Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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82. Beautiful

Lily’s POV

I wake up, still too tired to move so I allow myself a couple of minutes to wake up. Harry and I had Skyped for a couple of hours but then I convinced him to sleep since he had to wake up early for work. However, like I was hoping, he had asked if we could go to sleep while still online. We had gone to bed, still on Skype. I was the first one to close my eyes from sleepiness, remembering the last thing I saw was Harry’s serene face looking back at me on the screen.

I stretch and roll onto my side, the side where my laptop is. I was expecting to see Harry’s bed empty since he had told me that he had to leave early in the morning. I was even expecting the screen to be blank thinking that he would’ve logged off but when my eyes finally adjust, a smile erupts on my face when I see what’s on my screen.

Our Skype call was still on, Harry’s bed was empty like I expected but there was a piece of paper propped up against one of his pillows.

Good morning, beautiful. Hope you have a wonderful day. Miss you. Love you xx

My heart swells in my chest and my smile widens from ear to ear. I take a screenshot, wanting to keep the memory of this moment forever.

What Harry did is enough to say that my day is already made. I don’t even care what happens for the rest of the day, Harry already made it.

I don’t even log out of Skype. I just get out of bed and go on with my morning routine. Seeing as how I’m going to spend most of my day in my room to get it finally finished, I leave it on to wait for him.

I brush my teeth and change before I go out to the kitchen. It’s empty when I walk in, assuming that El is still asleep. I decide to make some breakfast since El and I had gone out to get groceries yesterday while we waited for Louis and Harry to arrive back in London.

I smile as I decide to make pancakes, remembering the time when Harry and I had made some. I reminisce about it as I make the batter, suddenly remembering when he had taught me how to flip the pancakes up in the air. I bite my lip as I stare down at the pancake in the pan. I look behind me to make sure that Eleanor hadn’t woken up before I turn back to the stove and grab the pan in both of my hands just like Harry had taught me.

“Swing it up and down a couple of times and then just throw it up. Make sure that you keep it straight so that the pancake will go up straight in the air. And then just catch.”

I hear Harry’s voice in my head, remembering the steps that he had instructed me.

I swing it up and down a few times and then I swing it back up slightly harder, watching the pancake fly in the air. And, just like last time, it hits the side of the pan and falls onto the floor.

I laugh as I go down to pick it up and then I hear someone else laugh behind me.

“What are you doing?” El asks.

I stand up and turn around to see her leaning against the counter, smiling at me with amusement. I throw out the pancake and go to the sink to wash my hands.

“I was trying to flip the pancake in the air.”

“Well, it looks like we won’t have any pancakes for breakfast after I witnessed that.”

“Oh, shut it.” I laugh as I go back to the stove and continue to make breakfast, deciding it’d be best to make the rest of the pancakes with the spatula.

“What did you want to do today?” she asks.

“I have to go to Harrods to get more things for my room and for school and then I have to finish unpacking.”

I place the pancakes onto the plate and put another batch on the pan.

“I’ll go with you. I have nothing to do today.”

“Lucky. I wish I didn’t have to spend my last weekend before school unpacking.”

I go to the shelf to grab two plates and utensils and place them on the counter.

“I can help you. I know that Harry was a bit of a distraction for you.” She smirks at me and I just roll my eyes with a smile before I go back to the pancakes.

“If you’re going to continue to tease me, then I’d rather you not.”

She laughs. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

I place the last pancake on top of the stack on the plate and bring it over to the counter and place it in front of El. I sit down beside her and we start to eat.

“So, how are you holding up?”

I sigh. “I’m okay, I guess. We Skyped last night so that was nice. It’s only been one day but…it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“See. I told you. It’ll be fine, Lily. You can do this. It won’t be long until you see him again.”

I give her a small smile. I really do hope that she’s right. Like I said, it’s only been one day. I miss him even more than when he left so I have no idea how I’m going to be tomorrow, next week, next month, until I see him again.

“Yeah.” I clear my throat and go back to my pancakes. “I hope so.”

Eleanor goes to change after we finish eating and we leave as soon as she comes back out from her room. We hop inside Louis’ car and she drives to Harrods.

“What do you need?” she asks as we walk inside.

“I need a lamp, hangers, a mirror, and notebooks.”

We get the hangers, the mirror, and both of us get notebooks before we head over to the lighting section.

“Are you excited to go back to school?”

I groan. “No. Can it be summer again already?”

El laughs as we look at the red and white lamp in front of us.

“I know. I wish. Oh, how’s Marcus, by the way? Is he going to be at school, too?”

I was surprised El brought him up. Even though Marcus and I are okay now, I know that El’s, and even Perrie’s, feelings for him haven’t really changed since I told them that he cheated on me.

“He’s okay. I checked up on him last week while I was at my parent’s. He said he’s doing better. And yeah, he’s going back to school. I have no idea how having the same schedule as him is going to be.”

I look over at El and see her raising an eyebrow at me. “And does Harry know about this?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, he knows. I told him last night. I’m really trying to be more honest with him. I can’t mess it up again by keeping things from him.”

“And how did he take it?”

I sigh. “He took it surprisingly well.” I lightly chuckle. “But he made me promise to introduce him to Marcus when they come here for their show. God knows what Harry’s going to do or say to him.”

El laughs. “He’ll probably make out with you in front of him, is my best guess.”

I laugh with her and lightly smack her arm. “You’re funny. If he did that, I’d smack his lips off his face.”

I pick up the red and white lamp and carefully place it in the cart.

“Yeah, you’d smack it off with your lips.”

“El!” I exclaim. Both of us burst in laughter before she pushes the cart out of the aisle.

“It’s true. You two can barely keep your hands off of each other.”

I blush as I walk beside her.

“Well, I’d like to meet this Marcus lad. I might give him a piece of my mind.”

“Don’t scare him off, now. He’s a good person. He just made a mistake. A big one, yeah.”

She raises her eyebrows and sticks her chin in the air. “We’ll see. You’re my friend now and this is what girls do for their friends.”

I just roll my eyes and smile. “Okay, El. Do what you want.”

We head back to our flat and El helps me to unpack the rest of my stuff and get my room finished. I would frequently check my laptop for Harry but it’s only the ‘good morning’ note that I see. Even though I wish Harry would appear on my screen, the note never fails to put a smile on my face.

Two hours later, we finally finish and El goes to the kitchen to start making lunch. I get my things for school ready and organize everything in my school bag. I take another look at the screen and decide to go help El when I don’t see Harry.

“Did you need any help?” I ask as I enter the kitchen.

“It’s okay. I’m all finished.”

She hands me a plate of leftover chicken and rice and we take it to the dining room.

“We should see if Perrie can visit us.”

I nod. “Yeah, that sounds lovely. I miss her.”

“Me, too. We’re not complete without her.”

I laugh. “You are so right. I would say that we should convince her to quit her singing career and go to school with us but I know anyone would prefer doing anything else other than school.”

El laughs along with me.

“How about you?”

I look over at her. “What about me?”

“Are you going to pursue a music career? You’re an amazing singer, Lily. And I know that that’s what you love to do.”

I give her a small smile. “Of course I do. It’s always been my dream. That’s why I took Arts just in case I don’t make it into the music industry, I can still do something music-related. I love music. It’s what I love. It’s what I am.”

I glance down at my bracelet, specifically at the music note charm. Harry knows how much I love music. Even before he heard me sing, he went out of his way to help me get over my fear. If it weren’t for Harry, I wouldn't have been able to play in front of all of them at that venue he took me to or at Marcus’ mum’s funeral or at the studio with Ed when we recorded our song.

I’ve come so far and it was all because of Harry.

“You should definitely pursue that if it’s your dream.”

I nod, snapping back to reality. “Ed actually said that I should record some of my songs and he’d send it over to his management team. He thinks that I’m good enough to be signed by them.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s great, Lily! You definitely should.”

Ed had called me while I was at my parent’s, the day he sent me the finished song. He had said that his team had loved our song and that they wanted to hear more from me. He told me I should take the opportunity but I was hesitant.

I look over at her, biting my lip in wariness. “I don't know, El. I mean, for one, I want to finish school first. I was to have a degree even if I do decide to pursue a music career. Another thing is that I don’t want to feel like I’m using Ed to get it. There are so many aspiring artists out there struggling to be noticed and signed and all I have to do is record songs in a studio that Ed would also give for me and then he’d just pass it off to his management and I’d be signed just like that. I’d feel really guilty and I’d feel like I didn’t really earn it.”

I hear her sigh. “Lily, you deserve this. You’ve worked so hard and you have amazing talent. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t let what other people think stop you from achieving your dreams. Do what makes you happy.”

She’s right. I’m always thinking about other people. I rarely think about myself. I rarely think about my happiness when it comes to my love for music. I’m given this great and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be signed to Ed’s label. I should’ve taken it as soon as Ed offered.

But once again, my insecurities got to me.

I need to stop doing that to myself. I owe it to myself to get what I’ve worked so hard for. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I want to record my songs and have people listen to it. I want to be up on that stage, singing to the people that love my music. I want to do what makes me happy.

“Lily, you take that chance or I’m going to take it. I have a wonderful singing voice.”

I laugh and turn to look at her. “Alright, alright. I’ll…I’ll think about it. I really do want it. I’ll talk to Ed more about it.”

A huge smile appears on her face. “Good. The world is missing out on a wonderful voice. And I honestly think that you could make it. You’re like the female version of Ed.”

I laugh. “Okay, El. Whatever you say.”

“It’s true!”

I get up and take my plate to the kitchen. “Okay!” I yell back.

El is the most persuasive human being in the world. But I like that about her because she’s persuasive about things that she really believes in. She’s been considerate when it came to me and Harry and now she’s done it with me and my possible music career.

I hear her enter the kitchen before she appears beside me to place her plate in the sink with mine.

“You know I’m right,” she says.

“We’ll see,” I sing.

I place my phone beside the sink and I turn on the tap, about to wash the dishes but my phone receives a text. El and I look down at it and I read Harry’s name appear on the screen.

*You home? I finished work now. Call me when you’re not busy :)*

Another text appears a second later.

*Oh and I love you*

My smile widens at the second text. I decide that I’ll text him back after I finish the dishes but El bumps me with her hip, pushing me away from the sink.

“Go and talk to him,” she says with a smile.

I lightly try to shove her away. “It’s okay, El. I’ll call him after I finish the dishes.”

She bumps me again with her hip. “Go or I’ll spray you.” She grabs the spray hose from beside the tap and aims it at me.

Out of reflex, I flinch and hold my hands in front of my face. “Okay, okay.” I laugh. “But next time, I’m doing the dishes.”

“Fine. Now go.” She gives me another smile and I return it before I grab my phone and make my way to my room.

I close my bedroom door behind me just as I click Harry’s name, putting my phone up to my ear as I listen to it ring.

I sit down on my bed and grab my laptop, noticing that Harry still wasn’t on Skype. My face falls at that fact but as soon as I hear him answer, my heart flutters and my smile widens.

 

Hello, beautiful.”

 

***********************

Sorry I didn't update this week. I'm training in the hospital now and I just did three night shifts so I've been hella tired. So yeah, I'm basically working now so I won't be updating as much as i did during the break. I'll try to go back to the once a week updates.

Anyways, please vote and comment! 

35 votes and for the comments, let me know what you thought AND I also want to know what your favourite thing that Harry has done for Lily from the whole story! 15 comments!

Thanks for reading! Love you guys :)

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