looking down but eventually moving back up to meet mine.

"Harry. The only reason that I left without talking about what happened was because El was here. I didn't want to make her wait. That's why I'm here now. She told me that she'll wait. I'm here now and we need to talk about this."

I feel his shoulders relaxing and his hands tighten around me.

"Let's get one thing straight first," I say. I look him dead straight in the eyes. "I. Am. Not. Leaving. You. Okay?"

My eyes dart back and forth between his. "Especially over a fight as stupid as that. Got it?"

I know I sound a bit pissed at him. I mean, I am, but only because of the idea that Harry actually thought that I would leave him because of what happened.

He nods slightly but remains silent.

"Alright. Now, can we go somewhere more comfortable? My knees are starting to hurt."

Both of us laugh as we look down at where I'm kneeling. I look back up at him, finally seeing a smile on his face that sparks my own. I take my hands and wipe the tears from his cheeks and use the sleeves of my sweater to wipe the ones from his eyes.

I stand up and my knees slightly buckle from the pain but Harry quickly stands up and quickly catches me and supports me.

We just look at each other, silence surrounding us, Harry's arms around me with mine resting on his chest.

"Do you trust me?"

I look at him confusedly, unsure about what he's talking about. However, no matter what, I do trust him with everything so I nod.

Without any explanation, he takes out his phone and calls someone as he puts it up to his ear.

"Hey, El. Um, I don't want to make you wait so you can go ahead."

My eyes widen and I'm about to ask him what the hell he's talking about but he shushes me by pushing his finger across my lips.

"Yeah, don't worry, she'll be home tonight...yeah, what we talked about before...okay, thanks, El...have a safe drive back tom Manchester...thanks. See you."

He hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket.

Again, I'm about to ask him what he was talking about and ask him how the hell I'm supposed to get back to Manchester but he silences me again.

"We'll talk about that after. Let's go sit down."

I purse my lips, trying to prevent myself from freaking out about my new arrangement of getting home. I just let Harry guide me to the living room, his hand clasped with mine as he tugs me to the couch. I sit right beside him and we face each other in our seats.

He clears his throat. "Um...did you want to start or me?"

"Can I start?" I ask.

He nods and I relax as he keeps his hands intertwined with mine.

"Alright, so I understand that what I said about hanging out with other guys was out of line. I wasn't thinking, especially about how it would make you feel. I know that if you had said that, I would react the same way. And being a girl, I probably would've been worse. But, um...I'm sorry. You're right, we're in a committed relationship now so I know that I shouldn't be joking around about other guys. I really am sorry."

He smiles and tightens his grip on my hands.

"But..." I continue. I see his face soften and I'm sure he's aware of what I'm about to say next. "I really didn't like what you said. I may be overreacting but...I just wish you didn't say it."

Harry releases a breath, a worried expression taking over his features as he moves closer to me.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I don't know why I said that. I wanted to throw myself over that ledge as soon as those words came out of my mouth. I wish I could take them back. And, um...actually, at that time...there was a reason that I said it."

He looks away nervously but I tighten my fingers around his, encouraging him to continue.

"Tell me, Harry. I just want to understand."

Like I said, that wasn't my Harry that said those words. I just need an explanation behind why he felt the need to say those words to me.

"Going on this tour, especially with me leaving tomorrow, it's giving me so much anxiety about the fact that I'm going to be even farther away from you. You know, me being here in London, I'm okay with that because I can just drive to you whenever I need you. No matter what, I would get in that car and drive hours just to get to you. But now, being halfway across the world, it scares the hell out of me. I can't just get on a plane and fly to you and that thought scares me. And when you said what you said, about hanging out with other guys, it just made my fears even worse. I know you didn't mean it and I know you wouldn't actually do that but that thought is still there in my mind and I don't even want to think about what's going to happen when I get on that plane tomorrow. So yeah, my fears and...and my anxiety got the best of me and when I heard those words come out of your mouth, words came out of my own mouth that I instantly regretted. I know it upset you and I don't know why I was being stupid and didn't apologize right after. I just couldn't get your words out of my head. And when you left the way you did, and what you said about my apology, I knew I made another stupid mistake. Lily, I'm really, really, really sorry. Please forgive me."

He looks at me with pleading and glistening eyes.

"Of course I forgive you. Just...don't say anything like that again. And I won't say anything like I did, too."

Now I understand why he said what he said. Like I said, I know he didn't mean it but I just wanted to know what made him say it. And with Harry's reasoning, I know I can't be upset with him about it anymore.

But...

"However, next time, I won't be so forgiving if you don't get it through that thick skull of yours that I would never do anything with any other guy. I understand that you know that I wouldn't actually do that but I want you to stop having those thoughts in your head, especially since you're going to be on tour. Like you said, we're in a committed relationship now. I would never do anything to lose what is honestly the best thing that I have right now. And it would kill me if the reason that I lost you was because you thought that I would leave you for someone else."

Of course I would still forgive him even if he still had these battles in his head. I would just continue to help him finally feel secure in our relationship.

I reach my hand up to rest in his hair. "You and me, Harry."

I point to his ring necklace. "You..."

I point to my bracelet hanging around his wrist. "...And me."

A small smile spreads across his face as he rests his hand on the back of my neck and presses his forehead against mine. I close my eyes and so does Harry.

"You and me," he whispers. "I'm sorry. I promise, I'll try harder to stop being so insecure. I really will try. I can't lose you."

I shake my head against his. "You're not going to lose me, Harry. You're not. Not now. Not while you're on tour. Not ever. Like I said before, unless you give me a reason to break up with you, I will never do that."

He takes a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you, Harry."

Finally, Harry places his lips on mine. They've been craving the taste of his lips since we were at our spot. Even when I had said goodbye, a part of me really wanted to kiss him regardless of the fight we had.

"Wait," I speak against his lips. I give him one last kiss before I pull away. "How the hell am I supposed to get back to Manchester?"

He grins at me. "Well, I've had this idea for a while and after you asked about my bike, I knew I had to discuss it with you. I talked to El and Louis and they agree with me but...I would really like it if you took my car with you to Manchester."

I'm about to open my mouth to protest but, again, Harry presses his finger against my lips.

"Now, hear me out first. I'm going to be away on tour and I was hoping you could take care of it. It can't be locked up in my garage for months. It'll ruin the engine. And I don't want you to be carless in Manchester. And yes, I know that you and El have Lou's car but what if El is using it and you need to get somewhere? I don't feel comfortable with the thought of you taking a taxi or the bus and, especially, walking by yourself. I'd feel better knowing that you'd have my car to get around while I'm away. Please, just use it. For me."

I sigh and purse my lips at him.

I mean, I guess he's right. Apart from trains, I hate public transportation. And since El and I have different schedules, I felt bad for having to make her go to school early just so I could get to my classes on time or when she would have to wait for me even though she's already finished for the day.

"Fine. But how about insurance and all of that? I know I'm going to try my hardest to not crash it or anything but you never know."

He clears his throat and scratches his ear. "Actually, I, um...added you to my insurance plan a while ago."

I raise an eyebrow at him in both amusement and shock. "You knew I was going to say 'yes', didn't you?"

He smiles. "Yes. If you had said 'no', I would've sent the car to you in Manchester, anyways."

I roll my eyes. "Of course you would've." I smile and shake my head. "You're very smart. I can give you that."

I put both of my arms around his neck and pull him closer. "Well, thank you, Harry. I really appreciate it."

I lean in and place a quick kiss on his lips.

I love that we're able to communicate like this now. We've come a long way since our first fight where we both said things we regretted and absolutely didn't mean. I remember making Harry leave and then Harry breaking up with me when I was going to tell him that I wanted him back.

We're working through our problems much maturely now.

I glance at the time and I groan. "I really have to go. I'm going to be dead tomorrow in class."

Harry pouts as we both stand up.

"Wait! My stuff is in El's car. My phone is in there."

"It's alright. El dropped it off at the front door before she left."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay. I'll go get it."

I turn around but then I feel Harry's hand around my wrist yanking me back. He crouches down and I squeal when he lifts me over his shoulder.

"Harry! What are you doing? Put me down!" I laugh. "I really need to go!"

I can see him leading me towards the stairs.

"Trust me. We'll take five, ten minutes tops."

"Harry," I groan.

Only Harry can go from serious to cheeky in five seconds. When we were at our spot, I remember Harry saying that there was something else we needed to do in his bedroom before I go. I guess this is that time.

"Hm, well, ten minutes will be enough time for you but it's gonna take much longer than that to please me."

Harry walks up his bedroom door and walks in, kicking the door closed behind him.

"Oh, we'll see about that, baby."

 

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Yay! It's happy again.......for now ;)

Anyways, please let me know what you thought! Your comments make me happy :)

I'm also curious but what countries are you guys from?? I would love to know.

Also! If anyone has a Harry follow on Twitter or has access to group DMs, please message me and I can work something out with you (ie. a part in my story, a one shot, anything) ;)

Alrighty, so 35 votes and 15 comments for the next chapter!

Thanks for reading! Love you guys <3

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