Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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72. Come Back To Me

Play 'This Love' by Taylor Swift for the entire chapter so put it on repeat. IT IS THE PERFECT SONG! <3

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG BECAUSE IT JUST SETS THE TONE OF THE CHAPTER

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Lily's POV

"So, this is where you go, huh?"

He takes the swing beside the one I'm sitting on and he swings slightly while his feet are planted on the ground. I do the same but I have to use my tiptoes.

"Yup, but only at night when no one else is here."

"Is that safe?"

I saw that question coming. I look over at him and smile.

"There's a police station right there," I say as I point to our right. 50 meters away from us is a police station, several lights illuminating the building and everything around it, including this park.

"Okay." He still doesn't look convinced that it's safe as he looks around us so I decide to change the subject.

"So, why did Ivana have your phone?"

He finally looks at me and his face falls. "We were at a meeting. We were finalizing the, um, contract. Basically, it's all over. I never have to deal with her again and we signed this new contract because she told everyone about us. She's not allowed to mention me to any media anymore. It's like we never happened. And...and that's what I want."

I just nod as I continue to swing. "I bet she didn't really like that."

He rolls his eyes with a smile. "Of course not but, honestly, she deserves it."

I don't know why but his answer bothers me. I mean, I know she deserves it, she's a horrible person. But I have a feeling that my reasoning is different than Harry's.

"Why?"

I can tell that he notices the slightly harsh tone in my voice as he looks at me uncomfortably. However, the fact that he's uncomfortable just shows that he's thinking the same thing that I'm thinking.

"Well...she-she told everyone when...when she wasn't allowed to," he stutters, looking down at the ground.

I raise my eyebrows and look away. "Is that really why you think she deserved it or is it because I found out?"

I can see him stop on his swing. I look over at him and see him still looking down at the ground.

"I wanted to tell you, Lily. I really did. I...I was just scared."

"Were you ever going to tell me or were you just hoping that I would never find out?"

I don't know why I'm bringing this up now. This is the least of our worries. I guess I just need some answers.

"I'm not going to lie to you anymore, Lily. At first, I wasn't going to..." He finally looks at me and I can see the guilt in his eyes. "But I was going to tell you the night of my mum's birthday party. When we were dancing to Last First Kiss, it just reminded me of...of us. And then you were telling me all those things that you were thanking me for and the fact that you were leaving, I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you about the contract because I wanted you to know that I was still fighting for you. I wanted to tell you because I didn't want you to give up on us."

I lock my gaze with his. His pleading eyes look back at me, waiting for my response. When I read his letter, I was wondering why he didn't mention Ivana or the contract. At first I thought that he was trying to avoid talking about it but now I know that he wanted to tell me in person, like he is now.

I can tell that Harry's trying. I can tell that he's changing and being more honest with me. And just like he said, I can tell that he's still fighting.

It's in the past. It's over. I know we need to move past it. I'm sure I would've found out about it eventually. I'm just sure that Harry would've preferred that I found out in a much different way.

I guess I'm glad that I found out. At least now I know that what Harry and Ivana had wasn't real. I had thought that Harry was moving on and was forgetting about me but now I know that it was all a lie. When he said all of those things about getting together with Ivana because he needed to get his mind off of me and that he was starting to really like her, he was only saying that because he had to.

Now I know why he was telling me that he hadn't moved on while he was with her. Now I know why he was the way he was with me while he was with her.

While he was in a fake relationship with her, he was still fighting for me.

"I wanted to break up with her but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to. I wanted to break up with her the moment I saw you at the Brit Awards. When I saw you, I knew that I had made the biggest mistake and that I wanted to fix everything right at that moment. I regret it and I regret hurting you like that. Every moment she was there, I wanted it to be you. At the Brits, I wanted to be the one you were talking to the whole night, not Ed or Ashton. At the after party, I wanted to be the one you were laughing with. I just wanted to make Ivana disappear and fix the mess I made. I wanted us again."

Now I know why he stayed with her. Even though it was a fake relationship, I don't understand how anyone could stay with her. She was conceited, superficial and annoying. I feel bad for anyone that has to put up with her. I feel bad for Harry but at the same time, he kind of deserved it. I'm just glad he doesn't have to deal with her anymore. She just caused more unnecessary problems. I wish she had just left Harry and mine's business alone.

"Technically, you broke the contract, too. I know you told Louis."

I can see him visibly relax as he looks at the smile on my face.

Honestly, I'm over it now. I'm over Ivana and I'm over the contract. I got the answers I was looking for and I don't want to waste any more time dwelling on it.

"But that's different. I only told Louis because I needed to. I needed support and advice on what to do. Ivana only told everyone because she hated me. She kind of knew that I was trying to get her to break up with me and she wanted to take me down with her."

I just nod. "Well, she wasn't really smart about that. At least now she can't suck up all of the fame she was hoping to get."

"Yeah, I'm just glad it's all over. I hope I never have to see her ever again. But yeah, anyways, to answer your first question, she had my phone because I left it on the table when I went to the bathroom and you called while I was gone. Horrible timing for my bladder to be full."

I laugh. "No, more like bad timing for me to call." He looks back at me and I know that he can tell what I'm about to bring up. "Look, I was calling you because I wanted to talk to you about your letter."

He looks at me expectantly and I have to look away before I forget everything that I planned on telling him.

"First of all, I wanted to tell you that I thought your letter was beautiful. It...it was everything I wanted to hear. It's what I've been wanting to hear since...since the day you broke up with me. Your letter, your words, it made me realize a lot of things. All of the things that you said, that you felt...I felt it, too. Some of those feelings were brought out when I read your letter. When we met, I never thought my crush would lead to me falling in love with you. When we met, I wanted to know about you, too. When we kissed in that elevator, there was a part of me that knew that it wouldn't be our last. When I saw your smile, it felt like home. When I woke up in your arms, I knew that I wanted to wake up every morning with you." In the corner of my eye, I can see Harry stand up from the swing before he slowly makes his way to stand up right in front of me, causing me to have to look up at him to meet his gaze.

Just like that night that I went to his house to say my goodbye, I know that he wants me to look at him as I express my feelings.

"And no matter what happened between us, I knew that you would always be a part of me. You would always be in my heart. I knew that I would always be in yours. You were also the best thing that has happened to me and I'm glad that I went to London because if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't know what real love is. I wouldn't even know what real happiness is. You made me feel loved, love that I never knew existed. After knowing what it felt like to be in love with you and to be loved by you...that's all I wanted to feel." Tears are falling down my cheeks now but I never leave Harry's gaze.

"I will admit, I was the one that messed it up in the first place. I should've trusted you. I should've been honest with you about Marcus. I'm so sorry for messing up the best thing that has happened to the both of us. So, what I'm trying to say is that...I want the same thing you want."

Harry takes a step closer and he holds onto each of the chains of my swing. He takes another step closer while pulling the swing towards him.

"And what is it exactly that you want?" he asks. He takes one of his hands and moves it up to wipes the tears on my cheeks.

"I want you to give me another chance. I want to be happy again. I want to feel the love that you gave me again and I want to show you how much I'm still in love with you."

The longer that I look at him, the more I can see the familiar look grow in his eyes. The look I used to love seeing, the look I used to long to see every day when I was with him. I can see it growing stronger in his eyes and I watch as it spreads throughout his entire face.

Pure, genuine, rare, beautiful love.

"There's one more thing that I want right now that I hope you want, too," he whispers, his eyes darting back and forth between mine.

He takes hold of the swing chains once again and pulls me even closer. My head is level with his chest so he leans his head down towards mine, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I want to kiss you so bad right now," he breathes.

Knowing that he's got a good grip on the swing, I take my hands and rest them on his hips. I tilt my head up, our lips now only centimeters apart. I can feel his heavy breath fanning across my face.

I answer him by leaning up and finally place my lips on his. The kiss is sweet, our lips barely moving. He lets go of the swing and moves his hands to my waist, pulling me up off of the swing. When I stand, I move my hands up to the back of his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair.

He pulls me closer to him, our bodies touching.

Harry finally moves his lips and mine instantly react as I kiss him back. His arms enclose around me as he turns his head to the side, deepening the kiss.

This is what I've been longing for since I left him at the train station. I wanted this kiss, not the kiss we shared before I left him. That kiss was filled with pain more than it was filled with love.

This kiss, this is the kind of kiss that I've wanted even since he left for Paris, the last time that we shared a real kiss.

"I love you, Lily," he says against my lips. "I love you so much."

I pull him back, kissing him again. I love the words he's saying to me but I just need him to kiss me right now. I need to feel that he's coming back to me. His kisses give me that. They make me feel loved. They make me feel wanted.

He pulls back again, allowing both of us to catch our breaths.

"I'm guessing that's a 'yes', you'll give me another chance?" I ask.

He leans back and looks at me. He takes one of his hands and tucks my hair behind my ear before he rests it on my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin. "After you gave me all those chances, I'd give you all the chances in the world if it meant that you'd be mine again. I want to love you even more than I ever did before and I want to be happy again. With you."

I can feel it. I can feel the love I felt so long ago that was taken away from me. I only needed to feel it just a little bit and I know that I have his love again and I don't plan on letting anything take it away from me again.

"I love you, Harry."

Both of his hands take each sides of my face and he pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his body as his arms wrap around my shoulders, holding me tightly.

"I'm glad you never gave up on me," I say. I close my eyes and just focus on the feeling of being in his arms again. "I'm glad you didn't let me go."

I feel his warm lips placing a kiss on the top of my head and he holds me tighter.

"Nothing is ever going to make me give up on you. I'm never going to take you for granted. I'm still going to fight for you every day from now on. I'm never letting you go again."

"I won't ever give up on you, either. I love you."

"I love you. F*ck, I love you."

I giggle. "How sweet."

I lean back to look at him and see a sweet smile on his beautiful face. He leans down and places several quick pecks on my lips before he peppers my face with kisses. I just stand there and smile like an idiot but it's okay because I'm being kissed by my idiot.

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<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I'M CRYING! WHAT DID I JUST WRITE?? You guys better love me right now. LOL jk.

So a lot of you have been waiting for this moment for a long time now. More than half of the story actually lol. So I would really love to read some comments about what you guys thought of the chapter :)

Also, the song, it is one of my favourite songs from her album. It's so beautiful. If you actually read the lyrics, it actually relates a lot to Harry and Lily's relationship, especially for this chapter. If you haven't listened to it, LISTEN TO IT and read the lyrics along with it <3

Sooooo 20 comments!

And I'm gonna make a deal with you guys! If this chapter gets 50 votes, I will post the next chapter tomorrow BUT if that chapters gets 5o votes as well, I will double update tomorrow AND post another chapter on Sunday. So basically if this chapter and the next chapter gets 50 votes each, I will update 3 times this weekend.

If not, I will still update like I normally do once a chapter gets 30 votes.

Thanks for reading! Love you guys! <3

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