Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


137. Christmas Shopping

Lily's POV

I wake with a start when I hear someone yelling.

"Lily! Oh, fuck...Lily, help!"

Adrenaline pumps through my veins, completely waking me up as I hear Harry's shouts for help. I shoot out of the bed and I barely rush two steps when I realize that I'm naked.


My heart pounds in my chest as I dart my eyes around the room, looking for anything to wear. Harry's shirt is nowhere in sight so I just quickly walk over to my suitcase and grab the first thing I can grab, which, thankfully, happens to be my silk robe.

I'm already rushing out the door as I slip it on. I wrap it around my body and tie it as I run down the stairs, anxiety shaking my body.

"Harry?!" I shout.

I look around the main floor but see him nowhere in sight.

"Kitchen! Shit! Hurry!"

I run to the kitchen and as soon as I reach the doorway, I search the room, my eyes wide and breaths hard and fast.

I'm expecting a fire or even a burglar that had broken into the house and had hurt him but I saw neither of those.

All I see is Harry standing by the stove, facing with and looking at me with a wide grin.

"Wh...what the hell? Why were you yelling?" I say breathlessly, still completely confused as to what's happening.

"Nothing. I just wanted to get you out of bed."

I glare at him as I clutch my chest where my heart is still beating like a jackhammer and he just continues to give me that damn smirk. I finally take a good look at him and see him wearing a pair of sweats and he's topless but he's wearing an apron.

If I weren't so annoyed with what he just did, I would find him cute.

"I hate you so much," I say as I turn around. "I'm going back to bed."

I wasn't actually planning on going back but he could've woken me up in any other way that didn't give me a heart attack.

"Nuh-uh-uh. Get back here."

I don't even take two steps before I feel Harry take my hand and spin me around, pulling me against his chest.

"Tell me one good reason why you had to wake me up like that," I ask.

He puckers his lips in thought. "Um, I didn't want to burn the food?"

I raise an eyebrow at him, not believing him for a second.

"Okay, I was too lazy to go upstairs," he says.

I roll my eyes. "You're an idiot."

He only smiles at me, my insult not affecting him at all. I see his eyes dart down my body, surely taking in my attire.

"I've never seen you wear this." He slides his fingers along the part of the robe covering my chest, tugging it down slightly.

"That's because I either wear your shirt or no shirt at all when I sleep."

"Well, I really like this. Now I'm not sure which one I like the most. I mean, I love it when you wear my shirt and when you wear nothing, but this?"

He takes my hands as he takes a step back, taking a better look at me.

"Now I'm definitely glad I woke you up."

I point my chin up and cross my arms. "Well, you didn't have to wake me up like a bloody banshee so you won't get to see what's underneath this robe for the rest of the day."

I give him a small, satisfied grin as his face falters, completely wiping his smirk off of his face.

"So, what's for breakfast?" I ask innocently. I continue to smile at him as I take a step back and hop up onto the counter. I cross my legs, giving him a teasing view.

He gulps before he blinks swiftly and clears his throat. He turns to the stove and I follow his gaze and see what he made.

"I made French toast."

He takes the plate of stacked French toast and brings in towards me, placing it on the counter beside me. I look down at it and see it covered in syrup and sprinkled with powdered sugar.

"Looks delicious."

I can see him playfully glaring at him, surely not liking how much I'm teasing him. Well, it's his own fault. But I know that I have him wrapped around my finger when he cuts off a small piece and holds it up to my mouth.

I keep my gaze on his as I lean forward and wrap my lips around it, slowly moving back afterwards.

I feel Harry's free hand rest on my thigh as I chew.

"It's great, Harry. Very sweet."

From my proximity to him, I can literally see his pupils dilate, especially when his eyes dart to my mouth when I lick the powdered sugar from my lips.

He just continues to stare and I notice that his chest starts to rise and fall a lot more deeply than before.

"Aren't you going to have some?" I ask in my sweetest voice.

His grip on my thigh tightens slightly and I attempt to hide my triumphant smirk. But when he gives me one of his own, my heart beats in my chest.

"I was going to but I think I want something else now. Something much more sweet."

I glare at him and swat my finger at his nose. "Behave."

He flinches at my touch and starts laughing. "I was talking about pancakes. I don't know what you're talking about."

I laugh with him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him in.

"Thank you for breakfast. I guess I can forgive you for almost giving me a heart attack."

He gives me a toothy grin before he leans in and gives me a quick kiss. "Now I know that I can earn your forgiveness with food."

I roll my eyes as I take the fork from him and cut another piece. This time, I feed him and he smiles like a little kid.

"So, what're we going do today?" I ask.

He swallows his food as he takes the fork and feeds me another piece. "Well, I was thinking we could go do our Christmas shopping."

I wait for him to continue but he just takes another bite.

"And?" I press.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he chews. "And...we'll go out for lunch?"

It was just yesterday that he suggested the idea and he already forgot. Trust Harry and his forgetfulness.

"And?" I ask one more time.

He becomes even more confused, and with this tousled hair, he looks too adorable.

"And...then we'll make sweet, sweet love."

I smack his chest as I gasp. I narrow my eyes at him as I snatch the fork from him and take another bite of the French toast.

"What?" he chuckles.

"I thought we were going to go on the Eye again."

I pout for dramatic effect and he raises an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot. We can go there after we do our Christmas shopping. It may be a bit busy but I'm sure I can pull a few strings."

I laugh as I feed him another piece of toast.

"And we can go to our spot afterwards if it's not too late," he adds.

"Wonderful plan."

"Alright, so we'll go shopping, then the Eye, then our spot...and then make sweet, sweet love."

I roll my eyes. "You're an idiot."


"Where did you want to go first?" Harry asks as we walk hand-in-hand through the mall.

Just like I thought, it was insanely busy. Harry had to bring three bodyguards for extra safety. I had already planned out which stores I would need to go to so that we can make the trip as fast as possible.

"TopShop?" I ask.


We head towards the store, keeping our heads down as much as possible. We enter TopShop as quickly as we can and I pull Harry towards the men's section so I can shop for the boys first.

I was expecting Harry to go off on his own to shop for his own gifts but he stays by my side.

I'm looking through the Adidas sweaters for Louis when Harry clears his throat.

"So...I have a suggestion?" he says.

I hold up one of the sweaters, trying to see if Louis would like it.

"Yes?" I ask without looking at him.

"Would you be okay with me paying for you?"

There was a part of me that was expecting that question. I look up at him and raise an eyebrow at him.

"Absolutely not."

Without another word, I look back at the sweater, deciding that I'm going to get it for Louis. I start moving through the racks of clothes, Liam's gift now in mind.

"Okay, okay. I knew you would say no. How about this?"

I look at him over my shoulder and see him still following me.

"How about we buy gifts together and we can just have them be from the both of us...together?"

I stop walking and face him, crossing my arms as I wait for him to continue.

"Well, I mean, we've been together for over three months now and I think it's acceptable that we give gifts as a couple," he says.

I liked the idea but I'm still unsure about what he's planning to do with the actual buying of the gifts.

"And how are we going to split it up?" I ask.

He sighs. "Well, I know you're not going to let me pay for it all so...I was thinking, I could pay for the guys' gifts and you could pay for the girls and your friends. I'll also pay for my family's and you can pay for your parent's. You can pay for Ed, as well."

I pucker my lips in thought. I really do like the idea of giving gifts as a couple, and not because I'd save money but just because of the thought of doing another thing together as a couple.

"You promise you'll let me pay for the girls and Ed?"

I can see him struggling with it. "Only if it's less than £50. If it's more, I'm paying."

I'm about to protest but he interrupts me.

"That's the only condition I have with all of this. I swear I'm not doing this to annoy you. I just wanted to do something nice and I don't want you to have to spend too much money."

I slump in defeat. I really am a bit worried about what I'm going to have to spend for everyone. I met so many new people during the summer and I'm the type of person to give thoughtful gifts, no matter the price. I worked a bit last year and the summer before I started school so I could save enough money for these kinds of things. I also received a couple of scholarships that I've saved up, as well. Since I'm not working this year, I'm not sure how much money I'll have left after this if I did pay for everything.

"I know you hate it," he says. "I know it makes it seem like you're just using me for my money but I want to do this. And I'm not trying to be arrogant or anything but I have money and I want nothing more than to spend it on the people the both of us care about. I know that you're not using me for my money and I know that you know that, too. I know it seems like a stupid reason but I just want to make you happy."

I think it through some more. I know that Harry's intention are nothing but pure and genuine so I know that he's truly doing this because he wants to make me happy. I know that Harry could afford to buy this whole store but I know that I would still feel bad for making him pay for even one item.

I know he's just being his kind self and wants to do something nice for me so it's making me feel a little bit less guilty for even considering it.

"Please, baby. Don't make me go on my knees and beg."

A smile creeps onto my face as I look up at him, seeing his sweet smile spreading across his.


"Yes!" he exclaims, punching the air with his fist.

I can't help but let out a little laugh as he wraps his arms around me and gives me a tight bear hug.

"But we both have to agree on every gift, okay? I don't want you to spend double just because it's going to be from the both of us now."

"Alright. Fair enough."

As soon as he pulls away, he takes the Adidas sweater from my hands.

"I guess I'm paying for this."

I roll my eyes. "Alright, calm down. Don't make me change my mind."

He just grins at me as I turn around and start shopping again.

Harry just follows me as I look for gifts for the other boys. I find a shirt and a snapback for Niall and a leather jacket for Liam. I make sure that Harry likes them, as well.

I find my gifts for my friends, including Perrie and Sophia here, as well.

We shop at other stores and I help him find gifts for Lottie, Lou and Lux, as well as for the other people on his team, including his personal bodyguards, wardrobe stylists, makeup artists, assistant and a bunch of other people I lost track of. He also shops for his other friends.

I also help him find a gift for his parents and Gemma. We argue back and forth on Harry wanting to spend a lot of money on his parents. He wanted to get them matching watches.

I wasn't arguing with him spending his money on his own parents. I was arguing with my reluctance on taking recognition on paying for the gift. I had just suggested that I would buy something else for them.

Of course Harry disagreed and argued that I shouldn't worry about it. I insisted that I would still buy them something else but then he completely shut me up when he said that he's going to put my name on it whether I liked it or not.

A part of me didn't want to upset him. He's been so happy after I agreed to give gifts as a couple. I didn't want to dampen his mood so, I reluctantly agreed. We got a necklace for his sister and after that, he decided that he has everyone.

All I had left was El. I wanted to get her something nice so I decided to get her a Pandora bracelet. She's done so much for me so I wanted to give her something nice to thank her.

Now that we were finally done shopping, we start heading out of the jewelry store. He takes my hand, about three-quarters of our gifts in his other hand while I carry the rest, which happen to be the lightest, in my other hand.

I see a few people taking pictures of us and with Harry's orders, the bodyguards keep them a safe distance away. I'm looking at the windows as we pass by stores but when I look ahead of me, I see someone familiar. I tense for a quick second but it's enough to catch Harry's attention.

I don't look away fast enough because Harry follows my gaze and he sees who I was looking at.


And just to add to my luck, Collin sees us.

Thinking that Harry wouldn't want to talk to him, I'm surprised and worried when I notice him leading me to Collin.


"I just want to talk to him."


"I won't cause a scene. I just need to clear up some things with him."

I know that he's going to bring up when I had told him that Collin had feelings for me but I have no idea how he's going to handle it. And there's also another thing that would make this all unnecessary but Harry doesn't give me a chance to tell him.

We walk up to Collin and he gives us a tight smile.

"Lily. Harry." Collin nods to the both of us and all I can do is give him a small smile.

"Collin," Harry says back. "Look, um...Lily told me about, um...I just wanted to say that--"

"Collin, there you are."

All three of us look over and see Chloe appearing from behind him, carrying a shopping bag in her hand.

When she takes Collin's hand, I can feel Harry relax beside me.

What I wanted to tell Harry was that Collin is with Chloe now. He absolutely does not have any feelings for me anymore. It was just an in-the-moment thing when we had to spend so much time together.

Harry had nothing to worry about.

Collin clears his throat. "Um, this is my girlfriend, Chloe. Chloe, you remember Harry."

Chloe nods and sticks out her hand and shakes Harry's hand.

Harry clears his throat and looks over at Collin again. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Collin smiles at him. "It's alright. I understand."

Harry nods. "Congrats to the both of you."

Collin and Chloe thank him and then things turn awkward.

"Anyways," I say. "We'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you're doing some last minute shopping like we did."

Collin and Chloe laugh.

"Glad we're not the only one," Collin says. "Yeah, we'll see you two around."

"Have a good Christmas," I reply. "We'll see you soon."

We say our goodbyes, Harry keeping quieter than usual before we start walking again.

I look over at Harry and see worry filling his features. I give his hand a squeeze and he finally looks back at me.

"It's okay, Harry. You didn't know. I should've told you."

He shakes his head. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have assumed. I...I'm sorry. I know I said I'd work on my jealousy but--"

"It's okay, Harry," I interrupt. "It's done now. We don't have to worry about it anymore. Please, don't let this ruin our day."

I can see his eyes flitting back and forth between mine but I'm glad when I see him visibly relax slightly.

"I just want to get some food then go on the Eye and then spend the rest of the day at our spot. How does that sound?"

I try to get his mind off of what just happened and I breathed a sigh of relief when he smiles.

"Sounds perfect."

He guides us out of the mall and our encounter with Collin is already forgotten.

"And who knows?" I suddenly say. "Maybe we can fit in some time to make sweet, sweet love."

I laugh with Harry as he lets go of my hand but then wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me right against his side.

"Don't tease me," he mumbles against my hair as he gives me a kiss on my head. "Or we'll end up doing that first in the car."

I roll my eyes with a smile and bump him with my hip.

"Let's just go."

He chuckles beside me as we leave the mall and head towards his car. He puts all of the bags in the trunk before we hop inside.

"So, let's go to the Eye?" he asks.

I smile at him, earning one in return.

"Let's go to the Eye.

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